I'm not surprised when we walk in silence. After all, if he just goes talking to himself in public he'd just get weird looks from the people passing by, but I still wish it wasn't like that. If I can't get distracted then my mind goes back to the few discoveries we've made today and the cumulus of emotions makes me feel disorientated. I'm used to the sorrow and loneliness, to the angst that preys on my mind, the worry and even that bit of resentment. But today every emotion has grown exponentially and I'm left raw. I feel that if James touched me, or anyone else, they would get knocked out because it's all so chaotic and destructive.

There's rage, so much rage that I don't even know what to do with it. All that resentment I felt before has evolved into murderous rage and it's not just because it's unfair I'm like this, it's because I'm like this after someone pushed me, someone drove me to this state. If those people had left me alone I'd still be alive. I'd be thirty-two years old and probably with a family on my own, with both my parents together. I'd be able to actually have a life. But that was taken from me.

Whether it was an accident or deliberate, someone pushed me until I fell off the cliff.

I'm not sure what exactly happen but I know it, I feel it. I know what I saw the moment I touched the urn were my last memories. That was the last thing I lived and it was horrible. I still can't remember the exact moment of my death but it was that same day, after what I saw. That was the day I died and my last memories were of fear, panic and so much pain.

No wonder why as a ghost I repressed those memories. It would've been even harder to exist having to carry the weight of those reminiscences with me. Having to go through fifteen years knowing I died like that would've probably driven me insane and I don't want to even think what I could've done. I'm invisible, I'm capable of hurting people without them even able to see me. I could've driven people to worse fates than mine.

I guess not remembering was my mind's way to protect not only me but everyone around. Grief and hatred make people do crazy things, and the more power you have, the more dangerous you become.

And now I remember, not fully yet but I know I need retribution. I need to make the people that did this to me pay. Someone who has done something this cruel to anyone needs to pay, they can't just go around, living their lives as if nothing has happened, as if they haven't destroyed lives. Even if they wrote apologies on my desk afterwards, they still took my life in their hands and squeezed it out of me.

They need to pay.

"Revenge," I mutter and James stops cold on his tracks.

"Pardon?" he speaks, his eyes fixed on me, a confused expression adorning his features.

"Revenge. That is my unfinished business, James. It's so obvious. For myself, for my Mum. Those people... the ones that locked me in the closet, they are my executers. They took me away from my family and caused all this pain to my mum. I'm like this because of them," I explain.

I can't actually focus on him, I feel my eyes are wild and lost. My hands are shaking and I probably look as insane as I feel. But I've been stuck for fifteen years, my mum has been mourning for the same time and my family broke in the year two thousand. I have the right to be insane.

"I need retribution. I need to make them pay for what they did, James. Only that would leave me at ease, don't you see? Only then I'll be able to cross over. I need to avenge myself and my family," I keep explaining. "I had repressed that memory but now that I know, I have to do something about it."

"Paige," he calls and his voice calling my name manages to make me focus a little bit, enough to see him and even notice the people walking by and giving him weird looks. He doesn't seem to mind, though. "I'm not sure that's correct, considering you're not even sure that's how you died. It could've been later that day, an accident. I doubt you died in a closet and if it was like that, I doubt college would be the place it is today."

"I died that day!" I shout and he takes a step back, surprised by my outburst. "Even if it wasn't there, even if it was a car accident after that, it happened because of it. You think I was able to even look to both sides after that? You think any human would be able to do that? You think someone would even want to live after all that?!" I keep shouting, that need to cry burning inside me, making me ache all over and feeling like I'm going to fall into pieces in any moment.

It hurts, it hurts so much. More than even walking through someone and feeling my body disappear. It hurts so much I can't even compare it to anything. It's pain, raw and only pain.

"Paige, calm down," he insists and I see his hands tried to reach me but I slap them away. He looks more hurt for my actions than for the brief contact. "We need to find out exactly how it happened and then decide what to do."

"It doesn't matter, I know it. I feel it, James!" I argue, hitting my chest as a way to emphasise my words. "I'm sure of it."

He looks so conflicted and can't even hold my stare any longer. He rubs his hands all over his face and even takes his beanie off, messing his dreads and just looking plain miserable. I only notice then, when I see the white flakes falling all over his hair and face that it is snowing.

I can't feel the cold or the heat, I'm always the same even if I'm only wearing a dress and denim jacket, but James must be freezing and I keep him in the cold. That realisation lessens the strength of my rage and makes me calm down a bit, enough to worry about him and stop focusing only on my pain.

"Fine. If that's what you have to do then we'll find a way, but first we need to find out what exactly happened to you and who are the people who did this to you." He takes a shaky breath, probably due to how cold he is. "You think you're the only angry," he laughs humourlessly. "I'm furious, too, Paige. I can't believe people did that to you, that someone could be that cruel. It seems impossible and it is really tempting to seek revenge. But I'm holding myself."

Oh. So the shaky breathe is because of that? Because he's struggling to control his own rage?

"We can't just go around like that. We don't even know who did that to you and we can't just make everyone at college pay because they even weren't the ones that hurt you." He looks at me so intently, his eyes fixed on mine and for a moment I almost feel as if he's touching me, as if his arms are wrapping around me and keeping me close.

