Kim Tae-Hee

When Ji-Hu eyes went to his wristwatch by mistake. his eyes go wide.. He was in shock that he had missed one class. After it, we both ran to class. Thank god no teacher was present. His girlfriend asked him where he was. Before he could answer him, our history teacher came and start teaching. I feel relieved after telling all to Ji-Hu. When I told him I will go to meet grandparents, he invited himself. His exact line was 'As a punishment, I want you to take me with you to grandma's house'. Sometimes he totally acts like a child.

I have to even talk to Ki, Tan. I will talk to him after school. I send a text to Kim Tan.

Me: are you free after school?

Kim Tan: Yeah, I am free. But why you are asking?

Me: I have to talk to you.

Kim Tan: ok.

Teacher gave me look 'Concentrate in class or get out of my class room'. My concentration just at one place how to explain my point of view to Kim Tan. I am garnering my words that I have to speak in front of him. Really speaking your thoughts in front of someone is a very hard task.

What if he don't want to be my friend?

What I will do then?

I really want him to be my friend again.

I will try my best to encapsulate my condition to him.

I don't know what had happened to me. Few hours ago I wanted to be away from all but now I wanted all of them back. Friends are just like drugs. The more you take, the more you get addicted to them. When you thought to leave them, you can't do it just like drugs.

I just wanted this school to get over fast so that I can talk to him. All the words teacher was speaking were flying over my head. Not a single thing is going in my head. It feels like he is speaking in any foreign language. If he speak for one more hour I am going to sleep.

Today I have planned to go to shopping with grandpa and grandma. I have to bring a gift for Kim Woo-Bin. I know he will not take it but I will find a way to give him that. Today the weather is also good and I am also very cheerful after a long time. I haven't tell Ji-Hu about Kim Won's Confession. I will tell him this at night or when we will be returning from grandma's home. Now I don't wanna hide anything from him. He gives me a great advice when I am need of one.

Exams are also coming. I have to study more from now on.

***

Bell rang. Finally I am free. I have messaged Kim Tan to meet me in parking area. I was waiting for him near his bike. I don't know why he is taking so much of time to come out of the building. I looked at my wrist watch. It's been 30 minutes I am standing here. I looked at the building. Rachel was coming out of it with my step sister. She looked at me. Our eyes met. Her eyes hold hatred of me. She said something to Kim So-Eun. She also looked at me. I ignore them.

Useless people.

I saw Kim Tan coming out of the building.

"Kim Tan," I shouted loudly.

I look at Rachel form the corner of my eye. She was looking at him. He waves his hands. He ran towards me. Kim So-Eun and Rachel Yoo both were observing the scene. May be Rachel Yoo was burning in her own anger but I am enjoying this.

"Oh Tae-Hee, I am really sorry for making you wait for so long."

"It's fine Tan. Any way I can wait for my boy for hours."

"Some people have two faces. They play with so many boys feelings at one time," Rachel said loudly so that we can hear it, most importantly I can hear it.

Kim Tan looked at her. She ignored him. He knows that the comment was directed towards me. But I am not at all hurt by her comments as I know with whom I am playing and with whom I am not.

"Rachel, why you can't mind your own business. You have a habit of interfering in everything. I totally hate those type of people," he said briskly.

Someone is in very bad mood. Before they start arguing I have to take Kim tan away from here.

"Kim So-Eun, take Rachel away from here," I said.

She nod and dragged her away to her car. She listened so easily. I was expecting her to argue with me but she had done totally opposite of it.

Kim Tan rub his hands on his face. I give him a look, 'why you are angry?'

"It's nothing." He shove his hands in his jeans pocket.

"So you are hiding things from me?" I questioned. I am no one to say this sometimes blackmailing works a little.

"See, who is talking about hiding things." He throws a sarcastic comment on me.

It hurts but its truth only. They deserve to be angry at me. I mask hurt look on my face with a big smile.

"Ouch, this hurts Kim Tan." I put right hand on my heart. He smile.

"Stop acting. Most importantly, stop faking in front of me. I know my comment hurts you."

I press my lips and looks at him. A tear slip from my eye.

"Stop crying. I don't like it when girls cry," he joked.

"I am not crying. Now start telling why you are angry?" I crossed my hand against my chest.

He was looking down. I look at my right side, my car was waiting for me. I have totally forget about it.

"Tan, I am just coming in few minutes."

