A Quick Warning

There is a sensitive scene at the end of the chapter. Please do well to skip it, if you are not comfortable reading explicit romantic text. And you are going to see more of such scenes in later chapters. I know most of my readers are Muslims and probably think it's inappropriate to read such content, so I want you to feel relaxed. That is why I chose my language carefully.

*****

What The Heart Wants

There had been a familiar glance being passed around the table and it only started when I entered the room. As everyone was laughing and roasting me, I felt my boss's eyes on me. I looked at him as he sat there with a cheeky smirk as if he knew what went through my head. He seemed to enjoy making snide comments about my childhood days. 

What is he even doing here?

"Teslim, I swear I didn't know she was your sister." He said, taking a large sip from his glass of cold drink. 

"Really? How come?" She asked, relishing the morsel of spaghetti in her mouth, a bit confused.

"She works at Bremin Tech, didn't she tell you?" I saw him reaching for his fork, and I sat planted on my mother's plush dining chair, watching as everyone feasted on the meal I made with my sweat and blood. I was a bit nervous because I wasn't so confident about my cooking skills.  

"As a receptionist." I quickly added, as if it was no big deal. Zayn's dark eyes stared at me, making me uncomfortable being in their midst. There was something so accusatory about the way he was studying me. As if he didn't like that I was there, perhaps I'm too young to dine with mature men like them. That is one thing I didn't like about him; his pride.

"Wow! You didn't tell us you work with him."That was my mother, calling my attention.

"How was I supposed to know he was the Khalifa everyone spoke about."My boss had gone from some mythical man I had only heard about from friends and seen pictures of on Television and the Internet to a real-life person, sitting in our house and even dining with us. Who could have thought he was someone related to me or a family friend?

"Omar left town when she was barely eight, I don't see how she could recognize him after so many years."Ahmad pointed out and I saw my mum nodding in agreement with a light smile.

"That was a long time ago, look at you now."My boss said, eyeing me and an unintended smile made its way to my lips. "You've grown into not just a beautiful but a wildflower."He said in a tone that could easily be either playful or flirtatious. I didn't know him well enough to tell which, but the way he looked at me made my skin crawl. And hell, if it were not for my mother that forced me to sit at this table with them, I'd prefer to be in my room.

"So how are you? How is school?" He asked, and to be honest, it felt kind of strange talking casually to my boss. For once I could imagine the excitement in Kulthum's voice when it came to him. I always wondered what she saw in him. Not that he was not attractive, but it kind of baffled me when people hurt over what they couldn't have. I have matured with the realization that I can live without a man.

"I'm okay, and school is fine. Well, it's fine for now, since it's the beginning of a new semester, everything is going smoothly, Alhamdulillah." I gave an honest reply and I couldn't help but notice Dr. Zayn quietly eating his food, the one I made. What did he think about my cooking? My interest grew deep when I looked at him chewing on the morsel in his mouth.

"If I remember correctly, you said you are majoring in nursing?"My boss inquired and for a moment I saw Zayn's eyebrows shifted from their relaxed position as though something my boss said piqued his interest. It was funny how I craved his attention. Part of me wanted him to be the one asking such personal questions.

What the heck is wrong with me?

" Yes, you are right," I answered casually. He gave a slight smile, nodding encouragingly and I faked a thin smile. Silence ticked by like none of us knew what else to say.

"And what area are you going to specialize in?" Dr. Zayn finally asked and an alarm went off in my head. His question took me off guard. I haven't thought of it before or should I say I had no area of interest. This is why I hate this man, I knew he'd find a way to make me regret my presence here.

"I...I haven't given it a thought yet." I blurted, and I could feel all eyes on me like they were all waiting to hear my answer. I looked up at Dr. Zayn and I saw a vacant stare in his eyes.

Something in his eyes shifted, and for once I could read his mind. It looked to me as though he said, 'I thought as much.'

I parted my lips, and internally said, 'I'll tell you about it when I figure it out.' and it didn't go unnoticed that Zayn took his intimidating eyes from me. 

