[Not to be confused, the paragraphs in italic are flashbacks]

" I'm frozen by the amount of darkness a smile can hold. "

****************

Nikolas's POV

"Mom?" I whispered as I pressed my palms over the bed and tried to climb up. The room was mostly dark, something I hated, but at least, the curtains of the window were drawn open, allowing the moon to cast its soft light around us, whisking that fear away.

She immediately stirred, startled by my sudden presence, her eyes growing wide as they fell on me. Her upper body edged forward, moving from the center of the bed to the edge, wrapping her arms around me, helping me up and to her side, "What's wrong?" She started to shower me with questions, her hands holding my face, "Are you okay?" She added, smoothing my hair away from my forehead.

I nodded, my eyes on her face only, "Didn't I tell you to lock your room and stay inside?" She said, worry tightening her brows and swirling in her eyes, her tone more concerned than scolding.

I nodded, "I wanted to see if you're okay," I whispered.

Lines etched between her eyebrows, and her lips twitched into a very somber smile. Her hand rested over my cheek and gently caressed it, "Oh my sweet boy, I am okay."

But no, she wasn't.

She thinks I am young and I don't understand. But, I do.

I heard his voice all the way from my room. Earlier, she had tried to take me...take us and go away, I know he didn't like that. I know that he won't be so...gentle about this fact.

I brought my hand up, I let my fingers rest on the side of her cheek, the area right below her eye, where I could see the bruise forming, big and red. Not the first bruise I see, nor the last. I brushed my small fingers over it, ever so lightly, terrified to cause more damage. I blinked my eyes when it became so blurry and a few tears scrolled from them and down my face.

She took my hand in hers and she brought it to her lips, kissing it before her other hand wiped at my cheeks, "Baby, I am fine, I promise," She tried to assure me, "But I really need to take you back to your room," She said, her voice low, just like mine, both scared any raise in the volume will have him barge in through those doors, "You can't stay in here, I don't want him near you...not now, not when he is like...this," Terror enveloped her words, reflecting the state he is in due to this. He is probably very angry.

I shook my head, multiple times, "No, no, you sleep, and..." I said, "I will, I will watch over you."

My words were so serious, determined even but it only made her smile grow wider, amused and I shook my head again before she would deny, "I am not small, mom, I am strong and I can protect you," I wish she would just believe me.

She nodded, her smile persistent as her eyes caressed my face with so much adoration and tenderness, "I know, you are strong but you are still so small," She said and my eyebrows pulled closer in anger, she keeps saying that, I hate it, "Don't glare at me," She said with a low chuckle as she playfully inched her head and bumped her forehead with mine.

"For now, you are still my little king, it's my job to protect you," She added, "But when you grow up and become a very big king, you will protect me then, deal?"

My head tilted to the side, "A big king?" I asked and she nodded, her hand playing with the strands of my hair on the side, "Yeah, like your grandpa, he was a big great king, he never hurt those who shouldn't be hurt, but he ruined anyone who tried to hurt the people he loves."

I nodded, "Not like dad."

She shook her head, "Nothing like him."

I scrunched my eyebrows, worried, "But, but what if I become like dad?"

She shook her head, "No, you won't," She said, so sure, confident in me, "You are not like him at all."

I wanted to believe in that so bad. I leaned closer to her, and rested my back against the headboard, thinking about her words and drawing a future image that fits, "Mom, when I become a big king, I will take you far away from here," I said, promising her, "Far away from dad, so he won't hurt you ever again. I promise."

She wrapped her arm around my shoulders, tucking me so close, "I know you will," She said, dropping a kiss over the top of my head.

I lifted my gaze up to meet hers, "Can I take Alex with us too?" I asked, the thought felt more exhilarating.

The mention of him had her smile fade away almost instantly, her lips parted to say something but she couldn't break my innocent little hope at the time. She pressed her lips into a thin line and nodded her head, allowing me to hold into that beautiful innocent image for as long as I can.

I pressed my head against her side and she rested hers on the top of mine. I was leaning into her, but it felt more like she was leaning into me. I brought my hand toward hers, my small fingers wrapping over it and bringing it into my lap, "Here, hold my hand and just sleep, okay?" I said, doing what she always does when I am scared; She holds my hand all night, even after I fall asleep, keeping me safe.

I want her to feel safe for once.

She chuckled but I also heard her sniffle, she was crying again, I knew that and it made my chest hurt, "You will keep holding my hand?" She whispered, dropping another kiss over my head.

I nodded, tightening my grip, my small one barely covering hers, "Yes, I will always hold your hand."

"I promise," I added, "I won't let go."

"Here, take my hand."

After that sentence left my lips, after she smiled and her soft hand fell into my bigger one, stepping forward across the curb. After that...the whole world came to a startling halt. Everything got suspended. Frozen. Like someone just hit pause, giving me a second or two to drink into the feedback of what was about to unfold.

It gave me one last brief moment to look at her; eyes still open, mouth still smiling, lungs still breathing, heart still beating.

Thump. Thump. I could almost hear it.

Everything around me halted. The cars across the road weren't moving anymore. The valet's hand that he extended to take the keys from the new arrivers, paused midway. The man holding his jacket over his date's shoulder froze by the restaurant's door. Alex behind me, closing the car's door on Lilly inside went still. Everyone...everything was a still image. Immobile.

It was silent. Utter deafening silence.

Then someone hits play.

And I watch the car speed past us, I watch my mother's body crash into my embrace, and I watch her die in my arms. It wasn't slow; her death, it was fast. The bullet killed her instantly. Somewhere in my heart, I already know that. I felt her leave me. I felt a sense of coldness I haven't tasted before; the one when her soul brushed my hand as it left her body. Deep down, I knew she was gone. But my mind, couldn't comprehend the fact. No human mind can catch up to the shock or the intensity of such a moment this fast.

The end, it wasn't supposed to be like this. It can't be.

