Chapter 3:

Honey Lemon Tea (part 1)

'Hey guys, I'm back! Do you want to-'

'... Izumi... You know, we've had a discussion and...'

'We've decided not to play with you anymore!'

'... Huh? But why?'

'Your bad luck, that's why! Can't you see Hiro is still suffering from his injury because of you?!'

'Come on, guys, let's go! Or we might get involved as well!'

'Wait... Guys... Please wait, I...'

~0O0~

I used to read this from a document about the connection between mentality and dreams when you were asleep. About nightmares, they stated that nightmares were made from fears and obsessions, and sometimes you could have nightmares if you had anything burdening deep inside.

I used to think that was not logical. However, it seems to make more sense now...

I don't know how long it has been until I dreamed of that nightmare recently. Everything just felt so real. It was the same secondary school, the same friends I used to make, and the same scenery when that happened. I cannot remember what happened to that "Hiro" kid, but everything else was so clear to me, like a stain that may never be washed away easily.

That was the final year of my secondary school, and the day I lost all my friends...

Ever since I started studying in this high school, I rarely have dreamed of that nightmare. And when I became friends with Shikimori-san and the others, I no longer had to dream of it ever again. They are like the ocean wave that washes away the stain of my past and helps me forget about my bad memories, whom I consider great friends.

Well, at least until recently...

Is it because I have blocked that tidal wave with such a big boulder so it cannot wash through anything in me, and it has allowed the stain to slowly form back? Or is it because my conversation with Shikimori-san yesterday was not enough to break that boulder? What is still bothering me? What else do I need to do to shatter the boulder?

... It is about my health condition, isn't it?

To be honest, I'm still not clear about my condition, specifically which stage it is at. My family has been keeping in touch with the hospital, contacting them about my health, but they still have not given any specific answer and the schedule for my medical check. Right now, all I can do is follow their instructions and take the medication as listed. This makes me worried, which might affect my health negatively.

Until now, I still have not found a way to tell my friends about my condition. Lucky enough, after the time I spent with Shikimori-san yesterday, our relationship has improved. We spent time chatting with each other, and discussing our homework, or more like me listening to Shikimori-san complaining about how hard and time-consuming the homework was, which made me believe that going to the park with her actually had its cons. She also constantly asked if I had finished copying down the lessons I had missed when I was absent, which I found very caring. However, I still have not chatted in our friends' group chat, mainly because I could not find the courage to do that.

It was a lot harder than I think, to confess about my health in front of my friends, or maybe because I was afraid of what might happen, as it could be the same as what I had been through a few years ago. The more I think of that, the tighter my chest feels, to the point that my breathing is getting more difficult because of the unbearable pressure.

Speaking of that, I am also kind of worried about Inuzuka-kun's notebooks' status, which (hopefully) is safe in Shikimori-san's hands...

I was lost in my land of thoughts that I didn't realize I had arrived in front of the school's gate. It's still the same scenery as yesterday. The sky still has the same blue, morning birds are chirping as always, with the familiar scent from the cherry blossom trees. I look at the lines of students hurrying into the entrance, either chatting to each other or briefly revising their lessons, as I take a deep breath and let it out.

'Let's just forget everything that happened today, okay? We'll pretend as if nothing has ever happened. Tomorrow is a new day, so consider that's your opportunity to restart, alright?'

Yes, today is a new day... Let's try again, shall we?

Taking all of Shikimori-san's words into my heart, I try to forget all the burdens that are still in my chest and walk through the gate, toward the entrance, to the place where Shikimori-san is standing and carrying out her duty as usual.

"... alright, please consider it next time, okay-" She was probably checking some student's appearance when she turned her head to the entrance. As her eyes widen and she beams a smile, I know she has seen me. "Izumi-san, good morning!" She greeted me while waving her hand.

Yesterday, I tried avoiding her, and it all began when I was heading to the entrance, to the point that I shouted at her and left such a piece of news for the other students who were not relevant. That was not a pleasant day at all, as I felt guilty for not talking to her, and I even hurt her feeling, as well. Until now, I still cannot figure out why she could forgive me for what I did.

However, what I know is this time, I need to approach her better. I have to make things right, starting from now.