I was considering settling for theatre nursing as once suggested by my mother. Although, I haven't given it a thought. I heard they are the highest-paid nurses. I couldn't make up my mind because I had the intention of becoming a fertility expert. Once I finish my nursing program, I intend to go for a second degree in medicine and specialize as a gynecologist.

*****

After dinner, a quick clearing of the table was no help. "I guess, I should have run away a long time ago," I muttered with frustration under my breath as my mother kept tossing me around, telling me where to clean and how not to do it. 

"Raise the chairs and sweep under the table." She instructed once more and I was on the verge of exploding with annoyance.

Lord of light! I wasn't born yesterday, Mum.

I internally screamed. She would not stop telling me what to do. This was the downside to being a female child, and now mine is beginning to seem like a curse. I wish I had a young one.

Once I was done cleaning, I intended to stay away from my mum as soon as possible to avoid any more embarrassing moments in front of my boss or that other person. Staying outside was my escape plan.

As I stepped outside, the cold air left me quivering and I looked up to admire the timeless allure of the night sky that was enveloped in thick darkness. The weather was beautiful regardless of the colorless and moonless night.

Lost in my thoughts, I was taken aback when my boss suddenly stepped out of the house, lifting Fahad to his right shoulder. I could see him giggling and playing with the kids as he and Ahmad strode beside each other. Without thinking, I caught myself smiling at my boss's antics with the kids. I think it was cute watching him play like that with the children.

Unintendedly my gaze travelled to meet Zayn, my mother, and my sister who seemed kind of engaged in a light conversation. It looked like Dr. Zayn and my boss decided to leave soon after having their dessert and fruit because it was running late and the time was approaching the Isha(last prayer) period. And the whole family decided to walk them to the car.

Moments later, I saw my mother collecting Fahad into her shoulders as he was already fast asleep. She led the other kids inside, telling them that it was already late and no kids should be seen outside by this time or else they would get possessed by a jinn. That was the same old myth we had always been told when we were their age. Our parents will tell us anything to keep our actions in check. 

I sighed and averted my eyes from them, stealing a glance at Ahmad who leaned casually on my boss's car with his arms folded across his chest. He had been laughing while he and my boss waited there. I saw Zayn and my sister talking. Something about Dr. Zayn's body language was off as I watched him speak quietly to the woman who was supposed to be his best friend's wife. Something in the way my sister's jaw tensed and her hand shook made me even pay closer attention to both of them.

I didn't know if I should go inside or keep standing there watching them, before I could make up my mind Zayn's attention turned to me. Suddenly, I wondered how he had gotten to know my name, Hanamy. It was the name only my dad called me. And when my father called me that, I used to kind of imagine that he meant to say 'my Hannan'. But I heard from my aunt, Fatima, that it meant 'priceless jewel' in my local dialect.

For no reason, I felt the urge to go away from there, away from Zayn and Teslim. Something didn't seem right between those two. The way she smiled whenever she was on the phone with him and the way they exchanged quiet glances even when we were eating at the table. I felt like there was some kind of connection between them and I couldn't pinpoint my hunch.

Once I raced to my room, to fetch my diary from where I hid it. I kept a diary, not to record my daily experience but to take note of special episodes and today was one such day. 

*Monday, February 15th, 2019* I scrawled that boldly on the middle page of the book. *The day I found out Teslim was pregnant and she didn't want to keep the baby. And it was this same day I noticed a major shift in her behavior toward Dr. Zayn.* I added and I knew it didn't make sense to put it that way or even suspect them when nothing was going on between them but I have this strong hunch that they are onto something. *And I also learned about Salma's elder brother who passed away 11 years before her birth.* My gut feeling told me to write that down too. 

When I was about to close the diary and put it away, I heard my door open softly. I was quite surprised when Teslim emerged from there, holding a blanket.

"Hey, can I sleep in your room tonight?"She asked, shutting the door behind her.

" You gave me quite a scare there," I muttered and tossed the book on my nightstand. "and what happened to your room?" came my voice as I headed on to slip into my pajamas.

"Ahmad happened." She sighed wearily.

"And the guest room?"I started to button up my loose-fitting fitting shirt. 

