"Move, but don't move the way fear makes you move."

- Rumi...

Kim Tae-Hee

I was sitting in maths class and just looking at the blackboard to find the answer dad will say. To find what my dad will give me. If he didn't give me anything but I had put this option in front of him. I can just hope that this time he may choose a good option, the one I wanted.

Something hit on my forehead. I rubbed from there. I sit straight and see that sir is looking at me. The thing that hit me was chalk. Sir was looking at me with anger. I stand at my seat and looking at my desk, my eyes were wide open to see my notebook. The page was fully destroyed by my beautiful drawing, not the sarcasm. It was all mess. I close my notebook and put it under the desk because if sir sees it, he will surely send me out of the class.

I move hand in my hair. Sir is just standing at his place with hands folded against his chest and observing my moves.

"Kim Tae-Hee where are you?" he said loudly.

"Sir, I-I am here only," I said softly.

"Go out of the class," he said with his previous tone.

I follow his orders and went out of the class with the support of the wall. For just giving him an answer to his question he made me stand out of his class. He is such a jerk.

"Yes, you said correctly."

I said so loudly. But when he came out of the class.

"I came out because I was sleeping in his class boring class. By listening to his voice I got very sleep well. "

Again I said loudly. I look at me. His hair was messy, like always.

"Kim Tan, you attend his class because you get good sleep?"

He nods.

"You are crazy," I said to him by messing his hair more. He gets irritated by it.

"Will you go out today with me?" he said while leaning on the wall and hands in the pockets of his pants.

I was not expecting this from him. My half heart wants to say no and half wants to say yes. As by going with him out I will come to know more about him and his relations with Won.

"Why you want to go out with me?" I said while folding my hands against my chest.

"Because it's been a long time since I had gone with a friend and one reason is that I don't know, means we both don't know much about each other and we can get an opportunity to know each other. Don't take it any wrong means. I am not taking on a date. I am taking you out as a friend. "

I am still revolting inside to find a proper reply. He is correct that we both don't know about each other and it's a good opportunity to know about each other. I can also skip the awkward family dinner.

"I want to start afresh life now. I want to move on. I also want to create new friends because I had waited for old ones to come back but I think so they also have moved on. So, I thought why I can't move on," he said and his voice was breaking while saying it.

"Yeah, it's correct to move on. But it's easy to say but hard to do. A person can say it easy but when he/she try it, at that time they know how hard it is. I tried many times to move on but life makes me stand at the same place again and again. Sometimes it feels like life is playing with me by making me go to the same situation again. It feels like life is not satisfied to see me once in pain that it wants me to walk that thorny path again. Again I have to find the courage, power, strength, and will."

"What are you speaking?" Tan asked.

"Oh! Sorry, I was speaking rubbish. You will not understand. Just leave it, "I said to him while walking towards the library.

He also comes behind. If Kim Woo-bin came to Know about it, I think he will not be affected by it. What he will do? Nothing.

I looked inside the library and found it for the first time empty. The librarian was not there. I go inside and Tan also follows me.

"What are you going to do?" he questioned.

"I am going to study and that's only what we do in the library."

Tan was smiling. What's the matter with him? I am lacking behind in studies and I have to study very hard if I have to earn something.

"But I sleep in the library. I got a very good sleep here also," he said while giving one of his sexy smiles.

What I had said, ′ sexy.′ something is going wrong with since the kiss with Kim Won. I need to do something otherwise I will get mad. Whenever I see Kim Won, I feel strange and the worst part I like it but I shouldn't like it. Whenever I think about that kiss, warmth spread in my whole body and I feel his lips on mine. It's wrong I shouldn't feel like that. I put aside these thoughts and go to the maths section to take a book. I turn and found that Tan is nowhere. I called out his name. I look at the different corners and feel someone's presence in the far left corner. I go there and found Tan sleeping. Sitting on a chair and head was buried in the arms on the table.

I returned back to the maths book section and topple out a book. But now I don't have a notebook and a pen in which I can practice. I look around to find something in which I can write and with which I can write. I go to the librarian's table and found a pen. I take it and then search for a notebook in the library.

I found one on the far corner window. I open it and it was blank. No name is written on it. Finally, I got a notebook. Now, I can do maths quietly without any disturbance. I can do maths in class also but I just got punishment and I had skipped that punishment also and come to the library to study.

Wow! Old Tae-Hee is coming back.

I sat in the corner on the same table as Kim Tan to avoid the interrogation of the librarian. It's better to hide rather than answering her silly questions.

I open the book and start solving the questions of geometry.

