"I don't have a date to homecoming, so I'm going to invite my best friend. Don't worry about it, she loves me." I told myself in the mirror for the 15th time. "It's fine, she's the best. All I have to do is walk in there and say, 'Hey Casey, wanna go to homecoming?' And she'll say... 'No fatty, leave...' She would never say that... Man, what am I doing? I'm overthinking this. It's easy, I walk in there and just ask. That's all there is to do. That's how easy it is." So, I stood up straight, adjusted my t-shirt, wiped the sweat off my forehead and walked into Casey's family room.

The pictures were all nicely placed, each one filled with smiling faces looking out at me. Mocking me. Then there was the eggwhite walls that were slowing closing in around me. The panic creeping up my throat that I swallowed down like a glass of nails. Stop thinking stop thinking stop thinking. I thought, Ironically. Then, there was the big, leather black couch that I had slept on for hundreds of nights, lovingly looking down the hall at her bedroom door, protecting her from the imaginary demons I would fight off with my steal armor and sharpened sword. Demon's were never as big of a problem as I thought they would be when I was a kid. Focus Shawn. Focus on the task at hand. Then, on the couch, there she was. Watching something on TV with a cute little smile on her face. She wore a grey beanie on top of green (once blue) and black hair. Her knees were up to her chest as she was perfectly curled up, and unknowingly adorable. One hand gently placed on her knee and the other holding a soda can which a small white straw protruded from and made its way all the way up to her soft lips. She was wrapped up in a simple green, soft blanket that draped down the couch and onto the floor. Just enough for another person. Shut up shut up shut up.

She looked up at me, and her smile widened. "Hey Shawny, you ok? You were in the bathroom for a really long time."

She knew. RUN! "Yeah, no. I'm fine. Just had to make a call is all. Um..." After three years of being her best friend, you'd think I'd gotten better at not being absolutely awkward, but you'd be absolutely wrong. I was just as awkward as ever before.

"Is everything ok?" She sat up slightly, ruining her perfectly comfortable position.

Damn it. "No no no. Everything is absolutely fine. Just... uh... mom. Would you go to Homecoming with me, Casey?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Couldn't find a pretty girl or guy to go with?"

Yes. "No."

"Well, it's still a few weeks away. If you can't find a date, I'd be happy to go with you. But do make sure you at least try to find a date. Homecoming should at least be a little romantic." She laughed that little laugh she always did.

"Ok, I'll try, I promise."

I didn't. In fact, I didn't talk to anyone at all. I didn't even want the possibility of having a date. There was only one person in the whole universe that I wanted to go with and that was Casey. You see, as creepy as that all sounded, those feelings and visualizations weren't unfounded. I had been silently in love with Casey for three years. I had now watched her go through three separate boyfriends and had consoled her the entire time. Zachery, the manipulative narcissist, Joshua, the silent womanizer who had cheated on her the entire relationship and now, Corbin who I was convinced was a sociopath. This most recent Prick had slowly convinced Casey that she didn't need any of her friends, just him. I was actually the last real friend she had, until eventually I was out of the picture too, but I'll get to that momentarily. Anyway, I had sat and watched these guys go by. One after the other. I never told her the things I observed until I was sure that I had gotten enough evidence, then I would let her know if I thought they were bad for her. I had gotten rid of Zach that way, but Josh never seemed bad until after they had broken up and Casey found out the truth on her own. I watched her heartbreak over and over again. And I held her through every one. And hurt me so bad to see her cry and hurt, but I did it anyway. I loved her with every ounce of my being, and I just wanted her happy. It was when I got greedy that it all fell apart.

Corbin was the silent type, and he was waiting for the right chance to remove me from the picture. I was oblivious to this. I noticed him getting Casey to leave her friends, but I was cocky. I thought I'd always be safe. I was wrong.

It was homecoming night and I had dressed so nicely for her. I wanted to make sure that she had a wonderful evening with me. I wanted her to enjoy every moment. She dressed in her old prom dress that had apparently gotten a bit tighter than it was.

"Hunny, It's ok, you're absolutely beautiful. I promise that you aren't fat. Don't be silly!" That was my mom. She had become just as much Casey's mom as she was mine.

"Mom, I can't go out like this. I don't even know how I gained weight. I haven't been doing anything differently." Casey had tears in her eyes that I didn't quite understand. I had always been the biggest kid in the room. I was used to finding clothes to be a bit tight sometimes. Yeah it made me depressed, but Casey was gorgeous, No amount of weight would ever change that. Why was she feeling so self conscious about something so small as a couple pounds.

Mom brought her out of the bathroom and said, "Close your eyes. Let's see what Shawn thinks. I bet that will make you feel better."

"Ok mom... I hope he's a good liar."

I was, but when I saw her I realized that that didn't matter. She was absolutely beautiful. I hadn't seen anything like it in my life. Her hair had every single color in the rainbow in it and it was in waves down the side of her head down to her neck. The other side was shaved off, leaving a look that only Casey could pull off so perfectly. Her eyes were surrounded by a single layer of eye shadow which brought out her beautiful brown eyes. Eyes that I already got lost in were now a focal point which meant I'd be getting lost in them all night. Now to her lips which were a perfect shade of red that I didn't know existed. I had to stop every feeling in my body from kissing her in that moment. Then her perfectly shaped neck which had the very first necklace I had ever bought for her placed perfectly, hanging just above her slightly protruding cleavage. Then, my eyes trailed down her body to find a blood red dress that perfectly accentuated her curves like I had never seen. Then down to the floor to her perfectly high heels that added just enough height to almost match me. I was speechless

"See, I told you he'd hate it..." She opened her eyes and looked down to the floor.