The fucked up part of it all...there were no final words exchanged between us. Her eyes closed and I couldn't get her to open them after. One last time at least, I internally pled and begged for one more minute, one more second even but no one listened, no one answered my broken prayers. There wasn't a last I love you, a last keep fighting. No last hug. No last kiss. No way to tell her that I will fight everything and everyone to make her proud. That I will finish this, once and for all. That I will carry on with the legacy she drew in her head for me when I was a kid. I couldn't tell her anything. I couldn't assure her that I will be okay. That I have to, for her sake at least.

Nothing.

One moment she was here, and the next, she was just gone.

That's it.

That's how fast and cruel death is.

The last words we exchanged were just me asking her...to hold my hand -one last time.

I couldn't even say that I am sorry, sorry for disappointing her, sorry for becoming this man I am today, sorry for turning out to be an even worse version than him. You see, I was no king like she once dreamed, no honorary man, nobility didn't run in my blood and I didn't live up to any of her wishes.

Truth this, I didn't want to be any of that; at this moment, I wanted to be nothing more than a monster who would avenge her spilled blood without blinking an eye, who would do everything and anything without drawing the line. I wanted to own the darkest, most ruthless and twisted part of me, the only one capable of placing a definite end to this-to him.

There were people gathering around us, their shattering was deafening but I just blocked them all. I silenced everyone's voice as I pulled her lifeless body closer to my chest, as I held her one last time, for as long as I can.

I clung to her with all my might. My arm is wrapped under her back, and the hand I offered her still carried her hand. My gaze fell into it, her pale skin a contradiction to mine, her slim fingers sinking into my big grip.

I will always hold your hand.

Always felt so short and brief now.

Always felt like such a lie; A false hope we hold into, as if it's in our control, as if we dictate to which extent that always could go.

I broke the contact of our hands, and hers limply fell down. I brought my hand to her face, my palm cupping her cheek, my thumb brushing the area under her eye, her skin was still warm, and I could feel a bitter warmness in my chest, like there was a wound inside heavily bleeding, almost as if the bullet that went through her heart grazed mine in the process.

It was happening all over again.

As if my already weak mind could bear to lose her once more, as if everything wasn't enough already and I had to be punished yet again.

I lowered my head, edging it closer to her, maybe...maybe she could hear me still, "Mom," I whispered brokenly.

No response. Not even the slightest twitch on her face. Nothing at all.

"NO!" I didn't know if that scream was mine, all I knew is that I pulled at the ropes binding me to the chair so hard, so hard that I was able to break free. The force had my body tumble forward to the ground. I stumbled to my feet so fast and ran only to drop down by her side.

My hand went to her shoulders, to her face, holding into her, shaking her awake, "Please mom, wake up," I begged her and brokenly whispered more words. The tears blurred my sight but I could somehow see it...the lines that drew between her eyebrows, the one signaling her struggle still, that she was fighting, that she was in pain...and maybe that was good because pain, pain means you are alive still.

This time, there was nothing on her face. It was almost peaceful, too peaceful as if she had found her salvation. She wasn't in pain.

Because you can't really feel pain when you're already dead.

The sound of alarms blaring nearby broke into the noise barrier I surrounded myself in. The footsteps nearing me and the hands reaching for her, they...they were trying to take her away from me.

I only tightened my arms around her frail body, refusing, "No!" I roared, bewildered.

I felt hands wrap over my shoulder, harshly pulling me away from her, "NO, LEAVE ME!" I shouted, I struggled against his hold but with no use, he was always stronger than me. I pushed and he pulled, his tight grip bruising my skin as he tried to contain me but I kicked my arms and legs, trying to break free, "NO, MOM!" I snapped, wild anger pushing at my ribs, hurting my lungs; I couldn't even breathe...

Frank cursed something when in my struggle I happened to kick him and he threw me away, pushed me so hard, that the force of it had me falling to the ground. My arm twisted under my body and the side of my head hit the floor so vigorously. It was so painful, a sharp jolt that radiated through my whole body and I saw only black for a second or two...

I slowly blinked, trying to ease myself back in, refusing to lose consciousness. My eyelids glided down then up again, watching her at a distance, watching as they held her and took her away. I didn't feel the physical pain anymore, the intensity of what was unraveling in my chest was much much worse, it was unbearable. My fist tightened over the floor and I groaned, pushing myself up, and ready to go after her.

They can't take her away. They can't...this can't be the last time I see her. No, just no-

His hand reached for my shoulders again and he pulled me back. I screamed and screamed, pleaded to see her, to know...is she breathing still, is she alive? Did she...die? But no one listened, no one heard, no one cared, no one...

They were taking her from me again, they were saying something but I didn't care to listen, I was ready to pull my gun out and kill them all on the spot. I am not that helpless kid anymore, they can't take her from me again...I can stop them, can't I?

I felt a hand over my shoulder, tightly squeezing at it and trying to pull me back but I shrugged it away. Not again. My arms were secure around her fragile body as they tried to pull them apart, struggling to free her from my grip.

The hand grabbing my shoulder tightened and his stern voice broke through my trance, "Nikolas!" It had me loosen my grip slightly and the paramedics finally succeeded in pulling her away. My eyes widened in pure terror, shooting up to them as they strapped her up on the bed, wheeling her away from me.

I shook my head, my jaw tightened and his hand moved forward, his arm wrapped around my shoulders from the front, it went around my neck, his palm resting over my other shoulder, using his arm as a restrain to pull me back, to keep me in place as I tried to struggle up and march after them.

"Nik, hey...hey!" Alex's voice broke again through the chaotic trance I was trapped in. He pulled me back and I turned my head, my bewildered eyes falling onto his as my mind slowly tried to come to terms with it all.

He was right behind me, crouching down, leveling his body with mine, trying to get to me for god knows how long. His hand moved, it cupped the side of my neck, distressed lines drew between his eyebrows, the look in his eyes begging and asking me to grasp back my control, to try and think straight, to just...breathe for now.

The muscles of his jaw worked, "Come on," He whispered, "We'll follow behind them."

