A SMALL CONFESSION

★★★★★

Aylin stood in front of a large framed picture of a man wearing the royal regalia of the emir of Kano, mounting a heavily decorated horse and holding a long ceremonial mace. He was adorned in white rawani(a turban) with a mouth cover, multiplayer alkyabba(highly embroidered robe), and feathered slippers.

She inched forward to take a closer look at the image, fascinated at its magnificence and trying to pronounce the Arabic words that were intricately engraved on the borders of its golden frame.

She sometimes imagined that someday, Zayn would be dressed up like that when it would be time for him to ascend the throne of his forefathers. She wondered if he'd like it, for someone who lived life on his own terms and just like her, he had trouble fitting in their society. He had always been very ambitious and quite thirsty for knowledge and given how far he had come in his career journey, would he be willing to give that up or would he relinquish the throne, just like his father did?

The question lingered in her mind as she turned around when she sensed someone coming. And there he was, walking toward her with some majestic steps, wearing a grey jogger suit. He did look like a king in his baggy hoodie, despite his casual outfit. Zayn approached her with his hands tucked in his pocket, trying to hide his surprise at her unannounced visit and his unpleasant feeling from the discussion he had just ended with his mother. 

"Assalaam alaikum," She greeted as she made her way toward him. He took in her appearance. Her posture was relaxed just like her hair that had fallen in loose curls onto her shoulders.

"Wa alaikum salaam, welcome, Aylin." Zayn extended a hand toward her for a shake while suddenly realizing why she was there. 

"Well, thank you." She replied, smiling widely as her palm made contact with his."How are you?"  

"I'm good." That was Zayn's simple reply before he let go of her hand, turned in the opposite direction, and beckoned her to come. "How about you? How is your research going?" He glanced back at her, leading her up to a spiral stairway.

"Alhamdulillah, it's going well." he could still hear the smile in her voice. "And that is why I'm here. I'm having a little trouble understanding some of your norms and seeing that your home is a historical gallery, I thought paying you a visit could help." Her reply made a slow smile spread across his lips. He said nothing, thinking he was quite behind schedule in his own investigation as well and she had come to take out of his time.

In his silence, when she sensed awkwardness, spreading in the air, she realized she had to say something to keep the conversation going."That picture, the artistry is beautiful!" She proclaimed. Zayn glanced back to where she was looking at. It was the image from earlier.

"Oh, that's my grandfather, Ali the second. He was the 13th Emir of Kano." Zayn informed her, taking slow steps up the stairs side by side with her.

"He was the 13th Emir? I thought your family had seven Kings?" Aylin sounded curious and even he realized that she needed a detailed answer. But to do so they'd have to take a stroll down history lane. When they got to the top of the stairs, he decided to start with the first picture on the wall.

"There, that is Ganduje, your uncle, Abduljabbar's father." Zayn pointed at a framed portrait of a man dressed up in similar emir regalia."He was supposed to be the king after my great-grandfather. He died of a strange disease a few days before his coronation, so my grandfather, Ali being the second son ascended the throne after the death of his father, Muhammad who was the 5th Emir of the Ali dynasty."

Aylin blinked her eyes at the realization. She seemed confused at first, wanting to ask questions but she wanted Zayn to finish his narration."In 1804 the Fulani holy war leader, Usman dan Fodio, led a revolt against the Hausa overlords. When Kano city was taken, one of Dan Fodio's pupils, Sulaiman became Kano's first Fulani Emir. Then the Sullibawa clan founded the previous dynasty which lasted for several years." 

Zayn halted in front of another large antique portrait, waiting for her to absorb the information before he continued, "The Sullibawa dynasty met its end early when one of the kings had the carnal knowledge of a slave who bore him an heir. Ibrahim was supposed to be the emir after his father's demise but in our tradition, children born out of wedlock can not inherit their father's."

Aylin nodded at that, keeping her eyes on the portrait, and said, "And much to that is the fact that he was born of a slave, making him one. As you know, slaves can not be kings."

"Precisely," Zayn nodded and looked closely at her and realized that she was paying rapt attention. He had expected her to ask questions given she might not even be familiar with their cultural values. But she proved him wrong."And because of that our clan was divided. The folks who stood against Ibrahim chose Ali to be their leader. They revolted against the opposition folks until Ali was eventually named the King. That was how the Ali dynasty was established in 1914. And you are looking at Ali the first."