I walk to my car. Very few students are here in parking and they too are going out of the school. I have totally forget about it. uncle Henry has been waiting for me for so long minute. He was back the day he came to know I was not taking care of myself at all. He scolded me so much. but I was loving it all.

As I stand in front of the door of the car, the glass automatically slide down. He is always on time at every place. He never let me wait for anything and today I made him wait for so long. I am feeling so bad about it.

"I am very sorry for making you wait for so long," I apologize.

"Its fine, child. Are you going home or you are going with your friend? I forget his name." his sweet voice. He never raised his tone at anyone. He is the sweetest person.

"His name is Kim Tan. Yeah, I am going with him I have to talk to him and most importantly apologise to him for being stupid for so long." I look at Tan. He is looking at me. I give him a smile.

"I will handle your dad." He always do this. He tell my dad truth in a very twisted way. He always saves me from getting scolding from dad.

"Thank you very much."

"No problem," he said. He starts the car and moves to road. I just stand there looking at car till it turn to left.

I walk back to Tan.

"So, let's go to a park then we will talk." He wear his helmet and give me one to wear. He starts his bike. I sit on his bike and there we go to favourite place of Tan.

The ride to the park was silent. Enjoying the cold breeze. Smell of fresh rain lingering in the air. Black Clouds decorated the sky. Lightening shining from the blanket of black clouds. Trees dancing with the flow of breeze.

We reach the park. He park his bike. Then we both go to his favourite seat.

"So now speak up fast?"

He give me a questioning look.

"Why you are angry, stupid?"

"OH!!!"

"Now speak up fast."

"You are so irritating."

I roll my eyes.
"Rachel is irritates me a lot. I don't know why the girls are so irritating. When I don't wanna talk to her but she just can't understand this. Irritating me with her stupid questions like why you are not talking to your girlfriend? Means you. Why I like you? What's so good in you?" he is speaking in one breath.

He continued, "You are my friend. People don't understand the friendship between a girl and by. They only thing a girl and a boy can only be boyfriend and girlfriend. They can't be friend." He getting angry but he is correct.

"Tan, cool down."

"I am cool only. I am not angry. Stupid girls."

"Tan, she likes you." His expression were same. He isn't shock to hear this. So he knows she likes him.

"I don't like people who talk bad about my friends. I have already lose a friend because of a girl. I don't wanna lose again." His tone turns to sad. He was looking in the sky. But he was looking back in past memories.

"Now leave me. You start speaking why you were away? Why you were running away from us all? I am not talking to you. I have planned not to talk to you but here I am talking to you," he speak in a childish tone. I start laughing.

"What's there to laugh?"

"You voice sounds funny when you speak like a child." I start laughing more loudly.

"I came to know one thing, Kim Won-Jun proposed you." There my laughter dies. I don't wanna speak about it. It was so hard to distract my mood from this. Now he made me remember it.

Prat...

"What you called me?"

"I hate you." I slap him on his hand. He rub it from there.

"Girl, you are very dangerous."

"So now you speak up fast. From starting to Kim Won's confession's story." He winked at me. Now I have to speak. He is a stupid person. He will make me speak about Kim Won. I am avoiding the topics that involves him. I don't know what should I do about him? I am already so much confused about all this. At one point I wanna give him a chance but when I think about my mom, I don't wanna give him any chance. I am afraid to hurt him or get hurt in this.

"Basically, my mind was gone on a different track. I don't wanna talk to anyone. I was messed up totally. I wanna run away. I don't wanna involve with anyone. It's like I am afraid to hurt anyone of you. When I am with people, I feel sophisticated. Talking to all of you was getting hard. I was not liking people around me, so closed to me. I want all of you to hate me. I want you all to tell me I murder my mother. I want you all to make me feel vulnerable. I don't like you all saying you love me, you care for me. I was totally distracted. I was a big mess. Until today morning, I read poem last night written in my mom's diary." I show him a page. It's not stick in diary. It's not written by my mom as handwriting is not her's.

In the cloud of darkness,

Light is hiding.

Waiting for you to find it.

May be your hope level will get less.

Still go on a search of it.

Stopping at one point in life useless.

When air of sadness,

Turn into a blanket of fog around you.

You may feel like the world is against you.

You get trapped in the thread of grieves.

You find care of people a nonsense.

To you everything looks dross.

Loneliness becomes your best friend.