I tried to listen to him, I tried to listen to reason. I gave him a small nod and he pulled his arm away as I got up. He opened the car's door for me and I went in before he rushed to the driver's seat, getting in as well, roaring the engine to life, and pulling into the road right behind the ambulance.

My gaze fell into my hands, into my shirt, parts of it were painted red from when I pulled her close to me that she bled into my shirt. Blood on my hand and clothes was my normal, a part of my everyday routine...but just not this time, not her blood.

I pressed the back of my head against the seat, my fingers tightening into a fist over my thigh, struggling within myself to keep control, to contain and restrain myself. I let my eyelids drop down, I fought the urge to break down, to unravel right here. My brain felt so weak, fragile, and unable to carry this heavyweight without crashing down. Everything and nothing made sense at all.

Almost like a dream, a fucking nightmare that terrifies you to the bone, a one where you keep running, trying to escape, trying to scream, but deep down, you are unable to comprehend when did it even start, or how did you reach here. The moment you start to realize that, the illusion your subconscious built starts to crash down and you open your eyes to reality, thanking god it was just a...dream. A mere fiction. Not real.

But this time, this purgatory was authentic. Too real. The blood on my hands and clothes is physical. The bleeding ache in my chest is tangible. There is no escaping it, no matter how desperately I try to. I can't conjure it up into a nightmare.

Air pushed out of my lungs, and it harshly parted past my lips, hoarse and strangled. I dragged my eyes open, only to focus them on the blaring red-blue light ahead of us. This was real.

My gaze slightly drifted to the side, looking at the rearview mirror, my eyes falling on a peacefully sleeping Lilly in the back, safely tucked up in her seat, unaware of what was unfolding outside of her innocent happy bubble. My eyes were on her chest, watching it rise up and down, learning from her how to breathe again. Up and down. In and out.

I felt Alex's gaze drift to me for a brief second, but he said nothing and turned his attention back to the road, his hand tight over the steering wheel as he drove us to the hospital. Why though? Why are we going there; if not just to hear them announce her death?

Time started to move faster than usual, or maybe I am the only one who lost sense of its track. I was trapped in a haze, the colors around me were a blur, and the sounds were a chaotic mess. I was moving but without thinking. My body carried on the actions without any order issued by my brain. Automatic and operating on pilot mode.

When we reached the hospital, I was down first, following behind them and waiting outside as they pushed her into the operation room.

I dropped down on the chair, waiting for the inevitable, preparing my brain to accept the news, he has to, he can't fail me now. I have so much yet to do. So much that needs to be done.

Alex came inside after, and without a word, he dropped down on the seat beside mine. I didn't know what he was feeling; if this incident even hurt him the slightest, if it has the power to destroy him as it's doing to me right now. If like me he is trying to pave his way out of this before it scraps whatever shattered pieces of him are left.

I leaned forward, my elbows propped over my knees and I rested my head in my hands. My fingers moved over my head and tightly grasped into the stands of my hair, clinging to the fringes of control.

I felt Alex's hand reach for my shoulder, it gave it a small reassuring squeeze. No words were exchanged between us, because what could be said now? What could possibly make this feel any better?

The operation room's doors slid open and the doctor walked out, taking a defeated pause by our side. He lowered his mask down and spoke. My eyes were on his eyes, studying the pity, and the sorrow swirling in them, my ears hearing the words he was saying, too many unnecessary words to cover up one simple four-lettered vocab; dead.

My lips moved, asking for one thing only, "Can I see her?" The hoarse words scratched against my throat as they made their way out. The doctor nodded his head in return, granting me a last wish.

When he walked away, I turned to Alex beside me, my voice calm and steady, I was slowly gaining back my control, "You don't need to stay here," I said, my words drawing confused lines over his forehead, "I will take care of the rest." It was my responsibility, not his.

I let my words end there before I turned around and walked ahead, following the path the doctor went into and entered the room. He spoke some more words I had no care for. The nurses wrapped up their last work before they left and so did he when I kept silent, unresponsive to whatever he was asking from me.

They walked away, closing the door and leaving...us alone. Just her and me.

Without hesitation, I stepped forward, taking a stop by the bed's edge.

My eyes fell on her face, pale and so very...lifeless. It still looked young though, not as old as you'd think. She still had years and years ahead she could've lived. She could've stayed to witness some of her wishes come to life. She always wanted me and Alex to be on the same side and together, she could've seen more of that. Maybe, maybe Alex could've warmed up to her by the end if they just had more time. Maybe she could've been able to spend more time with Lilly.

Maybe she could've at least stayed to witness his death; so many maybes...

But, none of them mattered anymore.

I brought my hand to her forehead, gently brushing her hair away. Her skin felt so cold, a total contradiction to how it was. It felt like only one minute ago when she smiled at me and took my hand, but it's been hours since then. I am just unable to comprehend the pace of time.

My throat got all gravelly and my eyes burned the longer I looked at her, memorizing everything about her, scared one day my brain would fail me and I would just not remember her anymore. I tried to kick away the bad, the moments I needed her and she wasn't there. I deleted them all and only absorbed the good ones, the days where she rocked me to sleep, where she held my hand all night long, where she was everything I needed, and the only thing I loved.

I deleted the image of the broken defeated woman she became, and held into the strong one I looked up to when I was a kid. I tried to forget her teary eyes and stored the image of her smile.

I needed an ounce of good to grasp into, or else...

I leaned down, my lips pressing a soft kiss over her cold forehead, my eyelids dropping down, a lone tear uncontrollably scrolling from the side, "I promise I will keep fighting," I whispered what I couldn't say to her before. I will fight till the day I breathe my last. For her, I have to; It was her last request, how could I ever deny her that?

"I love you so much," Another faint whisper before I pressed my eyes shut and my other hand fisted over the sheets. My jaw worked as I broke down a heavy wall in my chest, it rattled at first, fighting against me but the door got knocked down at last, releasing every emotion I had locked behind.