"... Good morning, Shikimori-san!" I approached and greeted her, also waving my hand back. Seeing her smile turns brighter, I know that I have done the right thing.

"No more sudden shouting, and no more running away, right?" She asked me, which I didn't need to answer. "Now that's an improvement, Izumi-san!" She praised me.

"Yeah, I bet..." I said and lowered my head, thinking about what we did yesterday. After that, I raise my head back up to look at her. "And it all thanks to you, Shikimori-san! For what you did for me, yesterday, I appreciate it!" I told her, without realizing that I was having the most genuine smile on my face, from the day I knew about my health condition.

Suddenly, Shikimori-san starts blushing and her smile becomes more nervous and unnatural. Her index fingers start twirling each other, and she cannot speak any word. "What's wrong?" I asked her before I once again heard people gossiping behind us. I cannot hear them clearly, but as I turn around to check the crowd, the majority of them are about "what" we did. As I said, the situation that happened yesterday has become such a piece of news, since Shikimori-san is a popular figure at our school. I turn my sight back to her, who is clearing her throat with a cough, probably as a way to calm herself down.

"Anyone who is still making noises back there shall receive a 5-point deduction." She announced, and as soon as she concluded her announcement, no more noise could be heard from the crowd, as everything returned to normal.

"Nice, Shikimori-san!" I praised her, but she just pouted and gave me the 'why did you say that so loud?' glare. Understanding her, I clasp my hand and bow my head as a way to apologize, while grinning nervously as well.

Perhaps I was a little too excited with the "restart" thing...

"Anyway, see you in class, Shikimori-san," I told her and she gave me a nod as her response, with her face still red from the previous situation.

However, as I am about to walk through the entrance, I sense a glimpse of a tall figure that is also walking just behind me, with the familiar black hair, just above the shoulder's length. As my curiosity beats me, I turn around to check who it is, and the next thing I see gives me the feeling of getting stabbed in the chest, the same as what I felt back in the library yesterday...

"Morning, Kamiya-san."

"... Yeah, morning, Shikimori-san."

Kamiya-san greeted back Shikimori-san, with her tone sounding colder than usual. She then walks past Shikimori-san before we meet eye to eye. I cannot utter any word at this point, as my legs feel like they have been frozen although it is still spring. I feel that Kamiya-san might also not be able to say any word, since she might still remember the situation back in the library. She is also the only one up to this point who knows a little bit about my health. We just stand there and do not make a move for a brief second.

"... G-Good morning, K-Kamiya-san..." I managed to speak first, after taking out so much courage. I feel like my chest has been squeezed even tighter than before, as I try my best not to collapse at any second. While I am waiting for Kamiya-san's answer, I take a glance at her back to see Shikimori-san has also turned around to look at us. I force myself to smile at her to avoid making this situation more suffocating and somewhat awkward.

"... Y-Yeah, m-morning, Izumi-kun." She greeted me, in one of the most unnatural tones I had ever heard. After that, she hurries to her locker, changes her shoes to her school sandals, and runs toward the stairs, without saying a single word.

I turn my head to Shikimori-san, who is still watching Kamiya-san's action. She then turns her sight to me, with her eyes showing that she is suspecting me of something. Her face also looks unnatural, as she is about to approach me. "... I-Izumi-san, are you-"

"S-See you in class, Shikimori-san! Talk to you later!" I quickly cut her off while changing my shoes to the school sandals, then I headed upstairs as soon as possible, leaving the suspecting Shikimori-san behind, and ignoring her calling back.

Just as I thought this day could not get any worse...

~0O0~

Luckily, I did not have any problems in classes. Even after what happened back at the school entrance, I did not have any problems paying attention. Most importantly, I could still talk with Shikimori-san normally. I know using the word "normally" does not seem right, but to me, "normally" is just enough for me to feel relieved.

Speaking of Shikimori-san, I was surprised that after what happened, she could still talk to me as usual. We discussed the lessons and even sometimes, we almost got caught for not paying attention... I guess I was not as good at paying attention as I thought, huh.

However, after what happened, Shikimori-san did not talk to Kamiya-san a bit at all. She must be still suspecting something of her, but she might have chosen to keep that to herself. To be honest, it is not very surprising that she acted like that. If I were more decisive and avoided greeting Kamiya-san, maybe things would not happen like that... Or maybe things would be even worse, I don't even know...

