chapter one;
happy ever after

—

EVERY once upon a time could end with either a happily ever after or to be continued.

But you know there were also those stories that concluded with an ending that would make you shout of unfairness, and with a knotted forehead asking a question to why it ended that way, or why it made you cry so hard for someone who doesn't even exist in this world.

For me who was always tired of this world that seemed like I didn't belong into, I didn't need to end my novel like that. I just wanted to end it in a simple way where the characters were happy.

Stress na nga ako sa tunay na buhay pati ba naman sa ending no'ng kwento ko mai-stress pa ako? H'wag na 'no. At least, my characters have that happy-ever-after, that I had no certainty of obtaining in this life.

Napangiti na lang ako nang palihim at saka napaunat. I finally finished this novel I had been writing since who-knows-when, it probably took years. And I was finally done with it! Hindi ko alam kung may nagbabasa ba nitong kwentong 'to, pero kahit gano'n masaya na ako na natapos 'to.

What an achievement for the good for nothing me. I stared at my finished novel for quite a while, but then just decided to be contented with it.

Inilipat ko na lang kaagad 'yong tab no'ng laptop at saka pumunta sa ibang social media sites. I also tried to browse to watch some movies. I busied myself to not think of anything that would make me sad.

And I ended up choosing a comedy movie. I was having a good laugh while watching it alone, when some notification popped up. I stopped the movie, because it was the site where I published my novel.

Nanlaki kaagad ang mga mata ko no'ng may makitang may nag-comment sa ending no'ng novel na kaka-post ko lang kanina!

"Oh my gosh, may nagbasa!" mahinang bulong ko sa tuwa. I didn't expect that at all, and it was like my heart jumped with just one single comment. But before reading it, I prayed that it wouldn't be some kind of bad comment.

Nilakasan ko ang loob at marahang binuksan ang mga mata para makita kung ano 'yong comment sa story ko. Halos lumabas na yata 'yong puso ko sa dibdib sa kaba sa simpleng comment na 'yon. Geez, ganito pala pakiramdam no'n.

silentlips: aw, this ended already. it was so good! pero parang may kulang sa ending? hindi ba sila nagkaanak otor? :(

A smile curled through my lips because of the comment! Hindi ko alam pero ang saya na may lihim palang nag-aabang no'ng sinusulat ko. I was happy that even one reader reached to the ending. I mean, who would even read a novel that took years to finish, and no one was really interested in?

This novel was really a good escape for me.

I breathed in and out and I thought of what to reply.

This novel that I wrote, was actually like a compilation of my dreams. I didn't know when I started dreaming of it. Maybe when I was young? I always dreamed of it, but it was always blurry. But as my birthdays passed, it became more vivid.

I was kinda freaked out when I first realized I could retain the details of my dreams clearly.

I thought I was a freak that my so-called family always labeled me. Takot ako no'ng una, pero sa huli bigla akong nasanay. Parang naging normal na sa akin 'yong mga panaginip na 'yon. And the dreams were really interesting, so I shrugged it off.

Ironically, that supposed to be weird phenomenon was the thing that made me sane from all the things that I had been experiencing in my life.

I wasn't really planning in making it a novel. Pero palagi ko kasing nasa isip 'yong mga nangyayari sa panaginip ko, kaya isang araw habang bagot na bagot ako sinulat ko na lang siya.

Then it suddenly became my hobby. I just wrote and wrote without thinking if someone would read it or not. I didn't care anyway. It just became my escape. For someone, who really had no one in this world, that novel became my comfort.

Kaya naman ang saya ngayon na may comment tungkol do'n.

Pero bakit nga ba walang anak 'yong mga bida? Hmm. Well, they did have a happy ending. They were married. And they were now reigning in their kingdom after all the bad things that they went through.

My dream ended last night like that. There was even blackness after that. And it felt that it was really the end. So I just wrote it that way. Just them being happily married while waving from the palace's balcony looking at their people celebrating their union. It was their befitting ending. And there was no need to show that there was a child or any side stories.

It was like everything was blank after that.

