"I survived only because the fire within me burned brighter than the fire around me."

*************

Alex's POV

Daylight blazed through the edges of the window blind, shaking me out of my somewhat peaceful sleep. Groaning, I tried to roll over to my back, opening my eyes in an attempt to blink away the heavy sleep.

I winced as the brightness of the day welcomed me and immediately covered my face with the blanket. The pain throbbing against my skull reminded me exactly why I shouldn't drink as much again. All because of stupid Nikolas...

Speaking of the devil, where is he? I lowered the blanket and rubbed at my eyes, finally adjusting my eyesight, my hazy gaze studying my surroundings and slowly recalling back the events of last night.

Something felt odd though. I moved my head over what I thought was a pillow and my gaze slowly flickered up. My eyes widened and I instantly shot up from my laying position. My sudden movement shook her awake as well, her head that was uncomfortably pressed to the couch's cushion moved and she blinked her eyes open, meeting my shocked horrified ones.

The hell...

"I've done pretty weird things while drunk," I mumbled, gulping down as I stared at her, "But this is by far the weirdest."

I would've much rather woken up beside some girl I don't know. Hell, I would've rather woken up by Nikolas's side and not hers...

She rubbed at her eyes and I tried to remember how in the hell did I end up fast asleep with my head in her lap. That's it; I am never ever drinking again. NEVER.

Flashes from the night before started to come back to me, in bits and pieces. I groaned loudly, disappointed in how I allowed myself to be in such close proximity to her. My eyes pressed shut and I rushed a hand over my face, it went over the top of my head and tightly grabbed into the strands of my hair, silently wishing that when I open my eyes again, she would just disappear from here and I won't have to make up a conversation with her.

Random words and disoriented sentences echoed in my head, a very hazy memory bringing itself to the forefront of my brain. My eyebrows pulled closer and I faced her again, trying to place those words somewhere but failed. She stared back at me, her throat heavily bobbing, just as anxious as I am probably. She looked at the door leading her outside the living room, then back at me, contemplating her chances to escape before we start fighting, well mostly me snapping and calling her names.

I was too exhausted anyway, I had no energy left in me to overreact and start arguing with her. So, I crashed into the couch, my back sinking into the cushions as I let out a loud tired breath. I rubbed at my temples, trying to ease my pain as more memories came flooding, only confusing me more.

I turned my head to the side when she didn't move, observing her and trying to comprehend if those memories were real or a figment of my imagination. She had her eyes pressed shut, rubbing her hand over her neck, slightly wincing at the ache. My eyebrows pulled closer, "Did you stay here all night?" The words left my mouth before I could even stop them.

Her eyes opened up, startled by my question. She straightened herself and gave me a small nod, "Uh, yeah," She tucked her hair behind her ear and involuntarily my eyes followed; Nik was right, we do have the same hair color, although I am pretty sure she had dyed hers how many times by now, how old is she anyway?

Look at me throwing shade at the old woman...

My eyebrows pulled closer as I studied her features some more. I don't think I ever had the chance to before. She didn't look that old, to be honest, not young either of course. I bet she just looked younger than her real age. I would be blind to call her ugly, because she was the total opposite of that word. I sighed and resisted the urge to roll my eyes, the source of my good genes ladies and gentlemen.

Her hair had the same light brown tone I have, soft, and reached a few centimeters below her shoulders. Her eyes were the exact green Nik has, the same one...Max has. I suppressed my groan, it isn't enough that my daughter has her name, but my son also has her eyes...great.

Lines etched over her forehead, taken aback by the fact that I was silently staring at her for a very long minute, "Are you okay?" She asked, her voice so low. My jaw tightened, apparently I wasn't okay, not at all, not when I keep analyzing words and fragments of what was said the night before, connecting some dots together and coming up with a result I am not content with.

I looked away from her, my eyebrows pulling together at another memory, "Did I really ask you to tell me a story?" I grumbled out, ready to dig the ground and bury myself in there.

Her lips slightly twitched, fighting off her smile as she nodded, "Yeah, you did," She said, a bit of amusement flickered in her hazy sleepy eyes.

I groaned and facepalmed, the back of my head sinking into the couch, "God, I hate myself."

I turned my head, facing her again and sucking into a deep breath before I talked, "I am gonna say something I've said to many girls before, and never in my wildest dreams have I thought I'd be telling them to you in specific," I wanna hit myself, really, "But it's just...last night was a mistake, I was drunk, so don't look too much into it."

God, mommy issues alright...

"I know," She whispered.

I nodded, "Great," I said, very serious, "And if you tell anyone about it, I will just deny it."

Her lips twitched again but she couldn't hold back her small smile this time. I amuse her apparently. My hard glare was enough to wipe that smile off and she cleared her throat and nodded. I rolled my eyes and turned away. She better not think we are buddies now. I still can't stand her.

Finally, she understood the telepathic message I was trying to send her and decided it is best to get up and leave the room. When she was far away and out of my sight, I let out a loud groan, facepalming as I slammed the back of my head into the cushion multiple times, hoping that this could magically extract her out of my head.

"Morning sunshine," Nikolas's unfazed words had me glide my eyes open. The back of my head pressed further into the cushion, and my gaze flickered up, looking at him. I shot him the hardest glare I could muster. His face was upside down from my current position, and his hair looked to be wet, like he had just taken a shower. I wanted to take a shower too, maybe it will wipe off whatever this feeling is. I swear I feel like I committed a sin, "I hate you," I grumbled out, blaming only him for all of this.

His face remained impassive and he throw some medicine bottle at my head, it crashed against my forehead before it dropped down to the couch, "Drink up, dealing with hangover-you is not on my to-do list for today," He added as he dropped a water bottle by my side and disappeared somewhere.

Ignoring him and his words, I reached for the medicine, opened the cap, and took two, before I chugged the whole water bottle down to drown the pills and cure my dehydration. After a couple of minutes, I gathered enough strength to get up. I searched around till I found the bathroom and freshened up, trying to get back to myself and carry on with my day.

