Kai Yeung

Anticipation shot through my body.

My little sister's hand had been trembling in mine while we pulled up to a school that looked something straight out of the imagination. She was crying. Had been since we landed in London from Singapore. Whilst I had felt like my heart was shattering in a thousand pieces at the sound of her sniffles, the sense of relief kept overshadowing the other feelings I had.

I was finally going to be free.

For a couple of months at least.
Maybe forever if Mum and Bàba decided I'm better off here.

Bàba's anger would lessen since he wouldn't have to see my face anymore. The only time I'd hear screaming would be through the phone I wouldn't be obliged to answer.

I wouldn't have to feel her manicured nails rip my skin open.
I wouldn't have to feel his hand across my cheek.
I wouldn't have to feel her hand pull my hair so hard it made me cry.
I wouldn't have to feel his first hard against my jaw.

There wouldn't be any more bruises and tears.
All that would be left were the scars I carved or the ones they left behind.

A small smile crossed my lips as we pulled into the colossal courtyard of the school. Plenty of parked cars lined around the dirt road where students were being dropped off. Today was already the first day of class so I had come prepared in the uniform my mum had received in the mail. Blue blazer and grey slacks with a white button-up and a red tie.

My little sister's sniffles got louder. "Off you go," Bàba's hard voice came. Mum stayed quiet in the passenger seat, her body unmoving. I looked down at my tiny little sister who was the only one of my siblings allowed to come today. She wouldn't stop crying until Mum agreed to let her come and say goodbye to me.

I was going to miss her the most.

She didn't understand it now but this move was the only thing that would keep her brother alive. I couldn't survive any longer in that house. They would be okay. I was their problem not them. "Love you, okay? I'll be okay. Mum will call me and then we can talk all you'd like, yeah?" Grabbing her little head, I planted a big kiss on it, wiping the heavy tears that slipped from her eyes.

She blinked quickly, big tears sticking to her dark lashes. "I have to go now."

"Now Kai!" Bàba said impatiently, making me flinch lightly. Not waiting any longer, I got out of the car and retrieved my suitcase from the back quickly. The black SUV left quickly and I didn't even bother to look back at it. Suddenly, I felt a thousand times lighter. This was already better than my life in Singapore and nothing grand had even happened.

Here, I'm safe.

***

I looked around for my second class of the day and I swear I'd been walking in circles for the past five minutes. The same office had ended up in my view about ten times now. "Seriously?" I mumbled, looking at the map of the school on my phone. How hard could reading a map be? Obviously, fucking difficult for me.

The sound of a giggle caused me to lift my head. A small brunette sat on a cushioned bench next to the lockers. When she noticed I heard her, she looked back down at the book in her hands. "Is something funny?" I questioned. She could have been laughing at something in her book but her eyes had been right on me.

She looked up slowly and a shy smile crossed her features. My heart did this weird jump thing and it pumped harder when she stood up from her perch and walked over to me. "I'm sorry I just noticed you keep disappearing and reappearing right here. Are you lost?" She was American. I wasn't expecting that accent from her. I sorta kinda liked it.

She had long, dark brown hair that flowed down to her belly button and the bluest eyes ever. I'd never seen a color like that. Her fair skin looked soft and this close, I noticed light freckles across her nose. It had been a long time since I'd seen someone so beautiful.

"And you're barely asking if I'm lost?" I quipped.

Her smile grew even bigger and a light shade of pink touched her cheeks. "I'm sorry. Do you need help?" she asked.

I nodded, showing her the paper schedule in my hand. "I've been searching for Dr. Evans's class for the past ten minutes," I mumbled.

She walked over to the small couch and grabbed her stuff. "Follow me. I know where this class is, my friends are in it right now. Don't worry, it is kind of impossible to find," she assured me and began to lead me in the way I had walked earlier.

The brunette walked in front of me and I realized I didn't even know her name. "I'm Kai, by the way," I introduced myself first. "This is my first day here if it wasn't obvious."

She slowed her pace a bit and I caught up to her, walking side by side now. "Emerson. Nice to meet you, Kai. And yeah, I kind of figured." She giggled again and the sound made me smile. "It's okay. All of us were like this on our first day here. The campus is bigger than it looks on the outside and that's saying something."

Shit. What was I going to do without her directions later? "This isn't your first day?" I asked even though she had basically told me already.

Emerson shook her head. "Nope. It's my second semester," she replied with a smile. I'd never seen a girl smile as much as her. Maybe that's saying something about the people I surround myself with. "My friend Mina and Imani have the same class as you. If you want to ask them for directions, they'll be more than happy to help you. Just tell them you're my friend," she added.

My eyes widened slowly. "We're friends already?" I asked.