I mean, that was it. And I felt contended with what I had written.

It felt wrong if I added something that I couldn't envision happening in that specific ending.

I just shook my head with all the things I was thinking. I just clicked to reply something.

everafter: thank you so much for reading this novel! well, I'll leave the continuation of my ending to your imagination! ;)

Then I clicked enter and it showed up posted on the comment section. Napangiti na lang ako. It was up to the reader if they wanted to think that they had children or what happened next, but for me, what I had written was really the end.

Matapos kong mag-reply, bumalik na lang ako sa panonood, at nakaramdam din ako ng pagod matapos no'n, kaya naman pinatay ko na ang laptop ko at humiga sa kama ko. I couldn't sleep quickly and remained staring at the ceiling.

I just hoped that when I closed my eyes, another dream would start. Maybe I could write another novel. Because that was my only haven from this vast and unfamiliar world that I grew up in.

I never wished to have a novel-like background story. But I still did have one. Well, unlucky me, I guess.

I grew up in a household that had everything. Name it, they have it. Fancy cars? Heck yeah. They couldn't even use all of them. Why did they even bother buying it? Tss. It was filled with materials that would make you swoon and ogle on how much it cost.

Syempre ang yaman nila, eh. Sila lang hindi ako. Kasi ni minsan hindi ko naman naramdaman na kabilang ako sa pamilyang 'yon. All they did was made me feel that I wasn't supposed to exist with them. I was a bone stuck in their throats.

I was an illegitimate child of my father.

Sabi nga nila swerte na rin ako kasi kinuha pa rin ako ng tatay ko at pinatira sa bahay nila no'ng namatay ang nanay ko. Pero ano'ng swerte kung araw-araw naman nilang ipapamukha sa akin na hindi ako kabilang sa kanila?

My stepmother would always look at me like I was an eyesore. She would raise her hand on me with a simple mistake. Ni bawal nga akong lumabas ng kwarto ko kapag nando'n ang mga kaibigan niya sa bahay. Pagkatapos hindi rin ako pwede makisabay sa hapag kasama sila.

I just always ate alone in my room. Even the so-called maids in the mansion, treated me like I was lower than them.

I had one half-brother. He hated me to the core. At first, I had no idea why, but as I grew up I realized why.

I was always compared to him. Sobrang nakakapangliit kasama ang nakatatandang kapatid ko. Kasi ro'n ko nakikita na isa akong malaking pagkakamali at hinding-hindi magiging kabilang sa kanila. I really tried my best for them to like me, but in the end it was all in vain.

My step-brother was so smart and uptight. He hated how I was trying hard to be like him, and always labelled me a disgrace in their wonderful family.

He'd always call me names. And would make me feel so small. Kapag may nagagawa akong hindi niya nagugustuhan, minsan kinukulong niya ako sa kwarto. I would always tremble in fear and coldness.

And my father? He was not there. Never there.

All he did was gave me allowance and roof. And that was it. He never cared about me. Kahit halos katulong na ako sa bahay na 'yon, pakiramdam ko hindi niya alam. Kasi wala naman siyang pakialam sa akin.

Why did he even take me in that hell? To torment me?

All I remember in that household was the tears I shed endlessly.

At no'ng nagkaro'n ng pagkakataon na makaalis sa puder nila, talagang umalis na ako. Nakaipon ako dahil sa perang natatanggap ko sa tatay ko. At least, he gave me financial support. So, I used that money and also did some part time jobs secretly. At nang makaipon ng sapat para makaalis sa lugar nila at buhayin ang sarili, bumili na ako ng sariling apartment.

It was small, and you'd think that it was almost rotten, but it was so much better than staying that house that made it so hard for me to exist—to even breathe.

Buti na lang hinayaan ako no'ng tatay kong walang kwenta na bumukod sa kanila. May pera pa rin akong natatanggap mula sa kanya, at ginamit ko ang iba ro'n. It was a money that became mine when he gave it to me. More importantly, I wasn't even in the situation to reject it, so I just used it with a determination that once I was capable, I'd repay all of it to him. May trabaho na naman ako ngayon, at naging iskolar naman ako dati, kaya kahit papaano nakakaipon na ako para ibalik ang lahat ng ginastos niya para sa akin.