"That was more than 100 years ago," Aylin stared with interest."So your forefathers are descendants of the Sullibawa clan?"

"Yes." Zayn said and moved on and she followed."The opposition folks who were after the throne tried to kill my grandfather once. There was a great war during that period. That is why they call him Ali the son of Ali because just like the first king of this family, he had had trouble securing his position on the throne."

"History has a way of repeating itself."Aylin collected her hair in her palms and tossed it back.

"You can say that again," Zayn said and after a while, he sighed. "I think that's all you need to know about our brutal history." She smiled in response to that. Although there were some of their norms that she didn't agree with. She wanted to ask more about his immediate family but she didn't want to seem rude, so they talked, instead about his work. Zayn could fill her in on his busy days at the hospital but Aylin had been distracted with some other thoughts.

"I have a small confession for you, Zayn." She chuckled. "A small confession," She repeated and her hand accidentally touched his when he turned to face her. Zayn had an idea that she might have done it on purpose.

"Go on, I'm listening."

"I just wanted to say...well, do you remember when I wanted to leave your family house the day you arrived from the States? I was embarrassed that evening, to admit that I wasn't given attention." Zayn knew that she wasn't comfortable around a throng so that shouldn't be a matter of concern to her.

"But why so embarrassed." He asked.

"Because Yasmeen..." Was getting on her nerves and she had to leave. But she couldn't tell him that, it would be more embarrassing. "your cousin, suggested that I leave." She chose her words carefully, not wanting to paint a bad impression of any member of his family and as a result, found herself saying more positive things about Yasmeen than intended. She also felt guilty for slapping her across the face at Omar's place. She didn't want him to know that either.

Zayn didn't see any point in her statement. He waited for her to say something but it seemed to him that Aylin was having trouble expressing herself that day which had never happened before. The writer always had her way with words. What had her tongue tied that day?

They walked in silence for a few moments along the corridor. She had not realized how far they had come until they stopped in front of a large painting of a Centaur. An odd feeling overtook Zayn's body the moment he laid his eyes on the image. It reminded him of the night his path crossed with Hannan. 

Aylin watched as he stepped closer to the wall and stretched an arm. She noticed his hand, his delicate long fingers as they touched the frame, and his eyes that were fixed on the masterpiece, but he wore a deep frown.

"Zayn, what's wrong?" She asked, making Zayn turn to stare at her, surprised that she'd ask that. "What happened? You look a little disturbed. Is something wrong?" She was doing it again! Noticing his discomfort. Zayn picked up his pace forward and let her walk beside him.

"Nothing serious, it's just my family."He said, mindlessly. He saw her stare at him questioningly. 

"You've never complained about your family before."She articulated slowly and they were silent for a while, then she insisted that he told her what was going on and Zayn tried to ignore her question.

"Well, it's my parents."Zayn began. "They want me to get married." He finally voiced it out and he studied her closely, looking for any sign of discomfort concerning what he had just told her. There was nothing in her expression that he hadn't seen before.

"Oh," She managed to say. Zayn badly wanted to know how she felt about the matter. "Let me guess, they've chosen someone for you?" She had a feeling it was the reason he was so troubled.

"Yes," Zayn uttered and she refused to look at him. His eyes stayed carefully focused on her side view. He could see Aylin losing her composure for a second.

"Is it Yasmeen?" She permitted herself to ask, glancing briefly at him.

"No, what's your obsession with Yasmeen?" Zayn asked inquisitively, his eyebrows knitted together. He didn't know why he suspected that something might have happened between her and his cousin. Something she wasn't telling him.

"I'm sorry. If I've offended you."

"You haven't offended me. It's just you seem on edge. Perhaps Is there something you haven't shared with me?"

"About Yasmeen?" She responded and he saw her searching for what to say next. "I guess I'm just nervous around her...I mean, I keep badgering you with my dumb questions."

"Your questions are quite smart. They're just personal and unexpected." Zayn said with a half smile. He already knew how she felt about him and she was having trouble hiding her astonishment. Maybe she was just afraid of losing her chance with him, he guessed. But what was this thing that she had against Yasmeen?

"Maybe this is my own way of trying to change the subject from where you're headed." She said, after a while.

"Which is?"

