A SUDDEN REALIZATION

The moment he disappeared out of sight, I rushed into Salma's car and burst into warm tears. I held my hands to my lips so I couldn't hear myself cry. I rested my head on the steering and just allowed the warm tears to flow freely. I was too angry to even try and stop myself from crying. My limbs started trembling as my body felt sore all over. It felt like I didn't own myself anymore, only he did that to me.

"Hannan, are you alright?" Salma's voice came from behind me, making me jerk slightly. I sighed in exasperation as I raised my head to meet her gaze. She didn't fail to hide her surprise when she saw me crying.

"Are you crying?" She snickered with an amused expression. She brought a hand to my chin and I winced.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" I muttered. She grinned at that and then came to take her seat near me. She wrapped an arm around me and I resisted the urge to pull away from her. She had a stupid smile plastered on her face and I knew exactly what it meant.

"Was that Zayn?" Oh No! She didn't just ask that. I threw a dark glare at her. Did she have to ask that now?

"Who's Zayn?" I asked, giving her a confused look. She stared at me, confusion written all over her expression.

" Imran's brother, the gorgeous man you talked about, "I looked at her face dubiously, critically scrutinizing her face like she had something there that needed to be wiped away.

"Who are you talking about? Who the heck is Imran's brother?" I questioned, knitting my brows together. I just wanted to make her nervous (for finding amusement in my current state) and she bought it. "Listen to me carefully," I said slowly, looking straight into her eyes and I saw nervousness taking over her expression. "Imran doesn't have a brother like that, do you understand me?"

She opened her mouth to speak but didn't say a word. I wanted to make her question her thoughts and it wasn't hard to do so. The expression on her face made me want to laugh but I was too angry to do that. We remained silent for a while. I reached for a handkerchief in my purse and wiped my face with it.

"But he did look like the guy from that picture." I heard her saying and I frowned, casting a painful glance her way. I noticed her shift uncomfortably in her seat.

"What part of I don't wanna have this conversation do you not understand Salma?" I didn't mean to sound so crabby but I couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, lowering her eyes at me.

"I'm sorry too." I huffed. Zayn's stupid imperant voice rang in my head again and I felt the tears reappearing in my eyes. I quickly wiped them off to stop myself from feeling more miserable and humiliated than I already felt.

I heaved a deep sigh and stared out of the window. My head was aching, something that usually occurred to me whenever I cried. I didn't want to hate that man, but he had just sowed a seed of hatred in my heart. I didn't think I may ever be able to bring myself to forgive him for what he had done to me on that very day.

"And please don't say anything concerning that man to me ever again. As long as I live he doesn't exist to me." I warned Salma and I meant every single word I uttered. She didn't say a word afterward. I got out of the car.

Salma and her little niece followed closely behind me as we went around the hospital in search of kulthum and the ward where her brother was admitted. I dialed her line but she didn't pick up the phone.

*****

We were still looking around in the waiting room when suddenly I heard someone gasping beside me and I looked up to see some girls that were standing near me (by the doorway that led into the passageway) staring at something behind me. There were about three girls, one of them was all dressed up in a white knee-length nurse uniform and the other two wore light blue scrubs with some colorful piping. Salma and I were about to saunter past them onto the corridor but out of curiosity, I decided to follow their gaze, and upon turning around my eyes found a tall figure in a glorious white coat. It was him again, Zayn.

We kept our gaze on him as he walked towards us with some gentle steps, although from a far distance. I noticed how flawlessly he looked in his laboratory coat which was pure white, perfectly blending with his extremely dark hair that had been packed in a ponytail. My eyes followed his graceful movement which was swift and contrastingly easy. He was angelic, I have to admit, I couldn't even deny it even if wanted to, that was because it was just too obvious to deny.

Snap out of it you idiot. Quit thinking such of him. I internally screamed at myself for examining his features and subconsciously glorifying him. I averted my eyes from him and looked around. I noticed how everyone around me stared spellbound at him, mostly the three girls beside me. They were literally gawking at him. I could swear Salma was drooling too.

There was something about his energy that made me lose it all, like how he moved majestically like an elegant Mastermind. It was like he calculated his every move, including the motion of his eyes. The way they swept heavily upon everything on his path as if he owned the place made me cringe.