After all, I need to try brushing all those thoughts out of my head. Today is a new day, and today I will restart everything and make things right, including right now.

As this is the first day since my absence from school, I have finally joined my friends for lunch.

"Izumi! Long time no see!" Nekozaki-san exclaimed, still with her beaming smile.

"Welcome back, Izumi. We thought you were gone forever..." Hachimitsu-san greeted me, still with her sarcastic tone.

We are sitting under the shade of a cherry blossom tree to keep us away from the scorching sunlight of noon. The scent of cherry blossom is lingering around this area, with petals flying in the air. I look around and observe my friends, whom I thought would be never able to meet again. Nekozaki-san is teasing Inuzuka-kun about something, while Hachimitsu-san is smirking at them.

Looking at how happy and cheerful they are, I just wonder how long will I be able to meet them again...?

"Thanks for inviting me, Inuzuka-kun." I thanked him, and he responded with a laugh.

"What do you 'inviting you', bro? Don't you already belong with us?" Inuzuka asked me back, making me scratch the scruff of my neck in embarrassment. This might be one of those simple things that I have forgotten.

As we are taking out our lunch boxes, we hear a big thump that jolts all of us. We turn our attention to the source of that sound, just to see Hachimitsu-san lying on the table, with her forehead resting on it.

"Hachimitsu, if you want to sleep, go to the medical room or something," Nekozaki-san spoke first. "This is not a good place to sleep..." She continued. Hachimitsu-san then lets out a heavy sigh, and it is such a long sigh that we start to feel tired, as well.

"... School sucks!" She suddenly exclaimed, which jolted all of us again. I start looking around to make sure that there is not any teacher near us. However, she does not seem to care that much, as she continues to complain. "I just got another bad score for another mistake I made! My semester report is gonna be so freaking bad!"

"Mistake? What mistake?" Inuzuka-kun asked.

"Hachimitsu just got another below-average test score, man..." Nekozaki-san sighed, then she looked at Hachimitsu-san. "Seriously, you should concentrate more on studying! It's our final year now!" She reminded her.

"That was such an unnecessary one!" Hachimitsu-san retorted, making Nekozaki-san flinch. She soon realizes what she said and takes a deep breath. "... Why did it get so much point deduction?" She groaned.

"Tsk tsk tsk, that's not good, Hachimitsu..." Inuzuka-kun clicked his tongue. "You know, colleges might also consider your semester report to decide if you can get into their entrance or not. If you keep studying like this... yike..." He told Hachimitsu, which made her sink her head deeper into the table and let out a long groan.

"Why is society so cruel...?" She complained. "Dear God, if there is a job that is low risk but high reward, I'll grab it immediately!"

"Those jobs are very shady, so please don't even consider it, my friend..." Nekozaki sighed.

... University entrance exam, huh?

For every student, this is a crucial exam, where all you have learned over the past 3 years of high school shall be gathered into one. This is the exam that decides your future, and where you will be heading. You need to bet everything on this exam, as it can lead you to, either way, success, or failure. Our high school cares about this, as we have been separated into different classes that suit our career choices.

At this point, any student should have already decided on their career path. I have already known where Inuzuka-kun is heading, as he wants to become a veterinary doctor, which he is working very hard on it with his part-time jobs and stuff. I have not known about Hachimitsu-san and Nekozaki-san's dream, but I believe wherever they are heading, they should be fine then. Well, I'm a little worried about Hachimitsu's case, though.

What do I want to do after high school...? I have not decided yet. Maybe I will take something not dangerous, which does not involve working with falling kinds of stuff or possible accidents, which might affect the whole workplace. Or I will take any job that is related to psychology, as I want to understand other people's feelings more and help with their mental health. By doing this, Japan will become a safer place, where no one has depression or mentally related problems.

However, I might never have a chance to dream of something, as I also keep inside me a disease that will not allow me to live any longer...

"... zumi... Izumi!"

Somebody was calling for me, which brought me back from my land of thoughts. I look for the source to see it was Inuzuka-kun who called me.

