I hate Doctors.
Hate is a strong word, and shouldn't be used carelessly, my brother would say, but that won't make me change what I'd just said.

Not dislike...hate. You'd probably feel the same way if you were in my shoes.

A week since I last stepped foot in this seven-storey building, yet as soon as I'm walking my way up the escalator, the feelings of that day that's forever imprinted in my mind, washed over me. I shudder.

The typical hospital smell wash over me and I can't help but feel disgusted. This place brings nothing but bad news to me

Don't worry, I'm not dying... at least not yet. I can't die now—none of my dreams have been fully achieved. I refuse to die as a woman with little to her name.

"Miss, you can leave now. The test results will be out tomorrow "
The lanky man standing in front of me break my train of thoughts with a polite smile and a notepad in his hand.

"It should. After wasting an hour of my time, the least im expecting from you is a swift response". I clicked my tongue and wave my hand which the man took as a cue to leave. I unlocked my phone and logged in to my Gmail to check my inbox.

"Thank you sir."
" that was rude" Sophia whisper beside me. I've almost forgotten she came here with me.

"I don't think you're in the position to tell me that, Sophia," I replied her in a monotone. I've been speaking that way lately, and honestly, that's what bothers me the least. " and why thank him? He did nothing."

Sophia look at me with a weird expression on her face I can't decipher, before raising her brows as if to say 'seriously?' Seeing this, I roll my eyes at her and stride to the door.

On my way out, I pass by a couple, the lady has her head on the man's chest and it seems like she was crying with the constant hiccups and all. She keeps muttering something along the lines of her son being a good boy who didn't drserve the pain he was going through. I look back to read the sign on the door which read 'Emergency Room'.
See? My hatred for hospitals is justifiable.

My feet barely walk ten inches further when my eyes subconsciously dart to my left where a middle-aged man sat, shaking his head rigorously. There was a thick paper in his hand which I assume to be a picture. He clutches this picture close to his chest, and this flashed a memory in my mind.
Denial. That's what it is.
The man is currently passing through the first stage of grief—that, I could tell as much.

No one knows that feeling better than I do. Absolutely no one.

Do you now see reason with me why no sane person would want to come here? If you still don't get it, I don't know what else to tell you to make you see the reality.

I lead the way in the direction of where I'd previously parked the car, and...wait.
"Where's the car?"
I whirl around to face Sophia, and with one look at her face, I know I'm not going to like whatever comes out from her mouth any minute from now.

"Sophia, Where's the car?"

"Uh, I...Ummi-"

My blood instantly become cold and I can feel the emotions I've struggled to keep away, trying to surface.

" Ummi what?"

"Um...mi asked-"

"Speak up will you? Where the fuck is my car?"

Sophie flashed me her patronising smile which does nothing to the rage building up in me at the moment.
" Ummi told the driver to pick her up at the mall before your appointment is over. She said that it was only going to take ten minutes".
Why does her trembling voice feels oddly satisfying?
Wait a minute-

"Ummi asked her driver to come fetch my car?"
She nods meekly.

"And I'm just finding out about this because...?"
No. She wasn't the one to answer that. I flipped my phone, and pressed the dialer button.

"Where are you?" I asked as soon as the call was answered.

"You done already? We're almost there,just a minute or two."

And oh no, she did not just hang up on me, right in the middle of my confrontation.

Just then a car honk to my left, I took a quick glance and immediately recognise the flashy red sports car. My partner.

However, my jaws clench as she approached us with the fake, plastic smile, plastered all over her face.
You might as well just say hello to my arch-nemesis— Sama or Ummi as everyone else but me referred to her as.

Stopping right in front of me, and i cant help but take a look of her from head to toe, an instinctive act.

" Huda beti, I dropped by at the mall to get some supplies," she pointed to the paper bags in the car. "Let's head home, it's getting late. I've had Ayesha and Anisa make dinner while we were away."
She flash me her 80 megawatts smile, her pearly white teeth glistening in the daylight. Her green eyes sparkled with- I don't know what, and the dimple on her right cheek deepened.

What a beauty, I think sarcastically.

She knows her charms well, only that they cease to have an effect on me. I know everything about her, so I'd be damned if i fall for her tricks. It only piss me off.

" You couldn't have gotten any other car to take you grocery shopping except this car? My personal belonging?" I move one step closer, my voice few octaves lower.

The faint smell of her Arabian Oud invade my nostrils, irking me. " Are you dumb, or do you just derive pleasure in watching me go mad?"

Did I say something funny? Why else would she lightly throw her head back in laughter?

"Huda beti, I only wanted to spend some time with you."

She motioned for Sophia who looks anxious, to get inside the car. She steals a glance at me before getting in, leaving Sama and I standing toe-to-toe in the middle of the hospital parking lot.

"Don't even dare." My cold voice makes her hand freeze mid-air. She was going to bring her hand to my face, to pat my cheeks like I'd allow to when I was very much younger, but not anymore.

I'd been a stupid little girl while growing up, desperate of a mother's affection. I'd let her treat me however she wanted, my feelings didn't matter...they never did. I was just some kid she wanted to have when she was stressed out or bored of hers.