I pulled the phone out of my pocket and texted Cara, checking up on her. My eyebrows pulled closer as I read through our previous messages. Apparently, I had drunk-texted her last night about my whereabouts, half of my words were misspelled with a bunch of emojis in between. I even had sent her many selfies of myself with a bunch of texts explicitly explaining the type of sex I will be giving her tonight. Oh wow, I am even blunter when drunk.

Deciding to never get drunk ever again for no matter what the reason is, I headed toward the kitchen, drawn in by the sweet smell of coffee. My eyes fell on Nikolas as he had just filled his cup and I rushed forward, taking my only chance, and immediately snatched the cup out of his hold.

His eyes widened, startled by how I suddenly crashed into him, took the cup out of his hand, and sat down by the kitchen table.

"You can't do that every time!" He whined, practically screaming and I casually took a sip, totally ignoring him.

I placed MY cup back on the table and shot him a glare. My head is still throbbing and he is screaming...gosh, no respect for hangovers.

He grumbled out some profanities and when he got back with another one, he laid it over the table before he took his seat. I didn't waste time and snatched his second cup as well, looking at him as I took a large sip, taking my revenge for him being too loud for my sake now and for letting me sleep in the same room as his mother.

His eyes widened at my audacity and he slapped my hand away. His jaw tightened in pure anger as he snatched the cup back, not giving up to me as he took his first sip from it.

"Hey, my saliva is on it!" I winced slightly at the thought, "Eww, it's like we just kissed."

My words were enough to have him choke on his drink, spitting the coffee back into the cup before he pushed it away, spilling some over the table as he angrily shot up from his seat and stormed away, probably to rinse his mouth, all while cursing me with colorful words.

I smiled and internally clapped my hands, do I love it when I make him miserable...best hangover cure ever.

Not long after, his dear mother walked into the kitchen, her eyes briefly fell on me and I immediately looked back at my phone's screen, texting my cupcakes and pretending to be busy so I won't have to deal with her yet again. She did the same and got busy on her side of the kitchen, where the fridge and oven were, preparing something and I carried on with my ignoring session.

I rested my phone back on the table when Nikolas returned, relieving me of being confined alone in the same space as her. His eyes shot daggers at me and I smiled sheepishly, giving him the most innocent look. He filled up another cup, but this time, he kept his fingers wrapped over it, his gaze threatening as he settled down beside me, daring me to repeat that again.

My phone started to vibrate over the table, the screen lightening up, grabbing both Nik's and my attention. A small smile pulled up at the corner of my lips when I saw it was Natalie. Lines etched between Nik's eyebrows as he tried to reach for the phone, "Hey, that's my phone!" I shot out, taking it into my hand and away from him.

The muscles of his jaw worked as he settled his annoyed gaze on me, "And why is she calling you now?" He grumbled out, not satisfied.

I shrugged, "We're friends, we always talk," I just wanted to make him more miserable.

Nikolas scoffed, being a jealous bitch per usual, "Why is it that you are friends with everyone?"

I gave him a knowing look, "Because I am so pleasant to talk with," I pressed the answer button, inching the phone to my ear as I remarked with an arched eyebrow, "Unlike some people."

"Morning blondie," I said, ever so playfully. I heard her low giggle before she said, "Morning Alex."

"Whatcha ya doin?" I asked, leaning back into my seat and casually sipping on my coffee, ignoring the curious frustrated look Nik was giving me.

"At work," She said with a sigh. I let out an annoyed groan as I backed the phone and checked the time, "Oh shit, I should be there too," Or maybe I could wait for Ashton's angry call to actually go there.

"I just wanted to check on Nik, you sent me so many pictures of him last night," She said and I facepalmed, "Did I drunk-text pictures to everyone last night," I mumbled.

She chuckled, "I figured you were drunk, half of the pics were blurry and your texts were all full of mistakes."

I pressed my lips into a thin line, my eyes briefly drifting to Nik, who had his arms crossed over his chest, just watching me and listening, "So, how was your date last night," I wanted to infuriate him more, I still haven't forgiven him for all he puts me through. I raised my eyebrow at him as I added, "I bet he was better than your ex-boyfriend."

Nik's jaw ticked, today looks like he will actually lose his patience and hit me, "Is Nik beside you?" Natalie asked, immediately understanding my motives.

I took another sip of my coffee, looking at him and trying not to be affected by his murderous look, "Uhuh, yeah."

A soft chuckle came from her side, "Don't do that to him," She urged, worried about her lover boy, "You texted me that it was his birthday last night, is it true?" Her tone shifted, slightly sad now.

"Yup, it was," I answered.

She sighed, wishing to had been there for him on that day and I still felt at a loss of the reason behind their breakup when apparently they both still care for one another, "Okay, I better get back to work, just uh, don't torture him more, okay?" She warned me.

"How else will I be entertained," I said, needing my miserable-Nik dose for the day.

She chuckled, "Please, Alex, he is already grumpy enough," She said and I nodded, "Oh yeah, that he is, can't argue with you there," I said, while looking at him, my words tightening the frown imprinted on his face, he seemed to understand we are discussing something about him.

"You didn't give him my kiss, did you?" She added and I winced, "Eww, no."

She chuckled, "Just one, a peck to the cheek, please," She urged and I rolled my eyes, "Cheek? You're sure?" I said and she chuckled, "Yes."

"Okay," I grumbled, "I will see what I can do."

She chuckled, "Bye, Alex," She said and I bid her goodbye before I hung up and placed the phone away.

Nik was trying so hard to stop himself from asking me anything about her. He shot me a glare, probably wishing I could disappear from his life altogether.

"What?" I asked, my eyebrow raising in questioning.

His jaw ticked, clearly aggravated, "Nothing."

I rolled my eyes, "If you want the girl, you go and get the girl!" I remarked and he shook his head, "I don't want anyone," He said and I rolled my eyes again, hefting out a loud breath, "True, because you are leaving, right?"

He nodded, rushing a hand over his jaw, trying to keep his nerves steady and calm. I felt his mother's gaze fall on us, the topic new to her and grabbing all of her attention.

My fist tightened over the table, glaring at him, "When exactly do you plan on doing that?"