With all your loved ones relationship you will end.

You end up the search of light.

You get busy in making your life miserable yourself.

You start torturing your soul yourself.

You don't see shining star at night.

But you notice how dark the night is.

Stop grieving over this colourless world.

Stand up colour it yourself.

Walk forward.

Find way yourself.

Don't look backward.

Make your dictionary of amazing words.

Don't borrow words of this not so good world.

Cut the threads of grievness.

Get up and find your way.

It's useless at one place to stay.

Explore your surroundings.

You will find a way,

To get to the light.

In the end you will know,

You are your own light.

"It's a nice poem."

I continued, "I understand the meaning of it when I was not able to concentrate in classes. I was touring my soul myself. I was doing what people were doing with me. Now I have thought I will focus on my future. I will work hard and be the famous architect in South Korea. I will just focus on studies and not on my past. It's gone. By giving importance to it, I am destroying my present." Tears are about to leak but I didn't cried... No more crying from today onwards.

He was giving me a very strange look. I don't understand it.

"Tae-Hee, you are great person," he said with a smile.

"I know I am very great."

"What about Won?" he smirk.

Again Kim Won-jun. Can't he just get the hint that I don't wanna talk over this? I don't know about Kim Won. Right now I am telling him about myself but now he wants to bring Kim Won in between.

"I don't know," I sighed.

"What do you mean by you don't know?" he sounded angry.

"I don't know. I am focusing on myself right now. I don't wanna be any relationship with anyone. I can't love anyone. Love only gives pain," I stopped. I remembered all what my dad did with my mom. I can't speak more. It only gives pain.

"He is a good person. He will never hurt you. He can hurt himself besides hurting you. He never liked a girl. You are the first one. He really loves you. I have seen him how much disturb he was when you were not fine. Every day he waits for you at school gate just to see you and when you don't come to school he is just lost somewhere. I can take guarantee that in life he will never hurt you."

My eyes automatically goes up. His eyes were shoeing pure care for his friend who is still his best friend even if they are not talking. Their friendship just holds broken title in words and not in real. Their hearts still holds care for each other.

"I will think about him." I have just these words to end this topic. I know where this can lead too.

"Do you like him?" he questioned.

May be or maybe not. I am confused about my own feelings I have for him.

"I am confused," I whispered.

Now I just want to focus on my future. I wanna work hard for my goals. Show my dad that I can do things of my own. I don't his money to make my future. I will get admission by my own hard work, not by his money. I want to garner myself then do rest thing. I have to start loving myself besides loving this world.

We sit there in silence for few minutes. Neither he said anything to me nor do I speak any words. We both were enjoying the silence and each others company in it. Sometimes words are not needed to explain emotions. Silence can also express it clearly. It was so good sitting with him.

"Tae-Hee, thank you very much."

"For what?"

"For many things."

I am not able to understand what he was saying. I never did anything for him or for anyone else. I had just give pain to them.

"You will not understand. You have no brain," he joked.

I just smile.

"Oh, I don't have brain." I repeat his line in a disliking tone.

He nods.

"That's why I made friends who also don't have brain. Otherwise if my friend will have brain, they will do show off."

He gives me a look 'what you are trying to say?' I laugh the way he was looking. He didn't get what I have said.

"See you also don't have brain, as you can understand a simple line." I laugh more loudly.

"You..."

I get the hint from his face he understand it. I know what is coming that's I get up fast and ran towards the gate and he ran behind me.

***

Kim Tan drop me at my home. As usual no one was there in the home and I am happy about it. I don't wanna see anyone as my mood is very good. I don't want it to turn opposite. That's I ran to my room. I got a message from Ji-Hu that he is coming in 30 minutes to pick me up as we have to go to grandpa's home.

I wear a black shirt with a black jeans. I leave my hairs open. It took me 30 minutes to get ready. But Ji-Hu hasn't come till now. I text him to come fast. I look outside my window. The sky was just shining grey and black. No sign of blue. I am waiting for rain but I think so it will not rain.

I get a text from Ji-Hu to come out of the house. He is at the gate.

I walk fast to the gate. I don't know today why no one is at home today. They should be home till now. It's 4:00 pm. Any way I have nothing to do with them all. So I shook my head and open the gate of the house.

"Hi, Ji-Hu."