"I can't sleep there." She said and walked over to sit on my bed."And why are you asking so many questions?" She asked and I deliberately ignored her question.

"Teslim, you can't sleep here either," I said firmly, and the shock in her expression didn't go unnoticed by me. Her jaw dropped slightly and she blinked a couple of times before asking, "Why?" 

I made my way to where she sat and pulled her up delicately."Because you need to be with your husband tonight, after such a long time away from him." I held her by her shoulders and spun her around. "He has right over you, don't forget that." I reminded her and gave her a gentle push toward the door.

"Are you sending me out of your room?"She asked, her voice tinged with a mixture of confusion and disbelief. I led her out with my steady yet soft push.

" What does it look like I'm doing?" I tried not to feign ignorance.

 "Wow! Hannan, just wow!"At that moment she was outside my door already. I could tell that she was rendered speechless by my actions. 

"I'm sorry, Teslim." I shrugged before pushing the door close. I admit that what I did was wrong, but I did that in her favor. I just wanted her to spend more time with her husband to get rid of the tension between them.

After my sister had left, my feet inadvertently took me to my big window. I shifted the curtains to the side and peeked through the framed glass. Strangely, I found Ahmad sitting on a bench outside and staring at the night sky. His eyes were shut and his brows drawn together as if he was deep into his thoughts.

Moments later, he opened his eyes and sighed. Unfortunately, I didn't have the time to duck before he caught me staring. Our eyes locked in an awkward encounter and I remain frozen for a second. I saw him waving a hand at me as he stood up to take his leave. 

I waved back and dropped the curtains before turning around to face my bed, still engulfed by the feeling of awkwardness. I should have turned off the light. I stepped a few inches closer to the nightstand to pick up my phone.

What is it that you are not telling us, Teslim?

 With that thought on my mind, I started to make my bed. Once done, I hopped on my bed and tried to fall asleep but no, I couldn't sleep for obvious reasons. The thought of my sister, Ahmad, Dr.Zayn, and somehow Imran. 
  

*****

Zayn left his car keys with Ahmad since he was sleeping over at his wife's place. Ahmad had promised to return the car before he traveled back to Kano where he lived.

 Omar decided to drop Zayn off in his house and during the entire ride, he kept thinking about Hannan and how he had developed a liking for her ever since their first encounter in his office.

 He had been a little skeptical to open up initially, but now that he knew who she was, he felt the need to inform her family about his intention toward her since they were close family friends. Alhamdulillah! He didn't have to stray far from home to find his missing rib. She had always been there, right under his watchful eyes.

He had been looking for the slightest opportunity to share this good news with his friends, especially Zayn, and now there he was, gazing at the magnificent city sky from the car window, with his elbow placed gracefully on the armrest of the door panel.

"I didn't know she was Ahmad's cousin." Omar smiled, glancing over at Zayn with the corners of his eyes as he tightened his grip around the steering wheel.

"Who?" Zayn asked absent-mindedly and elegantly supported his cheek with his long fingers.

"Hannan."He beamed, remembering the face of the beautiful young girl. Hannan looked a lot like her father.

"Oh."Zayn shifted a little in his seat upon the mention of her name. 

A moment of soft silence followed in which Omar wore a light smile, thinking back to some humorous memory of that young girl whom he used to play around with. Out of joke, he used to tell her that he would marry her when she grew up. Look at it now, he couldn't help thinking about her. Maybe Qadr had already started to play its role in bringing them together.

"May I know the reason behind that creeping smile of yours?"Zayn broke the silence, watching as Omar turned his car around a roundabout that led home. Zayn saw him reach for his phone in the side pocket of his suit.

" I want to be serious with my life and settle down." He answered, typing something into his phone with his right hand while single-handedly driving with the other hand." I'm just sick and tired of playing around with women." Zayn stared at his brother as if waiting for him to add a joke to his words but Omar remained quiet and focused on driving.

Zayn cleared his throat, "Are you serious?" He inquired, a bit surprised. Omar gave a slow nod, an indication that he was not joking. 

"I am, Brother. Bachelor's life is boring and I'm tired of it. I want to be married like the rest of our friends."