I was no longer numb; anger and fury saturated every alive cell in my being, feeding the starving monster. I untied his shackles and pulled him out into the light. He needed some light and I needed some of his darkness. You see, Isaac was right, the monster and me, we are one and the same, we balance each other in a way.

Isaac did wrong when he made me face the darkest piece of myself. It's no longer a secret and, by doing so, it lost a little bit of its power over me. Confession is therapeutic. When you voice the unforgivable, you can somehow find your way to...forgiveness.

My eyes opened and I straightened myself up, my eyes looking at the monitor ahead of me, the one drawing a straight line, signaling a...dead heart, not beating, not alive. I saw my reflection on that same screen. I lowered my gaze to her, my hand reaching for hers under the sheets. My fingers wrapped around her hand one last time, "I won't stop till I rip his heart out with my own hands, I promise," I added, my voice hard and determined. His heart will stop beating, I won't let it be alive in a world where he caused hers to cease.

I gave her cold hand one last squeeze, my eyes on it as I felt another crack open up in my chest.

I promise. I won't let go.

I slowly untangled my fingers, unwrapping them from around hers, and moved them away. I covered her hand with the white sheets before I took a slow hesitant step back, "I am sorry, but I have to let go now."

If I give this the power to destroy me, it easily will. It undoubtedly can ruin me beyond measures and take me back to where I once was years ago; Because how much more losses could I bear before there is no more me to speak of anymore? If I keep holding her hand, my brain will break and so will my spirit.

But I can't let that happen.

I have one more mission, one more fight, and after it, the whole world could come crashing down, I would care less then.

But for now, I have a promise to keep.

***************

One day later...

Alex's POV

I groaned in annoyance and pulled at the tie Cara was trying to fix around my collar. I untangled it and threw it away, "I don't want to wear a tie," I grumbled out and her eyebrows pulled closer at my unnecessary outburst.

"Why?" She asked as she inched closer and fixed the collar of my shirt because I seemed to ruin it again.

"It's hurting my throat," I mumbled, rubbing at my neck before my hand went to my shirt and unbuttoned the first few buttons, "I can't breathe with it on."

Understatement flashed in her eyes as she closely stared at me, worried lines etched between her eyebrows as her hand moved under the material of my shirt, her palm pressing over my chest, right above where my heart was wildly beating, her touch trying to soothe and reassure me, "Alex, I really don't think it's the tie's fault," She mumbled, her thumb gently brushing over my warm skin.

I hefted out a low breath and she lifted her hand up to my face, it rested over my cheek, "Do you want me to come with you?" She asked, meaning it and I shook my head immediately, "God, no," I refused right away, "I, myself, don't want to go there, it's as dangerous as it is," I added, my hand going to rest over her waist, keeping her all close and anchored to me for this brief moment.

Annoyance tightened her brows, "Why should the funeral be in London, always?"

I rolled my eyes, "Beats me. Stupid Viarchi's and their rules."

"You hate going there," She pointed out and I nodded, "I am not going there for my own benefit, I just-" I let my eyelids drop down slightly, the incident replying over again every time I close my eyes, "I can't leave Nikolas to go through this alone."

She nodded, understanding, "I know," She brushed her thumb over my cheek, "I know you are trying to focus on that right now, but-" her head tilted to the side, worry swirling in her gaze and pouring out from her touch, "But if you want to talk about it, I am right here."

"Talk about what, Cara?" I shrugged, a bit too helpless, "You can't lose someone you didn't have in the first place."

She nodded, "But still, even if just as a title, she was your mother, and I know that somewhere in here," She pressed her hand over my chest, "It's slightly hurting you too."

I shook my head, forcing on a smile, "I've had worse, believe me," I took her hand in mine and brought it to my lip, leaving a kiss over her knuckles, "Just take care of the kids, okay, I will be back before you know it," I added.

She didn't seem satisfied with my insistence to dismiss the topic but she kept silent this time, nodding her head before she tiptoed and pecked my lips, "Call me when you get there," She mumbled, "Just...call me whenever you can, don't keep me worried."

"I will," I mumbled as I kissed her back.

She offered me a small smile, her hand brushing and fixing the strands of my hair at the side, "Let's just hope I will be able to stop Nikolas from killing Isaac in front of everyone," I mumbled, my eyebrow raising, mocking myself because no way in hell can I hold him back from doing that.

Cara shrugged before she wrapped her arms around my neck, "Would that be too bad?"

I sighed, "Last time when Nik just punched him, he went ahead and killed Emma's baby, so yeah, I have a feeling he always has a plan B for when things go south."

Cara's jaw tightened, "God, I hate him so much."

I sighed, nodding my head in agreement; hate would be too soft of a description for what I am feeling toward him right now, "But something doesn't add up," Cara added, her eyebrows pulling closer in questioning, "Didn't he need her, like need her name to keep him in his current position, so why would he just...kill her?"

"Well, that's what I am about to find out."

*************

Since yesterday, from the moment Nikolas asked me to leave, that he can take care of it alone, per his word. Not that I listened to him either way. But since then, he hasn't spoken another word. Not just to me in specific, I think he's like this with everyone else in general.

When he got inside the jet, he was just as silent, so calm and composed. He barely looked at any of us, wrapped up in his own world. He shrugged his suit jacket off, placed it on the seat beside him, and sat down. He rolled up the sleeves of his black dress shirt and unclasped the first few buttons. See, he is also not wearing a tie. I bet it's suffocating him too.

When the jet took off, he stayed in his own bubble. His gaze was either focused on the window outside, or on the phone in his hand. No more, no less. I know that he is only trying to...turn it off for now. That there is a funeral to be arranged, a burial to be taken care of, and he needs some control to get through all of that. That he can't afford to break down right now. I get that, and I agree with him to a level. I am just scared, terrified even that he will snap and explode at the wrong moment.

Like for example, the moment when Isaac will show up.

Because as the good husband he is, he definitely won't miss his wife's funeral.

Oh, something tells me this day won't end well...