"I think...you're going to tell me that Yasmeen is your relative and you can't marry any of your relatives." She reminded him, which made him chuckle. He had once told her that he'd not be subjected to any family tradition or culture, yet there he was, doing just that.

"Aylin, you're an intelligent woman with a remarkable personality." He praised her and she looked away from him, her eyes fixed on the floor, counting her steps."I think you can tell for yourself what my standards are."

Zayn had quite a bit of principle that Aylin couldn't place. She wanted to know the person his parents had chosen for him since it wasn't the one she suspected.

"So, what's your standard? You never told me that you have a specific taste for women." She looked up at him, wondering whether he would share that interesting piece of information with her, but the resolve on his face stopped her from probing further.

"Well, if I were to go by my choice, it would have to be a woman who is gentle and kind. Someone intelligent, expressive, and able to put up with me. And of course, someone that is upright and God fearing." He watched her considering something for a second.

"God-fearing?" She repeated as though it was the only part of his sentence she heard."Perhaps you mean someone religious?" She questioned him, guessing she was not that person.

"Yes, why? You think I have a terrible taste?"Zayn inquired and she shook her head in response.

"It's just...does she have all these qualities? The woman that was chosen for you." Again! That didn't answer his question.

"Maybe," Zayn answered with a slight shrug. He didn't want to share how he truly felt about Hannan. He'd have wanted Aylin to know that if the girl eventually accepted his proposal, he may likely get distant a bit. He would not interact with her the way he used to. But he decided against it, thinking that it was best things remained the way they were between them.

"So, may I know this person?" 

"I'm not sure you'd know her."

"Her name, at least?"

"Her name is Hannan." He found the term spinning out of his tongue without conscioning himself "Hannan Saleh," he added and realized that even he had started saying her name with ease, no prior warning or odd feelings attached to it.

It took Aylin some time to recall that name and when she did, her eyes went wide.

"Isn't that Teslim's sister?"She gaped at him and Zayn was a little surprised to hear her mention her sister's name.

"You know Teslim?"

She blinked at the sudden realization. She had only seen Hannan twice; once at Zayn's party and twice at their house when she visited her sister. These two separate occasions were enough to help her gauge the girl's age range.

"Ahmad got me to speak to his wife last weekend and since you are too busy with your new hobby," She tried to play, but she failed. Unfortunately for her, Zayn read a different meaning to that. He could tell she was a little put off. "She has been helping me work on my project."

"Oh, I see." Zayn's reply came in a whisper, followed by a slight nod. He was glad to hear that. Teslim needed to keep her mind busy so as not to overthink her current condition. Overthinking could be deadly when it gives rise to other chronic diseases such as hypertension which may eventually lead to stroke in a worse case scenario.

"I'm worried about you." Aylin paused, there was a grave silence between them. Zayn didn't feel comfortable with where she was headed with her thoughts "Isn't she a little young for you? Don't you feel pressured by your family's demands?"

"Aylin, I made my decision based on what I think is good for me. Considering the kind of girl Hannan is and her family background, I believe she will make a good wife...for me." He tried to speak as positively as he could, whereas inside, he didn't feel that way about Hannan. The only woman that he had ever truly felt attracted to was standing before him and he was hurting her with his words without intent. No matter how she tried to compose herself, he could feel that she was crumbling inside.

"We've known their family for a long time. That is enough for me to know that she has good values." Zayn intentionally didn't want to mention anything concerning her age because that was the part that he hated the most. The idea of marrying someone who was almost a decade younger than him was shameful and it hurt his pride because that was against his principles.

"But it's not her values you are marrying." She said it as if she had a problem with that. "She is a manor." Zayn could see himself in Omar's position now when she pointed that out.

"Why don't you let me worry about that? It's okay not to question certain things that have been ordained by the Most Supreme." Zayn believed he had her tongue tied with that. He saw something flicker in her expression, he didn't know if she was annoyed at him or his bad decision. This would have been the right time to raise a question concerning her opinion about him. But he had all his answers from her book that he had read earlier.

She had mentioned that she didn't want another man to raise her daughter. Plus she didn't want to be bound to any man by marriage. In her opinion, it was okay to be in a relationship with a man and not feel obligated to stay married forever. Zayn didn't want such a relationship. It was haram!

