"I do not speak as I think, I do not think as I should, and so it all goes on in helpless darkness."

***************

Natalie's POV

"So," I started, breaking the odd uncomfortable silence in the car, "As I expected, you didn't attend our sessions the last week because I kissed you, isn't it?"

He turned his attention from the road to me, confused at my out of the blue question and my eyebrow raised, calling him out on his bullshit. He said it wasn't the reason yet just an hour ago Alex exposed his lie.

He just gave me a shrug, like he couldn't bother to even explain it. I shook my head and turned my attention to the window beside me, "You're unbelievable," I mumbled under my breath, "You knew that was part of our fake-date experiment, so there was no need to make a big deal out of it." I was half-telling the truth, half-lying.

As usual, he didn't give me any answer or even a reaction.

I huffed out an annoyed breath at his lack of words and turned back to him, "If I repel you that much, then why did you kiss me last night?"

His jaw ticked.

Oh yeah, I am so playing with fire and yeah, I totally like it.

His hand tightened over the wheel as his gaze fell on me again, his green eyes narrowed, "It was the only way to shut you up," He said, ever so casually, "You know without me having to break your neck or something."

Jesus Christ, he keeps threatening to hurt me, and like the fool I am, I am staying at his house, I am in his car, and to add up, I keep triggering him and pushing him right to the edge.

I am the one with problems, not him.

"Oh wow," I mumbled lowly, "You're so romantic."

His gaze was back on the road and he nodded his head, "Yeah, as you can see," He said, not even bothering to look at my side, "I don't do romance."

It felt like he was hinting at something and indirectly telling me to back away, that whatever this is, it can never stand a chance.

I lowered my gaze to my lap, my fingers fidgeted with the seatbelt, and again trespassed my limits as I asked, "Still, you didn't give me an answer to my question last night."

A harsh breath came from his side and the car came to a stop, I looked up to see as we parked a few blocks away from my building.

I turned to him, still not backing away, "Are you ever planning on giving me an answer?"

"Natalie, what the hell do you want from me?" He grated out, and his eyes pinned me down with a smoldering gaze.

"What I wanted from the beginning," I answered, "For you to let me in."

He scoffed at how silly that thought sounded and he shook his head "Just give up on that already," He said, more like ordered as he shut the engine off.

He pressed on the glasses compartment and pulled his dark shades out. He placed them on, his hand went to his door and he said, "Let's go."

He exited the car and I followed. Once I was by his side, his fingers immediately curled over my wrist and pulled me behind him, as if shielding me from any danger surrounding us as his gaze carefully and subtly wandered around.

"Do you think someone is still here?" I asked, addressing his defensive state.

"I had my men monitoring the place since last night," Oh wow, his men. He has his own men, that must be cool, "They didn't notice anything suspicious, but you never know," He added, "I don't like surprises, so there is no harm in being extra careful."

"Is this how you live your life, always on alert?" I asked again being too nosy which had him pausing in his steps, "Do you like ever just...rest?"

He turned to me and lowered his glasses down, so I could have a look at the very bored and annoyed look in his eyes, "Natalie, you ask a lot," He let out a fake tired sigh, "It's exhausting."

He fixed his glasses and turned back to look ahead of him. He continued dragging me and I mumbled under my breath, "You're exhausting."

My words had him tightening his grip over my wrist, "Please just shut up," There was nothing polite about the way he talked, "I am trying to make sure we are not gonna get killed."

I shot a glare to his back and mumbled, "Okay."

The nerve of this man!

My position gave me a clear view of his side profile and I felt my stomach tumbling in all types of annoyance and excitement, still very much taken aback by his defined handsome features. His thick hair still a bit damp from the shower he took after he came back from his run, the dark brown made it look almost black now. The muscles of his jaw worked as he paid clear attention to every move and sound being made around him, and underneath those dark shades, I knew by heart the shade of green hiding.

He's got to be the hottest man I've ever met, and everything about his being screamed danger, recklessly pulling me in.

I gulped down, shaken back from my staring haze as we entered the building and headed for the stairs. He took off his shades and once he made sure no one is gonna jump on us with aimed guns, he extended his hand, silently asking me for the keys. I pulled them out of my purse and into his palm.

He unlocked the door and pulled his gun out. On silent footsteps he walked inside, with me plastered against his back, using him as my personal human shield. He checked the living room and then the kitchen, but the moment he was about to look into my room, a shrieking sound came from Massie as she jumped on his leg, attacking the house's intruder.

