"You don't know me don't ignore me
you don't want me there
you just shut me out
you don't know me
don't ignore me
If you had your way
you'd just shut me up
Make me go

No, I just don't understand why you won't talk to me
its hurts that I'm so unwanted for nothing
don't talk words against me
I wanted to know you
I wanted to show you"

- Avril Lavigne

Kim Tae-Hee

Dear princess, you know I love your dad so much. He was not like that before.

How can you love that person, mom?
How? He never loved you. He loves that mistress, So-Hyun. He used you mom. He used you. I hate him, mom.

He loves us so much. He was a very good person. He can do anything for you both. He love you and Kim Woo-bin so much.

He never loves us, mom. He never loves us.

He just faked everything.

He bluffed you, mom.

He just used your innocence.

He just used you, mom.

But love in our marriage was started getting less after you were born. He started spending less time with us. So I decided to leave him for his happiness. To make him happy.
When he smiled, I feel like I'm smiling.
But he stopped smiling after you were born. But he loves us.
He loves all of us so much.

No.

He never loves us.

He loves them.

We are just burden to him, which he has to bear no matter what.

Mom, you were hopelessly in love with that man.

I want you to promise that you will never ask anything from his property or business. Never... You will never ask a single penny from his property. Promise me. If he have to give you, he will give you. But please never ask.
I know he will give you. But never ask.
You will never ask anything from him.

I love you so much.

You are my brave girl.

When your dad hit me for first and last time. The way you stood for me was amazing.

Be like that always.

Your dad loves you both. He can do anything for you both.

Anything, mom. Let's see how much he loved us.

Mom, I can never promise you that.

I will ask something from him, then his love will be seen. Then I will see how much he love us or how much he love all his children.

Your birth was both good and bad.

When you were born, your dad was not there. He had an important meeting to attend and he was out of the country for that. But when he comes back, he was so happy to see you.

He gives you name Tae-Hee.

You were very lucky for me.

I love you.

When you were born......You were thinking I am telling in riddles.
But it good for you to know riddles, my child.
Answers are very hard to read or write.

From, Mom.

What is that mom?

How can my birth be bad?

Am I unwanted? A thousand questions were roaming my mind. I want to know the answer to every question. I really wanted to know why I was bad for them. But there is no one who can give me an answer. I am sure this is one of the reasons dad send me far. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. What if I was unwanted?

There is no one who can give my answer.

This is the only reason dad send me far.

Tears start to roll down. They are not stopping. I am unwanted...

You are unwanted.

No one wants you.

Everyone hates you.

You are only reason, people hate you.

My mind was repeating negative thoughts. I wanted to get rid of this all. Headache was increasing. And the voices in my head too.

You are unwanted.

No one wants you.

You are a burden to them.

They hate you.

I close my ears to stop these sounds. I clutch my hair in my hand.
I want fresh air. There is no air.
My breathing is getting slow. Someone comes to help me.

The Head is so heavy. My eyelids are closing. Vision is blurred by tears.
No air. My lungs are burning. This room feels sophisticated. With the support of bed I somehow stand and walk to the door with the support of the wall.

I hold the doorknob. Headache is increasing. My breathing was getting deep. All energy is drained. I feel like someone has cut the connection of oxygen. I open the door and ran to the garden with the left energy.

The breeze hit my face. Sun was shining brightly. My air is moving with the breeze. My eyes are closed. I clutch the hem of my shirt. I try to control my breath.

I don't want to face reality. It will hurt me.

If it is the truth that dad and mom don't want me.

If I was really bad luck for them.

There is no one to help me, to tell me the right path, to help me when I am having panic attacks.

Why you give me so much pain god?

Why you made me alone?

Why everyone hates me?

No one is there to answer these bloody questions. But I will find there answer. I will...

I sit on the freshly cut grass. The sky is shining brightly. Zephyr is blowing. There is complete silence. The chirping of birds is breaking the silence. The atmosphere was both warm and cold.

I told my legs, wrap my hand around them and put my chin on my knee, and look at the birds flying in the sky.

They are free. They can fly anywhere they want. No one is there to stop them. No one is there to hate them. All love them. They have the freedom to do anything.

I want to be like them.

Carefree.

Freedom.

Independent.

And I will be like them one day.

***

I don't know how many hours I spend sitting on the grass. Sun was now setting. Beautifully the sky was decorated with so much light and color. Somewhere is blue, somewhere purple, pink, yellow, and orange. It was so beautiful. The sky is decorated to say goodbye to the sun, its close friend. Now, it's getting ready to welcome the moon and the stars to shine in the darkness of the night. To decorate the blanket of darkness.

After setting, it will again rise with the same energy and set with the different colors to make every time a different landscape.

Moon and stars decorate every day like the same but the moon changes its shape.

To show the humans, life changes but you have to stand up if you fall in change. Never lose hope. Always rise like the sun with eternal light and brightly shine like moon and stars in your life darkness. Become your own light in your darkness.

I stand up in my place. I remove the dust from my jeans.

Everything in this world teaches something.

I go back inside the home. No one has come till now. It 5:30 pm, I go to the kitchen to make something. I am very hungry. My stomach was growling.

I decide to make pancakes because I don't have to do any chopping.

I take all the ingredients. It takes 45 minutes to find all those ingredients. Maid is not there so that I can ask from them.

If pan kept in one corner, other things are in another corner.

Chopping is a tall order for me.

***

I put the pancakes from the pan to the plate. There smell is amazing. I put a lot of cherry syrup on them. I take a fork and go outside with the plate in the right hand.

I sit in my usual seat. I was about to put my first bite in my mouth but someone interprets in between.

"Tae-Hee why you didn't go to school today?" Dad asked.

"I don't want to."

I looked at him. He was standing at the door of his office. I remembered what he did with me yesterday with me. I feel hatred building in my heart. Right now I want to know the answer to one question and he is the only one who can give it to me.

"Dad, can I ask you one question?"

He looks at me briefly. His face shows no expression. Just blank.

"Ask."

"Am I unwanted? You don't want me? Am I bad luck for you? "

I finally asked.

Q: what do you think her father will answer?

Q: What do you think about her mother's dairy?

Thanks for reading this chapter. Please vote and comment.