After repaying everything, I wouldn't have any connection to them anymore, and I'd probably feel more comfortable and alive by then.

They could treat me like I was dead, I wouldn't care anymore. Because for me they were nothing but the torment in my heart. A scar that would take so much years to heal. Even until now, I could still hear the words they threw me, and the heavy hands that made a mark on me.

I just sighed and shook my head. "Stop thinking about them, Eve, they are not worth it," I murmured to myself. "Tama na ang drama sa buhay mo," dagdag ko pa bago magbuntonghininga.

I just quietly prayed sincerely that I would dream again. Because through those dreams, I would forget all the pain that my so-called family brought me. Because in those dreams, I learned to smile. Something that I had never learned from them.

Those dreams that I turned to novel was my only escape.

"Maybe one day . . . I would find a place that I could call home, where I didn't need to escape anymore."

I slowly closed my eyes after that simple wish and I drifted into sleep.

***

"I WILL ruin your life . . ."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang marinig ko ang mga salitang 'yon galing sa isang punong-puno ng galit at napakalalim na boses.

I tried to open my eyes and escaped from the blurry thing that I was seeing. My breathing became heavy and I felt bullets of sweat forming in my forehead. Para akong nakulong sa dilim at biglang walang makita.

I clenched my jaws and tried to wake up again but it was in vain.

Why was my dream like this?! It was never like this! It was always vivid and always about the female lead and the male lead! I panicked because it felt like I was being drowned.

I forcefully opened my eyes, and when I succeeded, I saw nothing but darkness. And a feeling of water slowly pulling me in so deeply. Halos sumigaw ako sa matinding pagmamakaawa pero patuloy lang ako sa paglubog sa madilim na tubig.

I held out my hand and shouted. "Help!" I saw bubbles from my mouth.

I shivered in so much fear.

It felt so real. It felt so damn real.

No, this is a dream. This is a dream. You will wake up after this, Eve. I convinced myself.

Pero ramdam na ramdam ko talaga 'yong lamig ng tubig at pagbaba ko sa malalim at mas madilim na bahagi ng tubig. Sinubukan kong lumangoy pataas pero walang nangyari, hindi ko magawang tumaas.

I screamed again.

"Help. . . !"

Then my eyes widened when I saw a light. At first it was faint, but it was slowly felt like it was guiding me, like it was opening a path.

Desperate, I continued to try swimming up from the cold and dark water.

Ni hindi ko na napansin kung gumagalaw ba ako sa kinalalagyan ko basta naglangoy lang ako pataas, umaasang maaabot 'yong liwanag na nakikita ko ngayon.

I pleaded in my mind while hopelessly preventing myself from drowning.

"I never had a good life. I never learned to smile up until the dreams showed me what it was. I never wished to be rescued, I always stand up on my own after stumbling down. But now . . . please, someone save me . . ." I cried in my head.

Akala ko katulad sa mga palabas na nakikita ko, at sa mga nababasa kong libro—kagaya ro'n sa sinulat ko. May tutulong sa 'yo sa sitwasyong 'to. Pero solo nga lang pala ako sa mundong 'to.

So . . . who would wake me up?

No one.

I slowly lost the strength in my body. My mind was starting to become hazy. I was getting harder to breathe. I fell deeper into the water. But I never stopped trying to reach the light that I was seeing. Even in this moment, I still didn't want to give up.

No. I refused to end like this.

I still wanted to feel what a good life was. I still wanted to finally learn the real meaning of home. I still had a lot of things I wanted to do. After escaping the years of torment and wanting to give up, I still desperately wanted to live.

The light that I was seeing became brighter than earlier. It was like waiting for me to reach it. That silver light suddenly poured little fragments that seemed like glitters scattering in the water, trying to guide my way back to it.

I smiled.

And with a firm determination, I fought the unrelenting calm waves that was trapping me in.