We were still staring at him when he took a swift turn, making his way into a room, supposedly a consulting room.

"Wow! His features are super striking." One of the girls praised as she returned to reality from her reverie and the other girls nodded in response, still staring at the door he had entered. I rolled my eyes at them, I mean, what the heck was so special about him?

"I heard he's the new medical director." I heard the one in a nursing uniform saying in a hushed whisper. I was irritated by how she was pretending to keep her voice low, how is that even gossip?

"Yes, so I heard my dear, the professor is handing over to his son." One of the girls wearing a scrub informed the others. She was pushing a medical trolley that contained all sorts of surgical equipment while the other two strolled behind her as they continued with their little gossip.

"That's the professor's son? He looked nothing like his father." The other one let out a small gasp, almost looking shocked. I guessed she was taken by surprise by the news. I watched them walk away, taking a different direction in one of the numerous hallways.

I tore my eyes away from them, giving my full attention to Salma who was still under Zayn's spell. She was absolutely awed. "He's really good-looking." She muttered with her eyes bulging out its socket. Her voice held admiration as she focused her gaze on the spot from which he had disappeared.

I traced her gaze and I saw Zayn stepping out of the same room, followed by a young girl who appeared to be Kulthum. Looking around him I saw that he had been talking to an elderly woman by his left, wait a moment! It was my mother.

Kulthum's eyes found us and almost immediately she rushed to us, engulfing Salma and me in a tight hug. She was excited to see us. Well, I won't exactly put it that way since her face held a glint of sorrow in it.

"Baby how are you?" I didn't fail to ask the moment we got loose from each other's hug. "How are you holding up with the stress and all?" I added taking in her view. She wasn't looking too well from her appearance. I noticed how thin and haggard she was looking with her eyes burning red. She had gone through a lot between yesterday and today.

"I'm trying...." She managed, turning to Salma who had abruptly pulled her into another hug. "Awe, look at you. You don't look so well." She whimpered, there was a great deal of sadness in her voice.

"Please don't cry, Salma. Everything will be fine In Sha Allah. God is in control." Kulthum patted her on the back as they engulfed each other in another awe-inspiring embrace. She was the one consoling Salma now? I absolutely had no clue what put her in such a sentimental mood. Kulthum's condition wasn't that bad.

"Come here you, I didn't know that you were so soft." I pulled Salma towards me. She sobbed uncontrollably and my eyes darted around, checking to see if anyone was watching.

They momentarily fell on Zayn and my mum who seemed quite engrossed in a conversation with him. Sometimes I did forget she was his childhood Nanny. That was in the past now. I wondered what they were talking about. Was he reporting me to my mum? I doubt that, he barely even know who I was. I bet he didn't have the slightest idea who my parents were. From what I had heard, my dad was very fond of him when he was young.

My mum was just there smiling in admiration as he spoke with pleasant gesticulation of his hands. He looked so modest in his posture. Something about the way he stood faced-down reminded me of the first time I met him when he was talking to his grandmother. He seemed quite respectful and humble when he talked to elderly people.

Okay! That's it. Forget about him and focus on what really matters. He is just a passerby in your life and after today you probably won't see him again. I silenced my thoughts, bringing my attention to my friends. I had subconsciously released Salma from my hold when I was looking at that man. She stood right beside me and pulled her niece in between her legs.

I looked at her, trying to hide my laugh at how emotionally weary she was looking. We came here to support kulthum but it looked like it was Salma that needed the support instead. She was soft deep down and couldn't handle hard feelings such as this. Part of me questioned how she was able to cope with her mother's death. I heard she passed on seven years ago, meaning she was barely thirteen when she lost her mother. After a long battle with cancer, the woman passed away on her daughter's thirteenth birthday.

My father died of the same illness two years back when I was just seventeen. At that very moment, I was reminded of the night my father died. It was the start of a stormy night, fierce and drenched with sorrow yet somehow overwhelmingly peaceful as I held his cold hands in my palms. I thought he was sleeping but little did I know that he was gone, far gone. I was the last person to witness his last moments and to this very day, the memories of that night still lingered in my heart.

