"You gave me peace in a lifetime of war."

*************

Alex's POV

Lilly was sitting in my lap, mumbling some words that felt incoherent to me at the moment. My mind oceans away, busy thinking and worrying way more than it should. You see, God sent stress into my life in the form of a person, and since then, he has been a monumental pain in my ass, a one I can't seem to get rid of.

When I arrived there, I expected an unpleasant scene to welcome me, it is Isaac after all, he would've not let him go without a fight. But nothing would've prepared me to see him in that state. Broken, both inside out. On the ride back home, my eyes kept drifting to him upfront, even though he tried to act indifferent, fighting against the pain, he seemed to be teetering right on the edge, one step away from falling and crashing...that if he hadn't already.

It wasn't just about the physical torture, but the immense darkness that reflected in his eyes was alone proof that Isaac didn't go easy at all. He played his famous mind games again, twisting the truths and messing with his already weak brain.

"Daddy, listen," Lilly's words and her hand palming my cheek were enough to pull me out of my messy thoughts.

My gaze drifted down to her and I nodded my head, showing her I am all in and urging her to carry on with her rambling session, "Stupid," She said, and my eyebrows pulled closer; I really missed half of her earlier conversation, "Who is stupid?" I asked and she pointed at Cara, "The man who took mommy, he is stupid," She added and I nodded, sighing loudly, "Yeah, he is a dick."

Her little eyebrows pulled closer in pure confusion, "What's a dick?"

"Alex!" Cara hissed at me and my gaze flickered to her, my eyes widening and pulling the most innocent clueless look to which she shot me a cute glare in return. I looked back at Lilly, "It means massively stupid, like a huge asshole, gigantic even," I said and Cara facepalmed, if she wasn't feeding Max and trying to get him to sleep, she would've screamed at me some more, "But you're too young for that vocabs, so don't use it, okay?" I added.

She nodded her head, even though she seemed double confused. I sighed as I picked her up in my arms and walked us to the bed by Cara's side, dropping her in between us.

Cara's eyes were focused on Max in her arms, her hand caressing his head and hair ever so softly, "He is not sleeping, he just keeps looking at me," She said, a heartfelt smile curving her lips and true to her words, the boy's eyes were wide open and just staring up at her like only she existed in his world right now.

She leaned down, dropping a soft kiss over his forehead, "I think he missed me."

I nodded, "More like missed your boobs but yeah," I said, watching him go to town as she breastfed him. My words were followed by a light slap to my shoulder, shutting me up and pushing me away from my favorite scene. My gaze went up to her face and I winked, she only narrowed her eyes at me, annoyed at how I always ruin this sweet moment.

I brought my hand up, tucking her hair behind her ear, "Of course, he missed you, he kept crying all day long, so did this one," I looked at Lilly who was squeezed between us, unaware and going through my phone that she somehow stole from me just now. She noticed my glare and looked up, giving me a sheepish smile, and threw me a kiss, acting all innocent and not like the little devil she is.

I shook my head at her silly face and covered it fully with my hand, pushing her head into the pillow. She giggled and her legs kicked out, "Daddy!"

My gaze flickered up to Cara, who was watching Lilly and me with the happiest look in her eyes, "Told you before, we three can't function without you," I said the only truth I knew and her eyes met mine again, her lips curving up into the most beautiful smile ever before she leaned closer and pecked my lips.

My eyes closed for a passing second, my hand cupping her face, feeling her, and checking once again, "You sure you are all okay?"

She nodded, assuring me for the umpteenth time, "Yes, he didn't come near me," She said, a low sigh parted her lips as she looked down at Max, running the back of her index finger over his cheek, "He was rather busy with Nikolas."

My jaw ticked at the meaning, my hand beside me curled into a fist, her words feeding into my built-up worry. I wanted nothing more than to go back there, find him, kill him if I can, because he is just not going to stop before he ruins Nikolas some more, before he breaks him and forces him to give up on everything. I wanted to demolish him back because they always find a way to bring Cara into the middle of it.

"You didn't speak a word with him," Cara said, shaking me back in, her eyes on me, soft lines etching between her brows, confused and trying to understand. I nodded, my eyes drifting to Lilly, just trying to look anywhere else at the moment, "We fought, right before...this happened."

Her eyebrows pulled closer, "When you went there yesterday morning?" She asked and I nodded.

"Why?" She asked, utterly confused.

I rolled my eyes, "Lots of things," I said, sighing as I recalled his stupid words, the urge to push me far away from him for some reason, "Number one is him being a huge dick," At that word, Lilly's eyes lifted up from the phone and fell into me. She giggled and nodded her head, "Yes," She said, agreeing, probably thinking we are still talking about Isaac.

