"Yes it's a hard life. In a world that's filled with sorrow. There are people searching for love in every way. It's a long hard fight
But I'll always live for tomorrow" -Queen, It's A Hard Life

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"Kill that filthy thing" one of the natural killer said.

My brother and I ran as fast as we can para hindi kami maabot ng mga gustong pumatay sa amin. Kababago lang naming naisilang sa mundong ibabaw pero sabi ng mga selula na salot daw kami sa lipunan. Walang mabuting maiambag.

Kung ganun, bakit pa nila kami binuhay kung papatayin rin naman nila kami?

"Make sure to kill those filthy brats"

Narinig kung sabi ng isa sa mga killers, kinuha ko ang kamay ng aking kapatid upang mapabilis ang aming takbo. I lead the way kasi nauubusan na ng lakas ang kapatid ko dahil sa matinding takot.  Kung magpapaapekto ako ngayon baka mapatay pa kaming dalawa.

"Uno natatakot ako. Gusto ko pang mabuhay. Gusto ko pang makita ang mundo" puno ng determinasyong saad ng aking kapatid.

Ipinanganak si Dos na may kapansanan, he was born with a rare kind of mental disease. A high level of autism. Maliban sa mga laruan, ako lang ang kinakausap niya. Takot din siya sa dilim dahil sa trauma. Nakita niyang pinatay ang magulang namin mismo sa harap niya.

Kaming dalawa ay prutas ng depekto. Ngunit kahit ganito ang aking kapatid, mahal na mahal ko siya. Siya lang ang tanging karamay ko.

"I heard footsteps. HURRY."

Nakasunod na sa amin ang mga taong nakaitim. Our little feet can't run for too long. Maabutan nila kami.

Nalunod ako sa matinding pag-iisip kaya hindi ko namalayan na nabitawan ko pala ang kamay ni Dos sa labis na takot at bilis na pagtakbo.

Nang tanungin ko si Dos kung kaya pa ba niya, dun ko nalaman na ang layo na niya sa akin. Binalikan ko ang kapatid ko ngunit nadapa siya at sa kasamaang palad, nakita siya ng mga killers.

"Lumayo ka na Uno. Mahal na mahal kita kapa-" bago pa niya matuloy ang kanyang sasabihin narinig ko lakas ng putok ng baril.

I covered my mouth as I hide through one of the boxes. Nanginginig ako sa takot. Nawalan ako ng lakas ng makita ko na ang kaisa-isang kapatid ko ay pinatay nila. The scene made me horrified to even move a finger.

Ang masaksihan ang kapatid mong pinatay sa harapan mo ay walang kasing sakit.

I silently cried as I stared at the lifeless body of my brother. Blood flowed non-stop. The pain started to eat my heart. Gusto ko siyang lapitan ngunit natakot ako. Naduwag ako.

Umusbong ang galit sa aking puso. Gusto kong maghiganti. Wala naman kaming ginawang masama ngunit bakit nila kami ninakawan ng kinabukasan?

Gusto lang naman sana naming mabuhay ng payapa ngunit bakit kami pinutulan ng mga pakpak?

Hindi ko naiintindihan ang lahat.

Ang inosente kung kapatid ay nadamay sa gyera ng kasakiman sa buhay.

Tumigil ako sa kakaiyak at nilakasan ang aking loob upang makalabas sa kulungan. I need to save myself for revenge para matatahimik ang kaluluwa ng inosente kong kapatid. I need to fight for my freedom.

Six years later, I decided to change my appearance to belong with the society. I change my name to Luxirien. I become another person because of pain.

I sealed my truest self to the deepest part of me.

Nakikisama ako sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin ngunit ang poot sa aking puso ay nagliliyab pa rin.

When I was still in the city begging for alms, a woman known Red help me find shelter. Siya ang nag-ayos sa akin at nagpa-aral.

She can read my very soul at palagi niyang sinasabi sa akin na "Revenge is a kiss of death. If you want revenge then become successful."

How can becoming successful the sweetest revenge? I can't erase the big lump in my chest. Hindi ako matatahimik kapag hindi ko mapatay ang mga killers.

But years after years with Red, nakalimutan ko ang poot sa aking dibdib. She was a good mother to me. She gave everything she had kahit minsan wala kaming makain. It was the first time someone take care of me. I can't forget the warm that envelops my well being during the times she embrace me because of my nightmares.

I made friends and T- became my best friend. She never judge me. Never question me about myself.

I was thankful and very blessed. Nakalimutan kung maghiganti. Sana nga magpatuloy pa to hanggang sa mamamatay ako.

I wish time would stop the way it is. Hindi ko gustong matapos ang lahat ng kasiyahang bumabalot sa puso ko.