My eyes twitched. " don't you ever repeat that. I won't tolerate that act whatsoever. "

Without waiting for a response or reaction, I turn my back to her and walk to the passenger seat. A minute of wasting my precious time standing in the same spot as I'd left her, Sama open the door to the back seat making the driver step on the gas.

☆☆☆☆

"I need no form of disturbance whatsoever." I say out loud, and walk upstairs to my room. Everyone knows better than to take my words with a pinch of salt.

In my room, I free my hair from the tight bun, and walk to the bathroom to make a hot bath. As I apply the scented oils and soaps on my body, I will my mind not to think about the events of the previous weeks.

This isn't me. I haven't always been this way. I felt empty within like never before, but this time, I'm ready to embrace the darkness and emptiness in my heart. There's no reason to try keeping it away. It's never helped, the monsters never ceased to haunt me both in the day and night.

I cleanse my body and hair, wrap a towel around them and step out of the bathroom. The air is chilly in the room today but that's also one of the few things that bothers me.
So many things go through my mind, at the sane time. Sometimes, it feels like a hassle trying not to stay in bed all day.
As I lie down on the bed, my mind drift to everything that's happened within the space of a year, the reason I'm like this.
I force my eyes shut trying to get the images out of my head.
Cherries...dates...banana is a Berry...

I was out soon while whispering my little mantra, everything blurred in my head and I slowly slip into oblivion.

☆☆☆

Later in the evening, I walk downstairs to have my meal, and oh well, it's not a suprise to find everyone sitting and having dinner in the dinning room. My father; Abu, as we call him, sat at the head of the table and Sama by his left.

Amir sat by Abu's right, the twins beside him and finally, Laiqa and Tahirah on the opposite side.
The only vacant chair was the one beside the twins, opposite to Tahirah's.

"You're late for dinner," my father spoke up.
I met his stern eyes,shifted my gaze to his wife and then to their kids. They were all looking at me, waiting for my response.

"I was sleeping, Abu." I simply said, not in the mood to have a conversation.

He hummed in response, and just as I lift the big spoon to scoop some chicken biryani onto my plate, a statement made me pause in the action.

"Grow up Huda. Life's beyond all these emotions you're hoarding in your heart."

The spoon in my hand hit the ceramic plate with a loud clank. All of a sudden, I don't feel like eating anymore. So I push back my chair and stand up, avoiding eye contact with everyone at the table.
" I'd like to be excused," I said out of courtesy.

"Huda beti, your father's right. It's been a year, you need to let go already. " My father's wife, Sama, chipped in.

My jaws involuntary clench, and I briefly close my eyes trying to calm my nerves.
I'm getting worked up. They just had to ruin my appetite with the perfect words. This. Is. Annoying.

"Excuse me-" Breathe Huda. "I'll-" breathe..."have my dinner in my room."

I barely raise a foot when someone uttered the final statement that broke the last tiny strand of my patience.

"Grow up Huda. You can't keep shutting everyone out of your life because of that common accident. You're not the first to experience that pain, nor will you be the last."

"What. Did. You. Just. Say?"

It was Laiqa, my sister.

"I said what you needed to hear because apparently everyone's a chicken to tell you that," she replied, meeting my gaze confidently.

The next thirty seconds was a blur to me because the next thing I remember was the sharp pain I felt on my left palm. Loud gasps filled the dinning room, but I didn't hear that. All I can see at the moment is red.

I was going crazy, that's for sure.

"How. Dare. You. Laiqa?" My voice was octaves higher than the usual pitch.

Laiqa still looks shocked. She didn't expect the resounding slap from me as I'd taken her by suprise.

"Huda."

That was Abu. I ignored him.

"Never should you say that to my face again,Laiqa." I warned in a dangerously low voice. "Never should you. I don't know what I'd probably do to you next time Laiqa, so stay AWAY from me!"

"Huda!" Abu called out sternly.

"No Abu. I refuse to accept this kind of treatment from you all," I point to everyone sitting in the room.
" I don't mind being tagged a sadist and all, but I'm losing any form of humility in me and throwing it through the window the moment anyone here makes fun of my pain."

I'm losing it. I know that I'm fucking losing it, because I could feel the tears start to form at the back of my head.

I'm the villain here, sure.
I'm the nicest person to be with, that, I'm fully aware of.

But I'd be damned if I  was going tolerate their nonsensical opinions. None of them can ever bring back what I've lost.
No one.

"Let this be the first and last time you'd say that trash to me Laiqa," I waved a finger, warning her.
And with that, I stomped upstairs to my room where I randomly grabbed my purse and car keys.
It's suffocating in here.
I could die from lack of oxygen if I stayed here any longer.

I pulled a cotton scarf from the hanger, and put on my sneakers, slamming the door shut on my way.

I pass by the dining room and heard someone call out.
"where are you going, Huda?"
It was Amir; my brother.

"Away from here."

☆☆☆

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Assalam Alaikum 💞 💞
You'd notice few changes if you're reading for the second time. First timers? You're welcome to the club 🥳🥳

This is the second draft of this book. I'll try to make it better than it was, so have faith in me, will you?🥺

Hope you like the chapter...Do vote and feel free to express your thoughts and feelings in the comment section.

Love y'all😍

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