I smiled back at her, "Nik is a big dick, right?" I asked and her eyes widened, her head shot up from the pillow and she shook her head, her hair flying everywhere, "No!" She defended him, "Daddy is not a di-" She gulped down and her eyes warily drifted to Cara, scared of being scolded, "He is not stupid," She corrected herself, her voice lowering as she looked back at me and pouted, "Don't say Nik is stupid."

I nodded, smiling at her, "Okay, as you say," I said, kissing her head and her lips lifted up, satisfied before she let her head drop back into the pillow, pressing things over my phone's screen and messing it up as usual.

I looked back at Cara, "Still," She started, "I know you are worried, Alex, you should've talked with him at least," She said, and a low breath pushed off her chest, "I mean I was there, I saw it all, what Isaac did, it was-" She shook her head, her eyes dropping down slightly as she winced at the memory, "It was brutal."

"What did he do exactly?" I found myself asking before I could even think, needing to know and also...not.

Her eyes flickered up from a sleeping Max to me, her eyes softening as they read the extensive worry in mine. She scooted closer, her hand moving to rest over my own, giving it a gentle squeeze, knowing me and what's going through my mind very well, "He started by breaking him on the outside and once he was done, he continued by playing on his mind, he even used me to threaten him," Uneasiness flickered over her expression, her hand moving away as she looked over Max, tucking him closer to her chest protectively, "He even threatened to hurt Max."

My jaw ticked, it was becoming really hard to keep it all in, I was so close to bursting out under the affliction of everything that happened and still is happening, "He...uh, he electrocuted him, he drowned him, he burned his skin, he hit him...they even used a cane to-" My eyes dropped down, all of her strained words bringing old bitter memories, the days when he was locked up in Frank's basement, receiving somewhat more brutal torture.

My chest tightened and I wished to have talked to him, checked on his state at least. God knows what could be going on through his mind after all of this. Our fight felt so stupid and meaningless against all of this. The main reason behind it was his mother anyway, how we both see her in a different light. I still can't understand how he keeps taking her side after everything. God, if it is even possible to hate her more, I just did.

Cara's hand squeezing mine pulled me back in, I looked at her as she said, "I know that you won't rest till you see it by yourself if he is okay," She said, always reading behind the surface, always so understanding when it comes to this that it leaves me speechless.

"So, just go and check on him," Her eyes went to Max in her arms and Lilly between us who had fallen asleep while watching something over my phone, "They fell asleep anyway, and I am so drained, I will sleep as well," She added, indirectly assuring me that all is good and I could just go see him without worrying about them.

One thing still nagged at my brain and I had to ask, "Cupcakes," I mumbled and she softly smiled, ushering me to carry on, "I know that you're...physically okay, but are you really okay?"

She read in between the lines, the thing that was making me anxious the most. Understatement flashed in her eyes and she nodded without hesitation, "Yeah, and I am not going to deny it," She rolled her eyes, hating to say the next words, "But if it wasn't for him, I would've not made it out of there in one piece," She said, her tone turning more playful for my sake, "Truth is, if it wasn't for him, I would've not been there in the first place but yeah," She shrugged and I couldn't find humor in any of this.

She sensed that and brought her hand to my face, "Relax, will you," She urged me, her fingers stroking my skin soothingly. She gave me a low nod, her lips pressing into a thin line, "Truth is yeah, I was scared at first and it was very very uncomfortable because it's...him after all," My hand twisted the sheets in its grip because I hated this more than I could put into words.

The thing is I can deal with him, just outside of here, away from her, I could think of him as my brother only, the one who really needs me, no more, no less. But this...when she is brought into the middle, I just lose it.

It brings back every fucked up thing I don't want to remember or think over again.

It's part of why I couldn't manage to speak a single word with him back there. I couldn't grasp the situation yet. Him and her, locked up in one place, I still can't come to terms with it.

The more fucked up thing is...I somehow trust him now. I know him now. I know he would've done anything to keep her safe in such a horrendous situation, but I also know where Cara stands when it comes to him, so I can't help but worry about her more than anything.

"Nikolas and I, we...talked," She said, "Actually more like fought," My eyebrows pulled closer and she cleared my confusion, "Well, it was me, I kind of started it, but to be honest, I think I needed that somehow," She added, her shoulders relaxing down as she seemed to be thinking it through.

"I did slap him twice, which was really cool," She added, and involuntarily I found myself smiling at her small smile. God, I would've paid to see that in person.

