chapter 15|lewis

The cool breeze on my skin is the only thing reminding me that I'm real. This hour and this roof I'm sitting on make everything feel like a dream – not even the strands of hair in my face seem to exist anymore. That's why I love this spot. Over my opened window, under the stars. It's a good place to be alone and think.

It's Jesse's birthday soon. The day after tomorrow, to be exact. Well, technically tomorrow, considering it's past midnight. There's that "present" Cheeto and I have for her. We added something as well since it's not really a present – at least it doesn't count as one, Cheeto and I agree on that – but I'm constantly thinking about the other one. Is it ready? What will she say? Does she even want it? Or is it too much for her? I don't think it is, but... The thought haunts me. She won't like it, my brain tells me, and You'll mess it up.

Talking about Jesse, she just won't leave my mind. I know how it feels to love someone platonically, to love them so much you'd die for them, but this isn't what it feels like. I lean back onto my arms, looking down at my neighbors' garden. I can picture her face in front of me perfectly, every little detail. The reflection of light in her eyes, her long hair falling over her shoulders, the way she ties it back or tucks strands behind her ears. Her smile, the way her nose scrunches up when she laughs. Her expression that sometimes says a million words and then again seems like a wall without the tiniest window. The way she freezes for a moment and then leans her head onto your shoulder when you hug her, wraps her arms around herself when she's cold but won't admit it, pulls on the ends on her sleeves when she's unsure or nervous about something. Her habit of spinning her pen between her fingers. Her warm hands. How they'd feel in mine-

I close my eyes as the realization hits me, practically smacks me in the face. Oh god. Now that changes things. I laugh, not out of joy, but because this feels so... absurd. Not exactly like a good thing.

I climb back into my room and shut the window with slightly shaky hands. I need to get my thoughts somewhere else. Throwing myself onto my bed, I hug my pillow, knowing very well that nothing is going to distract me from the fact that I'm falling in love with Jesse Michaels.

A/N: idk i am speed rn

very short chapter but yolo

also idk what romantic attraction feels like bc i'm aro but my mom said it was accurate so,, yk

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