His eyes briefly drifted to her before they went back to me, "After I settle some things first, like make sure she is safe and all," His voice dropped lower, unclear to her at the moment, "So the answer is very soon, a couple of days only and I will be out of your life."

I scoffed at his nonsense and turned away, deciding to keep shut about this for now. I will figure out a way into his stubborn suicidal brain somehow.

In my attempt to ignore him, my gaze fell onto the table, my eyes drawn to the keys placed over there. The light reflecting off the crystal ball had me blink, once, twice, all while forming a complete version of last night's memories behind my eyes.

My entire being quaked with a jolt of shock. My gaze shot from the keychain and up to her, as she stood over there at a distance, busy mixing something in a bowl, and totally unaware of my stare. My jaw tightened and I swallowed hard before I rubbed a hand over my throat. Something pressed and pulsed against my chest and I struggled to find my absent breath.

I shook my head, pushing it all to the back of my brain as I got up to my feet, startled at the deduction and unable to process all of this at once. Nikolas seemed to sense my sudden shaken-up state, his eyebrows pulled closer as he stared up at me, he gave me a questioning look, waiting for an answer.

I just shook my head, I desperately needed to change the subject. I breathed in and out, "Oh, uhm," I rubbed a hand at the back of my neck, "Natalie asked me to give you something," I said, my expression shifting a hundred eighty degrees as I met his confused innocent gaze.

"Give me what?"

I smiled and inched closer, my hand rested over his shoulder from the back and I gave it a gentle squeeze before I lowered my head, "This," I said, giving his cheek a quick small peck before I hurriedly backed away, rushing out of the room before he pulls his gun out and actually kills me.

"Alex!" He grumbled out in pure annoyance, rubbing a hand over his cheek and I paused by the kitchen's door, chuckling at his furious face.

My eyes drifted to his mother, a heartfelt smile spread over her lips as she watched us do our usual banter, her eyes warming up at the scene that played out. When they met mine, my smile dropped almost instantly and so did hers. She swallowed hard and turned her attention back to the task in her hands.

While I stood there for a second or two, one sentence kept echoing in my head over and over again, depleting me of logic and pushing unwanted emotions into my chest.

Now, it's your time to make a wish.

****************

Nikolas's POV

There are days when I am beyond grateful that I didn't have to grow up with Alex in the same house. Like Today for example.

I really would've thrown him off the stairs or something if we were to grow up together. He is unbearable at times. Most of the time. Always actually.

He settled his eyes on me, trying to hide his smile and miserably failing, I envy his constant giddy state sometimes, "Why do you keep looking at me?" He asked, his eyebrow raising in utter tease, "Did the kiss make you love me more?" His head tilted, faking affection, "Is it changing your mind about leaving?"

I kept glaring at him but a small voice in my head said that I will definitely miss his crazy weird antics when I go. He is beyond annoying, that's true, infuriating even but he has a way of making you get used to his presence and insane personality.

Our mother placed a plate full of pancakes on the table ahead of us, her closeness shutting him up. She rested her hand over my shoulder, I looked up at her and she offered me a small smile, "Tomorrow night, are you available?" She asked.

My eyebrows pulled closer, confused at her question, "I am not sure, why?"

Her head tilted to the side, her hand moved and brushed the few strands of my hair that fell over my forehead, "Remember that burger place you used to love when you were young, we would always go there on your birthday," She said, "Well, I found out that it has a branch here in the city as well, if you are available, I could make a reservation and we could go?"

She was smiling, so hopeful and I couldn't say no to her, so I just gave her a nod, "Yeah, sure."

Her smile widened, it held a genuine warmness before her eyes flickered to Alex beside me, who was staring at us both with an expressionless face, "Would you like to join us too?" She asked, throwing him off guard with her unanticipated request.

He looked a bit taken aback before he pulled on an impassive face, he gave her a shrug, "I don't know," He mumbled as he ran his hand through his hair and looked away, "Probably not," He added, "I already promised to take Lilly outside on the weekend, so we'll see," He said, still not giving us a certain response.

She gave him a silent nod, deciding to leave it there. The bell rang and right when I was about to get up, she rested her hand over my shoulder, "I will open it," She said, urging me to sit back down, "Eat your breakfast."

She went off and Alex inched his face closer to the pancake's plate, "Why does this smell so good," He mumbled, his eyes narrowing at the food, contemplating whether to eat what she made or not.

"You're not going to eat?" I asked, my eyebrow raising as I took one into my plate and took my first bite, "She makes the best pancakes," I commented, nodding my head forward and he grumbled some incoherent words under his breath before he took one into his plate, succumbing to the food.

Right then, footsteps got closer to us, my eyes lifted up and fell on Liam as he stepped into the kitchen, my mother circled her way around him and resumed her work by adding more food to the table, "Hey, Liam," Alex said incoherently, his mouth full and busy eating.

Liam's eyes fell on me and he walked closer to us, "I heard you got beaten up, so I came to check what happened," He said and I shot him a glare at his mocking tone, as if he couldn't believe that Isaac was able to get me the way he did. I don't blame him, I am shocked at myself too.

But there is a truth out there that I can't keep ignoring. Isaac has a power I don't have. He has an army under his command, he has everyone in the family on his side. I stand no fucking chance against him. So instead of fighting back a losing battle and putting everyone I know in danger, it's best that I leave, go far away from them all. It's what Isaac wants, for me to give up. It's exactly what I will do. I am just so done with all of this.

I am not even angry anymore, numbness is slowly taking its effect on me; exactly the type of feeling I need in order to move on.

Liam rested his hand over my shoulder from the back, rather harshly, and I suppressed my groan. My jaw tightened, the fork almost fell from my hold and my gaze flickered to him, glaring at the discomfort he placed me through. His lips tilted up slightly, probably enjoying seeing me on the other side of this war after everything he witnessed me do.