I leaned into her palm and her beautiful lips curved up, "I am fine, really," She added, "I am just so happy to be back home with these two," Relief flashed all over her face as she watched them peacefully sleep, both tucked up between us, wrapped in their very own safe haven, unaware of how cruel this world had been to us, and god, I hope they never will get to know.

"Hey, what about me?" I said, my eyebrow raising as yet again, I got ignored because of those kids.

Tease fluttered all over her mouth at my question and she pressed one palm over the sheets and hovered over them to fully reach me. She pressed her lips over mine, trying to rid me of every fucked-up thought surging through my head at the moment, and she kind of succeeded.

My hand pressed over the back of her neck, pulling her closer, needing her more than she could possibly imagine. She moved from her position and toward me, sinking into my arms as they wrapped her body so tight, her soft lips melting into my own as I savored every inch of them. Her knee pressed in between my thighs, her hand going through the back of my hair, her fingers grasping and holding into me just as hard.

My palm pressed over her lower back, a gentle push that had her chest crash into mine, her heart beating up against my own, reminding me that happy endings do exist after all.

When our lips broke their intimate hold, she edged her head back a fraction, her forehead pressing into mine as she brought her hand to my cheek, her finger stroking my skin, her beautiful eyes just on mine, "It's gonna be okay," She said, her voice a mere whisper, hoarse after our fervent kiss.

I nodded, desperately needing to believe in that, and my hand traveled from the back of her neck to her face, my thumb lightly brushing over her lower lip, "How did I get so lucky?" I mumbled, voicing my thoughts out loud, because my mind couldn't grasp her support, especially when it came to him, "Do you know that I admire you a lot," I added, because I am so envious of her strength, so proud of the woman that came out after all that happened, amazed by the perfect mother she is for them both.

Her head tilted to the side, the side of her lips pulling into a small somber smile, lines etching between her eyebrows, "When you speak like that, I feel like crying," She mumbled and I shook my head, wanting anything but her tears.

"I love you so much," She mumbled as she moved around and settled between my arms, resting her head over my chest and I wrapped my arm around her waist, tucking her up close, my other hand smoothing her hair away from her face, "I love you too," I mumbled, dropping a kiss to her forehead.

Sensing her energyless state, "Just rest for now," I said. She sighed and nodded, "We can have thank god you're okay sex later when you wake up."

A low sleepy laugh came from her and she relaxed into my arms, needing me like I needed her. I rested my chin over the top of her head, closing my eyes and letting her sweet scent wash over ms.

"Aren't you going to see him?" She mumbled, sleepily, closing her eyes and sinking further into my hold.

"I will, in a bit," I mumbled, my hand gently running through her hair, my eyes drifting to those two little ones beside us, "I just need to be here for now."

It wasn't long after that she completely relaxed, falling fast asleep in my arms. I edged forward, ever so carefully as I pulled the blanket over her body, tucking it below her neck before I fixed it over Lilly and Max. As usual, Lilly was sleeping in the weirdest position, somehow her head had moved down under the blanket and her feet were thrown at Max. I shook my head, the girl is wild even in her sleep.

I pulled her up, fixing her head over the pillow and a bit far from where Max is so she won't end up accidentally hitting him in her sleep. My eyes fell on my little boy and I couldn't look away as I recalled Cara's previous words about Isaac's threat. My jaw tightened and I couldn't blunt off the tightness that took over my chest as I watched him.

He was on his back, his small tiny head facing toward me, a few strands of his soft chestnut hair covering his forehead. Both arms were thrown beside his head on each side, his mouth slightly open as he exhaled and inhaled, his chest softly rising up and down, ever so peacefully. I extended my hand to his side, reaching for his small little ones. I ran my finger over his palm and his hand twitched slightly before he wrapped it securely over my finger, holding into it and I couldn't have it in me to pull away after.

A small smile lifted my lips as I watched him some more, "I won't let anyone hurt you," I whispered my promise, unable to imagine him getting harmed in any way.

I stayed in the same position for an hour or so, before I decided it was time to get up and go. I had texted Ronald to check about what happened and even though he assured me that Nikolas was slightly better now, I couldn't help it, the worry didn't leave me be yet and I know my mind won't rest till I check on him myself.

I covered Cara and Lilly well before I carefully took Max in my arms and placed him in his crib by the bed, dropping a kiss on his head before I pulled the blanket over his body. I moved toward the door, my eyes taking one look and making sure all is okay before I left the room.