She didn't even uphold some of their religious values in high regard. He didn't question that aspect of her life at first, until he started comparing her with his father's choice who happened to win her in that aspect. That wasn't the only thing that bothered him. It was the fact that Aylin might never change. Her mindset was too Western-oriented to think the way he wanted her to think. 

*****

Hannan

Sunday, 2:30 am 

I turned on my side, unable to fall asleep for the past two days, ever since we've had visitors from Zayn's family. I lay there, closed my eyes, and tried to force myself to sleep but I ended up thinking instead. My thoughts kept going back to him. I couldn't comprehend how it happened so suddenly that our paths would cross this way. I never thought he'd look at me in such a way or even consider me when I had done nothing to impress him ever since I had known him. His dim eyes, the way they looked at me, had always given me the impression that he despised me.

Now that I remembered his dark impassive eyes, I frowned, ashamed, because I also recalled all my embarrassing moments with him. From the very first day that I met him till the last time I saw him outside my window, my behaviour had been nothing but humiliating. I never really cared what impression I had on him. The only time I had ever truly been bothered about what he thought of me was the time he caught me with Imran. I almost perished with shame, thinking he'd never look at me with much regard. What then led him to me? Why did he choose me, of all the girls in this country?

My heart flipped when I recalled Yasmeen's sudden change of attitude toward me. She might have known about his intended proposal. What about Imran? It was evident that he knew as well, it was the only reason he refused to pick up my calls. I tried to reach out to him and sent him countless text messages, yet no response. 

My thoughts strayed to his mother when she visited us during the day. She went as far as coming up to my room. She had sat on my bed and looked at me with a kind smile and soft eyes, as always. She had pulled me into a warm hug that I couldn't resist. When we were left alone, she brought out the gift that she had brought for me. It was an emerald alkyabba, the one that was traditionally worn by royal brides. She assured me that we'd go for more shopping together, once I agreed to marry her son and that I could keep the gifts even if I had decided not to marry him. She just wanted me to feel welcome, not just in their family but in their heart. 

I shed silent tears when she told me that because in reality, no one outside my family had ever uttered such kind words to me. It was uneasy at first when she spoke to me about her son. She said, she had longed wanted him to get settled and when he finally chose to settle down with me, she was glad to have me as her daughter-in-law. I didn't know why she had taken such a liking to me. When I asked her about Aylin, she said they were just friends. They had known each other from the college where he studied. I didn't know why I found that hard to swallow.

She also took the opportunity to ask me about Imran and I told her that there was nothing going on between us. She seemed glad when I told her that, much like she wanted me to deny my feelings for Imran. If not for the wrong timing, I would have preferred him to her son, to be very honest.

When my thoughts began to drift back to Zayn, I sat up, pushed the blanket off my body, and reached for my phone on the headboard. I wanted to call Salma and tell her that I couldn't sleep. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I needed a shoulder to cry on and I knew that she was the only one who could provide that shoulder. She was the only one who understood what I was going through. She told me not to overthink it so that confusion would not set in. But right now, I was beyond confused. My mind was a whirlwind of questionable thoughts and conflicting emotions.

Kulthum had been the first person that I spoke to when I needed to talk to someone. I thought she was my best friend and she'd give reasonable advice. But just like my sister, she betrayed me. I wasn't surprised when she suggested that I accept the proposal. Why? Because he was a good man, rich and handsome.

When Salma's phone rang twice and she didn't pick up, I knew she was fast asleep and I probably shouldn't disturb her. I fell back on my bed and stared at the ceiling. My mind constantly went back to the man who had dominated my thoughts, Zayn. Even the thought of his name gave me goosebumps now. I felt like I had no control over my life anymore. Everyone expected me to sacrifice my happiness, my future, and my dreams for the sake of this strange man. 

I seriously needed to stop thinking about him. Maybe I should just recite some verses from the scripture. It would give me solace and keep me distracted. Unfortunately, when I finally decided on what to do, my door creaked open. 

"Hannan," Teslim said my name as she entered my room. She wasn't surprised to see that I was up. "I knew you were still awake."I heard her say as she walked up to my bed. I tried to ignore her as she came in front of me, examining me from head to toe." Have you been crying?"

"What if I did...?" I trailed off, looking at the wall behind her. I didn't want to tell her that I couldn't sleep. She'd probably be thinking that I stayed up, thinking about Zayn.

