Chapter 7

"It was pure luck." I countered at my father when he won third consecutive game of cards.

"You keep saying that all the time." He said with mirth in his eyes as he skilfully shuffled the cards.

I would have reminded my Dad the one time I managed to beat him, but my girls entered the living room bringing with them word tussle about who was at wrong when they were playing tag in the garden with Preeti and some neighbour kids.

"I will be in mumma's team." Misha announced as she pounced on me unannounced and sat on my lap. I caught my first born around her hip and kissed her forehead.

"No, I will be in mumma's team." Declared Nidhi as she tried to pull Misha off my lap.

"You be in Papa's team." Misha ordered.

"No!" Nidhi countered.

If they are going to be anything like me and my siblings, then this kind of scuffle is never going to end. It never should.

It goes without saying that younger one should be supported in such situation. It's always up to elder one to understand. I compromised for Preeti. Our brother compromised for both of us. So, I was about to tell Misha to go sit with Omkara, but Omkara beat me to it.

"Nidhi, come to Papa. You know the rule, don't you? Who claims first gets it first."

We don't have such rules in house, do we? I looked at Omkara frowning. I never try to by pass him in parenting, because he gets hang of all these things easier and clearer than me. But, I thought it was unwritten rule that we support the younger, so that she doesn't get upset. Omkara's eyes conveyed that it can be discussed later and so I let him drag Nidhi to his lap and place his set of cards in front of her as if asking her opinion.

"Let us both be in your Papa's team." Preeti said as she sat beside Omkara and ruffled Nidhi's hair.

"Are you not playing?" my dad asked.

"No, I will pass this time. I will be in Omkara's team." She informed.

I noticed Omkara's eyes were still on me. I simply shook my head in disinterest. When did game of cards become a team game?

***

Later that night, after supper, I was in the kitchen with my mom chatting, while she was heating up kheer for dessert.

"Why are you letting Preeti do this?" I asked. Omkara did tell me that it wasn't my business, but how couldn't it be?

"Do what?" my mother asked confused.

"Not letting her venture out."

My mother looked at me and scoffed. "Excuse me!" she sounded offended. "Are you accusing me of what I think you are?"

I sighed. "I am not accusing." I reasoned.

"What else?"

"She can't be wasting her talent here."

"For one, she is not wasting her talent. She keeps talking about some online business in etsy or ebay or something. And two, how is that your business?"

"Seriously, mom! She is my sister. I care about her."

My mom placed the ladle on side and turned towards me. She folded her hand and lifted her eyebrows far from even her nerdy spectacles.

"Quote 'What I do is my choice. Don't tell me how to live my life.' Unquote. I can't think of who said this." She rubbed her forehead with tip of her pointer finger.

I rolled my eyes. Of course, my mom is going to use my words against me. The difference is however, I told her this when I was pregnant with second child and she asked me if I was sure. I was extremely volatile and naturally my mind translated her words as 'Are you going to have another child when you already don't have time for your first?'.

I pushed myself off the kitchen island and lifted my hand in surrender. "Know what! Let her do her thing. Who am I?" I picked my phone and was about to walk out of the kitchen when my mother stopped me.

"Gauri!" she called.

"Mom, I don't want to..."

"Listen!!" she used her 'mother' voice that is neither authoritative nor negotiable. I turned to look at her. "You haven't changed." She said. I was about to defend myself but she stopped me with a look. "You still want to control even thoughts of others, don't you?"

"Mom, I really don't want to talk about it." I said, but my mom was not listening to anything.

She moved towards me with her stance clear. "Gauri, I am really proud of what you are doing, me and your dad, both. You have amazing career, gem of a husband and adorable kids. You have everything a woman could want for and more. Why are you being so hard on yourself?"

"I am not, mom." I refused to look in her eyes.

"I know you, Gauri. I am your mother. Give me some credits." She patted my cheeks. "You don't have to tick all boxes. No one expects you to."

"Do you think I am incapable of ticking all boxes?"

My mother let out a disgruntled sigh."See, this is what I am talking about. You have a knack of twisting people's words. Unless you stop doing it and start appreciating yourself, you are not going to be able to love you or anyone around you."

What does she mean? I love me more than anyone. Is she hinting that I don't love my husband or kids the way they should be loved?