I ignored him and he turned his attention to Alex, "I dropped Linda at your place-" He started to say and Alex interrupted him almost immediately, "You seem to be dropping Linda quite a lot these days," He said with a wink, a hint of tease in his tone as the corner of his lips pulled into a smirk, "Are you two always together? Is the flame of love being reignited again-"

Before he could say more, Liam moved his hand and smacked the back of his head and I've never loved Liam more than this moment. Finally, someone to shut him up.

"Oww," Alex groaned, his hand going to the back of his head, "Why does everyone smack my head?!" He whined, his eyebrows pulling closer as he looked at us both. My mother was by his side when it happened, her eyes grew a bit wide and she looked up at Liam, totally unsatisfied, "Liam, don't do that again," She said, stern and serious.

Alex looked at her, "Yeah, tell him," He whined, being a little child again as he rubbed at his head. I think both her and him were absorbed into the moment, because she lifted her hand up and gently rubbed at the spot where he got smacked again and the weird thing is, he allowed her, talking and complaining more about us to her.

Alex's eyes flickered to me and I couldn't stop the small smile that lifted up my lips, I was dying to see them interact like normal people, even if it is brief. Alex sensed my satisfied expression and he shot me a glare before he cleared his throat, edging forward in his seat, and indirectly asking her to step away.

She got back to herself and moved around, her eyes going to Liam and I caught the way he nodded his head to outside, silently asking her to leave the room so they can talk privately. My eyebrows pulled closer as I watched them interact, trying to understand what could possibly be going on between them that I am unaware of. Her throat bobbed and she nodded, wiping her hands over the apron before she took it off.

Her eyes met mine and Alex's, "There is more in there-" She pointed at the kitchen's counter, "If you are still hungry," With that, she walked out, and Liam followed. What the hell-

My eyes stayed focused on the door that led them out, on the verge of getting up and following behind. I don't like it when things are being cooked behind my back. I inched closer to Alex and he almost flinched away, expecting me to probably smack him or something. My eyebrow raised at his nonsense, "What do you think they're talking about?" I asked, keeping my voice low on purpose.

He gave me a casual shrug, totally not interested as he stabbed his fork into the pancake, "I don't know, and I don't care."

I huffed out and backed into my seat, my eyes focused there still, trying to analyze the situation. I will figure it out somehow.

**************

Alex's POV

I was about to leave, go back home, and rid myself of all of the confusion and uncertainty wrapping around my chest. You know, pretend that nothing has changed, that I didn't hear what I heard or learn what I learned.

That the moment I step out of here, everything will just go back to the way it was.

But for some effed-up reason, as I was exiting the bathroom, my eyes fell on the room at the end of the hall, and I wanted nothing more than to go in there and just talk, ask and get a clear answer for once. My jaw ticked and I rushed a hand over the top of my head, gathering myself before I made up my mind and stepped closer to the room, aiming to find its current occupant.

The door was ajar, so I pressed my palm over it and pushed it open, expecting her to be there. My eyebrows pulled closer when I was met with an empty room. I haven't seen her since she and Liam talked in private before he left, I just supposed she'd be here now. Deciding that this was a message from the universe to just go home, I was about to turn around, but something over the nightstand grabbed my attention, drawing me back inside.

I moved forward, my gaze occupied by the sketchbook, it was opened on a random page, exposing one of the many drawings it held. I paused by the nightstand, my hand moving the book, and taking a closer look. I flipped through the pages, studying it some more. The colors were professionally interwoven together bringing small little masterpieces into the thin sheet of paper. Some were random drawings of trees, lakes, the sky...and others were more complex, giving me no clear comprehension of what they meant, a thing probably only the artist behind them understood.

I opened the last drawing and after it, the rest of the book was comprised of empty blank pages. My fingers twitched around the page as I intently studied the last painting, a war of emotions spun through me, and I wanted to fire off a million questions, I needed some answers. My mind tumbled through a roller coaster of memories, sucking all the oxygen from my lungs.

"Ohh, I am so-" Her startled tone and close footsteps drew my attention away from the sketchbook, my gaze falling into the room's doorway. She halted to a stop there, her eyes a bit wide and confused. Probably the last thing she expected is to see me in her room.

Her throat bobbed when her eyes fell down on the sketchbook, understanding how I was snooping into her private stuff. She took a step closer and I straightened my back. My eyes focused on her as I pulled my hand out of my pocket, securely holding my keys. The clicking sound of metal had her look down, her eyes growing a bit wide at the sight of the crystal ball, hanging into my keychain, "So, this was from you, huh," I mumbled.

Her eyes grew even wider, the shock slapping her in the face as she faced me again, her fingers on the side twitched before she curled her hand into a fist, trying to compose herself, "How did you kn-"

"I wasn't asleep," I answered.

She rubbed her hand over her throat, trying to blunt the ache, "I didn't-" She shook her head, "I didn't know, I swear I thought you were asleep, or else I would've not talked, I..." She looked so flustered, also a bit scared, like she expected me to call her a liar, to accuse her of fabricating a whole story, which is what I would've done usually but...but those weren't lies. I knew that.

I shook my head, "It's okay, I am not saying you were lying."

She gave me a nod, her eyes falling down on the floor, unable to meet my gaze at the moment. I took the sketchbook in my hand and edged forward, dropping it over the bed, opened to the last drawing I was eyeing, "This is me, isn't it?" I asked, pointing at the little boy's drawing.

Her eyes flickered there, gazing at it and she nodded, still not looking at me as she whispered, "I was scared I would forget how you look like," She admitted, her eyes softly caressing the drawing before she brought her hand forward, a feather touch as she ran her fingers over the boy's face, like her touch could conjure him up somehow.

"You see, the brain is a really complex thing that could fail you sometimes," Her head tilted up, finally finding the courage to face me, "When you were born, I had taken a few pictures of you to keep with me," She shrugged ever so helplessly, "Until Isaac ripped them off into pieces one day," She added, "After some time, I would just sit and try to remember how your face looked like, your eyes, every feature and I would just come up with this..." She closed her eyes, recalling it back, "This blurry image."

"As the year passed, the image only got blurrier till there was nothing at all, and I just couldn't remember you anymore," Tears welled up in her eyes but her tone stayed steady as she talked, "It's why the second time I saw you, I had to..." She looked at the drawing, her voice dropping lower, "I had to keep the image of you alive somehow, I could not bear it to forget again."