"Jesus!" Nikolas said, taken aback by the little attack on his feet, and he stumbled backward a bit.

He could literally take on an army yet the poor little Massie took him by surprise.

I couldn't hide my chuckle before I bent down and took her into my arms, "Oh my baby, I missed you so much," I mumbled as I kissed her white furry head, and she purred in my embrace and rubbed herself against my hand, delighted by my presence.

I patted her head and heard Nikolas's very annoyed sigh, "You can play with it...her, with her later," Good thing he corrected himself, "Let's just go."

I let her go before I stood straight, "Let me just change and get a few things with me, then we can leave."

He nodded but stood still in his place as I walked into my room. My eyebrow raised and he gave me a questioning clueless look, "What?" I asked, "You gonna stand there as I change?"

He cleared his throat and shook his head, "No, I will just wait for you inside," he mumbled and scratched the side of his neck before his eyes went to Massie who was trying to rub herself against his leg, "Just keep that thing away from me," he added annoyed before he walked away.

I chuckled and ran a hand over her little head, "You know, I saw him kill men with my own eyes and he didn't even flinch," I whispered to her, "Yet something about you gets him scared."

She meowed and I understood it as I will make him love me before she followed him inside, wagging her tail behind her with pride.

Deciding not to make him wait any longer, I pulled a small bag and placed a few things in it before I threw some jeans and a casual t-shirt over the bed to wear now. I headed for the bathroom to take my toothbrush and I rampaged through the cabinet checking if there is anything essential to take with me as well.

The moment I stepped out of the bathroom, a cold hand came to my mouth, shutting me up and freezing me in my place. I gasped when I felt something press against the side of my head and my eyes widened, unable to register who or how is this happening.

Fear danced over my skin, sending chills down to my core and my wide eyes fell on the opened window. Oh my god, did he just sneak in from my window?

I groaned and struggled to get out of his grip but to no avail. He muffled my screams by pressing his hand tighter over my mouth that it hurts. I could feel my chest tightening and my throat closing up when I realized the type of situation I am in. I am a target, he said. He really wasn't kidding. Oh my god, am I going to die?

As if reading my thoughts, the man muttered, "Shush little girl, don't want you dead just yet," A warm breath brushed against my ear, widening my eyes even more. The struggles to free myself all resulted in a pure failure. I tried to think fast and that's when I felt how hard my grip is over the toothbrush in my hand. I got too scared that I unconsciously held into it with dear life. It could do him no harm, but...

My eyes fell on the nightstand as he dragged me away, not wasting any more time, with all my power, I pressed the side of the toothbrush into his leg, it was hard enough to just have him loosening his grip from over my wrist which finally gave me the opportunity to twirl the toothbrush with the surviving instincts in me against the almost-empty bottle of perfume. All of my basketball training at high school paid off as the glass lost its balance and fell down, horizontally sliding against the stand before it dropped and crashed on the floor.

The man behind me cursed under his breath and it was seconds only, just two seconds before I heard his voice, "Let.her.go." The way he stressed on each word had me shivering and I felt the man's body freeze behind me.

"Your father wants to know one thing, Nikolas," He said, pressing the gun's barrel harder against my temple, "When do you plan on coming back?"

I blinked through the haze and swallowed past the fear pressing against my throat. I focused my eyes on Nikolas. He didn't even look at me, all of his attention on my attacker, "Very soon," He answered, "So I can finally kill him," his head tilted to the side and he tsked, faking pitty, "Too bad you won't live to tell him my answer, huh?" Nikolas taunted and took a step forward, not at all threatened.

The man took one backward, dragging me along, "Don't," He warned, "We were given two orders only; deliver his message, and kill her," He added.

I don't know what happened, or how it happened; a shot was fired and I immediately pressed my eyes shut, waiting for the pain to explode, but it didn't. A scream of pain came from the man close to me and my eyes snapped open, noticing how the gun that was pressed to my head in now on the floor.

I pushed myself away and another shot was fired, the first was to his hand, the second to his chest, the force pushed him backward, but Nikolas wasn't done yet. The anger had him marching forward, his fingers tightened over the man's hair and he harshly slammed the side of his head against the edge of the nightstand.

The sight alone had me gasping and I twirled around as a lump rose up in my throat. I pressed my palm against my bed, trying to balance myself and not throw up at the scene my eyes just witnessed.

Blood. I hated the sight of blood.

I heaved down a breath, trying to calm myself before I felt a strong grip over my arm, and it took me a second to register his words and the urgency behind them, "Are you okay?"