"Oh, I see, "Zayn studied his expression, wondering what had gotten into Omar. He was serious, by the way."So have you found the one?" 

"I've been searching for quite some time now and I have a couple of girls in mind, but I think my heart has finally settled on one."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just Teslim's sister, " He paused. "She is very pretty and smart"

"Maybe," Zayn said a bit thoughtfully. "Let me guess, you think Hannan is the one?" He questioned with curious eyes.

"Who knows?" Omar shrugged. "She is just very pretty, Ma Sha Allah!" He confessed, making his companion narrow his gaze in disbelief. 

"Since when are you so shallow?" Zayn exclaimed and Omar grinned.

"Hey! I'm not shallow. I want to get to know her on a personal level. I can't help it, since the first thing that caught my attention was her fascinating brown eyes." Omar was smiling from ear to ear, earning a disapproving glare from Zayn.

"Don't be silly, man." He groaned. "You can't possibly have feelings for someone who is like a little sister to you." Zayn threw a hand up in protest.

"Why not?" He asked, a bit annoyed at Zayn's response to the news. His reaction was unexpected. He thought his best companion would be happy for him instead what he got in return was discouraging remarks and offensive glare with a hint of disgust. 

"She is too young." Zayn blurted, making him frown. "You don't want to have the poor girl worrying about all that weird feeling of being with someone who is almost a decade older than her."

"Zayn, she is just nineteen and I'm not that old. Twenty-six is a good marrying age for any young man who seeks a conventional life."

"Omar, for God's sake, the girl is underage," Zayn said, firmly. "Having an affair with a nineteen-year-old is like child abuse. Check the age difference."

"What's wrong with the age difference? Twenty-six minus nineteen, do the math, Brother. I have seen people getting married to men old enough to be their fathers. And according to the Sharia law, there is no wrong as long as you follow the Islamic tradition."

"You have a point there." Zayn sighed in defeat, but his thoughts disagreed with Omar's. 

"Just because something doesn't sit well with you, doesn't make it wrong. Man, you have to stop this habit of cringing at everything you dislike." Omar couldn't help calling him out on his bad habit and instead of taking offense to it, he kept his opinion to himself, not showing any sign of annoyance. This was their first quarrel in twelve years and it was all because of her. That girl was bad news. He had to stay away from her.

"I find that offensive and obnoxious."  Zayn admitted. "yet I'm not hurting." He added, his expression neutral.

"Really?" Omar softened his expression sensing the humor in his words even though it was not really a joke. "I thought you were about to cry."

"How can I when you didn't provide any tissue paper in your stupid car." 

"Oh, so you are taking out the anger on my car?" Omar cracked up.

"I wish I could." He said and silence fell upon them for some seconds.

"How is Aylin doing?" Omar asked out of the blue, watching as Zayn's reaction changed from puzzled to relaxed. "I heard she had been writing a book about your father." 

He changed the topic swiftly because he didn't want Zayn to make him regret his decision about Hannan. Knowing Zayn very well, he was well aware that he was capable of convincing NASA that there was water on the moon. He would make him see reasons why Hannan was a wrong choice. Omar didn't want to hear it.

"She is good, I think," Zayn replied in a muffled voice, settling back into his seat. "She had invited me to the book launch but I don't know if I will be able to attend it."

"Why won't you attend it? It's a special day for you and your father."

"I know, but I have a busy schedule throughout this week and I won't let anyone take out of my time."

"When is the launch holding?"

"On Friday."

"Speaking of Aylin, have you talked to anyone about her?"Omar asked in a hushed tone. There was no point in Zayn pretending like he didn't understand the meaning behind those words and he couldn't ignore the question. 

" No, not yet. I don't think any of us are ready yet." He uttered with a small frown, not so certain about his answer. "This is not the best time to bring such a topic up with her. We are both focused on our careers, trying to achieve one or two things before making the next move."

"I don't know if your father has a problem with her, but I don't think your mother will ever accept her." 

"Why would you say something like that?" zayn questioned, his frown deepening like a surgical piercing.