She pressed her eyes shut, swallowing back the tears before they spill forward, and I found myself talking, indulging her in the conversation.

"I never hated you," I mumbled and her eyes shot up to me, shocked, "I meant before, when I was young," I explained, "Even though I didn't know you, and you were this...blurry image in my head too, and even though Frank kept filling my head with bad thoughts about you, forcing me to hate you, and giving me every reason to," I shook my head again, "I just couldn't."

"I had this belief that...a son could never hate his own mother, no matter who she is, and no matter what she had done," I clarified, "I was a kid, what did I know about hating anyway."

She started back at me, breathless as she listened to what more I had, "But do you know when was the first time I had a taste of that bitter feeling," I wasn't accusing her this time, I think that maybe I just needed to let it out or I won't have a peace of mind for days to come, "It was when you told me that you hated me."

My words were enough to twist her expression into a pained one. Lines etched her forehead and tears fell through, "Alex, please, just this one time, listen to me," She urged, taking a step closer to me, scared that I would refuse to hear her out, "Back then, I had spent a year and a half being tortured every day, a year watching Frank hurt my son, a year where he hurt me in front of him," She shook her head, her hair flying all around her, "I wasn't okay, not at all, for god's sake I barely remember those times anymore, the trauma had me block them out somehow," Her voice was choked, her chest panting as more tears went down, "He had broken me mentally before physically, with his threats about Nik, about you and what he will raise you out to be-"

She sniffled, furiously rubbing at her cheek, "The woman who told you that she hated you, she wasn't me, Alex, I swear," She mumbled, "She was the broken shell Frank had left behind, and I would do anything to take it back, I wish...I wish I had died before I dared to say those words to you, believe me because I never hated you, not for a second-"

"You see, I believe you now, I really do, but I can't go back and convince that kid otherwise," I shook my head, my jaw tightening and frustration seeped through my next words, "You see this is why I can't forgive you now, I can't look past your mistakes the way Nik does, how can I when I grew up forcing myself to hate you since that day!"

I rushed a hand over my hair, trying to keep myself calm and failing, "Nikolas forgives you every time because he has an image of you in his memories when you were good, the days where you took care of him and loved him, he holds into that image with all of his might, and I wish, I really wish I have that image too so I would be able to forgive you but I don't!" The rage bristling in my chest wasn't directed at her for once, I didn't know what it was directed at exactly, "I don't even know you!"

"And when I say I hate you, I mean it," My intentions weren't to hurt her now, but rather an explanation to the chaotic feelings she stirs in me, "I really mean it, it's not me being in denial or running away from my feelings," I pressed my hand to my chest, "It's not me trying to just hurt you, I really feel genuine hate toward you, and it's crazy because I don't think I ever hated anyone as much, but I guess this is what happens when you teach yourself to hate someone everyday for over twenty years."

She pressed her hand to her mouth, pressing her eyes shut to blind herself from this reality and she shook her head, "I don't know what to do, I really don't know what to do-"

"That's the thing, there is nothing to be done anymore," My voice came out as a mere whisper.

My eyes went to the drawing of a much smaller version of myself, "I just wish you were a better mother to Nikolas," I voiced my thoughts out, "I mean there wasn't a scenario in this story where you and I would've come out as a loving mother and son, so why couldn't you just forget about me, move on and focus on him, why did you have to cling into bits and pieces of me, hoping that somehow one day you will have me again when you could've just appreciated what you actually had, what was right in front of you."

My eyes left the drawing and fell on her, "You didn't need to remember me," I said, shaking my head at her previous words, "There was no use behind you remembering me, you should've ripped that drawing yourself and allowed yourself to forgot, because in a way, I did have a better chance than him, I had a somewhat normal life, and in exchange...he had you, that should've been enough for him but it wasn't-" I shook my head, "It wasn't because you managed to make him pay the price of your own loss."

She understood all of her mistakes and wiped at her cheeks, ridding them of any left tears as she nodded her head, "You're right," She whispered, "You're right," She repeated, "Out of everyone, I hurt him the most," She looked like she had accepted that fact by now, "Frank was already the monster in his story, and Isaac was the same rotten man since the start, I am the one who gave him hope and snatched it away later. It was all on me."

Her eyes were full of determination as they met mine, "And I will make up for that."

I scoffed, almost laughing at her nonsense, "How?" My eyebrow raised, "How could you possibly make up for that?" I pointed outside the door, indirectly addressing Nikolas, "He is giving up, it takes quite a lot for a man like Nikolas to just give up, so imagine the toll it had taken on him," I explained, maybe she will finally comprehend the intensity of the situation, "So tell me, how will you make up for that when he is giving up and leaving?"

She shook her head, so very confident in her next words, "He won't."

My eyebrows pulled closer as I stared back at her. Her eyes were red still with all the tears she shed, they were full of buried anguish but right now the look she was giving was something else entirely. A look I've only heard about but never seen, the look of the warrior she was before either Frank or Isaac entered her life and ruined her.

"He won't leave," She repeated, her tone steady and certain, "And he is not going to give up either, he will fight back and he will win, I will make sure of it."

My eyebrows pulled closer and my tone came out suspicious as I asked, "What are you planning on doing?"

She seemed satisfied as she muttered, "It's already done, Alex."

**************

One day later...

Nikolas's POV

I pulled at the neck of my white dress shirt, trying to fix the collar as I knocked at my mother's room, wondering what was taking her so long.

"Just a sec," I heard her mutter from a distance before her footsteps got closer and she opened the door. My eyebrows pulled closer as I took into her appearance, my confusion faded almost immediately, exchanging it with a small smile.

Her eyebrows furrowed before she looked down at herself, thinking something is wrong, "Why are you smiling?"

I shrugged, "It's just I haven't seen you look like this in so long."

She gaped at me, "Are you indirectly saying that I looked ugly over the past days?"

I chuckled and shook my head, "You know what I mean."