"Wakey wakey, Izumi!" Inuzuka waved his hand in front of my face while grinning himself. "Have you decided on where you're heading next? You know, which job or university?" He asked.

"Yeah yeah, that's right! What's your dream, Izumi?" Nekozaki asked excitedly.

"... I... actually have not thought about it yet..." I answered while scratching my head, which made them groan in disappointment.

"Aww, you'd better be, Izumi! It's our last year, remember?" Inuzuka groaned while patting my back. Then he turns to Nekozaki and Hachimitsu's side and proceeds to talk about the same subject.

"Oh yeah? Then what's your dream then, Inu? Something related to dogs?"

"Say my name fully or I'm not gonna tell you any word about it, Neko!"

It seems like everyone has already had their goals in their minds. Everyone seems so excited when they are talking about their future paths, and to be honest, I'm very happy for them. They all have something to head to, a motivation for them to keep fighting. Someday, they will soon be aboard the train that will take them to the next destination, one step closer to fulfilling their dreams.

However, I may not be able to join that train with them, and be one of the lucky passengers...

~0O0~

"Speaking of which, where is Micchon, Izumi?" Nekozaki suddenly asked, in the middle of her conversation. "She's not joining us today?" She added another question.

"... Oh, Shikimori-san?" I was brought back to reality. "She told me to go ahead first. She was having an urgent meeting with the Public Moral Committee." I answered, but Nekozaki started holding up her chin, thinking about something.

"That's strange... Usually when the PMC is having a meeting, whether emergency or not, they will not choose such time like this..." Nekozaki said.

I also find it a little strange, as well. Shikimori-san used to mention her schedule, and the meeting schedule was one of them. As far as I can remember, PMC meetings only occur after school, as they can control how long they want the meeting to be without affecting the members' studying at school. I think this is the first time that a PMC meeting has ever occurred at lunchtime like this.

It must be about something emergency...

"B-But don't worry, Izumi! She will soon be back, I'm sure!" Nekozaki reassured me, then she continued. "I think this is the same as when you had library duty yesterday..."

Oh yeah, that library duty... The one that I used as a lie to avoid you guys...

"You know, yesterday was pretty tough as well..." Nekozaki trailed off, which caught my attention.

"Tough? Why tough?"

"It's about Micchon, man!" Nekozaki exclaimed, then she continued. "I don't know what happened between you guys yesterday morning, but she was very sad! We tried comforting her, but she didn't get any better..." She then turns her head to Inuzuka-kun and smirks. "Yesterday, our boy Inu also tried to calm her down, but she glared at him so scary that he chickened out! It's very funny!" She laughed while Inuzuka-kun was retorting at her, but I could not hear his words clearly.

What Kamiya-san told me yesterday was true, and it even sounds worse than I thought... However, the one that actually comforted me at the end of the day was Shikimori-san...

I feel like my guts have been wrenched, with the painful feeling in my chest has become worse. I try to forget what happened yesterday, but it seems to be forming back again. This guilty feeling is truly unbearable.

"But yeah, on a serious note," Nekozaki told me, "You should care more about Micchon, okay Izumi? I know you don't want to see her sad, and so do I. Please be the one to take care of her, okay?" She asked me, so I reluctantly gave her a nod as my answer.

Nekozaki-san, as much as I want to, right now it is very hard for me to consider taking care of her, you know? You are piling up even more pressure for me...

Suddenly, Nekozaki lets out a squeal as she stands up and waves her hand. "Micchon, there you are! This way, this way!" She called. I turn around to see Shikimori-san approaching our table, with a plastic bag that I believe contains her lunch. I take a glance at Inuzuka-kun, who just jolted after hearing from Nekozaki-san.

Shikimori-san... She does not look really happy...

"Sit here, Micchon!" Nekozaki guided her. When Shikimori-san has finally settled in her seat, Nekozaki-san continues. "Girl, that meeting sure is about something emergency, isn't it? Take so much time from you, right?" She asked, and Shikimori just laughed nervously.

"Sorry for being late, everyone..." She apologized, but we quickly brushed it off. At that point, I remember what Nekozaki-san told me, so I try to play my role as a caring boyfriend.

"It must be such a busy meeting, huh?" I asked Shikimori. "What was it about, Shikimori-san?"

