It gets easier and more comfortable to be with James. It stops being awkward in the sense it is already normal we are together. When we are at his place, just the two of us, it's so easy to forget we are a ghost girl and a human boy, because nothing reminds us of that. Maybe when he starts to get too cold but then he just wraps himself in more layers and he even puts some on me. It turns out it works for as long as he's watching me. The moment he leaves the room or I do that, the clothes I'm wearing fall to the ground and I'm back with only my usual outfit. If I focus a bit more I can keep them, but I get too tired. So we leave wearing three hoodies each for when we cuddle together.

James had a collection of hoodies, by the way.

I notice the severity of the situation when he's taking a shower and I'm helping him by leaving the clothes he'll change in on top of his bed. It's just to do something in the meantime. I had taken a peek inside his wardrobe before but never paid attention to it.

It turns out James has a few pair of trousers and shorts, quite a few tees and like three times that amount in hoodies. Different colours, designs and styles. He has one particular hoodie two time times! I think that's his favourite one. Some have bands he enjoys, some have illustrations or cartoons, but most of them are plain. It's impressive. I wouldn't be lying if I say he has like fifty hoodies.

So it's not an issue for him to wear three of those at the same time and hand me other three for me. It's funny, I always laugh because we look like astronauts. I like messing around too, pretending to be one and such. But the outcome is always the same.

"Come here," James says, opening his arms for me and I just jump on to his lap, cuddling up to him like a little puppy. Or an adult St. Bernard that hasn't realised it stopped being a puppy and is suffocating its owner. I think in size we are about the same.

James gives me so many happy feelings and even if he seems serious and taciturn outside and to everyone else, he is very cheerful and loves laughing. He enjoys my humour and outbursts of nonsensical sentences. When we are together he's always smiling and I don't even need to feel his emotions to know it's like that. And maybe he can give some of that happiness to me, too, because I don't feel that heavy. When I'm in his arms it seems like everything is okay, there are no worries. When I'm with him it isn't hard to let go of all that is choking me. When I'm with him, I can actually believe I can let go and forgive the bullies that drove me to the edge, but that's only when I'm in his arms. The moment I'm alone, like when he's sleeping and I have nothing to do, all those dark feelings come rushing back, making me sink in despair and agony.

One Saturday morning James wakes up with that expression that says he's got an idea. He smiles widely and excitedly, and I mirror his expression.

"What are you planning? Are we gonna go play and scare people on the streets?" I guess, getting excited. I clap my hands when I think of something better. "No! We're going pretend to be superheroes and help fight crime. If that's the case, I can't wear my underwear on top of my dress and I strongly oppose to you wearing your on top of your trousers. Like hell to the no!"

James loses his smile and I think he's just precessing all the incoherence I've said. Three seconds later he bursts out laughing, probably picturing what I suggested. It is quite a sight, if you ask me.

"No, we are not doing that. We're gonna get Clyde," he explains and now I'm the confused one.

"Clyde as in our son Clyde?" I ask, remembering one of the rumours the kids have spread in college. "Are we getting one of those like animated dolls they use for health classes in movies?"

James chuckles again before walking up to me and grabbing my face in his hands, squishing my cheeks. "Nope. We'll get a lovely, cuddly kitty that we'll name Clyde. He'll make you company when I'm sleeping and I can actually say Clyde exists. I bet you'll enjoy the kids' reactions."

I imagine that and my grin is humongous.

"And he'll stay with me when you have to cross over," he adds next in a whisper, a bit more serious.

We haven't talked much about that, I guess he's just giving me time, trying to distract me from my grudges so I can let it all go and learn my lesson. And if we talk little about that, we talk even less about me leaving him behind. I guess adopting a kitty is a good idea, he won't be left all alone. But even if it's like that, it squeezes my soul the mere thought of not being with him.

I am aware a ghost isn't the best company ever, and it is still so lonesome, but it's better than nothing and without me James has no one. I don't think his parents will change and realise that having a child isn't just providing money, it's caring, it's being there. I can't go to them and teach them a lesson either. I can't leave Street, how am I supposed to go wherever they are? And in all honesty, I doubt James would like that either.

"Like Luna made Mum company," I murmur but then I think of what I've said. "Oh dear, it feels like I'll die all over again, this time leaving you behind."

"Hey, hey!" he hurries to my say, his expression changing to show his concern and anxiety because my chest feels tighter. He is touching me, he is feeling what is rushing like waves on me. "No, don't think like that, okay? It'll be like... like ah... like a breakup. Everyone goes through those."

"And everyone goes through losing someone loved, that doesn't make it easier," I refute and James sighs. I can see the struggle on his face, the way he is coping with the emotions I'm giving him. I try to step back but he doesn't let me.

"It's fine, it's something you have to do. I always knew it. But what will eventually happen won't stop us now, right?"

I take deep breaths, trying to calm down. I close my eyes and think only of his hand cupping my face, the warm and familiar touch. That helps, enough to put myself together. I take a step forward, wrapping my arms around his waist and hiding my face in his chest. He accepts the embrace without a complaint, rocking us ever so slightly.

"I'm sorry," I apologise in advance, but he just hushes me, patting my head.

"It's okay. Shall we go for Clyde now?" he changes topics, so I take a deep breath before stepping back and agreeing.