"Aylin has a daughter," Omar blurted out and he instantly regretted it, seeing the dark look in Zayn's eyes. "She has previously been married, plus she is three years older than you." He went on with whatever thought came to his mind, sincerely speaking by the way. "As far as I know Aunty Banu, that is not her expectation for a daughter-in-law."

"My mother is not like that."He defended her with the conviction that his mother would not be that shallow-minded. Zayn believed that when it came to Aylin, his mother was always expressive about her liking for her. 

"Let's not worry about my mother, I don't think she has any second opinion about her. Besides, Aylin and I have not decided on anything yet. I don't know if she shared the same feelings with me..." Zayn pronounced the words ever slowly, tasting their staleness at the tip of his tongue. His words left Omar speechless.

He would never have this type of conversation with anyone, but with Omar, his trusted brother and an intimate companion. There were no limits to what they shared in secrets and the open. If there was anyone who knew him better than Ahmad, it was Omar.

"Then clearly, you don't know Umma." Omar raised an eyebrow at him, amazed that he didn't know his mother's choice."You are right, let's not worry about your mother, maybe I'm wrong about everything." He lied and a small smile made its way to Zayn's lips upon his words. Omar once overheard Banu complaining bitterly to his mother about Aylin and she made it quite clear to her that she didn't want a daughter-in-law who was a divorcee.

"Yeah, you have nothing to worry about, Brother." Zayn tapped him lightly on his sturdy shoulder, which was well-carved, thanks to regular workout sessions."Well, for now, we are both focusing on our careers. In sha Allah, I'll make the right move when I'm ready to get tamed like you."

"I trust you will do the right thing." Omar smiled. "Wait a minute," He shot his head up. "What do you mean by 'get tamed'?" He chuckled lightly, reading the meaning behind his words.

"Everyone knows that marriage is a trap." Zayn gave his sincere opinion, looking out the window with his keen eyes."It's a risk that I'm not willing to take just yet." He added, and Omar regarded him in amusement, smiling as the street lights cast moving shadows on his face.

"You are not getting any younger."He said as a matter of fact which was more of a reminder than a joke.

" There is still plenty of time to live while we are young." Zayn pointed out wearing a sly smile. To that Omar chuckled, turning the car around.

" Let me show you around before driving you to Shifu's place. "He announced and Zayn turned to observe him.

" Shifu?" He raised a questioning brow and Omar nodded with pressed lips. Shifu was one of their old friends from high school.

"Omar, it's late and we've missed the Isha prayer already." 

"We'll pray when we get there. Now come on, let's go and get wasted and dance with some naked ladies." Omar whistled, lighting up the mood with some loud hip-hop music. Zayn nudged him, telling him to turn down the volume.

"C'mon! We need to put ourselves in the mood for the naked ladies." He emphasized the last phrase, making Zayn cringe, despite knowing he was messing around with him.

"You are not taking me to get wasted at some club, are you?"  He knew well enough that Omar didn't consume intoxicants, despite his promiscuous lifestyle. 

"So the naked ladies part doesn't bother you?" Omar asked teasingly, earning a huge eye roll from Zayn.

"Shut up and drive," Zayn whispered in an irritated tone, making his companion laugh at his expense. He shook his head, slightly embarrassed on behalf of his shameless friend.

They drove in high spirits, during which Zayn asked about his friends from high school, specifically the members of the Phoenix. He was informed that Shifu was into fashion and making decent money. He had been looking forward to meeting Zayn ever since he heard about his arrival from the States. That was the reason Omar decided to link both men up.

Christian was an avid smoker and a tycoon who owned multiple hotel chains. As for Jake, Chris's younger brother, nobody knew his whereabouts. Their grandfather was the richest man in the country. He was old and sick when Jake disappeared and when he died, more than half of his inheritance went to his only grandson, Christian Randolph Kuti.

*****

Later that night, Ahmad stepped quietly into his wife's room, carefully not to wake her up. He closed the door behind him, keeping his eyes on her familiar form curled up on the bed, all wrapped up in a cozy duvet cover.

"How are you feeling?" He asked upon noticing that she was awake. She glared at him from under her duvet, she looked angry with flaming eyes. She noticed that he wore a simple white long-sleeve that showed off his collar bone and his upper chest region and loose black pants. She felt that he looked young since the last time she saw him.