She returned my smile with a one of her own before she stepped forward, one of her hands clutched into her purse and the other ran over the material of her simple nude dress, smoothing it down.

"So, what's the occasion exactly for all of this?" I asked.

"We're celebrating your birthday," She said in a matter of a fact tone.

My eyes narrowed at her and she gave me a knowing look, asking me to drop the investigation, "Last time we did this, you were a small little kid," She explained the reason why she is putting effort into a simple dinner outside. Her head tilted to the side as she adoringly stared at me, "And look at you now, you are a very big handsome man."

She inched closer, her hand going to the lapels of my jacket, fixing them up. I brought my hand to hers, pausing her movement, my tone turning serious as I asked, "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

Her eyes met mine, "What do you mean?"

My eyebrow raised, "There is something off about you these days, since Liam dropped by and you are refusing to tell me a thing," I pointed out, "Yesterday, you waited for me to leave and you went out somewhere," She gulped down at my knowledge, "You know that I don't..." I hefted a low breath, not shying away from saying it, "That I don't trust you enough as it is, so don't give me more reasons not to."

Her eyes drifted down for a second before she met mine again, "I know, and how about I tell you all about it when we come back," Her lips lifted up into a smile, "For now, can we just go out and have a nice normal dinner," She requested, begging me to drop the topic for the time being.

I nodded with a low sigh, dropping her hand, "Okay," I mumbled, "Alex said he will meet us there."

Confusion drew her eyebrows closer, "He is coming?"

I shrugged, "I am as shocked as you."

She ran her fingers through her hair, her gaze lost somewhere as she fixed down the curled edges.

"Come on, let's go," I urged.

Lines tightened her brows as she looked at me again, "Wait a little bit," She mumbled, her enthusiastic mood flipping a hundred eighty degrees, "I just wanna say something," She added and I nodded, ushering her to carry on.

Her eyes, the very same green stared back into mine, "I am so sorry, Nikolas," She said, a bit out of the blue, confusing me even more, "For what?"

She shook her head, "For everything."

She edged forward, her hand reaching for my arm, trying to take reassurance from our contact, "I have failed you, multiple times, not just once and I am so sorry for that," She explained and I felt at a loss of words as to why she is bringing this up now, "I am sorry I couldn't save you from Isaac or from Frank, but mostly I am sorry that I couldn't save you from myself, my pain and my mistakes."

"We don't need to talk about this now, let's just g-"

"Listen to me," She interrupted my words, her fingers slightly tightening over my arm, "I know that you are just so tired, believe me, I know, I've been so tired too once, which is why we are here now, which is why I ruined everything, which is exactly why I need you to fight, Nikolas," Anguish shone in her glassy gaze, "You need to fight back."

"You were born a fighter my boy, and you've fought for too long to just stop now, I know it's not fair, I know, but you need to fight a little bit more, you need to take back what was stolen from you, you can not let Isaac revel in your demise, you can't give up to him, he can't win, not after all that he has done."

My jaw tightened at the truth behind her words, "Why are we talking about this now-" I grated out, my mood already ruined for the night.

"Because we need to talk about it one way or another," She said, her tone stern and dismissing mine.

"You can't make the same mistake I did," She shook her head, "I felt so powerless and I gave up to him," Determination echoed in her tone, "I can't let you do the same mistake, Nikolas," She added, "You think if you left, he will just leave you alone? No, he won't, he will find other ways to bring you down, he won't stop, this is entertaining for him, this is like a game to fill into his sadism, so there is no stopping what he could do next."

I shook my head, helpless, "I can't," It was as simple as that, "I am not strong enough."

She nodded her head, so confident in me, "You are."

"I am not as powerful as he is," I added, my voice low for some reason, still unable to feel the anger and the fury he usually triggers in me, I still felt so numb.

"You are," She assured, "You are smart, you are strong and you can have the enough power to destroy him, you just need to believe in yourself."

I scoffed, she is apparently grasping at straws over here, "Believe in myself?"

She nodded, "Yes, remember when I told you that this is your second chance, I meant it. But, I didn't mean it's only a chance to kill Isaac," She shook her head, "It's a chance to discover who you are in a world where neither Isaac nor Frank dictates who you are, it's a chance for you to be happy," I wanted to laugh at that, "And most importantly, a chance to forgive yourself."

Now, she is really building hopes over a very shaky unstable ground.

"When you told me about what you did, Nik, I couldn't even look at you," Her jaw tightened at the memory and I looked away, unable to meet her eyes, "Because all I could see is my worst nightmare coming to life; you turning out to be just like Frank," She shook her head, "But you are not," She whispered before her hand moved and pressed over my chest, "I know exactly who you are in here."

I bit the inside of my cheek, stopping my emotions to interfere, "I know that my sweet little boy is trapped in there," She added, and tears swarmed her eyes, "Which is why you need to forgive yourself and give him a chance, a chance to grow, to experience all that he once missed, a chance to be happy," A small somber smile curved her lips, "A chance to love and be loved, a chance to build his own family one day, you owe him that much."

I shook my head, her words triggering absent feelings, they rushed to my chest with full force, eluding me of my control, "I can't."

"You can, and you have to," She stressed out, "Which is why you need to keep fighting, not just against the bad but fight for everything that is good."

Her eyes fired up, "What happened has happened Nikolas, what you did has been done already, so own it and move on," Her words were strict, an order rather than a request, "There is good in you and there is bad, and you need to own both sides, not just one."

Her gaze was so powerful as she tried to push me to walk into a straight line, "You also need to stop running away from every good thing in your life, I saw how you fought with your brother before, you were purposely pushing him away," She shook her head, for the very first time ever calling me out on my bullshit, "You can't do that again, he is apparently putting effort and trying to forget and move on, you should at least do the same."

"I-"

Before I could speak, she interrupted me, so strict that she kind of scared me, "Also Natalie, you are just planning on letting the girl go like this?" Her eyebrow raised, unsatisfied, "Nikolas, you need to learn how to fight for those that you love," Her tone softened, "You made me get out of Isaac's house and come here with you, you fought for me," She pressed her hand to her chest, "Why can't you do that for Alex, for Natalie, for anyone that you care about."

