"When I whisper your name, even the moon smiles. As if to ask, are you really thinking of him? Again?"

Arshita's Pov

Shubman and Kyra had gone for nearly one hour and I was just sitting here sipping on my beer hoping the sour taste to drown my sorrowness.

Shriya didn't told me anything else beside what she told me earlier and I couldn't have forced her cuz she was right as it wasn't her place to tell.

Everyone tried to ask me many questions about all this but I didn't answered them as I was too exhausted and disturbed right now and so I decided to leave but Shriya and Ayushi held me back telling I can leave when I'm both exhausted and drunk.

How could I have fallen for him in the first place?

I screwed up. I just kept drinking hoping to be in that pass out drunkenness state so as to keep things off of my mind.

I was just about grab another bottle of beer when a hand shot to grab my wrist.

I looked up.

"That's enough!" Shubman said in the dark of the night I wasn't able to take in his expressions but by his voice I knew he was still mad.

I tried to swat my hand back but his grip was tighter and it kind of hurted my hand.

"You're no one to stop me!" I said trying to get my hand out of his grip, "You're drunk!" he said.

"No I'm not" he said and he still didn't left my hand and I couldn't help but flinch at the pain.

"Shit.... I'm... I'm sorry... I...I didn't mean to" He said leaving my hand which now had the prints of his fingers.

I looked down and didn't spoke anything. He also stood at his place and didn't made a move to touch  me and and it felt as the distance between us was now so difficult to cross. I guess it really was!

"Does it hurt?" He asked quietly, playing with the stone by his shoes.

I didn't had to answer that for him to know.

"You were gone for a long time!" I said slowly looking up.

He looked at me and then again flickered his eyes to the other side and his jaw clenched a bit when he said, "Yeah"

"Shub" I said when at the same time he said, "We need to talk"

We were silent when we made our way to the backside to a wooden side. It was kind of big and so I sat at the one end and he sat on the other. We could still hear the faded sounds of everyone talking and laughing but it was okay.

The first thing that came to my mind were the words, "Did you had fun with Kyra?"

"It wasn't like that" he said looking down.

"Like what?" I snapped.

"We didn't — we weren't —I mean.... Ughh" he said as he burried his face in his hands. He looked up after a moment and when he spoke he was kind of calmer, "I meant to fool around with her, and I tried also but at some point I wasn't able to. It was pointless!" he said.

So he meant to. I tried not be bothered by that thought and asked, "Pointless?"

"Aisa krne se kuch solve nhi hone wala tha" he said.

"I'm sorry!" I finally said, "Mai ye sb aise nhi batana chahti thi"

He sighed with a shake of his head, "We were going to tell them anyways"

The sound of their laughter made its way to us distant and familiar both at the ssame time. Had Manasvi ever been a part of this group? Had her laughter mixed with them? Had she sat on this very swing with Shubman?

I looked at him taking in his image, his exhausted and sad eyes, his clenched jaw and I knew there were many scars under his skin. I wanted to help him to heal them, I wanted to stop the pain in his life but for that I needed to know the real reason behind them.

So I asked the question which was plunged at the back of my head since a long time, "You and Manasvi never broke up?"

I expected him to flinch or be surprised but he just sat as usual with his head hung low and then nodded swallowing, "Yeah"

I was reminded of the time when he talked about Manasvi when we were in the rope pull! The sadness of his eyes and the way he talked showed how much he missed her!

At that time the thought of him missing her didn't bothered me this much but right now even her name from his lips was enough to make me blink back tears.

"What happened?" I slowly asked.

He shifted and took a deep breathe, "She... She moved away!"

I looked at him in surprise, I decided not to speak and let him continue.

"Uske parents ka divorce ho gya and her mother left!" he said looking down and voice was low than usual, "And then his father found a new job and they moved out"

I looked at him and right now he looked so vulnerable and I felt so sick to even see him like this and it seemed so difficult for him talk all about this.

"They stayed at one place for three months, then to other for one month and then even some weeks, they were always moving from one place to another" he said trying to keep his voice steady.

"We kept talking through messages, e-mail and usual video chats, we tried to manage things!" he said and I kept looking down unable to look up, "We sometimes fought about little things but most of the part we were good"

I wasn't able to look at him as his shoulders slumped down in an defeated manner, the way his voice wasn't stable, I wasn't able to look at this side of him.

"And one day she stopped responding to my messages!" he said, "She didn't answered my calls.... She just disappeared!"

I let out a breathe I don't know I was holding for so long, I looked at him and he kept looking at his hands.

I inched closer to him and took his hand in mine, maybe to make him feel a bit better.

"It was like she erased me from her life completely" he said, "No goodbyes, no farewells, just a bunch of messages I sent her which were never read!"

We sat there in a prolonged silence as if to comfort each other for all the mess that's happened so long.

The way he talked about her I knew he had truly loved her.

And I was sure that he still loved her.

But I had to ask. I had to know because I knew I couldn't handle without knowing the truth for sure.

I pressed his hand a little with mine and broke the silence, "You still love her."

He slowly looked up got stiffed, "Does it matter?"

I could have said no but I didn't and I rather whispered, "Yess!"

"Why does it matter?" he asked looking at me and I looked in his eyes, not daring to look away.

"Arshu!" he said and his voice dropped to a murmur, "Why does it matter?"

In that moment I knew he already knew the answer.

I was trying to keep my heart stable but in that moment before I could think twice I came forward and pressed my lips against his.

For a moment he just sat stunned, shocked and didn't made a move. Feeling a stab I started pulling away blinking back some tears but suddenly his hand shot to the back of my neck and he pulled me and kissed.

I kissed him back and I wanted to show him what I really meant and that these damn feeling weren't ready to settle without him. All before too long he pulled back.