I lifted my gaze to him, and something had all the harshness melt away in his eyes and immense worry took its place, his eyebrows pulled together and that's when I felt the wetness against my cheek. It's like at this exact moment that I only registered the seriousness of this situation. I am scared, not of death but if I were to die, what would happen to my dad, I am all he has, who would take care of his treatments, who would look after him?

The thought alone had more tears spilling from my eyes. Unable to hold them back, Nikolas's hands cupped my face, he removed the hair from over my face away and worriedly said, "Natalie," The worry in his eyes got replaced by realization when he noticed that I am not hurt, but scared and terrified.

All I felt after was his hand cradle the back of my head as he pulled me into his chest, his other arm came around my back, "Hey, it's okay, you're safe," He said, his hand in my hair, trying to somehow soothe me.

I pressed my eyes shut and my fingers curled over his shirt, holding into him, hoping to feel the word he just said; safe. I was painfully aware of the fact that he is the one to put me in such a situation, but it felt like it was all out of his control. First, dead men in my office, now another in my apartment. They were all ordered to kill me, but Nikolas killed them first.

Maybe there are more out there, oh my god, what am I gonna do? What if Nikolas no longer cared if they are after me or not, how will I be able to fight them on my own?

I sniffled, gathering myself together, and pulled myself away from his embrace, "Do you think there are more out there?"

Nikolas nodded, "I am pretty sure there is," He answered and shook his head, "But this man wasn't here to kill you, Natalie."

My eyebrows pulled together and I wiped at the area under my eyes, "What do you mean?"

"I mean he could've done it the moment he came into this room, but he didn't."

"That means?"

The muscles of his jaw worked, "It means my dad is playing games again."

"What kind of games?"

He pulled into a deep breath before he walked to the window, his eyes on the street, "He wanted to see, will I save you or just let you get killed."

"And?"

He turned to me, "I didn't let you get killed," He said, "Which means I proved him right," His throat bobbed, "You are a weakness now," He rushed a hand over his face, frustrated, "Which is something that he loves, a leverage he could use against me anytime he wants."

"I know that I haven't met the man yet, but can I say that I hate your father with a passion," I mumbled, unable to register the reason behind this messed up game of his.

Nikolas rubbed an anxious hand over his chin, "Let's just leave," He mumbled and nodded his head toward the bathroom, "Change in there, I will stay in here, just in case."

I did as he said, changed my clothes so fast, placed Massie's food and sand into the bag before I placed her in her box and we left. Nikolas said he'll have someone take care of the dead man in my bedroom.

Oh wow, I can't believe that this is my life now.

Nikolas's whole being was vibrating with anger and frustration as he drove us back to his place, it was the first time to see him this much worked up over something. His knuckles turned white from how tight he held into the steering wheel. Once we were back on the isolated road leading to his house, he pulled the car into the side of the street and went down, as if unable to contain himself and needed some air to actually breathe.

I gulped down and felt at a loss of what to do. He said I am a weakness now, he probably didn't like that fact very much. It's the reason that got him this much worked up, that I showed up out of nowhere and ruined all of his plans. Maybe he feels like protecting me is an extra load over his shoulders that he didn't need.

I ran my hand through my hair before I went down. With careful footsteps, I circled my way toward his side. He had his back pressed against the back door, he rubbed at his eyes as air heaved in and out of his chest.

Measuring each word I am going to say, I stayed silent for a couple of seconds, thinking, the last thing I need now is to trigger him, "If you want I can maybe lay low for a while," I started, my words grabbing his attention to me, "I can take a break from work, and I will stay at my friend's house for some time," He stared back at me, confused at my words, "Until things calm down and maybe then they'll understand I am not what they want," I added, "I mean the more I stay with you, the more they're gonna believe that you're trying to protect me."

I shook my head, "I know that you're so annoyed by that fact," I explained, "I don't want you to feel that you have to protect me," I curled my fingers into the inside of my palm.

"What?" His eyebrows pulled closer as if he didn't understand.

"You said I am a weakness now and that is bothering you, isn't it?" I clarified.

"Wait, you thought that-" He shook his head, "No, no, that's not what's bothering me," He said, "I was just thinking how two months ago before I came into your life, you never had to deal with men barging into your office or into your bedroom, pointing a gun at you and threatening your life," He straightened himself, "And now, you are in danger, because I made a choice to enter your life," He scoffed, "Because wherever I go, this follows me, Natalie," He took a step toward me, "Do you understand now why I didn't let you in?" His eyebrow raised, "Why I can never let anyone in."