We leave the house together and head to a shelter James looked for prior. We don't chat much, I just sit by his side on the bus, resting my head on his shoulder as we watch outside the window. Once we arrive James takes care to inform why we are there and after filling in some forms, we are guided where they keep all the animals they rescue from the streets. It's fun seeing how they all react to me, even if James isn't next to me. I play with some dogs but they tend to be a bit more hesitant to approach me, whereas cats come calmly to me, rubbing themselves against my fingers through the cages.

At some point, I see a lovely little kitten. It's a fluff, there's no other way to describe it. It's grey and so extremely fluffy, with big blue eyes and such a small face that looks even smaller among so much fur. It's sleeping on its back, exposing its belly and then twisting a bit more. A think it's dreaming and it's the most adorably thing I've ever seen. I'm drawn to it immediately, and when I get there I can see the thick blue collar, indicating it's a boy.

"Clyde," I whisper, chuckling a bit. I make sounds for the cat to wake up and when he does and sees me, comes almost running, meowing so adorably to ask for attention. "James, come quickly. This is it, this is Clyde," I call out loud. James hears me immediately and leaves the cat he was playing with to see the one I've found.

"Oh boy, that is adorable," he mutters, opening the cage to take the cat in his hands. He fits perfectly, he's that tiny. And he rubs and kneads, getting comfortable. I pet him, rubbing his little head and then his chin. The kitty exposes his tummy again, asking for more love and I can't contain my squeal. "He's so cute."

"Can we have him? Please?" I beg, giving him my best pleading eyes, even if it's not necessary. James is as enamoured of Clyde as I am.

"Of course," he replies and I giggle overly excited.

"Did you hear that, Clyde? You're coming home with us!" I tell the kitten, even kissing his little nose and he meows in agreement. Is it just me or is the kitten smiling?

James informs we have decided to adopt the kitten. They tell us he is the only survivor they found after an old cat gave birth to five on them. The other four died of pneumonia and he was the only one that barely survived. He was very sick at first, but they fought really hard to save him. He's barely two months old.

During our ride back, we can't stop playing with Clyde. We also make sure to buy everything we need for him: his bed, food, his box, cat sand, a collar and all sort of toys. The kitten sleeps most of the ride back home and once we are there, we take him to explore every corner. He meows cutely and always comes to where we are standing, rubbing his nose against my legs and then James', like marking that we are his.

"We have the cutest baby," I tell James, hooking my arm with his; he chuckles.

"I agree. Should I go for my camera to start taking pictures?" he muses.

"Oh, I'll go for it!" I offer myself. "I wanna take pictures."

James agrees so I leave them alone to go to his desk, where I last saw his camera. In my rush I knock one of his notebooks, dropping and spilling all its contents. I have to put the camera aside and pick everything up, but I stop when I find a few polaroids. James doesn't have that kind of camera, he has photographic printers so it is kind of pointless, then these aren't ones that he took. When I grab the pictures I recognise myself in them. These are old pictures, ones that were in my room. There's also a picture of the two of us, one that we took that first time I took him to my house.

"Oh," I mumble, realising now, after quite a long time, he brought those pictures with him. Pictures that if he hadn't taken would've burnt with the house. These are actually the last things that survived from when I was alive.

I stare at the pictures, especially the one that has the two of us, the one that managed to capture me next to him. A sad smile comes to my lips, I don't even know how to describe how I feel right now, it's so conflictive. It's like there's a lump in my throat and my stomach is tied in knots. It's almost as if I wanted to cry, but I'm not sad... yet I am.

I don't really want to leave James behind, and I don't want this to be the only picture of us. A part of me wonders if it'd be too bad if I never move on, if I stay with James forever. Would that be a bad thing? Would it be that terrible?

But I died, I'm a ghost now, I don't belong here. If I stay forever, there must be a price for that, right? Nothing is free in this world, even the things we think free come with a price at the end, a price we don't even realise but that it is there. I assume that staying for longer than I should can't be cheap.

How different would things have been if James and I had gone to college together, whether when I went the first time or now. I don't think I would've made the same decision, or maybe I would have and James wouldn't have cared, he would have never talked to me and I would have never chased him until he reached his limit. We would have never got close. If I really think about it, the only reason why James and I became as we are today is because I'm a ghost, and not any ghost but once that has been stuck for fifteen years, one that didn't even remember how she died. One that needed his help, but one that didn't force him to do that. If the situation had been different, then we would have never got together.

"I guess it was only meant to be like this," I muse, barely a whisper.

I put the pictures inside the notebook, just like they were, and grab the camera again, going back to where I left James and Clyde, just to find them playing together, James wearing the most beautiful smile ever, his eyes sparkling with love. I immediately take a picture of them, only then alerting them of my presence. James holds up his hand, inviting me to join them and I do that, sitting on the floor right next to him. He holds Clyde in the middle of our faces and takes a picture of the three of us.

When I see the preview I feel so many things I can't even pinpoint each one of them. It's gratitude, and love, and a bit of heartbreak, among many other. So I lean closer to James, hugging him tight when he lets go of Clyde so he goes to explore some more. I don't say anything, I just let him feel everything that's keeping the words inside.

He doesn't say anything, either. He lets me hug him and wraps an arm around me, keeping me close. It's just after a while, before he gets too cold, that I look up to him, touching his cheek ever so lightly and say, "I love you, James Black."

>>>·<<<

IMPORTANT! Because I'm quite busy with work and so many other side projects just for the sake of having fun while writing, I have decided to do only ONE update every week. That way I can also prolong the end of the story, which is coming soon, so yeah. Not ready to say goodbye. I hope you can understand.

Dedication to sadpotatoissad

Bel, xx

~Updates Every Monday~