He waves his hand. I hear a car sound. I look at my right side. My dad's car stops in front of Ji-Hu's bike. Damn it. He will ask questions where I am going. Why I am going in this weather? I should not go. I sit on the bike before my dad comes out of the car. Ji-Hu starts the bike. He knows I don't wanna encounter my dad right now.

My mood is also good. I don't want it to turn like yesterday. The ride to Grandpa's house was smooth and silent.

***

We are standing outside the gate. Ringing the bell. They are taking so much of time to open the gate.

"Ji-Hu, I wanna share with you something about Won. When you will be free to talk tell me?"

"Okay."

"Ji-Hu are you still angry?"

"No, I was never angry at you." He smile.

Before I could say anything, the door was opened and we see two beautiful smiling faces. I hug both of them. I miss this home so much. I sit on the couch. Love is the only fragrance a person could smell in this home. I wanna stay here for forever. Just lost in this fragrance. Ji-Hu sit beside me. Grandpa and grandma sit on the opposite sofa.

"You would have told me Tae-Hee you are coming. I would have made things for you to eat. I miss you so much my child," Grandma's voice broke at the end. She starts crying. I get up from my seat and engulf her in hug.

"I miss you too a lot," I whisper.

Grandpa also starts crying. My tears also form in my eyes but if I start crying they both will cry a lot. I try hard to stay strong.

"Stop crying grandma. See grand ma grandpa is also crying by seeing you." I try to console her. But she was just crying. I hug both of them. They were crying so much.

"Grandpa you will get sick by crying so much," Ji-Hu say.

I wipe the tears of Grandma. Ji-Hu wipes the tears of grandpa.

"You should visit us many times in a week. We miss you both a lot. I don't even remember when I have seen Kim Woo-Bin. May be two or three times he visit us in the whole year," he exclaimed.

I am scandalize to know this. I thought at least he will take care of grandparents. It's so awful. He just live in his own world. He had stopped thinking about people. These are our real family not all those people. Even our dad is not ours anymore. He is using Woo-Bin for his own benefits. I have to knock some senses in him.

"I will make sure he visits you many times in a year," I said bitterly.

Grandma gets up from her seat. I sit on my place and Ji-Hu too sit on his seat.

"You both might be hungry," grandma said with a smile.

I looked at Ji-Hu. We both say together, "Yes, we are very hungry."

We both starts laughing. They both also joined us. Grandma go to kitchen. We all follow her to kitchen. We sit on the dining table and Granma brings delicious food. She cooks very tasty food, extremely delicious one. I miss this food.

After eating. We all go to living room. I and Ji-Hu starts telling them about what's going in school. Grandpa tells us about his school days stories. We all are sharing chapters of our life. Sharing the chapters holding lots of laughs and smiles and also sharing those chapters written by tears.

Grandpa was very naughty boy. He just liking singing and playing. Studying was never his cup of tea. So he pursued singing as a career. He really has a very nice voice. He tell us about his love story too. He was a great singer of his time. He met grandma on a rainy day for the first time. He was coming back to his home after doing a recording for a song. So Grandma was standing in between of road asking for lift as her car stopped working and she has to reach to hospital as there was an emergency case. Grandpa had given her the lift. Grandma was shocked to see him as he was a very famous at that time. Grandma was a fan of him. But at that time she was more worried about her patient. In the whole ride grandma was just praying for that person. Grandpa fell in love with her. It was love at first sight. Grandma already like him.

Ji-Hu and I have heard this first encounter of both of them first time. They had told us many stories but this they had never told. Grandpa remember this today as right now it is raining heavily just like that day.

"It's evening now. I am going to make dinner. I am late," Grandma said when she see the time.

Grandma rush to kitchen. I follow her. I sit on a chair and see how she is going to make things.

"Grandma, a guy proposed me today," I says.

Her expression were neutral. She is not angry to hear it. I want her advice in this.

"So, what you said to him?"

"I said I need time."

"Hmm... tell me about him?" she said. She continue what she was doing.

"His name is Kim Won. He is my classmate. His father had so many restaurents all around the world and hotels in south korea. He is a good person. He don't talk rudely with people. He don't get angry so fast. He never had a girlfriend too. He has only one friend-"

Grandma speak in between, "What you think about him?"

"I am confused. My mind says don't give him any chance. Heart says give him a chance."

"Listen to your heart," she remarked.

Two people have said to give him a chance. I should give him a chance. even my heart says same.

I don't even know my fear of hurting him will turn into reality.