"So do you want to talk about it?" She asked. I remained silent and avoided her gaze." Get up, let's eat." She sat on the bed and that was when I noticed she had been carrying a tray of food which was now on her lap. She noticed my change in mood and now she would try to cosset me." You haven't eaten anything since yesterday, aren't you hungry?" 

She tried to converse with me and kept on insisting that I eat with her. She called me again, pouring some tea for me in a cup. I realized it was no use trying to ignore her. No doubt I had lost my appetite but maybe the lack of food in my system might have contributed to my restlessness. Feeling reluctant, I sat up and collected the cup of tea. I drank from it.

"Is it good?" Teslim smiled and I nodded slightly, not returning her smile. I didn't give her a detailed reply. She pushed the tray to me so I sat, facing her with the plate between us. When she opened it, I saw that it was filled with gurasa, garnished with onion, cabbage, tomato, and pepper.

We ate in silence for a while before she began. And just like I predicted, she had come to trouble me again with her so-called thoughtful speeches. In the past two days, my family had nothing else to talk about besides Zayn and his stupid marriage proposal. They were not helping matters, especially my mother who has refused to spare me some attention until I accept her demands. She might wait forever!

"I think you are the only one who doesn't know Zayn because when you say he's arrogant, I think you are talking about a totally different person," Teslim said, grabbing my attention. I saw her chewing a piece of gurasa. I wanted to send her one of those venomous glares. She was lucky I was too emotionally drained to react the way I had wanted to. "Is that the only problem you have against him? Because when I look at him, I don't see any flaws in him."

"How could you?" I said calmly, trying not to raise my voice. But I failed, miserably. "How could you see any flaws in him when you and your husband had bargained with him to come and marry your pestering little sister who is a burden on the entire household." Teslim peered at me at first, a little astonished by my sudden outburst. 

"Hannan, I have not come here to exchange words with you." She said, trying to remain calm herself. "And please, watch your tongue before you speak. Leave Ahmad out of this."She ended her sentence with a warning glare.

"Not this time. I have a feeling your husband is playing a huge role in all of this."

"What has Ahmad done this time, you fool."She frowned at me. "What has gotten into you?" She pushed the tray to the side, clearly annoyed now that I had accused her husband of treachery.

"Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about." I cried as tears threatened to gush from my eyes. I didn't know why something was telling me that my sister and her husband were involved in all of this. They want to play me." You connived with your husband and made a deal with his friend, begging him to come and marry me off."

"What the heck are you talking about?" My sister clapped her hands in astonishment, gaping at me with aghast eyes.

"Did you and Ahmad not mention me to Zayn?"

"Audhubillah! We have done no such thing."

"Then what does he want from me?"I inhaled sharply and tears began to stream down my face. I smote my cheeks, trying not to break down in front of my sister." Why did you tell me that you prayed about his marriage proposal? We have only seen each other on some terrible occasion and there is no way that man would make such a move without some encouragement from someone in this family. Or was it Umma who has done this to me?"

She might have seen, how truly helpless I was in this situation so she wrapped an arm around me. I didn't realize that I had gone so close to her that my head was resting on her shoulders now, weeping like a helpless little child. Patting me gently on the back, she huffed.

"Now, let's assume it was Umma who made this deal with him." She began saying. "She has protected you all her life and she needs somebody now, to continue from where she stops. So all I can say here is that her action is justified."

"Don't tell me that," I tried to push her away but she secured me firmly in her arms. "I'm on the edge, I don't have time for your lectures." I managed to wriggle myself out of her hold. 

"Don't worry, I'm not here to lecture you and for your information." She looked me straight in the eyes." Ahmad would not stoop so low to do what you accuse him of. And yes, I've prayed for this to happen but I can never beg a man to come and marry my sister for financial support. For goodness sake, you are nineteen, nobody thinks of marriage when they think of you so Mama could not have a hand in this." I shook my head because I refused to believe that. Teslim continued, nevertheless.

"On the contrary, Ahmad had told me that two of his friends had asked for your hand in marriage. Both Omar and Zayn came to him in person. But he had given Zayn his support because he had presented the matter to him in the most respectful way. Ahmad saw the seriousness in his eyes when he spoke about you and if he is still the Zayn that I know, he never does things without a reason. That man truly loves you and has respected you enough to make his intentions known in the most honorable way." She said coolly and turned away from me with a look of disappointment in her eyes. "But I don't think you deserve his love and respect, seeing how you are reacting."