I had to be very careful about my word choice so not to alert the fact that I thought she was the creation of Adam. "You look absolutely beautiful, Casey. Genuinely gorgeous. Everyone is gonna be so jealous." See, that I had gotten good at. Acting like a best friend and nothing more. The plutonic buddy. Yay...

She smiled ever so slightly and walked over to me. She put her hands on my shoulders and said. "It's you that they're gonna be jealous of. I got that most handsome date in the world."

Don't say that... please... I'm going to take that the wrong way so hard. And I did, but that wasn't important.

"PICTURES!" Mom cheered excitedly. That was her favorite part after all.

---

We sat in the gym at a table away from the dancing. I hated social gatherings anyway and only cared to be there with the love of my life. The people at my school sucked anyway. I looked over to Casey, who was smiling, but there seemed to be some hidden something behind it. That made me uneasy. I knew when Casey was hiding her feelings. She didn't want me to know, but I always did. "Hey... You ok?"

A tear slipped from her eye and she quickly wiped it away and smiled at me. "No, yeah, I'm fine... Um..."

"Don't lie, Casey. You already know that I know. Just tell me."

She looked down as a few more tears fell. "I don't know... I guess... I guess it just sucks to grow up, ya know? All these people look like kids to me now. I'm graduated, I've got bills and... I don't know, It's just not what I was hoping it would be. I don't belong here anymore..."

I nodded and smirked. I had an idea. "Do you wanna get outta here?"

She looked up at me. "It's your Homecoming, we can't leave."

Confidence I had never felt suddenly hit my heart. "I'm only here to be with you, Casey. Let's get out of here."

A genuine smile crossed her lips, "Ok... let's go."

So we did. We just left. I took her hand and led her to the back of the school to a single light and a small stretch of sidewalk. Out of the rest of the worlds view. It showed a lot of trust to walk with someone into the night away from the rest of the world. But she trusted me, and I would never... never hurt her. I turned on my phone and started playing slow violin music. Something we could dance to.

"What are you doing?" She giggled.

I cleared my throat and turned to her. I held out my hand to her and put on a cheesy smile. "Excuse me, my lady, but may I have this dance?"

She laughed so hard she snorted and took my hand. "Of course dear sir." She put her other hand on my shoulder and I put mine on her waist. And we danced. The rest of the world didn't exist in the moment. Just the two of us and the music. She put her head on my chest and we swayed in the breeze.

After three years of loving someone more than anything in the world and never being able to hold them or kiss them... This was the most overwhelming feeling that I had ever felt.

And just as quick as it started... it ended...

She lifted her head off my chest and smiled at me awkwardly. "I'm sorry... this is nice, but... I can't." Then she started to walk away, and with her... that feeling. I needed it back. I needed her back.

"Wait, Casey..." I grabbed her hand and turned her to me. She had tears running down her face, this time she wasn't hiding them. I put my hands on her arms. Now or never. "Casey... I love you, more than I've ever loved another person in my life. I've never cared about someone more than I care for you. I can't stand any of the moments that I don't spend with you. Because I want to spend every moment with you."

She looked down. "How could I possibly be enough for you?"

"Are you kidding? Casey you're more than enough for me. You are absolutely everything to me. You make me happier than I've ever been. You make me feel different than any other human being on this planet. Your worth to me is unconditional. I... I love you. I love you so much."

Then there was silence. The two of us just stared at each other. I should have kissed her... to this day I kick myself for that... but she was in a relationship, I didn't know her feelings for me, so I didn't... It wasn't my place. I wrapped my arms around her and held her as she sobbed into my shoulder.

After that, I held her hand and took her to the curb. We sat down and I told her about all the little demons I fought off for her, but I didn't tell her it was me fighting them off. I just wanted to make her laugh. And i did. She leaned on my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around her and told her about the massive demon battle in front of her on the street. And how when a car drove by, they'd all get splattered by the tires.

Then it got cold and we sat in her car... this is where I believe I messed up. We both sat there playing on our phones, and I played with her wavy rainbow hair. It was so soft and I had never gotten this far anyway, so I didn't know what to do. After about ten minutes I think, she told me she didn't like her hair being played with and I removed my hand. Then it was just awkward. She drove me home and then...

She didn't talk to me for a week.

She came over that friday and we went for a walk. I told her the truth. I told her how much I loved her and that I wanted to be with her...

She told me, "I could never love you."

That phrase sticks in my head to this day.

We talked off and on again after that, and eventually I wanted to talk and try to fix our friendship, but she said, "I'm at work." And I've never heard from her again. I don't know where she is or what happened. I have theories about her boyfriend, but that's all they are. I leave her a voicemail every now and then, but she never answers. I do hope she's happy, somewhere. Hopefully Corbin treats her ok. I can't protect her from those bad guys anymore.

Nowadays, I think she could have fought off those demons on her own. She never needed me.

That's the story of my best friend.