"I'm fine," She huffed, as though disturbed by his presence, perhaps offended by his question. Ahmad didn't know which was his offense.

"I just came by to check up on you and the kids."He explained nervously, feeling unwelcome.

"The kids are in their grandmother's room." She said, pulling the duvet over her head and turning her back to him. "You can go there if you must check up on them."

Ahmad sighed at her response, unable to recognize his wife from the grumpy lady that lay in front of him. He moved closer and sat on the bed, near the headboard where her pillow rested.

"Is everything okay?" He asked after a few minutes of silence. 

"I said I'm fine!" She snapped.

"You don't look fine to me."He raised a hand, aiming for her forehead, trying to make any form of physical contact with her, but she winced upon sensing his touch.

"Excuse me?"She sat up and he shook his head, intent on knowing exactly how she was feeling, but a glance into her tired and angry eyes changed that. He withdrew his hand slowly.

"I just want to know how you are feeling, that's all." He said with concern, evident in his tone. She looked at him without uttering a word and then turned her back against him once more." oh! never mind." He said and they fell silent.

Ahmad lifted his legs off the floor and folded them in a monk style. She felt the weight of his body pulling the mattress down underneath her and she also heard the bed's wooden frames creak due to friction of his movement. She pressed her eyelids together, resisting the urge to tell him to go away because she didn't want to share her bed with him.

"What are you so afraid of?" His voice broke through the heart-aching silence that hung thick in the atmosphere." You looked so sad all day while we were together."

"What are you talking about? I had a lot of fun today." She denied it with a straight face. Ahmad sucked in a sharp breath and dropped his head, leaving it hanging low for a while.

"I don't know." He finally said hushedly as though careful not to spite her. "It seemed like you knew you wouldn't get this again. Like it was your last time. You looked like someone trying to get the most out of it."

Listening to him, Teslims heart raced, afraid that he would find out the truth behind her health. Something she had been trying so hard to hide from him. She knew Zayn couldn't have possibly told him, more reason he did not go straight to the point. Knowing Ahmad, he would have asked her if he knew.

"Is Hanifah the reason you keep pushing me away?"He carried on asking and finally allowing himself a few seconds to look at her. He could only see the back of her head, her brown hair which was pulled into a ponytail."And why can't you see me as your husband anymore? Is that why? Are you afraid we won't stay together if she comes into our lives?"

Teslim closed her eyes, a tear threatening to drop but she clenched her jaws to subdue the urge to cry. She had to stay strong, she must remain strong to get through this phase of her life. A phase where she will have to keep the man who knew her depth better than anyone in the dark. 

"Being normal is the hardest thing for me." She said, her voice firm. She couldn't even tell him that she was pregnant, that was how far she wanted to stay away from him. But it was getting really hard to do that, now that he was there next to her, in flesh and blood. She could not deny herself the fact that she wanted him as much as he did her.

"What?" Ahmad looked down at his fingers, intertwined in the space between his folded legs.

"I've never lived like that before, with an outsider in our home. And I never will."

"Teslim..." He called softly, bringing a hand to her shoulder and she cringed upon sensing his near touch again. 

"I can't sleep if you keep talking to me." She exclaimed in a cranky tone and then sat up abruptly. She placed a pillow near him, creating a barrier between them. "I'll go and sleep over there." Fed up, she pointed at a lonely sofa that sat somewhere in the room. 

As she climbed off the bed, Ahmad grabbed her by her wrist, his control slipping off. 

 "Let me go." She whimpered, struggling to break free and he tightened his grip on her arm and pulled her roughly toward himself.

"Be honest with me." He stared into her eyes as he made her sit on the bed directly in front of him. "Don't you trust me anymore? Do you think my feelings for you are a joke?" He demanded and they looked at each other for a few seconds before Teslim sighed.

"That's right. I don't trust you." She said through gritted teeth and peeled off his fingers around her wrist when he loosened his hold by the effects of her words. It hurt him to hear her say that."But it is not just you, Ahmad. I don't trust her, and I don't trust your father either. Whenever I put my trust in something, I end up  getting disappointed."