"Count your blessings, Gauri. Not the shortcomings you keep inventing."

I love my mom, but we have also agreed to disagree way back when I was a teenager. She thinks she knows me, but she doesn't. No one understands me. How can they, when I don't understand myself?

***

I was not in the mood for a movie, but that is the only activity that will earn others' silence and I can think in peace. Mom and Dad were sitting in their usual push back chairs. Misha and Nidhi were sprawled on the love seat hogging blanket from each other. Omkara was sitting on two-seater sofa with his leg stretched on the tea table with a blanket thrown over his shoulder casually. I was about to go sit near him, when Preeti took the place munching on freshly made popcorns. Omkara ignored her offer of popcorns and busied himself in his phone.

Know what! It's better if I just sit alone in the recliner. Space for mind and body. I need both.

You know you are in a foul mood, when even the cute animated characters that could otherwise make your heart melt earns a frown and eye roll with all sugary-ness. I saw Preeti walk out of the room with her phone held to her ear, probably on a call and wondered if I could make some excuse too to go and sleep (or check my mails which I haven't in six hours). I turned around to gauze expressions of others before I could decide on an excuse.

Misha and Nidhi were as good as their soul was inside the movie with their eyes glued to screen. Dad had his eyes closed, but may or may not be sleeping. Mom's interest in movie mirrored her grand daughters'. My eyes shifted to Omkara only to notice that he was already looking at me.

I smiled awkwardly at being caught eyeing everyone and bit my lips embarrassed. My eyes shifted back to TV screen, but I could still feel eyes on me. I side eyed my husband again and yes he was still looking at me. It wasn't the casual, curious look that two people bored share. It was a look... a look that I had almost forgotten that my husband used to give me on the early days of our marriage, which in blatant language can be translated as 'come hither'.

What! I refused to let my mind run in that direction, but it was as if my legs had mind of their own, because next minute I found myself in the couch beside my husband. Omkara lifted the blanket he had on and I instinctively cuddled closer to me while he wrapped it around us securely.

For the first time in many months, I felt something stir inside me as I felt my husband's hand go around my shoulder. Our sex life never suffered, however we failed to feel the intimacy that we had during the past.

Omkara's hand that was over my shoulder rubbed my ear slowly. Feeling ticklish, I tilted my head to side and looked at him.

"Your ears are cold." He whispered huskily.

I smiled and placed my head on his shoulder, rubbing my ear on his warm body over his T-shirt.

A minute later, playfully, I rubbed his toes with mine. Omkara looked at me amused.

"Your toes are cold." I mimicked in his voice.

He chuckled noiselessly as he began to caress my toes in equal mirth.

As if what our toes were doing wasn't scandalous enough with our kids and my parents in same room, I let my fingers draw pattern on his stomach.

"Are you writing something?" Omkara asked even as he tucked in his stomach as my fingers danced over it.

"Yes." I wasn't, but now I am going to.

"Okay!" he said.

I now began to spell words on his stomach with my finger.

"L. C? No, E?" Omkara began to whisper each letter in my ears until he spelled out. "Let's go."

He lifted his eyebrows suggestively looking at me and I nodded biting my lips.

"That's my place." Preeti broke our eye contact as she stood in front of us with her hands on hip.

"Cool!" I said as I pushed my legs down and stood up. "We are going to bed, anyway."

"We?" she asked looking between me and Omkara.

"Yes." Omkara stood beside me. "We are sleepy." He announced to everyone in room.

"Papa, I don't want to sleep now. I want to know what happens to the rabbit." Misha cribbed.

"You can watch the movie, baby." He said.

"You can sleep with me and Daadu today." My mother offered.

I heard Omkara murmur 'Perfect' near my ears. My mother gave us an amused smile, while Preeti frowned revolted. Great! Does everyone know what we are going to do?

I didn't let myself dwell on it as I followed Omkara into my childhood bedroom with a childlike excitement that I hadn't felt in .... well, no idea.

***

After last update, I did bit of google search about characteristics of a self-centred person. I was glad (and surprised) that many characters of Gauri were listed in it. I don't research my characters; I only go with the flow based on what I observe. However, getting it confirmed felt nice. I, for the first time, feel proud that I created something authentic.