The silver little glitters surrounded me and I couldn't believe on how I felt lighter than earlier. Para akong tinulungan no'ng maliliit na kumikintab na ilaw. At marahan akong naglangoy pataas habang patuloy sila sa pagkintab.

It was like something divine wrapped around me and I managed to swim up without running out of breath. The light that I was seeing became brighter and I blinked my eyes because it was blinding.

I was so near.

So near in reaching the end.

So near in reaching the light.

But it suddenly shone so bright and I had to close my eyes or I might really turn blind.

Then with closed eyes I felt like I reached the top. I escaped the waters. And I gasped, trying to catch my breath. Napaupo ako at tinakluban ang mukha dahil pakiramdam ko masisilaw lang ako kapag binuksan ko kaagad 'yon.

Gosh! What a dream.

I thought with a shudder.

I felt all the horrors. Kung hindi ako nakaalis do'n, pakiramdam ko talaga hindi na ako magigising. Magugulat na lang mga kapitbahay ko sa apartment na may maamoy silang bangkay. Jusko! Joke lang h'wag naman sana.

"Phew." I breathed, what a gruesome thought I had.

Napahimalos na lang ako sa mukha ko. At marahang ibinababa ang kamay at napahiga ulit para imulat na ang mga mata.

My eyes adjusted to the surrounding first because it was bright.

I stared into the huge and high ceiling with a dazed mind while thinking of that eerie dream. Akala ko pa naman mananaginip ako ng next novel na pwede kong isulat, pagkatapos gano'n? My gosh! Para ko tuloy napanaginipan paano ako namatay!

Kaagad akong umiling. Ano ba 'tong iniisip ko! Binatukan ko na lang ang sarili ko dahil pakiramdam ko nalasing ako kahit hindi naman ako umiinom.

I gazed at the ceiling again, but suddenly my forehead knotted on their own. Parang bigla rin akong nalito at nagtaka. "Was my ceiling always this fancy?" bulong ko sa sarili.

Sa pagkakatanda ko kasi puting ceiling lang ang meron ako 'tas may bakas pa 'yon ng natuyong tubig. Kasi nga hindi naman ako mayaman. Pero bakit ganito 'yong nakikita ko? It was a high ceiling with golden intricate details on the side, and there was even a freaking chandelier in the middle of it!

"Oh, my gosh!" I exclaimed when I sat down. "Nanaginip pa yata ako!" sigaw ko ulit nang makita ang buong paligid! Napakusot ako ng mga mata at hindi ko malaman kung bakit ganito kalawak 'yong kwarto!

It was themed like an ancient bedroom that was so neat, extravagant, and golden! Oh my gosh! Pakiramdam ko bigla akong naglaway, kasi kahit saan ako tumingin sa buong kwarto may ginto! Walang-wala 'yong bahay no'ng pamilya ko.

Huh! Kung ilaban ko kaya 'tong bahay na 'to sa bahay nila, nako, luluhod sila sa akin!

I was literally jaw-dropped admiring the whole place. Even the bed was so huge! And so soft! Grabe! Hindi ko tuloy alam ang iisipin. Was this finally the new novel that I was dreaming about? Just, wow!

But wait . . .

Why does this setting seemed so familiar?

A room that was golden and white. A huge window where the sun was creeping in with a really fancy cream and thick curtain. These kinds of rooms were so normal in a world that I couldn't pinpoint.

I looked at what I was wearing and my eyes almost went out of my socket when I saw that it was a freaking night gown! My gosh! Wala akong pambili ng ganito kaganda at ka-silky na night gown! Mababaon ako sa utang!

Mabilis akong bumababa sa kama at nagtatakbo papunta sa salamin na nasa isang banda ng napakalaking kwarto. I stood up there while looking at the reflection that I was seeing from head to toe.

"No . . ." I mentioned absentmindedly.

"N-No . . ." I repeated in horror.

The one staring right back at me from the mirror, had a slim figure that seemed so fragile, but really flawless. God, the complexion of her skin was to die for! I slowly moved my hand and touched my cheek. I was startled when the reflection did the same!