Thinking about it now I just realized that Salma and I had something in common. We've both lost someone dear to our hearts at a very early age in our lives. I silently prayed that kulthum didn't fall prey to the same fate. Her brother, upon seeing him the other night I just couldn't help but wish whatever he was suffering from wasn't cancer. Although everyone thought it was since the signs appeared to be very similar to cancer.

"Somebody seems under the weather" I heard Salma teasing me which brought me out of my thoughts. I hadn't realized that my expression was giving away the state of my mind.

" Well, I am not a crying baby like yourself." I decided to make light of the whole situation. "You look so fabulous when you cry."Kulthum saw through my sarcasm and we both shared a smile. I laughed along with her and unintendedly turned around to face my mother and that man who was walking in our direction, but my smile soon faded when my eyes fell on a pair of impassive eyes.

Our eyes met and he stared at me for the longest time before he looked away. In just those few seconds I felt like a frozen chicken. Only he made me feel that way, no one else did.

I noticed that my mother didn't acknowledge us. I saw her retracing her steps back to the room they had come out from while the evil spirit just walked past me and my friends not sparing us a glance, not that I wanted him to by the way.

When he got a reasonable distance away from us. He turned his head around in our direction, fixing his gaze on little Sofia that was standing directly in front of Salma. I saw him winked at her and she giggled and waved her hand at him. Both of my friends smiled in adoration at that, they were awed by his action.

He shifted his gaze from the child to Salma, then to me. He'd got this intensity in his eyes, I don't know what he held behind them. He seemed to have something intense playing in his head and I'm not sure what it is.

He was still walking away while he stared back at us and I saw Salma and Kulthum lusting after him as they stared at him like he was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen. I guess he was handsome for them to comprehend. I could just punch myself in the head if I ever say such a thing about him again. I hated him at the moment.

"Uncle Zayn." I heard the child say and I tore my eyes away from him, fixing them on Sofia. I bet I was the only one who heard that since the other two were so focused on seeing the made-in-China in him.

"Come here, Sofia."I pulled the little one by her hand to myself. "You know him?"

"Yes, he's my uncle." She giggled and I mused.

Your uncle? How come? I was going to ask but then I remembered that she was just a child. She could say anything, and by that, I meant she could call anyone her uncle, even a stranger.

I returned my gaze to him and watched him cast his eyes away from us in the process of reaching for his phone (in his pocket) that had been ringing. He answered and just disappeared out of sight.

"Masha Allah, he's so gorgeous." I heard Salma saying. "Astaghfirullah(God forgive me), I couldn't lower my gaze, I just couldn't just help it." I rolled my eyes at her hideous comments.

"I know right, I couldn't help it either," Kulthum uttered slowly, nodding in agreement and this time I couldn't just hold in my annoyance.

"Oh come on! Since when did you two ever lower your gaze." I said without thinking, giving them another huge eye roll.

"What are you so angry about Hanny?" Kulthum asked and I almost blurted out: everything but I swallowed my words when I saw Salma smiling sheepishly. There was something fishy about her smile. I hoped she was thinking what I was thinking.

"Oh no, you don't." I sent her a disapproving glare but before I knew it she had already spilled the beans.

"She and Zayn had a little argument at the parking lot." That was all it took to grab Kulthum's full attention. Her eyes grew wide with an inquisitive expression.

"Tell me more." She yelped and Salma couldn't help but pull her to the side. She was going to tell her everything that transpired between us.

"Damn you, Salma." I sent her one middle finger as I watched them laughing at my expense.

I waited a few more minutes for them to end their little gossip, but I grew exasperated at the sight of them showing weird and comic facial expressions. Kulthum seemed to be enjoying the gist and as for Salma she just carried on with her dramatic demonstration as she narrated the bitter event and maybe, just maybe she was adding sugar and salt to give the story a good taste.

"You girls are freaking me out right now. I guess you're crazier than I give you credit for." I said crossly. I wonder how I was still friends with those two. I was the youngest of the three girls even though we were in the same age range but I was way more mature than both of them.

When I couldn't wait for them anymore to end their gossip, I just took off, pulling Sofia along with me. I was going home.