"Shit!" I heard him say under his breathe as he shot upto his feet, "Shit" he again said rubbing his face with both his hands and then looked at me with a look of desperation, "You can't be" he said, sounding more terrified, "Tell me you're joking"

"Shub I'm not—"

"Tell me you're goddamn joking" he repeated.

I stood up, "No I'm not, I'm not joking you fucking idiot. I like you" I said.

"You.... You shouldn't" he said not once looking at me.

"Beacuse of Manasvi?" I asked

"I...." He looked at me for a moment as I tried to stop the tears from falling frantically, "I can't do this" he said.

He turned away and started walking and I half-ran behind him and reached for his arm.

He yanked it back taking me by surprise as I flinched because of the already paining wrist. He looked back at me and for once I thought that he would listen but he again turned.

For the second time of the night Shubman was leaving me behind and this time it felt more painful.
_____

I ran behind him upto to the backyard parking ignoring the worried and questionable calls from everyone.

"You crazy idiot what does that even mean?" I shouted.

He ignored this, as he opened the door of his car and sat inside.

And now like an intoxicated, drunk and pissed girl, I stood in front of his car blocking his only way.

"You got to be fucking kidding me?" I snapped unable to stop myself anymore.

He looked at me and our gazes locked with each other and something in his eyes, like sad, guilt, terrified all the same moment made my heart drop.

I looked at him as he rubbed his face with his hands and then what felt like forever he finally opened the door of his car and stepped in front of me.

I didn't made a move and just looked at him, "What the fuck was that?" I asked.

"I'm sorry" he said not even looking at me.

"For what?" I snapped back, "For running away? For acting like crazy idiot?" I asked and then tood deep breathe "For not feeling the same way?"

I kept looking at him blinking back the tears forming in my eyes.

"Answer me you idiot! What the fuck was that?" I yelled wiping the tears angrily with my hands.

He didn't spoke up. The way he stood in front of me defeated, head hung low and shoulders slumped, and for some reason this made me think that if I ever really knew Shubman.

"Answer goddammit!"

"Arshu" he murmured very quietly, even my heartbeat was more louder than his voice.

"You can't have feelings for me" he said in trembling tone and it was fucking painful to hear those words from him, "Can't you see? I'm fucked up!"

I shook my head as no, trying to speak but I didn't knew what to say.

"When Manasvi left like nothing ever fucking happened!" He said looking down, "Mai.... mai same nhi raha!"

It was so ironic! Like he was the one who made me move on but no one did that for him.

"I thought I was getting over it, I thought I was moving but I'm not" he said and took a deep breathe then in a lower voice, "I'm not"

"Not yet!" I said slowly, "Maybe you'll get there and move —"

"What if I don't?" he half - yelled and I wasn't able to say anything. I just looked at him and he looked everywhere but me, "What if I can't?" he asked slowly.

I could do nothing but stare back at him, cuz the truth was that I didn't had an answer to that, and I would a hypocrite if I told him to let go and move on because I knew that wasn't that easy.

"I know I'm being stupid" he said looking at me, "I know I'm fucking killing myself by not moving on! But I tried and tried and I fucking tried. I am trying but I'm not getting there!"

He kicked another pebble with his foot and leaned to his car, placing an arm over his eyes, and I could hear him sniffle and my sob also came out which I was trying to hold for so long.

"I thought I was moving on" He said lowering his arm to look at me, "And you made me happier jitna me pichle ek saal me kabhi nhi tha and I felt as if I was moving on!"

"Maybe you are!" I said coming a bit closer as if to remove the distance between us which was fucking sad, "Can't you see! I'm as fucked up as you are and maybe we can help each other"

"I can't do that!" he said shaking his head looking down, "Not to you"

He said and once again it stucked at me because he was right. And I hated this because I wanted him to be wrong at this one but he wasn't!

"I wish ye itna difficult nhi hota" he said, his voice shaking badly, "But it is and that sucks cuz you've made me happy" he said and took a deep breathe, "But I can't aceept your feelings, Arshu!"

There it was! I had it coming.

"I would be crazy agar mai kahu that I don't have feelings for you cuz goddammit Arshu you make it so hard not to fall for you!" he said boring his eyes into mine, "But mai usse bhi bada pagal hounga, if I let anything happen between us because I can't use you like that"

At that momemt I knew that I lost!

I kept a hand on my mouth to stop the sobbing sounds while he stood their looking down quietly.

"I like you Arora, I do. But I don't trust myself enough not to hurt you" he said slowly.

"You can't —" I spoke up but he continued.

"I still think of Manasvi okay" he said and I stood shut, "I still miss her and that's fucked up, I'm fucked up. You don't deserve this. You don't deserve someone who says I love you 'but' just because he can't get his shit together" he said finalising that told me it was really over "And Arora I like you 'but'"

We both fell into silence and I kept  sobbing and looked at the car reminding myself that he didn't intended to stay here any longer.

I was done. We were done!

I felt the gap which distanced us form each other and it was fucking killing me.

"Crazy idiot!" I let out a breathe still looking down.

"Yeah" he shook his head, "I am"

I felt my tears drying cuz I felt like there was nothing left to cry for and I just stood there, head hung low.

"Now what?" I asked.

"I guess this is the goodbye Arora!" he said and I looked up.

I stepped aside from his way which I was blocking and said, "I think this is see you later Shub!"

He managed a small smile and shooked his head, pushing himself off of his car, "I think it's a lie and we both know it!" he said.

"Yeah" I looked down and kicked a pebble by my shoes and then looked up trying to give a small smile which I failed to did and said "I think you're right!"

____________________________________

Heyyy guyss!

Finally written this one which was a big task for me! And please don't kill me for doing this😝😝😝

Let's see what happens next! What happens to their feeling and their love lives!

Till then vote and comment!