After my question, suddenly, her face changed. Her smile has become more like a frown, and she looks at me with her eyes reflecting her worries. It is not so different from the face she had when we finally talked near the school entrance. She looks at me for a brief second, like she is worrying something about me.

"... N-Not a big deal, Izumi-san..." She stuttered, then she tried to continue. "It's just some... complicated moral kinds of stuff that we needed to sort out, that's all..." She said, then she immediately avoided my eye contact to reach inside her bag and take out her lunch.

"Okay... It's great that you guys finally managed to sort them out... I guess..." I nervously said, then I also avoided her gaze by taking out my lunch box, as well. Nekozaki is giving me the confused look, as she thinks I didn't follow what she had said, but I just don't want to answer her.

The atmosphere is becoming more awkward. Nekozaki is probably remembering what happened when they had lunch yesterday, while Hachimitsu is constantly looking back and forth at Shikimori-san and me. Meanwhile, I feel that Inuzuka-kun might have moved closer to me, to the point where he is almost clinging to me. I cannot utter a single word and I feel my breathing is getting harder, as I need someone to change the subject as soon as possible.

"O-Oh, Izumi!" Inuzuka attempted to speak first. "H-Have you finished copying down the lessons you missed?" He asked me, then without waiting for my answer, he continued. "B-But you know, i-if you have not finished yet, you can return them to me later..."

I feel very grateful to Inuzuka-kun. He managed to change the subject and change the atmosphere. Now we finally have something to talk about, and it's Inuzuka-kun's notebooks...

Oh no, it's about Inuzuka-kun's notebooks...

"U-Uh... You see, Inuzuka-kun, I-"

"Looking for these?" I got cut off by Shikimori-san, who was holding what appeared to be Inuzuka's notebooks...

The atmosphere has become heavier. Nekozaki-san's usual smile has disappeared at some point, while Hachimitsu-san is clasping her hands and praying for Inuzuka. Meanwhile, Inuzuka-kun is shaking my arm roughly, trying to ask me 'How did those end up in her hands?' secretly, which I really want to answer him, but I feel that my throat is having something stuck inside and my tongue is twisted so much that I cannot utter any word. The air around us is becoming so suffocating that I cannot sense the petals of the cherry blossom tree.

"... Shiki... mori-san..." Inuzuka thankfully managed to speak. "Could you return them to me?" He asked.

However, there is no response from Shikimori-san. She is glaring at Inuzuka-kun like she might devour him at any moment. Inuzuka-kun starts clinging to me tighter, to the point I can feel his hands are getting colder.

"... S-Shikimori... san" Inuzuka attempted to speak again. "C-Could you return the notebooks to me, p-please?" He pleaded, trying his best to speak as fluently as possible.

However, there is still no response from her. Her face is now emotionless, and her glare is getting scarier, as if she decides to do something, I might not be safe. As I was paying too much attention to her face, I didn't realize Inuzuka-kun had let go of my arm. This time, he starts bowing his head on the table and reaching out his hand.

"... Shikimori-sama... could you return those notebooks to me, please?" Inuzuka asked, to the point that I thought he was about to cry. I start rubbing his back to comfort him and decide, with all my courage, to interfere with the matter.

"S-Shikimori-san, could you return them to him, please?" I pleaded. "After all, it's my fault for letting this happen. So please?" I asked her while clasping my hand together and smiling nervously.

I was thinking this would not work when suddenly, and somewhat surprisingly, Shikimori-san turned off her glare. She then places the notebooks on the table and slides them into Inuzuka-kun's hands. As soon as he senses the notebooks are near his hand, he quickly snatches them and places them next to him. "Thank you, Shikimori-sama. I am truly grateful." Inuzuka thanked her, then he turned to me and tried his best not to blame me, which I could tell from his squeezing tight mouth. I just give him a nervous smile and rub his back as my way to comfort him. The air around me has become easier to breathe, with both Hachimitsu-san and Nekozaki-san letting out a long sigh of relief.

"Thanks a lot, Shikimori-san." I also thanked her. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" I asked her. However, she just simply nods to me as her answer, and she resumes taking out her lunch from the plastic bag. I start wondering why she is suddenly acting like that to me, but my stomach is grumbling hard, urging me to start taking out my lunch box, as well.