It wasn't long until the hospital building disappeared from my view. I board a cab and headed home, to our apartment.

*****

I slouched back on my bed the moment I entered my room. I sighed deeply, feeling under the weather. I had left Sofia downstairs with my sister's kids. I just needed to be alone with my thoughts, at the same time I didn't know why I felt like talking to someone.

I stared at my reflection in my dressing mirror from where I sat on the bed and just began to replay all my previous encounters with Zayn. None of them have been pleasant so far. I no longer cared about what he thought of me because I had the impression that he hated me. I was more bothered about Imran who had been nothing but nice to me yet I just went out there lashing out hate words at his so-called beloved brother. What was I even thinking? Part of me was beginning to regret my actions.

It was his fault, he pushed me to the limit and I had no choice but to retaliate against his acid remarks. Like my father used to say; he who fights back may win or lose but he who doesn't fight has lost already. And I would rather win than lose.

I sighed and plopped down on my back with my face to the ceiling. I was still thinking about the whole, you know reproachful event that went down at the hospital when something flashed in my mind.

The professor. I heard his son is back too. I heard my mother's voice in my head. And that was when I realized that the professor was Imran's father, that explains everything. Although I had never met him, I heard about him from my mum and Teslim. My father had only mentioned him only on a few occasions and I could hardly remember what he said.

My phone rang up in my purse, reaching for it I saw Imran's name displayed on the Caller ID. On seeing it my heart sank deep in my chest and I didn't know why. Probably because I hadn't spoken to him in a few days, since our awkward experience at the garden. I didn't think I would be able to face him again, coupled with the fact that I just made a bad impression of myself on his brother. I wondered what he would think of me if the news got to his ears.

He wouldn't take it to heart. He was not the kind that had energy for such things, unlike his peacock of a brother. Feeling tense a little bit, I picked up the call and brought the phone to my ear.

"Assalamualaikum!" My voice came out low with a tired expression on my face.

"Wa alaikum salaam." The deep tenor of his voice teased my skin, and I suddenly realized how much I had missed him.

"I'm fine, Alhamdulillah," I said plainly in a low whisper, not wanting to give away the distress in my tone.

"What's wrong, munch? (short for munchkin). You don't sound so good." He asked and I frowned at what he had called me.

"Munchkin? I thought you promised never to call me that?" I raised a brow. He couldn't see me so it was simply a waste of expression.

"I'm sorry, Hann. I....it escaped my mind." He trailed off with a glint of nervousness in his tone. I could imagine him running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

"It's okay, try not to forget next time," I warned and heard him mumble something under his breath.

"So talk to me, what's up with you? You seem down." He pressed on with concern evident in his tone. I felt like I needed to talk to someone about it. And maybe it wouldn't hurt if I got to tell him myself. Hearing it from his brother spelled doom for me as he might paint the whole thing dark, making me look like the bad guy, whereas he was the actual villain.

"It's Zayn." I managed to say with a sad sigh.

"Who's Zayn...."He trailed off. "Oh wait! Zayn? What happened to him?"

"We provoked each other verbally in the hospital's parking lot."

"Is that why you're sounding so weary?"

"I don't know, I just don't feel like I can face him again...." I said slowly, turning on my side. I heard him chuckle and I huffed. "Oh never mind." I didn't think Imran understood the intensity of the situation.

"Hann, please forget about my brother. You'll get to know him very soon. He's a nice person." I caught myself rolling my eyes at his adoration comments for Zayn, which didn't seem to soothe my feelings. It wasn't helping my situation because I wanted him to understand that his brother hates me.

After getting numerous eye rolls, and funny facial expressions from me due to his glorification of his brother I finally heard him ask about my interview which was the reason he had called me. I gave him just the reply that he needed to hear and he asked if I could go see a movie with him the next day, which I pleasantly declined. Not because I couldn't go with him or something, just because I couldn't face him after our previous encounter.

I was still on the phone with Imran when my door creaked open, upon shifting my sight to the direction I saw Salma.

"Hannan, I was looking everywhere for you. Why did you run off like that?"

"I had to," I told her and signaled to her that I was on the phone with someone. She then went on to take off her head scarf. I noticed she was searching for something by the closet.