It was so soft! And it was so smooth! The night gown hugged the body not that tight but it showed how good her proportions were, it wasn't an hourglass body, but it was gorgeous. Napatitig ako at napatulala sa ganda no'ng nakikita ko.

Pwedeng-pwede ilaban sa mga beauty pageants! Tumango-tango pa ako na parang nakapagandang idea no'n, kasi tiba-tiba kaagad sa prizes sa hitsura at katawan pa lang.

Her lips were heavenly, it was rosy pink and thin. Her nose was so small and perfectly fitting the innocent face. Her brow was neatly trimmed, and her lashes were long and proper. Then, her hair, was so soft and fluffy.

It was like the light that I saw and the glitters that surround me. It was shining in silver.

And those eyes that were looking at me like reading my soul were so deep—it was a deep blue colour that was glistening wondrously. It looked like it captured the azure ocean that was graced by the flaring sun. And it showed the beauty of the sky that captured the starry universe.

It amazed me on how beautiful she looked like . . . but it made me so horrified that she was doing what I was doing.

"No . . ." I whispered, panic was starting to rise in my chest.

This face. This gracious face was so freaking familiar!

"Tell me this is a dream . . ." I begged the woman in the mirror.

But it did not answer! Or more like it only mouthed what I said at the same time! And the voice that came out of my mouth was even unfamiliar from my real voice!

Oh. My. God.

Oh! My! God!

OH! MY! GOD!

"Aaaaaaaah!" I shouted in panic as I dropped on the floor. I almost yanked my hair. "No way!" It felt like I was losing my mind. "No way, just no way!" ulit na ulit na sabi ko sa sarili at muntik ko nang sampalin ang sarili ko para magising sa panaginip na 'to!

Pero sayang 'yong ganda no'ng mukhang nakatitig sa akin ngayon mula sa salamin, kaya hindi ko na sinampal.

Halos mapatalin din ako dahil sa sigaw ng isang taong kapapasok lang sa lugar.

"Lady Baude . . . laire . . ." She couldn't even continue what she was saying when she saw me. Confusion was written on her face but soon it became stiff again.

Mabilis akong lumapit sa kanya at hinawakan siya sa braso. Her strict eyes, circled a little. "Slap me!" I told her hurriedly. She blinked and was about to say something but couldn't find the right words, and I kept panicking as I went back in front of the mirror.

Pakiramdam ko tumaas ang dugo ko sa ulo at napatitig ulit ako sa repleksyon sa salamin at pakiramdam ko tuluyan na akong nabaliw ng pagkakataong 'yon.

That woman staring at me in the mirror. I knew her very well.

Lumapit ulit ako sa pumasok sa kwarto na 'to. She was a maid based on what she was wearing and she was looking at me like I lost it. Well, I feel like I really lost it.

"What the heck? Why am I here? Tell me this is a dream," I told her absentmindedly. And held her hand. Napaawang ang mga labi niya sa ginawa at sinabi ko.

"There's no truck-kun . . ." Halos mangiyak-ngiyak na sabi ko.

"Truck-kun?" she mentioned confusingly.

Her face returning to her stiff and cold expression.

I nodded at her and almost hugged the floor, too, as I sat on the floor again. "Why am I here? There was no freaking truck that send me to a novel world! So why am I here when there's no truck-kun!" reklamo ko sa sarili na parang nasisiraan na ng bait.

"And why the heck . . . of all people, I became her?!" tanong ko ulit at tiningala 'yong matandang babae sa harap ko ngayon. She backed away a little and lowered herself to put me up. Napasunod na lang ako sa kanya sa matinding pagkalito.

"Tell me my name . . ." I murmured, her face looked at me sternly.

"Tell me my name . . ." ulit ko nang hinang-hina.

"Lady Evelyn Portia Baudelaire."

Oh damn, tell me this was really a dream.

Why Portia of all people? Why the minor villain that I wrote to die?! Just freaking why!?

—

ツ