I wanted to get up and force myself on him, to sit beside him now and just speak, do the usual, annoy him some more, and have him open up, as slight as he could. I wanted to fire off a hundred million questions. I wanted to ask if he was able to sleep last night, because I couldn't. I wanted to ask if he sees it every time he closes his eyes? Because I do.

I wanted to ask if he is still unable to comprehend how fast everything unraveled? How, one second, we were having dinner, and the next she was just...dead?

It didn't make sense.

I shook my head, silencing my many thoughts and deciding against talking. Let him have his calm moment for as long as he can. I would be only opening a can of worms by bringing all of this up anyway. My eyes left Nikolas and I turned to my right, Roman and Ronald were busy discussing something and talking while Emma, like me, was focused on Nik only. Her worried gaze on him, probably thinking what I am thinking.

I sighed, sinking down into my seat and dreading what's to come once we land. My head was already hurting and pounding from too much overthinking. I got up to my feet and walked past the curtains to the other side of the jet, searching for a distraction. My gaze fell onto the small cabinet at the corner, I opened it up and pulled a liquor bottle, finding my sweet distraction.

I know I said I won't be drinking again, but funerals should definitely be the ultimate exception.

I held the bottle up, reading it's ingredients before it was was suddenly snatched from my hand. I groaned in annoyance, looking up and glaring at Emma, the audacity. She opened up the cap and ever so casually placed the tip to her lips.

She took down a large gulp, probably needing a distraction too, "Sharing is caring," She mumbled as she pushed the bottle back to me, wiping at her mouth with the back of her hand.

I snatched it from her and drank down my share. The bitterness burned at my throat, and Emma just stayed there beside me for some reason, as if I can tolerate her presence or something. But thankfully enough, she kept silent, looking into the world below us from the small window.

"You're worried too, aren't you?" She mumbled and I nodded, placing the bottle away as the negative thoughts consumed me whole, "Definitely. I have a feeling that today is not gonna end well."

Her eyes went to me, "It's a funeral, it's not supposed to end well," She spoke.

I shrugged, "That's not the part I am particularly worried about."

Lines etched between her eyebrows and she kept looking at me for a long minute. My eyebrow raised, "Stop looking," I grumbled out, annoyed by her stare, almost as if she is trying to analyze and study me.

A loud breath pushed out of her chest and she moved forward, toward me. My eyes widened when I suddenly felt her arms wrap around me...hugging me or maybe trying to suffocate me; who knows.

"Get away!" I shot out, trying to pry her arms away from around my body, "Get away from me," I added but she only slapped her hand over my back, stopping my struggle, and by slap I mean she probably dislocated my ribs, "Shut up and let me hug you!" She groaned in annoyance.

I groaned out loudly, "Can you step away now?"

"I am sorry for your loss," She mumbled, a hint of sadness in her voice before she finally let me go. Phew.

I shook my head, "It's not my loss."

She scoffed, "Deny it all you want, it is still your loss too, Alex," She said, "So, stop using your worry for Nik as an excuse for you being all-" She pointed at me, from up to down, addressing my distressed, sleep-deprived state, "You know."

I shot her a glare, I came here to have a drink and relief my aching brain, but no, god forbid that happens.

"Just know, if you decided to talk about it to someone, you've got me, I won't judge you," She said as she started to make her way back inside, "Okay, sister-kisser."

I groaned and facepalmed, "I hate you!" I shot out behind her.

"Keep saying that but I know deep down you love me!" She shot back, ever so confident.

I turned to the alcohol cabinet and shot it a glare before I went back to my seat, defeated. No amount of alcohol in the world is gonna make this day any bearable.

**************

I hate funerals.

Not that anyone loves them, but yeah. They suck.

I pulled into a deep breath, pushing my hands into my pants pocket as I stared at the vast space ahead of us. At the cemetery that held below its ground one of the most corrupted people that have ever walked this earth.

The last time I was here, it was Nik's funeral. Or so I thought.

I scoffed at the thought. I think I became immune to the news of death by now. I mean, anyone could just reappear in my life later, so why be sad now, right? I wouldn't be surprised if my dear father crawled his way out of this ground at this moment. I almost laughed at the thought; that could be cool though, maybe he could help us kill Isaac or something...Okay, I am officially way drunker than I should be.

Or maybe this is just how I deal with tragedy.

I rushed my hand through my hair, pushing it back as my gaze drifted to Nikolas, standing only a few meters away from me. Lots and lots of people had come to mourn his mother, she had her fans I guess, or these mafia people really love their funerals because it's becoming way too crowded in here.

They all talked with him, offered their condolences, and he...he seems to have it all together. All figured out. Calm, as he responded to each of them ever so professionally. I didn't even see him take a drink, so what the hell is his secret? If there is any type of pills he takes, I would so love to have one or two at the moment.

I checked my watch, to see the time standing still. It feels like hours already and they haven't even carried on with the burial yet. I wish I can just skip to the end of this day...

The sound of a car arriving took my attention away, my head turned to the left, my gaze falling on none other than Isaac stepping down from it. Oh shit, here we go. I took a couple of steps closer to Nik, who was talking with some man I don't know, totally unaware of our newly arrived guest.

Isaac pushed his hands into his black coat's pocket, striding toward us with full pride and confidence. God, the man really owned his title, he oozed power with every step he took. The side of his lips tilted upward in pure pleasure when they fell on us, indirectly taunting. And I expected shit to do go downhill from here onwards.

I let my eyes glide down for a second, and again, the events of yesterday unfolded behind my closed eyelids. The gunshot. Her face. The blood. I pried my eyes open, my jaw ticking as something akin to anger rushed to my chest with full force, knocking the air out of my lungs.

I was scared of Nik's reaction before, but at this moment, it felt like it should be me, I should be the one contained because I wanted nothing more than to push forward, beat him to the ground, pull the gun, and put a bullet through his head. He has done way too much damage to stay alive, to walk around like this, as if he owned everything...