Almost.

"We'll find what exactly happened to you that day and if you need to make them pay, then we'll do that. We'll make them regret. But we'll do it properly, that I promise you."

I swallow the lump in my throat, unable to find the words my heart is urging me to tell. I can only nod, sucking my lips between my teeth and biting hard, but no pain comes. Not physical pain, at least, because the agony in my heart will not subside.

"Let's go now, okay? Once we get home we'll look up online and see what we can find with our limited skills," he says more calmly now, a little smile that tries to cheer me up. "And if we fail at that, tomorrow we'll look in all the old papers. We know it happened fifteen years ago so maybe some local newspaper covered it."

"Yes, let's go. You're cold and you'll get sick if we stay here any longer," I finally say and he smiles sheepishly.

"True that." Cue to his words she shivers violently. "Are you up for a run?"

I look at him confused for a few seconds before I understand what he means so I nod and then we get ready to sprint. To be honest, this is better than even talking about pointless things because it keeps my head busy on just following James that runs actually pretty fast.

I'm not sure why, maybe it's just the adrenaline of running as fast as we can, but we end up laughing. At some point James even trips and falls down, and we laugh even harder. I want to help him back on his feet but I hold myself and it doesn't matter, he can do it on his own. And he does it pretty quick because we're running again.

We run for so long, at least twenty minutes until we get to some new buildings, and James leads me to his flat. It's big although it has only two rooms and two bathrooms, but these are so spacious. The kitchen and living room are probably the size of my whole house and all the furniture looks expensive avant-garde. Only when I see where he lives I can fully appreciate the difference in social status. James looks anything but posh, but it's clear he has loads of money whilst I don't have anything and even when I was alive my family had only enough to make ends meet and have a decent life. Our house is small and old whilst his flat, where he lives alone, is at least twice as spacious as my home.

"Oh boy, that was a good run. I'm exhausted," James complains, his hands resting on his knees and he is still bent down, trying to catch his breath.

"It's far from my home. Why did you run? Why not taking a taxi or something?" I ask because but he just laughs.

"I thought walking, and well, then running, would help us clear our minds. I also needed that," he replies and I don't know how to reply. He stands straight and smiles at me. "Well, welcome to my crib, Paige," he laughs, using the same words I used when he entered my house. "I'm gonna take a shower and change so just make yourself at home while I'm at it, okay?"

I just nod and he smiles one last time before going into his room, and, I assume, to the bathroom that is connected to it. I stay there, in the living room with amazing and luxurious leather sofas, outstanding home theatre and a great view. That whole wall is just window and leads to a big balcony with its own set of sofas and chairs. Snow is still falling outside and it looks so pretty so I get closer to the window, just watching. It rarely snow in Street and I like watching when it happens. After a few minutes I keep wandering around, taking notice of the huge library with different films and graphic novels and the humongous computer on a big desk with all sort of printers. When I was alive having things like these at home was a rarity, or at least an impossible dream for me, and computers were big but in a different way, and they had more parts. This is just a big screen, like a TV on nowadays, flat and thin, and nothing else. It looks so fancy and shiny. I can only recognise the brand, though, mostly because the little bitten apple was the same back when I was alive and has perdured in time. Even if I used computers back in the day, I'm sure that I wouldn't be able to figure out what to do with this one. I'm not even sure how to turn it on. I can't see a big button or anything.

I'm too mesmerised watching this computer, trying to figure out how it works when James walks in barefoot, in just sweatpants and new and larger hoodie that looks so comfortable. His dreads are loose and still a bit wet so he keep a towel around his neck and shoulders.

"Do you know how to use this?" I ask, instead of keeping my eyes wandering all over him.

"Barely," he replies with an embarrassed smile. "We'll try to use it for more than printing today, though. Let me get a snack, though," he says and I just nod.

He leaves to the kitchen and comes back a while later with a mug of hot tea and a sandwich. I look at it incredulously and he just shrugs. I keep my words to myself, it'd be too ironic if a ghost that can't eat a thing scolds him for the way he feeds himself.

He sits in front of the computer before bringing another chair for me and just moves the mouse, and like that the computer magically turns on. My eyes widen in bewilderment and I hear him chuckling softly.

"Okay, Google then. Everyone says this is magic but I always fail at it," he mumbles to himself. "You say your name is Paige Samuels," he continues and I smile. I only once told him my full name when I introduced myself to him. I didn't think he was listening back then, that he was even able to. It's nice he still remembers my surname.

"Paige Leonor Samuels," I tell him, adding my middle name and he looks me in the eyes briefly, a little smile on his lips.

"Okay then, let's type that,"-he says as his fingers fly over the keyboard-"and see what Google throws at us. I'm not sure how successful that would be considering it happened fifteen years ago and in a small town, but we have to try." And with that he presses enter and Google shows the first results to us. It's time to find out what happened to me.

~·~

I had to paste this from my document paragraph for paragraph... just so I could update today. I hate when Wattpad is having bugs >.< Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thank you for all your comments and votes! Keep it up :)

Dedication to Bia_PT_directioner

Bel, xx

NU: Thursday