"What are you talking about?" Ahmad swallowed a hard lump and she looked up at him with eyes that held unshed tears.

"You know what I'm talking about. How could you not know? She was my close friend yet you chose to have an affair with her."

"No Teslim. I never had an affair with Hanifah." He corrected, which was true. "It was all my father's plan." Teslim paused, turning away from him to hide her brimming eyes.

"I overheard your father and the general talking. It sounded like they knew about my father's death. They knew he died of Leukemia. Your father said he fears that the disease runs in our family. That is all I got to hear." She told him and turned to face him again."When I go back to our home, I'm going to have a separate chamber. I don't want to associate myself with Hanifah."

"It must have been so hard on you." He moved inches closer. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't know how to tell you."Her voice cracked with overwhelming emotions. She facepalmed, bringing her head down before the tears could fall.

"Don't hold back. You can cry ." He peeled her hands away from her face and watched as she broke down in front of him. Her body shook vigorously as she erupted in loud sobs. 

"At least with me I want you to feel at ease. Whatever it is you are trying to do, I'll help you. I'll support you even if you push me away." She stopped and stared softly at him, realizing that despite everything, her husband had a beautiful heart. He still cared for her. There was never a time he stopped caring.

No one will ever turn up for you like a man who has decided to love you.

"Why is it so complicated to stay away from you?"Teslim whispered, her eyes roved his face. Not saying another word, she just kissed him deeply and passionately.  There seem to be so many unsaid things in this kiss, things that could not be put into words.

"I don't want to think of anything." She said as she broke the kiss.

"Then you don't have to think at all." He said hushly, as her tiny hand gently caressed his temple, tracing his jawline. "I can ease your pain." He placed his hand above hers, feeling the warmth of her touch, after such a long time. "Do you want me to help?" He sought her consent and she nodded slowly.

"Yeah," She saw tears at the corners of his eyes, and before realizing what was happening, he gripped her arms, pulled her close, and pressed his lips to hers. Their lips crashed roughly like they'd never kissed before. But soon he broke the kiss and cupped her face in his hands, leaving her hungry for more 

"I love you." He said quietly and she swallowed hard before nodding with tears rolling down her cheeks. Ahmad brought his thumb to wipe her tears away. When he blinked a drop of tears fell from his right eye and landed on her cheek. She had never seen him cry before. That was her first time and she wondered how much suffering he had to endure for her sake only.

He waited for her to say something but she didn't say anything else and he resumed kissing her, his hands sliding along her back and resting on her waist. They shared a meaningful and passionate kiss with each breath promising reassurance and renewed hope. 

When he opened his eyes and they met hers, they were as beautiful as ever, rich honey-brown orbs and dark with desire. His thumb traced her lower lips causing her to react instinctively with a slight bite that seemed to surprise him. The places her hands went to next made him react swiftly, unable to control himself. 

He pushed her by her shoulders and the next thing she knew, Ahmad was above her with her back to the mattress. Her hands instinctively found their way to his chest and she began to unbutton his shirt while he buried a hand in her hair, working it with a gentle yet swift massage and the other hand, pinning her down. Her breath hitched from the unbroken collision between them.

"Ahmad, hold on. I can't breathe." She gasped for air.

"I can not... I can't hold back anymore." He said, his voice barely a whisper as he trailed kisses all over her face.

 He nibbled at her neck, causing her to shiver with electricity traveling down her spine. Every touch, every kiss, and every breath carried a message, reminding her that she was still his wife. 

For the first time in three months, she could think of nothing but him. The way he pinned her down, fondled her breast and gently worked his hip, reminded her that after all, he was a man who could only seek pleasure in his wife. He was like a starving lion and she faulted herself for starving him for such a long time.

At some point in life we all become slaves to something: maybe to our desires, our pain, our fears, or something worse than that. And when you decide to liberate yourself. That is when you truly start living. But Ahmad did not seek liberty. When he soon realized that he was a prime captive to his wife's charms, there was no place in the world he'd ever want to be. He'd rather be subdued by her and perish there.

★★★★★

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