"Alex," I whipped my head to my right, my eyes falling on Nik's as he called for my name. The first word he directed at me since yesterday. In his eyes, there was a silent warning, "Calm down," He whispered, sensing my out-of-sorts state, and his hand wrapped over my arm, stopping it from reaching for my gun and just...doing something, anything expect standing here to welcome him in.

I shook myself back in, my eyes drifting away, "What the hell is the matter with me," I grumbled under my breath, bewildered at my own self and my lack of control.

Isaac paused right by Nik's side, his eyes falling on us both before he extended his hand forward, "I am so sorry for your loss, son," He said, his tone alone aiming to provoke us. The fucking asshole.

Nikolas didn't twitch even, he pushed his hand forward, powerfully wrapping it over Isaac's, showing him who is in control and I swear I saw a slight tilt in his lips...he isn't smiling, right? I must be mistaken or gone blind.

"You look giddy for someone whose mother just died," Isaac couldn't help but comment, his head tilting slightly in questioning.

Nikolas's hand tightened over Isaac's, a bit too harsh for a handshake and he edged forward, inching his head closer to him. Oh dear god, he was smiling, actually smiling. His lips were beside Isaac's ear and I heard him say, "It's just I was thinking how the next body I bury underground is gonna be yours."

Isaac's expression shifted, and his confidence wavered slightly, not once expecting Nikolas to be so very composed. I am just as shocked as him actually. It's quite terrifying.

When Nik backed away, his smirk was devilish, taunting, and in his eyes, there was a flame ignited, a look of a mad man who is ready to raise hell.

I just stood there, frozen by the amount of darkness a mere smile can hold.

Wearing all black, he did look like a devil, who is out for blood and vengeance.

"You wanted me to give up, right?" He added, every word coming out smooth and measured. He was so much in control I envied him at this moment because I was the one losing it.

He patted his pants pocket, pretending to search for something, "Guess what," He shrugged when he found nothing. His eyebrow raised in pure mockery, "Looks like I don't own any white flags."

The look on Isaac's face was worthy of being recorded, and suddenly, I felt calmer, a bit better as I drew some power from Nikolas beside me. My anger dissipated and when Isaac's eyes flickered to me, I couldn't hold back my smile, "I am not even gonna deny it, I love it when he is bad," I said the last sentence while pointing at Nikolas.

We both were about to walk away, but Nikolas paused midway and turned around. His eyes falling back on a slightly-disturbed Isaac, "Oh, by the way, I think it's better if you lock your door well at night," He shrugged, hinting at something only Isaac understood, "Because I heard there is a monster roaming around," He gave him a wink, "Be aware."

*************

Nikolas's POV

Everything since yesterday was leading me up to this moment.

The one where I stand aside as they lower her casket to the grave.

The priest on the side was talking about something, preaching about god and whatnot as if I need to hear any of that now. I silenced him and focused on one thing. On her.

I could grasp as much control as I can all day long but at this moment, I had no choice but to fall weak. My inside lurched with pain and agony because I knew for sure that there is no returning back after this. That she is gone, forever. I won't see her again. I won't feel her again.

The pain became too much, unbearable even as I recalled back to our last conversation, to the anguish in her green eyes as she begged me to never give up, as she asked me to believe in myself, as she advised me to forgive myself. It was a long list of doings and promises, and I didn't know if I could keep up with them all.

I have to. But I don't know if I am physically or mentally capable of it. I just have to, one way or another.

I curled my hand into a fist at the side, trapping it all inside for now. I couldn't break down. It's not the place nor the time. I need to keep going, just a bit more.

While battling within myself, teetering right on the edge and scared of falling, someone pulled me back. I felt a feather warm touch on my hand, untightening my fist before very soft delicate fingers moved the inside of my palm, slowly intertwining with my own.

My gaze dropped down, watching as her hand held into mine, ever so tightly, as if scared to let go. My head shot up, and my eyes flickered to my right, looking at the hand's owner.

Soft blue eyes held mine captive. She didn't say a thing, and she didn't need to. Her eyes spoke volume. She tightened her grip over mine, almost promising to never let go before she leaned into me, the side of her head rested over my arm.

Involuntarily, my hand tightened over hers, leaning into her as well. I didn't know how she got all the way here, or when did she even get here...I didn't think about the possible risks her mere presence was imposing.

All I knew is that she is here, and I needed her by my side as I witnessed this morbid day unfold in front of my eyes.

When the sun started to set down and people started to leave, Natalie was still plastered to my side, but we still spoke no words. Before I could open my mouth to ask, in between the crowd, my eyes fell on Joseph at a distance, trying to make his way toward me. Alarms blared in my head at the possible ways this could go wrong and my hand tightened over hers, moving away and pulling her along with me.

"Where are you-" She tried to speak but my urgent steps hitched the rest of her words. On our path, Ronald saw us, his eyebrows pulled closer in shock when they fell on Natalie. I looked at him, nodding my head toward the inside, indirectly asking him to follow.

When the three of us were away from everyone's sight, I shut the door and turned around to face them, "What the hell are you doing here?" Ronald shot out, bewildered at Natalie.

She shot him a glare, totally not impressed with his tone before she looked at me, ignoring him. I pulled my keys out of my pocket and threw them at Ronald, he caught them as I said, "Take my car, get her to the airport, put her on the first plane to the US, and make sure she gets home safe," I ordered, because, despite everything, I can at least trust him to do that part right.

He nodded, for the first time ever, both of us agreeing on something.

"Wait, what-" Natalie mumbled lowly, not understanding a thing, "But I just got here..."

"Yeah, and you should've never come, it's dangerous here," Ronald replied back.

"I wasn't talking to you!" She snapped at him before she stepped closer to me, "Nikolas?" She mumbled, much softer as her hand reached for my arm, asking me to speak directly to her.

I let my gaze fall on hers, "You need to leave," Was all I said as I gently pulled my arm back from her grip.