My heart ached, understanding and at the same time not. Whenever I think I have Nikolas figured out, he does something, he says something and he moves me ten steps backward.

"But maybe, maybe you don't have to go through that...through your father all alone."

He shook his head, "If I go through it alone, then nothing will hold me back because I literally would have nothing to lose," He said, "But if I have someone, I could lose quite a lot, and I don't think I am at all equipped for something like that."

I nodded, "I understand," I looked around us then back at him, "What will we do now?"

"I will figure it out," He said and ushered me to get inside the car.

Once back on the road, I felt the need to change the tensed atmosphere, "Uh, is there any near Market around here?" I asked, "If you don't mind, I can get a few things and prepare a good dinner for us," Oh shit, that sounded like I am inviting him to a date in his own house, "I mean like if Alex is also staying, I can cook something for the three of us."

He nodded, "Yeah sure, whatever you want."

I smiled, liking the idea very much. When we found a Market, he pulled the car into the parking area. I gave Massie one look in the backseat, to see her fast asleep in her box before I went down. I walked inside and Nikolas accompanied me as I grabbed a cart and started placing stuff in it.

"What would you like for dinner?" I asked, to which he just shrugged, too busy on his phone, "Doesn't matter."

I rolled my eyes, totally expecting that answer. Why do I even bother?

When we got to the alcohol section, I almost squealed as I went through the wines, picking up my favorite. I felt Nikolas's tall presence beside me, I turned to see him searching through before he pulled a bottle, he handed it to me, "This one tastes better," He suggested. I took the bottle and read through, trying to pronounce the name, "Valpolicella," I mumbled, "Hmm, Italian."

My eyes narrowed at him, "Just FYI, on my man-of-dreams list, there is a section for just having a good taste in wine," I started, "So, if this tastes better than my favorite, I am sorry to tell you but I might have to marry you."

He chuckled at my words, probably thinking that I am joking around. It made his face relax and I smiled, still astonished by everything he is. I placed the two bottles in the cart and commented, "Everything Italian does taste better," I looked up at him, "Even the men."

His eyebrow raised and I shrugged, "Your last name, I might've searched it to see its origin."

His eyes narrowed, "That's not creepy at all."

I didn't shy away, "You never give me anything, so I had to ask uncle google," I said, "And uncle google seems to hate you because he showed terrible things about your family name, and adding to your father's recent doings, I am not that shocked anymore."

Nikolas's eyebrows pulled closer, "There is something about you," He observed, "You seem oddly calm toward all of this."

"You mean toward the fact that you're part of the..." I inched closer and whispered the word with a fake-horror effect, "Mafia?"

I backed away and shrugged, "My mom used to tell me all kinds of stories about...your world," I explained as I pushed down the cart and Nikolas listened intently, "Why would she?" He asked.

"Before she got married to my dad, she used to be a maid in one of those houses," I added and Nikolas looked a bit taken aback like he didn't expect this fact.

"And being the curious person I am, I would always ask her things and she would tell me some stuff, not the scary horrible stuff of course, but just how you guys lived your lives, and how fancy everything was, you know just this and that," I came to a stop by the line at the cashier.

"That's why you were shocked when you saw my place?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

I nodded, "But now I get it, you're running away," From his father, and I could only wonder why?

"I get that he's like this big bad terrible person, but why exactly are you running away from him?"

"He wants me to do things," Nikolas answered, "Things I don't want to do anymore."

Anymore.

Meaning, things he had done before.

I let our conversation die there since it was our turn, I pulled my purse to pay but Nikolas's hand curled over my wrist, "What do you think you're doing?" From my hand, he pushed me out of the way so he could pay, "Move," and we are back again to not-so-politely barking orders.

His movement had my opened purse falling to the ground, he immediately bent down and took it, a small picture had fallen from it and my heart raced when Nikolas grabbed it as well.

He handed me my purse but couldn't help but take a peek at the picture, "This is little you?" He asked, a small smile forming over his lips.

I nodded and extended my hand, asking for the picture back.

"And that's your brother?" He asked as he handed it back and I nodded again, "Twin brother," I mumbled.

Nikolas didn't comment or ask further and to that I was thankful. Unlike me, he isn't curious about every detail in my life and I think that's for the best.

*************

Nikolas's POV

Sometimes I wonder if life is punishing me with its current events, at this moment, I am more than sure it is. I just never thought karma would come back in the shape of a cat. Since we arrived back, that animal thing just didn't leave me alone.