'Why does she suddenly become cold to me? What exactly happened in the meeting room?'

~0O0~

"See you later, Izumi!"

"You too, Inuzuka-kun! Have a safe trip home!"

I waved my hand goodbye to Inuzuka-kun, as he was heading outside our classroom. The afternoon sunlight is beaming through the window with yellow mixed with orange. The scent of cherry blossom petals is still lingering in the air, mixed with the unpleasant smell from the chalks. Everyone in the class has all left, except Shikimori-san, who is finishing putting her books back in her school bag.

"Do you need any help, Shikimori-san?" I asked her while reaching my hand out to grab her book. However, as soon as I touch it, she snatches it away from me, which jolts me backward.

"W-What's wrong?!" I managed to ask her after calming down a bit. "Are you okay, Shikimori-san?"

"... Y-Yeah, I-I'm fine..." Shikimori stuttered. "Sorry... for doing that..." She apologized to me while lowering her head. I shake my head to let it past, showing her that I'm not bothered by what happened earlier.

However, I am bothered by how she was acting today.

I still don't know what happened at lunchtime to her, or what happened in the urgent PMC meeting, that she's been acting very weird. Every time I tried to talk to her, she either responded with a cold tone or just answered me as quickly as possible. She didn't even tease me like we used to and at some point, I felt that she was trying to keep a distance from me.

It actually feels like yesterday, just a bit different.

"Is something bothering you, Shikimori-san?" I asked her while leaning my head to look at her face, but she also turned away to avoid my eye contact, whatever direction I leaned at. "You know, you can confess to me if you want to... I care about you, Shikimori-san..." I reminded her. After that, she stops avoiding me and starts gazing back at me, although it is just a little. The orange sunlight starts illuminating her face, showing clearly that she is worried about something. It is such a mesmerizing scene to behold.

"... Nothing... Nothing much, Izumi-san..." She answered me while forcing a smile on her face, and I also saw her clenching her fist, trying to hold back something. However, as soon as she knows it, she opens her fist back to her palm. I was about to ask her more about what happened at lunchtime, but she soon realized it, so she cut me off.

"A-Anyway, are you free this Saturday, Izumi-san?" She asked me.

"No. Why?" I asked her back, remembering that I had yet to receive the schedule for the medical check from the hospital.

"G-Good! Then come to my home this Saturday. We need to discuss our trip with our friends for next summer." She explained.

Next summer? Does she really want to plan this soon? Well, I guess being a little more careful will not hurt.

"Okay, gotcha!" I agreed to her plan, then I proceeded to take out my phone. "Since this is important, I'll text in our group chat just to be sure-"

"DON'T!" Shikimori suddenly exclaimed, making me almost drop my phone. She soon realizes what she did, so she takes a breath to calm herself down. "You... don't have to. I... have already told Inuzuka-san and the others about the discussion. We are just waiting for y-you to confirm, Izumi-san..." She told me while reaching out her hand to hold mine, which was holding my phone. This makes me blush a little from the sensation of her small hand.

"Okay, I trust you then," I told her. "But I think you still need to remind them about the discussion at your home. Someone like Inuzuka-kun and Hachimitsi-san may forget it easily, because, you know..." I continued.

"G-Gotcha!" Shikimori said, while shakily giving me a thumb up.

"Alright, it has been decided!" I declared, then I reached out my hand to her. "Now, let's go home together, Shikimori-san." I requested, trying to fulfill my role as her boyfriend. My face starts burning up from what I did, as I soon realize how embarrassing it was. Before I know it, Shikimori-san starts holding my hand, as well, and her face is also burning red.

"S-Since when you have become so bold, sir?" She stuttered, and I just let out a nervous laugh in response. We then both head out of our classroom and start chatting, as usual, hand in hand.

'You should care more about Micchon, okay Izumi? I know you don't want to see her sad, and so do I. Please be the one to take care of her, okay?'

I know this is nowhere near perfect, but I'm just trying to fulfill my role, as long as I'm still alive...

However, I can't help but wonder, if she wants to talk about the summer trip this soon, why didn't she talk about it when we were having lunch?

End of chapter 3

~0O0~