Lines drew between her eyebrows as she stared back at me, utterly confused, "But-"

"Natalie, you shouldn't be here," I remarked, my tone a bit harder than I intended it to be. Because fuck it, I wanted her here, but if Joseph could put two and two together, it won't be long before he figures out who she is.

"But I came here for you," She whispered softly, her eyes dimming down at my need to get her far away from me.

"If you forgot, let me remind you, we broke up, Natalie," I didn't know how else to get her to listen to reason. I tried not to read too much into the bit of hurt that surged into her eyes, I tried not to let it affect me, I have enough hurt on my plate already. I looked at Ronald, "Take her away, now," I stressed out again, more stern this time before I turned around and headed out.

"But...Nik," She tried to say as I left her behind and I bit the inside of my cheek. I can explain it to her later, just not now. I have so much to do already, I can't afford to be distracted and I can't possibly afford to put her life at risk.

Once outside, I looked around, searching for the person I needed to talk to the most since yesterday. My eyes found him between the crowd and I marched forward, ready to smash his head into the ground if he doesn't speak up.

Liam's eyes met mine, they read my fury and anger as I wrapped my hand over his arm, dragging and pushing him to a safe distance, away from prying eyes.

"Nikolas!" He grated out in anger as he pulled away, disliking how I was treating him.

"You will fucking speak or I won't hesitate before I put a bullet in you," I said through clenched teeth, meaning every word.

Before I could ask the question, he gave me the answer, "She asked for my help," He simply said, as if that made any sense.

"Help for what?!" I snapped, "And why you?"

He rushed a hand over his face, a low breath parting his mouth as he spoke, "Back then, all those years ago, I helped your mother once," He started to say and I nodded, interrupting him, "Yeah, I know, you made Frank believe she died that day, you saved her, it's the only reason I haven't killed you yet, so tell me now what did she ask from you!"

"I saved her life back then, but this time she asked me to save yours," He said.

I pulled my gun out, I was losing it and he wasn't helping his case by being vague. I moved forward, my hand on his shoulder, pressing him against the wall as I pressed the gun under his chin, pushing his head upward, "What does that mean!"

He didn't seem the slightest fazed with the gun pointed at him, "Everything you need to know is in here," He said, holding something up, and that's when I noticed the beige folder in his hand.

I retreated my gun back, my other hand reaching for the folder and snatching it away, "What's this?" I asked, seething still, because I understood nothing.

"Your mother knew this was gonna happen, she knew Isaac wasn't gonna let her live any longer after what she did, but...she did it anyway," He explained and the ache in my chest only intensified, my pulse accelerating as the thoughts raced through.

I shook my head, my voice dropping much lower, "What did she do?"

"What's the one thing that stopped Isaac from killing her before?" His eyebrow raised, "She took the source of his power away from him. She took her name back, Nikolas," He said, "She finished up the divorce papers, submitted them to the higher table, and told them every single thing about Isaac," He added, "So now, when the voting happens, Isaac won't stand much of a chance, he is gonna be taken off the throne," Liam stepped forward and pointed a finger at me, "You are a Viarchi by blood, Nikolas, while he isn't."

"Your mother knew she was gonna die by doing so, but she took the risk for you," His words pushed me backward, staggering as I tried to absorb all of it at once, "She gave you a chance Nikolas, so god help me, you better not waste it," A hint of anger surged into his words, warning and trying to push me into the right path, "Don't make her death go to waste."

I wheezed for the air his words knocked from my lungs. My heart squeezed so fucking tight, and I struggled to breathe under the pain crushing my chest. The thoughts I'd fought to block out all day came flooding through, unrepressed. He had just destroyed all the barriers I fought so hard to keep in place, leveled them with a mere sentence;

Don't make her death go to waste.

My brain was slowly breaking down, I could no longer stand there and have him explain more. I got the answer I was looking for but also scared to find. I wanted to shout at him more, to ask why he didn't tell me, I could've stopped her, I could've...protected her. But there was no point anymore, nothing will change what happened. No matter how desperately I want to go back to last night and change everything, I simply can't.

Helplessness took over me and I turned around, leaving him there, and walked away, my fingers tight over the folder in my hand as I headed toward my destination. Everyone had left the cemetery by now, finally giving me enough space to be alone with...her. My feet acted on their own, walking me there before they took a pause by the headstone, my gaze fell down, carefully reading the words engraved over the marble.

My knees weekend and I crouched down, unable to carry the heavyweight that is today. I brought my hand forward, it rested over the cold stone's edge, my fingers aching to feel her somehow, but it was impossible.

I retreated my hand back when the heartbreak consumed me whole. I dropped down, sitting over the wet grass but I didn't care. I needed a moment or two before I could grasp back my control, get up and carry on with the mission. I needed a moment to be just a...son who lost his mother. No more, and no less.

I heard the crunching sound of grass near me but I didn't have the power to turn around and face the owner. It didn't take him long to invade my personal space, like he always does. He dropped down, sitting on the grass right beside me.

"Everyone left," Alex spoke and I nodded my head, my eyes focused on the headstone ahead of me still.

"Emma went to visit her mother's grave too before we leave," He added, probably fishing for a conversation and I nodded again.

"Roman is probably with her," He added, as if I could care any less.

"Ronald left too, I think he took Natalie with him," He added and I nodded; why was he telling me about everyone's whereabouts.

"So, uh, everyone left," He repeated again and I finally gathered enough power to turn my head and look at him, "So?" I asked and he gave me a small helpless small shrug, "So, maybe you can relax now," He answered, "You can...let go."

My eyebrows drew closer and he shook his head, "You can lie to everyone, Nikolas, you can pretend as much as you want, but you can't pull that shit on me," His eyebrow raised, "I am pro when it comes to pretending the opposite of what you are feeling."

I shook my head, turning my head away from him, "I am not pretending."

He sighed, "Just say it."

"Say what?"

"What you want to say since yesterday, come on, say it."

My jaw tightened and I faced him again, "Alex, I need to be alone now, just five minutes and we can leave."

