The twittering of the birds woke him up. He got confused to find himself on the floor but when he finally gained full consciousness, tears welled up in his eyes again.

When he looked at the clock. It was  already the next day. God knows how long he had slept. He got up from the floor and headed to his bathroom. He moved his hand around the top-most shelf of the cabinet to try and find his toothbrush and toothpaste.

When he could finally feel them, he dragged them along the surface of the shelf, but he just drop a bunch of other things from the shelf while doing that.

He sighed and started picking them up. While picking, one particular object caught his attention. A razor.

He picked it up and stared blankly at it for a while. Then moved his gaze to his wrist. All the horrible memories came flooding back in his mind. He blinked his eyes, trying to get rid of the tears, but they just started rolling down his cheeks.

He bought his shaky hand up and took the razor near it.

Just one cut. You can do it.

He closed his eyes tightly. His hands were shaking way too much. He could feel the cold blade on the soft skin of his wrist already. Now all he needs to do put a bit pressure on it and...

Slice..

Small drops of blood fell on the floor, staining the white carpet in a crimson shade of red and some rolling down his arm. It did hurt, but it gave him pleasure too.

A satisfactory smile decorated his lips as he looked at the cut on his wrist with his red, teary eyes. He washed the razor and put it back in its place. He took out a bandage and wrapped it around his wrist. He didn't bother to clean his wound. No one's gonna see it cause he's not going outside right now. And even if people did see it, it's not like they'll care.

He went back to his room,not bothering to feed his empty stomach. There was still a lot of time left before the visiting hour. He needs to pass the time. He took his diary out. Once again.

Day 5                                                        05.10.21
Today, I had my first cut. It felt great. Really great. Now I know why people do this when they feel depressed. The mystery is finally solved. The pain keeps them unfocused from the horrible thoughts. Even if it's just for a while. I shall use this technique to deal with my depression too.

Seokjin's parents said they'll take care of the charges and all the hospital bills. But am I just gonna do nothing? My friend who had stayed by my side the whole time, am I just gonna watch him suffer?

He bit his lips, tears threatening to fall again. He just wanted this pain to leave. For once. Only for once. He wanted to live happy life. A life where he wouldn't have to hear a bad news every other day.

He rubbed his eyes with his sweater paws and went upstairs, to the terrace.

The wind that blew his hair, the rustling sound of the trees had always done the trick to calm him down when he's not with Seokjin. He closed his eyes letting the tears fall. Putting his hand on the bar, he tried recalling allows the great memories he had with Seokjin.

A white butterfly sat on his hand. It was simple but beautiful. Just like Seokjin.

He smiled at it.

Are you sad too?

He thought as he looked at it. The small butterfly flapped its wings as a response, as if it could hear his thoughts and understand what he's saying.

A few more butterflies came by and stop in front of the white one as if they were talking to each other. Soon enough the white one flew away with the others. Probably its friends.

He sighed, looking up at the sky.

So beautiful.

He smiled, realising how simple, natural things can make him happy.
____________
The beeping of the machine in the whatsoever quiet room, did make Namjoon feel a bit awkward but he was here for Seokjin, who layed there, pale and motionless.

He remembered how he had been feeling so energetic when Namjoon came to soo him. He was happy.

Namjoon didn't know he would end up like this, just within a matter of a few hours. It was evening and he just sat there, beside Seokjin's bed, holding his cold hands in his. He could only pray for his friend to be better.