She knew why. Because I believe that I don't deserve any of them.

"I don't want to hear more of I am a monster or more of I don't deserve goodness in my life," She knew me well, "No more I deserve to die," She added, "From now on, you will start to believe in yourself, you will go after what you want, you will be confident in your strength and only then, only then you will be able to win over him."

I felt at a loss for words, unable to say anything back that could measure the intensity of all that she said. She brought her hand to my face, cupping my cheek, "I just want you to be happy," A small smile curved her lips, "I want you to have all that you couldn't have before," Her fingers gently stroked down my skin, "I want that look of doubt and guilt to be erased from your eyes and be replaced with the powerful man I know you are."

I leaned into her touch, the boy she said is trapped inside me ached for every word she said, he needed them to be true, and he needed me to be strong enough to fight.

Her eyes were glassy as she whispered, "Promise me that you will fight. That you will keep fighting."

I shook my head, unable to give her a promise I am not sure whether I will be able to fulfill or not.

Sadness etched lines over her forehead at my lack of words and her head tilted to the side, gazing at me with so much heartbreak, "My sweet boy," A few tears scrolled down her cheeks as she stroked mine, "I love you so much," I might have doubted these words coming out of her before, but at this moment, I believed in them with all of my heart.

I nodded, "I love you too," The words left me as a mere whisper. A low pained sound erupted from her throat before she brought her arms, wrapping them around my shoulders and pulling me closer into her embrace, hugging me tighter than ever.

She gently pressed her hand to the back of my head and I buried mine into her shoulder, my arms so tight around her body. The numbness slowly unraveled from over my chest, bringing forth so much pain and agony. It pulled the plug on every one of the emotions wringing me tight.

"You're gonna be okay," She mumbled, a very low whisper, "My beautiful boy, you gonna be just fine." She seemed to deeply believe in those words, when I certainly didn't.

The intensity of the moment strangled me and I only tightened my arms around her, scared that if I let go, I would lose her again, that she would hate me again because that's how it had always been with her. One moment she is here, and the next she is gone.

But something about this time just felt so much different.

**************

My ears registered the voice that I adore more than anything before my eyes found her among the crowd. I turned my head to the side, my gaze found her as she struggled out of Alex's hold and rushed forward toward our table, "Daddy!" She said in excitement, jumping up to reach me.

I didn't waste a second as I pulled her small self up into my lap, my heart calming down as I wrapped her in my embrace, kissing her head and sinking into her sweet flowery scent. She kept her little arms wrapped around my neck as she edged her head backward, looking at me.

She smiled, "Hi," She said.

I chuckled, "Hey," I said, edging forward and leaving a kiss over the tip of her nose.

She giggled, "Why do I keep missing you," I said and her smile widened, "Because you love me," She replied back, so confident and she couldn't be more right.

I allowed her to settle down in my lap, "That I do," I said, dropping another kiss to the top of her head, unable to get enough.

Alex sat across from us, he threw a wink at Lilly and she blinked both of her eyes at him, resting her arms over the table before her gaze drifted to my side and fell on my mother. She stared at her for a long second before she looked at me and brought her face closer to my ear, "Who is that?" She whispered.

I looked at her then back at Lilly, "That's my mother," I explained and her eyes widened, her small mouth formed an 'O', astonished at the revelation.

She leaned to her right, extending her little hand forward, "Hi," She said, introducing herself and it was hard to stop myself from smiling at her antics, she was something else entirely, "I am Lilly."

My mother's smile widened and she nodded her head, "I know," She said, bringing her hand up and taking Lilly's into hers before she inched it closer to her lips and left a small kiss over her little knuckles.

My gaze flickered to Alex, who stared at them with an impassive face. He noticed my stare and rolled his eyes, totally not impressed.

"I didn't expect you to come," I remarked, my eyebrow raising.

He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back into his seat, "I made her choose between going to Disneyland or going to see Nikolas," He said, shrugging, "She chose you, which is less expensive and closer, so why not," He looked around the restaurant, "I mean you are paying for dinner, right?"

I gave him a knowing look and he just glared at me, "Shut up," He mumbled.

"I didn't say a thing."

He rolled his eyes, "Yeah but your eyes are speaking."

I shook my head at him and turned back to Lilly when she rested her hand over my cheek, needing my attention, "I am hungry," She said and I nodded, opening up the menu, and searched for the kid's section, "What do you want to eat?"

Lilly took her sweet time looking at each picture before she chose the burger menu and some weird milkshake that didn't look healthy at all, but I could never say no to her, neither can Alex, so we're practically under her command for the night.

As we waited for the food to arrive, Lilly went off my lap and sat between me and my mother, silent at first as Alex and I talked about random things. She turned her head toward my mother, who was silent the whole time and just stared at her for a long time.

My mother noticed her stare and offered her a soft smile. Lilly smiled back and pointed a hand at her, "You're pretty," She said, just something she observed. My mother's eyes melted at her sweetness and she brought her hand forward, tucking the little girl's hair behind her ear, "And you are the prettiest little girl I've ever seen," She said, genuinely.

Lilly's head tilted to the side, "What's your name?" She asked, interested in her for some reason.

My mother paused for a long second, "It's Leya," She answered and Lilly's eyes grew wide, she turned and looked at her father, "Daddy, like me!" She said, finding that fact so exciting.

Alex let out a low sigh, pretending to be looking at the menu and flipping through the pages, "Yeah, unfortunately."

I kicked his leg under the table, shutting him up. His eyes flickered up and narrowed at me. I shot him a glare in return, asking him to let this night pass in peace.

The rest of our evening passed swiftly, with a few conversations here and there. Alex didn't speak a word with our mother per usual, but he also didn't make any snarky comments, which was an improvement. Lilly ate her food and kept asking her grandma random questions now and then, to which she happily answered, giddy at the conversation they were exchanging.

Lilly went off her seat and toward her father, she took his phone and climbed back up, inching so close to my mother, plastering herself to her side and leaning on her. My mother looked down at her with a big happy smile, enjoying her closeness. Lilly pressed things over the screen and brought the phone up and showed her something, "This is mommy," She said, probably introducing the whole family to her.