"I put your stuff in there so I couldn't get them mixed up with mine." I showed her to the cupboard in which I had kept her things and returned my attention to Imran.

We talked for a couple of minutes before we ended the call with a Salaam. I raised my head and my eyes accidentally found Salma stripping out of her clothes, almost abruptly I averted my eyes from her backside, feeling nauseous.

"Oh come on! Put on some clothes Salma, this isn't some strippers club." I cringed at her.

"What? Too sexy for you huh!" She smirked.

"Just get lost already." With that, I threw a pillow over my head and buried my face in my bed. I just needed to sleep away my sadness.

A few seconds later I heard her voice from behind me."Hannan, Imran wants me to go see a movie with him tomorrow. " I didn't notice her coming closer or even sitting next to me on the bed.

Did he already ask her before he asked me? I couldn't help thinking. I just laid low in silence, not understanding why my heart was heavy all of a sudden.

"Ummm....you wanna go?" I mumbled after a short silence.

"Yeah, I just wanted to make sure you're okay with it" she answered and I felt her collecting my hair in her palms. " I need your permission to go since he was your friend first." I smiled at that.

"Are you guys going on a date?" I asked cunningly with a taunting intent.

"Oh no! There is this new movie that came out and both of us want to see it together at the cinema." I heard her hurry in her defense.

"Salma, it's nothing. Imran and I are just friends and I have no right to decide who he goes out with. You don't need my permission to do whatever." I assured her. Pulling the bed covers over my body I heard her giggle lightly.

"Not to worry buttercup, I won't snatch him..." I shot my head up. "from you....." I noticed her trailing off when she saw the danger written on my expression.

"Okay, I get it. You two are not a thing." She raised her hands in defense. Making her way slowly away from me.

The rest of the day went by uneventfully with me just laying hopelessly in my bed. I hated the way I felt each time the thought of Zayn crossed my mind. My brain went numb just trying not to think of anything.

*****

†The Next Day†

Thursday was not my favorite day of the week, but somehow I felt good about that day. At first, the day started uneventfully until Salma asked that I accompany her to the grocery store. We had gone shopping for almost two hours and we were now heading back home.

We spent a couple of hours in the kitchen cooking. I had no idea what Salma was up to when she had us prepare a lavish meal.

Once done in the kitchen I left Salma to set the dining table while I went to the living room to meet my sister and her kids. Teslim had been weaving her daughter, Yeaseera's hair. She sat on the sofa while the little one sat on the floor between her legs.

"Ahmad is coming over." My sister informed me as soon as I made myself comfortable on the sofa.

"When?" I inquired.

"He didn't say." She told me and we heard the doorbell ringing.

"Don't worry, I'll get the door." I stood up and walked up to the door. I twisted the doorknob and pulled it open. My mouth fell to the ground when I saw who was standing at the door.

No, it was not Ahmad.

It definitely wasn't Mum.

I know you're thinking it was Zayn. No, not him either.

"Imran? What are you doing here?" The words escaped my mouth faster than I could comprehend what was going on.

"Hello, aren't you happy to see me?" He smiled, letting himself in, and slipped past me by the door.

"Well, you're welcome by the way," I uttered awkwardly, leading him into the living room. He went on to greet Teslim. I saw him exchanging high-fives with the kids. At that moment I just slipped out of their presence to the dining area where Salma had been.

"Hey, did you invite Imran here?" I came whispering at her.

"Yes, I did."

"What? Why?"

"Because I wanted to surprise you." She beamed.

"Salma! And you didn't tell me?"I tried to contain my annoyance.

"I thought you liked surprises."

"This is no surprise. You had us spend a fortune for these." I gestured at the food on the dining table. She sighed, placing a hand on my shoulders.

"Look, Hanny, it's no big deal. I promised to treat him to a sumptuous meal before we go see the movie. That is why I had invited him over." She explained and I felt a painful twinge in my chest.

"Oh...I see." I managed to say with a partially crooked brow, not understanding why I felt weird all of a sudden. I had to leave there before I did something silly, by something silly I mean throwing a fit because I didn't understand why I felt betrayed. Imran and Salma seemed to be getting closer each day that passed by.