I went completely numb at her last few sentences. I was unable to digest the idea of being wanted by my boss as well. My heartbeat accelerated at the maddening thoughts of being the center of their attention. 

Why me? I cried, sniffing as warm tears flowed down my cheek. My sister stood up and came beside me. I felt her holding me close. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." She whispered in my ear. 

"Zayn is truly a good man. This thing you have against him is unrealistic when you don't even know him." She uttered, making me sob vigorously as she stroked my hair gently."Do you remember when I was very sick the time I came home? He was the one who offered to fund my treatments and medical charges. I didn't know how to pay him back for his good deeds so I prayed that Allah link both your fates together which eventually came to pass naturally."

I pulled back a little and I wiped my tears, using the back of my hand. I wanted to correct her last sentence. Nothing had come to pass. So all the times she and Bola used to tease me about it, she had been pushing the idea indirectly. I narrowed my eyes.

"Hannan, please consider Mama's condition. She is getting old. You don't need a microscope to see that she's not happy with what you are doing. You are like the only daughter she has." Teslim paused, I saw her forcing back the urge to cry, and then she cupped her face. "What if I die today? Who will take care of her?" She burst into tears and my heart sank deeper in my chest.

"You are not going die, na'udhubillahi min dhâlik!" I moved closer to her and placed a hand on her back.

 "There is no guarantee that I'd survive this battle. You've seen the circumstances of my health. My hair has started to fall out." I wanted to tell her that it was the side effect of the chemotherapy treatment. "I feel like I'm dying every day. With every breath I take something is being reduced in my life. What if I sleep and never wake."

"Oh, Teslim! please stop this." I growled, not meaning to sound so cranky."Stop talking about death."I just couldn't stomach her lamentation. For some seconds I was beginning to see reasons with my sister and it scared me. What if something happened to her, who would take care of her kids? I hadn't felt the disadvantage of the size of our family like I did that night. It was so small that if anything happened to any of us we'd all be broken beyond repair.

"Please, accept his proposal." She begged. "Do it for the sake of our mother."

"I can't" I shook my head as tears threatened to escape my eyes. My lips quivered.

"Should I go down on my knees to beg you?" I saw her kneeling before me and I stopped her before she did it. I knew Teslim was being a little dramatic so that I'd pity her condition but she wasn't doing it this time to blackmail me. That was what terrified me. I told her that I needed some time to think. But even if I was given an entire year to sleep over it, my answer would still be negative.

*****

1:00 pm at Noon

Immediately after my Dhuhr prayer, I sat on my prayer rug, staring at nothingness. I couldn't concentrate while I was praying. I tried to observe khushū but I saw him, I saw him in every position I assume, in my rukū, in my sujûd, I saw his eyes. 

I was given only three days to decide whether I'd marry him or not, which was unfair. My uncles were coming over for the second sitting which would determine if that man would be part of my future or not. I had my answer already. It had been three days now and my mother didn't care if had been eating well but she wanted me to fulfill her wishes. Sometimes I wished that I had been born into a different society, perhaps in a different generation where girls were allowed to exercise their freedom.

In our society, especially the home I was born into, we were not given the right to make choices that would change our lives. After we graduated from secondary school, some of the girls in my class were married off. They were unable to further their education because of that. Some of them didn't like it whereas others did. The ones who wanted to go back to school couldn't do it because they were tied down by the rules society set for them. I vowed never to end up like any of those girls.

I was glad that I was able to get into the higher institution with my mum's support. I knew things would have been a lot better if my dad was still alive. We all know that once you get married, everything about you changes. There is a certain way you are expected to behave. The society demands that you be on your best behavior. I didn't have that tolerance, I didn't have the mental fortitude to live up to someone's expectations or concede to his demands. That was one of the major reasons I was afraid of getting married before I graduated from school.

An indistinctive chatter from downstairs startled me out of my thoughts. I had a feeling that my uncles were here. I stood up and put my prayer mat away. I realized there was no need to change into something new because I wore my orange jilbab.