I looked at Alex to detect his reaction; he was silently observing them.

"This is Max," Lilly said, showing her another picture.

"Your brother?" She whispered, already knowing the answer to that.

Lilly nodded with a smile, "Yes."

My mother's eyes lifted up from Lilly and met mine for a brief second, and I didn't even know what was going through her head at the moment. We never brought up the topic of him before. To be honest, I'd rather not bring the topic of him with anyone ever.

I focused my gaze on my plate, not wanting to meet hers or Alex's at the moment. Lilly was the most talkative among us, being her energetic self every second of the night. After she finished her tour through the phone's albums, she gave her father his phone back and climbed up into my lap, sneakily extending her hand toward my plate and picking up a fry.

She placed it in her mouth and tilted her head backward, looking at me. She gave me a sheepish smile and chewed on her food. I couldn't help but smile back at her. She was just so much like Alex. She returned back into stealing my fries and I rested my chin over the top of her head.

My mother scooted closer to me, "She loves you so much," She couldn't help but observe.

I nodded, "And I love her more than anything in this world," I said the only truth I knew and believed in.

Her eyes flickered to Alex and she gave him a small smile, "She is a great kid," She said and Alex nodded, a small smile pulling up his lips as he looked at Lilly, "Yeah, she is."

He looked back at her, his smile still there as he added, "Despite her name of course," He couldn't help but add, though his tone was more playful than anything else.

My mother nodded her head, her fingers tucking Lilly's hair behind her ear, "I bet she'll make a better Leya than I ever did."

Alex's eyebrow raised, "She better," He said.

My mother looked at him, not offended at all, more like used to this ongoing banter between them, "She has you by her side, that's more than enough."

Alex returned her words with silence, not used to getting or exchanging compliments between one another. I feel that if they were to have more time together, they could somehow build this relationship up from scratch. Step by step. It won't be easy, especially with Alex's stubbornness, but it isn't impossible.

Lilly started to get sleepy after, "Okay, it's time for us to leave, right," Alex said, looking at her and she nodded, extending her arms forward for him to pick up. He took her into his arms and she rested her head over his shoulder, getting all comfy.

"Hold on, we are leaving too," I said, my eyes flickering to my mother and she nodded, gathering her things and getting ready as I paid the check. We all exited the restaurant together and waited outside as the valet brought my car and Alex's.

"Okay, say bye to Nik before we leave," Alex said to Lilly and she pulled her head up, inching closer to me and kissing my cheek, "Bye, daddy," She whispered so sleepily and I left a kiss on her forehead, "Goodnight, princess."

She looked at my mother and urged Alex to inch her closer, he obliged to her wants without commenting and Lilly extended her arms forward, asking for a hug. My mother inched closer, hugging the little girl as Lilly wrapped her arms around her neck. When she pulled away, my mother adorably pinched her cheek, "It was so nice meeting you, Lilly."

Lilly tilted her head, "I call you Lilly too?" She asked, a bit confused.

Alex chuckled and shook his head, "No, you can call her grandma," His words shocked me, so I could only imagine how much they shocked her. Her lips parted as she looked at him, at a loss of what to say, because, for the very first time ever, he indirectly addressed her as his own mother.

Lilly waved her hand, "Bye, grandma."

My mother smiled and waved, "Bye, sweetie," she whispered, trying to control her emotions.

Alex stepped away toward his car, and I helped him by opening the back door so he can place Lilly in her baby seat and buckle her up. I moved toward my car when he was done and opened the door for my mother to get in.

I extended my hand, "Here, take my hand," I said, urging her to use me as support to step over the small hump on the ground.

She smiled at my gesture and placed her hand in mine as she moved closer. Alex behind me scoffed, mockingly mumbling, "Such a gentleman."

I couldn't have time to respond to him. What happened after, it occurred so fast. In a split of a second, everything wrapped and unwrapped in a disoriented haze, that my five senses failed to catch it all at once.

First, the sight of a speeding car that passed right in front of us, the one that paused for a very brief second before it took off, speeding into the night. Second, the smell of rubber burning at how quickly they left, invaded my nostrils. Third, the sound of the gunshot that came from them, a one I didn't see, just heard. It resonated deep down into my bones. Fourth, the feel of my gun as I hurriedly pulled it out, sensing an alarming danger, a gun I pulled half a second too late.

Everything slowed and sped, it spiraled right in front of me when I saw her eyes roll to the back of her head. My entire being quacked with a jolt of panic and my arms shot forward, holding into her. Her body didn't hit the ground because I was right there, so close, by her side to catch her.

That's when I saw it. The blood. The one rapidly expanding in a circular form over her light-colored dress. The liquid that stripped the life out of her in a mere second.

The bullet that I didn't see, it hit her right in the heart; I'd learn that later on.

I've played and replayed this scene in my head uncountable times since that ominous day befell upon me. Every time, I change something, altering the setting and hoping for a different end; maybe if I pulled my gun faster, maybe if I quickly pushed her behind me, maybe if I didn't help Alex put Lilly in her seat, maybe if we stayed inside longer, maybe if we left earlier, maybe if I didn't offer her my hand, maybe if I never brought here in the first place, maybe if I just kept her with him, maybe...a million different maybe.

But the thing is, I always come up with the same end.

I always end up with her dead in my arms.

************************************

Hello!

So, what's your thoughts on the chapter?

You could hate Leya all you want, but Nik loved her, so you can only imagine the toll her death will taken on him.

This chapter and the one before it had more content of her because it was a needed closure to her character.

From now onwards, we will have more scenes of Emma and Roman as requested by many of you. And of course, Nate and Nik; Our main couple.

Things will start to unravel from here onwards, so let's just hope for the best xD

Like Nik said, in every scenario that could've played out, things would've always ended up in this way, with her dying in his arms. In a way, it was the only motivation he needed to keep fighting.

Don't forget to leave your thoughts about what's going on and what's yet to come!

Love y'all!