***

Time passes in solving questions of maths and I got distracted by the noise of someone's opening the door. I looked up from my book and found there is no one. Kim Tan was gone out. I don't know when he wakes up and gone out. Who might have come now? I closed the books and stand up from my seat to look at the intruder. I looked here and there in the library to found someone but no one was there. I was having a bad feeling. I moved forward and feel like someone was following me. I can feel the hair on my neck rising up. I took one step back and feel someone's presence behind. I was damn scared right now. Sweats start rolling down my forehead. Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder. I was about to shout but the person put his/ her hand on my mouth.

The person pulls me towards him/her and my body collides with his/her body. His perfume smell hit my nostrils and I recognized who is there. The smell fills my nostrils.

"Did you enjoy with your new friend?" he said in a seducing voice in my ear.

His voice always does something to my mind. I could feel his breath against my neck. My heart starts beating fast. I was finding the correct words to say to him.

He removes his hand from my mouth and turns me to face him. He was quite taller than me. I looked in his eyes. His dark brown eyes. He was looking continuously on my lips. My gaze goes to his pink lips. I can feel his lips on my cheeks. Blood rushed to my cheeks and ears. My hands paralyzed.

I was just standing still and looking in his eyes. I was fighting with my heart and telling it not to feel like this. Telling it that he is just like my dad. He will leave me. He will use me. When I will be of no use he will throw me away. What's happening to me? I shouldn't feel like this feeling is foreign to me. But still, I shouldn't like that feeling. In the end, I will be left alone with a broken heart, just like my mom.

I wanted to shout at him for kissing me, for touching me but my mouth was sealed. No words coming out of it. I wanted to yell at him but no sound was there. I didn't want this new feeling to overcome me. It will only leave me vulnerable in the end. I am damn scared of that end. I am not strong like my mom who had to live her life like that, she lived her married life in finding love and as a support to this family.

I turned on my heels and ran to the terrace. I opened the door of the terrace. My lungs are on fire. I was taking deep breaths. My vision is blur due to tears. I tried hard to control my breathing. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I brushed them away with my hand and stand beside the person.

He looked at me. My eyes might be bloodshot red and nose pink. He wipes one tear away which slides down my right cheek.

"Sometimes life is so hard with people," he said while looking in the sky. I thought he might ask the question, why I was crying? Or what happened? But he didn't. It's good that he didn't ask because I don't have an answer to these questions.

"I am tired, Kim Tan. I am tired of running from my past it walks behind me everywhere. I wanted to move on. But it's very hard to take one step towards change. Past pulls me back every time I ran away from it. I am tired of all this. I am scared to close my eyes because the past never leaves me in peace. I don't want to accept these newfound feelings. I am scared of losing people in my life. I am scared to hurt them. I am afraid that they will leave me. I am tired of collecting my broken pieces. I want to run away from my past. But I feel like I ran back to it. People say easily that move on in your life but they don't know it's very hard to do. Tell me what should I do?" I said to Tan without stopping. I didn't tell him about Kim Won-Jun directly.

He was just looking at the front. He didn't respond or pushed me to tell him everything in detail. But after a few seconds, he starts speaking and I was shocked to hear it, "Accept it. Fight with the past. Don't let it dominate you. Don't run away. If you get tired then take rest. Past is your enemy on the battlefield, you have to win from it. You just can't accept your defeat easily. You just can't give up. It's not easy to fight with it but it's not hard also. If you start thinking that the task is very hard to do then you can't do that task because you just give up before starting it. And about the people in your life, if they love you more than themselves then they will never leave you. If someone leaves you then think that he/she didn't love you or care for you. If you hurt them, then I am sure you will also get hurt. Then you will try not to hurt them and you will not hurt them. For newfound feelings, you have to listen to your heart and don't let your mind overrule you because for those feelings it's better to listen to heart than mind. The mind will only lose it. The person for whom -" he turns to me and shoves his hands deep in his pant pockets and walks towards the door and I was in shock to hear what he said, " - you are having a newfound feeling will not leave you ever in his life. I have seen the love for you in his eyes. Don't do the same mistake I did by leaving him." Then he goes down, leaving me in a thunder of thoughts.

Now, I have to choose myself and the choice shouldn't affect me. He said Kim Won-Jun loves me but I don't think so. But this new feeling gives me a happy vibe. I feel safe near him but this can't be love. I had seen what love can do to you. It can only destroy us. What if he truly loves me and will not leave me? What if he is not like my dad? If he is like my dad? I am so confused right now. I don't know what should I do? I am so helpless right now.

Mom had said in one of her writings that not every man will be like dad.

Q: What do you think about the story so far?

Q: Will Tae-Hee accpet  his love for Kim Won-Jun?

Q: Do you think Kim Won-Jun really loves her or it's just an affection?

Thanks for reading this chapter.