She giggled, coming to a halt in front of a classroom. Room 2118. This was the class I had been searching for. "Sure thing. I'm always taking friend applications. The more the merrier. Uhm, this is it though. Mina has dark brown hair in a braid right now and Lacey is a tiny little blonde with big brown eyes. They're probably sitting next to each other in there so it shouldn't be hard to spot them."

Was it possible to keep her talking?
I liked to hear the sound of her voice.

"I guess we are friends then," I breathed. Fucking hell Kai, get it together.

Emerson smiled again and nodded. "Have fun with Dr. Evans. Heard he's kind of tough."

Fuck. I didn't want her to leave yet.

"Oh-okay! Thanks for the help, really. I appreciate it. Uhm, see you later?" I asked, sounding like a fucking idiot.

She didn't seem to notice I was a stuttering mess since she smiled and nodded. "Remember to find the girls!" Emerson said before walking away.

I waited until she was actually out of view to enter the classroom. My body froze as everyone turned in my direction. This made it easier to spot faces. Specifically, the two faces that Emerson had told me to look for. A small, brunette Asian girl sitting next to an equally small blonde with huge brown eyes. Fucking hell. She had two other hot friends? How lucky was I getting?

The Asian girl smiled at me and I figured it was because we shared that in common. I had yet to see another Asian person besides her. "Sorry, Dr.," I mumbled before finding an empty seat somewhere.

As he continued his introduction to the course, my mind reverted back to the girl from earlier. She didn't leave my head the whole lecture. For some fucking reason; I was intrigued with her. I didn't know shit about the girl but I wanted to now. The sight of her had done that to me. And no it wasn't just because she was beautiful though that did interest me as well.

She just seemed like someone with more of a story. Her exterior didn't quite give that feeling but it was like I sensed it. Emerson had more to her than just a pretty face.

And I just knew I was fucked when I couldn't get her out of my head for the rest of the day.

The day after that.
And the next day too.

***

Jack, Mina, and Emmy were my best friends.
In that order.

Jack was more like a brother to me at this point. He understood my deep and dark trauma, relating to it in some ways. I knew with him, I couldn't be judged, just listened to. There were times when he was a little arrogant and kind of an asshole but I was the same way so it was okay.

With Mina, I had never felt safer. She was like my safe blanket. Mina was compassionate, sweet, and gentle. I protected her from all the malicious people that tried crossing her and she allowed me to. She was the sunshine to my rain cloud. I loved her more than a lot of people in life and if anything ever happened to her, I would genuinely die.

Then there was Emerson. The girl I met on my first day at Haven. She was one of the best people I knew. She and Mina were different. Emmy was a little tougher and stood up for herself. She didn't take shit from anyone and like me, defended her friends with her life. We were similar in the way that we'd hide our real feelings in front of people but not hold them back in private.

My three best friends were the people I hung out with the most. Emmy and Jack were dating so Mina and I would hang out with them so we didn't feel like third wheels. Everyone assumed Mina and I were dating but we weren't. It seemed like a girl and boy couldn't be close anymore cause that meant they were dating.

Like Emmy says, bullshit.

Plus, I wasn't her exact type.
I had a dick. She didn't like those.

Emmy on the other hand, I may have had a small crush on her at the beginning. It soon faded when I realized that I couldn't love anyone. Not in a romantic way at least. It was foreign to me. Hell, any kind of love was foreign to me. My family had never shown me that emotion.

I had felt it with my siblings but that was it.
Also, I think you're supposed to automatically love your family. It's not a feeling that grows over time. So I've never actually fallen in love or grown love for anyone.

It was nice to have the company of a lady though. My relationship with women was filled with meaningless hookups. One night stands if you will. There were never strings and if I felt like someone wanted something more, they were immediately dealt with.

My best friends Rowan and Jack were more open about their sexual escapades than I was. To me, that was private and shouldn't be discussed with other people. But men are like that these days. They think they look all high and mighty talking about pussy and how much they can get. Most of them can't even get a girl to come.

I'm not bashing Ro and Jack. Those two idiots are my friends after all. I'm just not like them in that way. It's an unspoken topic that I'm not a virgin but won't speak about my sex like. With anyone. Not even Jack and especially not Mina or Emmy.

Something had felt off lately though. Between Emmy and Jack.

They had never been perfect but lately, I had started to worry about their relationship. Whenever I asked about it, Jack would tell me to mind my business. Why he got so defensive, I had no idea. Asking Emmy wasn't an option because she was a girl. As the best friend of her boyfriend, I'm sure she wouldn't want to tell me if something was wrong.

Yeah, we might have been friends too but it was different.

Jack had missed multiple classes today. We had three together and he hadn't shown up to any of them. He was even missing during dinner at the canteen. It wasn't unusual so I didn't worry until later when I asked Emmy if she had spoken to him to which she replied no.