"I am not a stranger, Nikolas, I am your brother," He pointed out, "You can't push me away, you can't lie to me, you can't pretend to have it all together because for the love of God I hated the woman and it is hurting me this much, so I can't begin to imagine what it's doing to you!"

My eyes met his again, not expecting such words to come from him. My jaw ticked, trying to stop my face from reflecting every fucked up thing I was feeling inside, but he is right, I just needed to relax, to let go, for now, to release this once and for all.

"She is dead because of me," I whispered, voicing out what he asked me to say, "I couldn't protect her, when I took her out of there, I promised I will protect her, but I couldn't..." My eyes burned and I felt them at the threshold, threatening to fall and expose my weakness, "I should've just left her with him, she would still be alive now if I just left her with him, if I didn't fall so weak, maybe she would've not gone and done this, if I just-"

He shook his head, "It's not your fault," He said, worried lines cutting over his face and he shook his head again, his hand coming to my shoulder, it rested there, "You need to understand that you can't control everything, Nikolas."

I shook my head, defeated, I felt so defeated as the first tear trickled down my cheek, I was suffocating under the cruel waves of this thing they call life. Truth is, I wasn't living, for thirty years, I didn't live, I was merely existing, battling monsters and devils till they won over and ruined me, and it seems like they won't stop till they consume me whole, "I can't breathe, Alex," He is right, I can't lie and pretend, not to him at least.

All I felt after was his hand move from my shoulder and his arms wrap around me, pulling me closer, "I know," He mumbled, just as brokenly as me. His hand pressed over the back of my neck, pulling me close, holding me tight and I hugged him back, needing to cling to something before I go digging down my own grave.

You need to fight for all that is good; she said.

The tears fell through, and I was crying into his shoulder, like a kid, a lost kid, who witnessed his mother die for the second time, "She died in my arms, Alex," I whispered, "How will I ever forget that-" I mumbled, a fucking mess, that what I was.

My tears soaked through his shirt but I didn't care; for once I had someone to lean into, a shoulder to cry on, a one that could accept me and my mistakes, that could carry with me this heavyweight; someone that can pull me out of the dark pit every time I get too close to the edge.

His hand tightened over the back of my neck and he edged his head backward, looking at me, and in his eyes, I saw pure devastation. I couldn't understand if he was feeling the same anguish ripping me apart, or was it just seeing me in this state that had him lose all of his restraints.

"Nik, I can't-" He shook his head, his voice tight with so many pent-up feelings, "I can't promise to give you back what you lost, I wish I can, believe me, I would kill to give it all back but-" He shook his head, "But all I can do is tell you that I am here, I will always be here, I would never turn my back on you, never," He shook his head, a promise in each word, "I will never leave you alone, I need you to understand that, I need you to trust me for once."

I nodded my head, my pulse gradually going back to a somewhat normal rhythm. A small faint smile pulled at his lips as he read it through my eyes, as he saw just how much I trusted and needed him, "Believe me, on your bad and good day, I will be there to annoy you," He added, and no matter how bad he tried to turn his tone playful, it still held an edge.

"Why?" I just had to ask.

He shrugged, turning his body around, looking ahead at the headstone in front of us, "Because you're my brother," His answer was as simple as that. It was an enough reason for him, "Also, sometimes...I think that I need you too."

I breathed out a low sigh, a one that took with it some of my pain, relieving me for the time being, "Need me for what?" I asked, looking ahead of me at what he was looking at, "To teach you how to punch right?"

He scoffed, "Hey! I punch quite alright-"

My lips pressed into a thin line and I shrugged, not very certain about that fact. He gaped at me and lightly punched my arm, "I will show you later," He grumbled out and my lips twitched slightly, finally able to feel anything besides the pain on this day.

"I think I need to also teach you how to aim while we are at it-" I started to say and his eyes widened, offended, "My aim is perfect! Stop insulting my fighting skills, true I am not you, but I know my way around."

I shrugged, "Still, if we were to have a physical fight, I would have you dead in like three seconds."

He shot me the hardest glare he could muster at the moment, because he knew I was right, "Well, when you were learning how to fight, I was out there learning how to have sex," His lips lifted up in a smirk, "So, guess who is the winner."

"You are," I answered and his smile widened in pure satisfaction.

"Teach me how to fight well and I teach you how to have great sex?" He suggested, making the world's most winning bargain.

I scrunched my eyebrows at him and even though I was scared to hear the answer, I asked him anyway, "And by teaching you mean?"

He rolled his eyes, "I'll give you some tips," he said and I shook my head, shuddering at the thought, "No, thank you."

He shrugged, "Your loss," He said, "Could've showed you how to rock Natalie's world."

I sighed, "I can't believe we are discussing sex in a cemetery."

"I can discuss sex literally everywhere and anytime-"

"We are talking about sex?" Emma's voice broke through our conversation as she dropped down on my other side, "Why did no one invite me?"

"Here she comes-" Alex groaned, rolling his eyes in pure annoyance, "And here goes my appetite to have sex."

Emma winked and threw a flying kiss at Alex, he cringed in return, not so subtly scooting away from us.

Emma turned her head to look at me, her gaze involuntarily softened and her smile fell short before her arms snuck around my waist, hugging me, "I don't know what to say," She mumbled and I wrapped my arm around her shoulder before I dropped a kiss over the top of her head, signaling that she didn't need to say anything.

She lifted her gaze up, offering me a soft smile, "I just want you to know one thing," She added, her eyes flickering to Alex before they met mine again, "You're not alone, you've got us."

************************************

Hello!

I was planning to make this chapter longer but I won't have free time to write, not till the weekend, so instead of making you wait, here you go. I was planning to add around 5k words more and end it with a small cliffhanger but I decided to just add them to next chapter.
Work is draining me y'all, I have no energy to write more :(

Anyways, how was it? Did you like the chapter? Are you excited for what's to come? :D

What's your expectations? About Isaac and Nik? And Nik and Nate? xD
Let me hear out your thoughts!

See ya soon.
Love ya <3