Nakakatakot kung umusbong na naman ang galit na pilit kong tinatago.

Ngunit pinaglalaruan ata ako ng tadhana. One day pag-uwi ko galing sa trabaho, naabutan ko nalang si Red na naghihingalo at naliligo ng sariling dugo.

Her last words for me was to never let my heart be covered with anger again.

Revenge was never beautiful.

Pero lumabas ang totoong ako. Kahit anong galing ko pa sa pagtago, lalabas at lalabas rin ang katutuhanan, ang totoong ako.

My vision becomes red because of the anger. I cannot control myself anymore.

Lahat ng poot na nakatago sa kailaliman ng pagkatao ko ay umusbong. Naalala ko ang inosenteng kapatid ko at si Red- they don't deserve to die.

I am.

The painful memories came rushing like the flow of water. Naalala ko ang lahat ng sakit noong namatay ang kapatid ko at mas lalong lumakas ang poot na nakapalibot sa puso ko.

The alarms started to covered the whole place. Guards were on high alert. Pumunta ako sa lugar kung saan walang madamay na inosente. I need to control my emotions dahil kung hindi, gyera ang kalalabasan.

I was trying to control myself when someone shot my shoulder.

I didn't realized I slowly become a monster.

"Target Spotted. Case- contagious. Needs to be elimanated"

Gunshots after gunshots were showering towards me. Dumating na ang kinatatakutan ko. I was recognized by the system.

I am a defect. I need to be elimanated just like my brother.

The system needs to be perfect but I am beyond perfect.

I have all the flaws.

I symbolizes imperfection.

That's why I need to be elimanated.

Isa lang ang kilala kung tumanggap sa buong pagkatao ko pero hindi niya alam kung sino talaga ako. Kaya ang sakit makita na isa siya sa mga gustong pumatay sa akin.

"Luxirien, tumigil ka na"

Is my name even Luxirien now? I become Uno again. Lahat ng nadadaanan ko namamatay o di kaya'y naging katulad ko.

Who am I?

The pain started to numb all my other emotions. The range circulates my mind and my heart.

I don't know me anymore.

Everytime na may madadaanan akong inosente, mapapatay ko. Hindi ko sinasadya.

I can't control my body. This is my greatest defect. A perfect imperfection.

I need to be stop kung hindi wala akong pinagkaiba sa pumatay sa kapatid ko.

"Luxirien stop killing those innocents" T shouted at me. I wanted to stop myself too but my body won't cooperate. I wanted to convey all my feelings to her but my mouth wouldn't even utter any words. I have my eyes but it only knows how to cry.

I wanted to see her face but my body would not listen, maybe I am never Luxirien. Was my feelings and emotions last year a fake? Im afraid to answer.

Until my mind was breached with another organism. It was controlled just like my body. May unti-unting kumakain sa sistema ko. Ito ang kinakatakutan ng lahat, pati sarili ko.

I lose hope to see the light. I have sinned. I killed many innocents. I made them suffer.

Red is right, anger is a kiss of death.

Nagpadala ako sa galit, kaya andami kong napatay na inosente.

May maniniwala ba na hindi ko sinasadya?

Before I lose all my conciousness. A seeping pain rush through my body. I didn't know my whole arms and legs was cut.

Now I am a perfect defect.

"Luxirien please stop. This is not you" T cried in my bloody arms. She hug me tight.

"I just wanted to live. Is it hard to fulfill my wish? You k-know my brother really wants to see how beautiful l-life was. P-pero kinuha na siya bago pa man niya matikman ang sarap ng buhay" I said tiredly. I was beyond exhausted. Maybe this is my last chance to see life.

"You need to die to save the system. Your existence is a curse" Natural Killer said with a smirk.

"My e-existence is a c-curse? Really? Sino ba talaga ako?" I said with a lot of confusion kasi ako mismo hindi alam kung sino ako, ang alam ko lang ay isa akong malaking pagkakamali. Naiiyak ako sa lahat ng dinanas ko. Who knows having a normal life is hard to achieve.

"You're a CANCER CELL. And you need to be eliminated to save the body. We are immune cells, NK cells, T-cells and Neurophil. We maybe your friends but it is our job to kill a cancer cell" NK said like he was proud to kill me. No pity was shown in his eyes unlike T and N.

"S-So am I not worthy of l-living?" I softly said as I slowly started to lose the hope to live. Maybe this is my end.

"Yes, you are not worthy of living" with that, I smiled. And slowly closed my eyes.

Yes, I am not worthy of living because I'm a cancer cell. I need to be elimanated in order to save the body of the host.

I am not worthy to live because I am a disease.

Maybe there are some people out there who wish to end their life with or without reasons, in that case, would you please exchange mine?

I just wanted to live.