Right now, it keeps trying to crawl into my lap and I keep on pushing it away. It just never gives up. Just like her owner, she is pretty much annoying.

"Just get away," I mumbled under my breath, contemplating how much Natalie would hate me if I opened the door and let this animal walk away. I'd say it's an accident.

But being the annoying little thing she is, she'll probably just come back.

I placed my hand over her head and tried to push her away again, but one second later and she was inching closer again and rubbing her furry weird head against my leg.

"Why do you keep pushing the poor thing away?" Alex's words had me looking up, to see him leaning against the doorframe, probably watching me fighting with this thing for the past half an hour, "She probably just likes you," He stepped closer, "I can't understand why would she, but yeah."

I shot him a glare and pointed at it, "Can you just take it away from me?"

He rubbed his hand over its head, the action had it laying on the couch, "Is this man bothering you?" He asked, "I know he's so grumpy and could drive anyone even a cat crazy, but you gotta bear with him, he is gonna be your new daddy after all," He added and at this moment I realized I've had enough of Alex for one day.

"Do you really have nothing better to do?"

He shook his head, "Took the day off, Cara is at her mother's, and just tell me what's more fun than annoying you?"

I rushed a hand over my face, trying so hard to keep calm. The last thing I need is to punch him or put his head through a wall, even when the thought felt so very appealing at the moment.

That stupid animal decided to resume its mission in rubbing itself all over me. I wasn't paying attention so when her furry self brushed against the skin of my arm, I almost flinched and my fingers curled into a fist, totally hating the feeling.

"Hold on," Alex said, "Hold on, oh my god, are you...." His eyes narrowed at me, assessing my state before his eyes widened a bit, "Are you scared of the cat?"

"What, no!"

"Oh god, today is like the best day ever," He added totally amused, "You are totally scared of her!" He chuckled, finding this to be the funniest thing ever, before he pulled his phone out, "I need to tell someone about this."

I facepalmed, hating every single thing about today.

"Roman, guess what," Alex said through the phone, "Nikolas is scared of cats, can you believe that?"

"I am not scared," I grated out.

"I know right," He added and Roman said something on the other line that made Alex chuckle, he looked at me, "He says on your next birthday, he is bringing you a cat."

Don't punch him, Nikolas. Don't. He's your little brother and you care about him.

Don't throw the cat out.

Don't punch Alex.

If I can follow these two orders, today won't end a disaster.

My phone rang pulling me out of this misery. Reading the name, I took it and walked into my room, I placed the phone to my ear, "Jeremy, I need you to get me information on someone."

"Yes sure, who?"

"Natalie Blake," I said, "Search her mother," I added, "And also her brother, try to be fast and call me once you've got anything."

"Will do sir," He said, "Anything else?"

"That's all."

I hung up and before I could make my next call, Alex's voice came from behind me, "Why are you searching her?"

I turned around, my eyes falling on his suspicious ones. He walked closer and my eyes looked out, making sure Natalie is still in the kitchen, "Her mother was a maid for one of the families." I said.

"And?"

My eyebrow raised, "And I don't believe in coincidences."

Alex's eyebrows pulled together, "Hold on, what?" He asked, "Do you not trust her? I picked her up myself, there is no way-"

"Not that," I shook my head, "Her mother and brother are dead," She told me before her father is all she has left, her reaction today when I saw the picture was more than enough to prove to me that they're both dead, "And I need to know how."

Alex seemed to get my point, "Were they...killed?"

I shook my head, "I don't know, that's why I am looking it up," I rushed a hand over my face, "If they were, then what if...what if it was me?"

"Look, you know how much I am against all of your old habits, but," He shook his head, "You're not behind everything wrong in this world."

I sat down, the news pulling down at my inside, "Still, I've hurt so many people Alex," I mumbled, "Too many, to the point that I don't even remember their faces anymore."

Life is punishing me for the mistakes I've once made. It has the right to. My hands are tainted with the blood of innocents.

But if this were to be true, if I am the one who is behind this, that would be a whole new level of punishing.

Natalie was right last night, I couldn't hurt her. To be honest, I don't think I can. I don't think I could ever.

But the thought that I might've hurt her before, for some reason, pulled at my inside and made a place in my chest ache.

What if it really was me?

***********************************

Will Alex ever let go of the fact that Nik is scared of cats?
Nope. Never xD

So, what do you think?

I am working on Blue Ribbons new chapter, so maybe tomorrow night it'll be over!

See ya there, and love ya all!