The whole day had passed and he wasn't replying to any of us. His phone seemed to be off too since it kept going to voice mail. I was probably more worried than anyone else. Where the hell was that kid?

When a couple of days passed and there was no sign of him, my mind was all kinds of fucked up. He just disappeared. Without a trace. Without a word. Emmy didn't seem to know anything but she had also been quiet these past couple of days. She was also strangely jumpy.

There was no way she was telling us the truth. She had to know where he went. Jack wouldn't leave without telling his girlfriend something. Emmy had also been spending these past couple of days with Mina instead of her usual go-to Amelie. Her best friend. Something fucking strange was happening here and she had the answers.

I know she did.

***

Another day had passed without a word from Jack.

We were all in the common room Mina had rented for us to study but no one was really studying. Callum and Rowan were playing cards in the corner of the room. Sascha watched them as Rowan tried to teach her to play. Lacey and Amelie whispered to each other on the couch with their laptops on their laps. Then there was Mina and Emmy who were at the end of the table I was sitting at too.

Emmy didn't look like her usual self. She hadn't in months now that I thought about it. She had always been moody but it had somehow gotten worse. Now, she just looked timid, like she was missing her other half.

Well so am I.

Trying my best to study, I looked at the assignment on my screen. My foot tapped against the ground and it had been doing this on its own lately. Anxiety was another one of my best friends and she had been very present in my life these past couple of days.

The sound of Emmy laughing quietly made me look up from my laptop. She had a smile on her face now and it wasn't disappearing quickly like it usually did. Mina was smiling too meaning she had been the one to make our other friend laugh. Why the fuck was she so happy? What about Jack? Did she already forget about the fact that he was gone? Probably.

"What the fuck do you know?" The words came out of my mouth before I could stop them.

I heard the exact moment the room went silent and it was deadly. Everyone's eyes were on me and I didn't have to look around to know that. Emerson's light blue eyes widened slightly as she looked in my direction now, her smile completely gone. "What?" she muttered.

"You heard me," I retorted quickly. "Where the fuck is he, Emmy?" Anger flared up in my bones and Mina stared at me with those eyes that were shouting at me to calm down. How could I be calm? Jack was gone. Missing. Maybe if Emmy would just tell me he was okay then we'd be grand. But no. She was keeping her mouth shut about the situation.

Emmy looked at Mina shortly though our friend's attention was still on me. "I-I don't know, Kai," she stuttered, knowing I was talking about Jack. My fists tightened around the energy drink next to me and I crushed it, the liquid spilling over the opened gap. Mina stood up then and paced over to me. "Please just stop asking me that," she winced.

Mina grabbed the drink from between my hands and threw it away. "Kai, she doesn't know where he is. None of us do, okay? I know these past couple of days has been stressful for everyone but speaking harshly to each other isn't going to solve anything. We have to stick together until we find out more about what happened." She was trying to calm the storm but this time it would take a lot more than Mina's words to calm me down.

I had been bottling up my emotions for days and I couldn't stand seeing Emmy here when Jack wasn't. "The Dean said you were the last one seen with him! In the little spot by the woods you two frequented. He disappeared right after that so I'm asking you again, what the fuck do you know," my voice intensified in octaves. Usually, I wasn't one to get angry but I had it up to the sky with fucking lies.

A big hand touched my arm but I flinched out of Rowan's touch. "Calm down, alright?" he whispered but I ignored him. Emmy was still sitting and I could see the way she trembled slightly. Everyone was on my side of the room and I think Lacey noticed because she rushed over to her side, followed by her blonde best friend. Lacey got closer than Amelie did, grabbing her hand in comfort. She whispered something in Emmy's ear but I couldn't quite catch it.

"He left, Kai. I didn't know he was leaving. You think if I knew I would be as shaken up as I've been? I don't fucking know asshole!" Now she was yelling back. Perfect. I didn't want her weak side. She had to get mad or else she would continue to allow me to walk all over her.

A chuckle escaped my lips. No one else was saying anything as much as I knew Mina wanted to interject.

"Bullshit," I retorted.

Her brows furrowed. "Believe what you want, Kai. Put the blame on me when maybe it's your own fault."

"And why would it be my fault? I think he actually liked me."

I could see the shock in her face at the comment I shouldn't have made. It was like I slapped her in the face. "Fuck you!" she yelled, unclasping her hand from Lace's. "Consider the fact that he decided to see me, me, not you, before he left!"

My jaw clenched. "Maybe he wasn't going to leave. Maybe you pushed him to go! Just like you push everyone else out of your life 'cause you're a moody piece of junk who can't deal with her trauma the right way!"

Mina verbally gasped. "Hey, stop! Do not go there, Kai! What is your problem?" she said shakily.

Whatever. It had been said. I couldn't take it back.

"This is fucking mental," Lacey whispered, backing up toward Sascha and Amelie who had congregated together.