*****

I walked up to my room and sat on my bed intending to avoid both of them for the time being until I was able to figure myself out. Yesterday was terrible and today was its sequel.

At first, I was holding up just fine but my heart started disagreeing with my brain. I was itching to know what they were up to.

I tiptoed my way to our stairway spindle, the one closest to my room. I stuck my head between the interspaced posts around there and looked through. The view of the dining area was clear from there. It was a perfect spying spot since the person below couldn't notice the one upstairs unless one was looking in that direction. So, they couldn't see me unless their heads were lifted.

"How did you manage this?" I heard Imran asking. They were seated across from each other at the table, just the both of them.

Keywords: They were alone!

"I cooked it. You like it?" She grinned proudly even though she wasn't the actual cook. I did most of the cooking. Okay! We cooked it together and she was taking all the credit for herself.

"It tastes fantastic." He nodded, with a soft smile playing on his lips.

I saw her leaning forward on the table, she looked around suspiciously before opening her mouth to speak"So, have you asked her out yet?" She whispered.

Ask who is out. Was it me? I frowned, slightly irritated by how intimate their relationship was becoming. I know it's silly to think of but I couldn't help but imagine that I was the one seated there and asking such a personal question.

"No..not yet. I don't have the guts to do that and yes I know I sound like a chicken."I saw Imran's face turning sour, with a glint of distress in it.

"Why do you always act so cowardly?" I saw her creased a faint brow. "What is so difficult about telling her how you feel when you know she feels the same way about you?" her tone was light yet I could see a painful annoyance in her expression. Who was this person they were whispering all about? I knew it was me but why did it feel weird? I mean, how was she even sure that I liked him? I hadn't even told anyone about it.

"I know but I just can't." He heaved a huge sigh, placing his spoon on the table. "She was my first crush and I am still crushing on her. It's hard not to say these feelings if made known to her would bore a dent in our friendship." His eyes grew wistful as he spoke and all the while his gaze was fixed on the table in front of him. More like he was trying to avoid that awful expression on Salma's face.

Wait! Did he just say that I was his first crush? Like he hadn't had a crush on another girl since then? On second thought, what if they were talking about someone else? I shoved the haunting thoughts down my guts, moving closer just so I could make out what they were going on about. They were beginning to entertain me with this open secret in the name of what they call discussion.

I don't know if spying is Haram in Islam but I just couldn't help myself. I needed to know how Imran actually felt about me and this was my chance, I couldn't miss it for anything.

"Oh forget it. You're such a chicken." She stood up."I'll go tell her right now and get this thing over with." Imran tried to stop her when she made a move, and my goodness he looked really worried, Poor thing!

"Salma, please don't do that."

"Why shouldn't I chicken? Are you afraid she's going to turn you down?" Why did she decide to torture this poor boy in the worst way possible?

"Shouldn't I be afraid? If she knows about my feelings and intentions everything could change rapidly. And I'm sorry to say that it's gonna ruin our friendship."

Imran was right. I couldn't even face him after what happened in the garden. I couldn't throw away fourteen years of friendship just like that. Those precious memories of our past meant so much to me more than words could describe.

"Alright Fine!" She raised her hands in defeat and then sank back into her chair. "It doesn't change the fact that you're a coward." She said under her breath. "Okay, listen to me. I gave you the option. It's either you go tell her or I do it myself."

"Why are you so interested in us being together?" He asked inquisitively, placing his hands intertwined on the table. She smiled widely with both of them staring into each other's eyes. I resisted the urge to throw my shoe at her stupid face.

"Because I just know that you are meant for each other. Two of my best friends are in love, that's a dream come true." That was what I heard before my phone rang up in my pocket, echoing across the entire room.

I literally froze on the spot and when I looked down I saw two pairs of big brown eyes with their mouths wide open, staring up in astonishment at me. Should I run or should I just stand there looking awkward like a waste of space?

†°†°†°†

I know someone is saying: this is supposed to be a romantic love story and we're in chapter twenty yet zero romance. Halishar what the heck are you doing with this story?

I know exactly how you guys feel and I'm sorry. This story is going to be a hell of a rollercoaster ride. It's a storm before sunshine kind of story so relax and enjoy the ride. We're heading somewhere.