When I came down, I didn't see anyone else besides Ahmad and my mother who were chatting loudly. I wondered what the excitement was about. It looked like the kids were in the room with their mother and Ahmad had been the first to arrive before my uncles. He was dressed up in his military camo. I had a hunch that he was coming from the defense headquarters because Teslim had informed me that they had a meeting with the COAS and CDS. He had escorted his father to the place.

"Hannan," Mother called me when I reached the foot of the stairs."I thought you were still sleeping in your room." She examined my face and grimaced. I shook my head and tried to ignore my sister's husband who sat next to her on our living room couch. He too was staring at me curiously. 

"Me ya same ta (What happened to her?)" I saw his expression change into surprise as though he had seen a Zombie. "Look at her swollen eyes."He pointed at me, making Umma shake her head at his reaction, then glared at me.

"Hannan," Ahmad's expression softened as he mentioned my name. "Why the shedding of tears?" He asked. I remained silent and avoided their eyes. I purposefully refused to speak because I wanted them to feel how painful this was. But in the end, I had to walk up to Ahmad and sit on the foot of the couch next to him. I couldn't be disrespectful to him, even if I was giving my mother some attitude.

"I'm coming, let me go and get you something to eat." My mother announced, talking to no one in particular and using that as an excuse to leave me alone with Ahmad. 

"Talk to me, Munchkin, what's wrong?"Ahmad asked again. I had my back to him so I couldn't see his face. He got up when I didn't answer him. Squatting before me, he lifted my chin so I'd look up at him. I was starting to feel like a child again remembering the old Ahmad, who was more like an elder brother than a cousin to us.

"Tell me, is it because of Zayn?" My heart clenched at the mention of his name. I was pretty sure Ahmad saw me shudder.

I could see understanding in his eyes when I looked at him. It was obvious Teslim had discussed me with him."He's a great guy. He's handsome, intelligent, and most of all, modest. We've been friends since childhood and I can tell you that he doesn't have any questionable character or bad habits that you can't keep up with."

"Nobody is flawless." I managed to say. I also wanted to mention the fact that he was volatile. I had only noticed that during our first encounter.

"Good, I'm glad you know that." Ahmad countered, now placing both his hands on his knees while still squatting. "That is why you shouldn't expect him to be an angel all the time. Everyone has their bad side. That doesn't mean he's flawed. Zayn is the kind of man every parent wants for their daughters." I wanted to say something, but when I saw him pause his lips, searching my eyes, I simply forgot what I wanted to say.

"Listen dear," He looked away. "nobody is forcing you to marry, you can either say yes or no. It's your life." I liked the way Ahmad was being rational with me, unlike my mother who was using pressure, or my sister who was using emotional blackmail. 

"Amma, are you sure you are not making a huge mistake? You may never find anyone this good."It took some time for his words to register in my mind. That was the same question Kulthum had asked me the day before when I called her. She said I should not throw away my luck, that I might never find a man that handsome, rich, and intelligent. All I saw in her words was greed and nothing more.

"He's a doctor." Ahmad pointed out as he rose to his feet. "You both are in the same medical field. He could help you achieve your goals. Think about it wisely." He went back to his position."I'm guessing you don't know much about his family." He continued. I folded myself with my arms wrapped around my legs and my head buried in my thighs. Ahmad was saying something and I was half listening.

I was suddenly reminded of how intimidating their family was when Ahmad mentioned it. Imran had told me that their late grandfather was the richest man in their state, his father was a renowned medical genius, and his grandmother studied in Japan where she was also a doctor before she resigned from her career and married an emir. That was my point. How could a man with such a splendid family background find interest in someone like me? Poor me!

On this side of the world, it was common for the rich to marry the rich to ensure the continuation of generational wealth. It was unlikely that a prince would tie the knot with some commoner, it had to be someone from another royal family or someone from a wealthy family or a good political background.

Minutes later, I heard my mother telling Ahmad that his food was on the dinner table. At that same moment, we heard the sound of moving cars outside. I was tempted to lift my head. I noticed that I was alone now as Ahmad's voice started to drift away as he made his way to the dining area.

"Yes, your uncles are here."My mother informed us and I slowly raised my head to look at her."Drink, it will help you feel better." She stared at me with concern, handing me a cup of hulba tea. I could tell from the aroma it exuded. I didn't want to take anything but I had to collect it from her hand and I couldn't deny her.

★★★★★

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