My eyes were stuck on Emerson and instead of being offended by my words, the crazy girl smiled softly. "Oh, you want to talk about trauma, huh?" She giggled.

"No, Emmy, don't. Don't stoop down to his level," Rowan surprisingly added.

She shrugged. "I don't need to. I'm worse than him."

Can't argue there. Still, I stiffened. Would she really bring up my past? 'Cause if she did then I would have to bring up hers. Even though I already threw the first knife in this topic. "Do us all a favor and just go. Disappear the same way he fucking did. Then maybe I wouldn't have to suffer as much as I am right now still having to see you every day."

"Why don't you? You're so adamant about wanting to know where he is right? Go find him, Kai. I'm sure he's waiting for you at some mental hospital down the street. Get induced together, prick!"

"You're sad, Emmy. I feel so much pity for you and the person you've become. Everyone else is too scared to say anything but you're not the same person you used to be. This new version is horrible," I said honestly. "Just admit that you pushed him away. He left because of you."

I saw the emotion pass through her blue eyes. They used to be lighter but recently, they had no light behind them. I'm sure mine had been the same these past couple of days. 'Cause she pushed away the closest thing I had to family. I was suffering at the hands of Emmy Jenkins. The girl who didn't care about anyone but herself.

"Kai, stop being such a fucking prick, alright?" Cal added.

"Hey, calm down. Everyone needs to chill, not just Kai," Rowan defended.

"Emmy isn't even doing anything, he's the one who started it!" Mina said.

"What the fuck, Meen? She's obviously giving it back to me," I told her, shocked she would defend Emmy over me.

"Kai's being the bigger dick here, I think that's obvious," Lacey insisted. Why the fuck was everyone coming for me?

"See. Everyone agrees. You started this shit, arsehole," Cal pointed in my direction.

"Fuck off!"
"It was you dipshit!"
"Chill!"
"Mina shut the hell up for a second!"
"You fucker don't talk to her like that!"
"Leave her alone!"
"Rowan, piss off!"
"I fucking hate all of you!"

"We don't know why he left, Kai! Even if it is partly Emmy's fault, she'll tell us when she's ready. Stop pushing her," Amelie said loudly, interrupting the screaming happening between the group.

Emerson's head whipped in her direction and I could see the anger evident in her face. She was about to explode at someone other than me. Her best friend. "Why don't you shut the fuck up too? And leave me the hell alone forever while you're at it?" Emmy said, voice laced with venom.

Amelie's brown eyes had widened, making them look bigger than usual. She wasn't expecting her best friend's wrath. I had been waiting for this moment for months now. "I-I, what are you talking about?" the poor girl stuttered.

Emerson's lips stayed in a straight line, jaw clenched so tightly it looked like it hurt. "I'm sorry, did I fucking stutter? You stupid bitch, get the fuck out of here. I push people away, right, Kai? Let's start with you, Amelie. Leave."

The tiny blonde looked bamboozled staring at the girl in front of her. It's like she was a completely different person. That's what I had been trying to say this whole time.

"What did I do? I'm so-"

"I fucking hate you! I don't like you, I haven't for a long time so just leave! Get the fuck out of my face, Amelie!" Emerson shouted, her face turning red with anger.

I felt bad for Amelie. Genuinely. She had to deal with this girl's shit for months and then gets thrown to the dumpster once Emerson finally decides to show her true colors.

"But Emmy-"

"Go whore yourself around just like you did before Haven. Find something more entertaining to do than ruin my life 'cause you've already successfully done that for some time," Emmy said and just like that, the room went quiet again.

Everyone including me was confused. No one knew why Amelie got sent to HP. I'm guessing she told Emmy. "Stop," Amelie said, shakily.

"Go film another tape and leave me alone. We're not friends anymore," Emmy added quickly, glaring daggers at her.

At this point, it wasn't hard to put two and two together. Everyone else had seemed to grasp the interpretation too. Amelie ran out of the room, tears falling down her cheeks. Sascha followed shortly behind her and I waited for Lacey to follow, but she never did. It wasn't until Rowan left that everyone else started slowly disappearing the common room. The last people sticking around were me, Emmy, Cal, and Mina.

"I'm sorry," Mina said to me and grabbed Emmy, who flinched lightly at her touch. She took her out of the common room and I shook my head. Cal was staring at me like I had gone psycho and that's saying something considering he was the only psycho here.

"What?" I asked in an annoyed tone.

He placed a big hand on my shoulder. "He's not coming back, Kai. It's Jack we're talking about here. Don't take it out on, Emmy. You're better than that, I know you are, kid." Callum ruffles my hair lightly, patting my chest twice before leaving.

I'm the last one in the common room now. Alone.
Pretty much describes the way life feels right now.
Fuck. This.