Grabbing my jacket and keys, I left the house, silently closing the door behind me while texting Katherine to drop by and stay by Cara's side while I am out. Emma already left two men by the house, guarding and assessing the whole situation, just in case something happens but still, I would rather not have Cara be left alone for the time being.

I got into my car but didn't drive away yet. I rested my back against the seat and closed my eyes for a brief second, breathing in and out. The air very tight in my chest, anxiousness wrapping over every alive nerve in my being, my body and mind unable to relax for some reason, as if sensing that something is just not right, something waiting to happen and implode on us all.

My mind was over-exhausted with its many torturous thoughts, it couldn't help but take me back to not too long ago, to when I still thought he was dead, to when I was proven wrong.

*Flashback*

"Will you stop with that?" I shot out, my angry gaze on Emma, asking her to just shut up.

She rolled her eyes, her jaw ticking as she looked away, her eyes on the entrance, the knife's grip tight in her hold, ready to face whatever awaits us behind that door, "Just saying, if you hadn't gone and killed Nikolas, this would've been much easier to do," She still talked, not backing away, blaming me at every chance she got, only intensifying my hate toward her.

"Emma, it's enough," Roman hissed, his jaw tight as he held her with a hard glare, having enough of her and me and all of this bullshit.

She glared back at him, the look in her eyes threatening, and I couldn't help but pity the poor guy, he has to go back and share a room with the wicked witch of the east, the horror...

"I am only stating facts, bite me," She grumbled out, narrowing her murderous eyes at Roman as she twirled the knife in her hand, warning him and I huffed out loudly, wishing to be anywhere else but here right now.

I laid my back against the car, my eyes drifting to the gun in my hand, my thumb brushing over the V letter engraved over it, "It feels like we are just wasting time," I said, "What if there is nothing here," I added, my eyes lifting up to meet hers, "You're sure of your sources?"

She nodded, confident, "Yes, I've been over this lead for months now," She said, "Isaac has someone new, and there is just something about him that is..." She paused, a low breath pushing off her chest, her eyes focused only on the building, waiting still for...something, or someone.

"That is what?"

Her throat bobbed, "Familiar," She added, a mere whisper.

My eyebrows pulled closer, lost at the meaning behind her words. She turned her head to me, "Look, call it a hunch, but this person, the way he kills...there is something about him that I can't shake, I can't help but feel like it's," She stopped there when she read the look in my eyes, the one refusing her theory.

She shook her head, "I am not saying it's Nik, it's just..." She sighed, rushing a hand over her face, uncertain of everything, "I don't know, okay, I just need to know who he is, that's all, and he is inside that building right now, I am sure, Isaac stores most of his equipment over here," She added, "I heard him talk about some kind of important weapon transportation happening tonight, it's big, so he would put the best he has on the top of this task."

"Whoever this person is, he is inside there right now, and I wanna find out who it is," She added, "I need to."

I shook my head, my pulse accelerating for some reason, "Nikolas is dead, Emma, don't be chasing ghosts," My jaw tightened with every word that left my mouth.

Her eyes fired up more at the insinuation, enraged, "Maybe you accepted that Alex, but I haven't yet!" She grated out through clenched teeth.

I had to accept it, or else...

"Well, you gonna have to, sooner better than later," My fingers tightened over the gun, needing to let the frustration seep through and outside of me or I will end up hitting her or something.

She didn't like my words. She edged forward toward me, and Roman looked ready to stop her from doing something irrational. I could care less at the moment. This, the whole topic, her reminding me of it...I was seconds away from bursting out and unraveling at the seams.

"I still can't understand it, how could you," She grated out, her words tight with unspent emotions, something akin to pain flashed into her eyes, a feeling I didn't think she was capable of, "How could you do it?! Answer me," He nostrils flared, the rage painting her skin red, "He was injured and dying on that yacht, yet he didn't give up before he got you out of there," She added, pushing memories I decided to bury into the forefront of my brain, "He stayed by your side, just watching you breathe, terrified of anything happening to you, he was ready to give up to Isaac just so that old fucker won't hurt you again, but you...a couple of words from Isaac were enough for you to kill him...just that, so simple."

My fingers tightened, torturing the gun in my grip. I didn't want to talk about this. I didn't want to think back to that day...

I am still not mentally ready to face all of that at once.

"That's not what happened-"

"Don't you at least regret it!" She snapped, interrupting and pushing me right into the edge, "I bet you don't, why would you-"

"Of course, I do!" I snapped back, needing her to shut up, my brain was about to explode under this aggression, "You wouldn't understand it, Emma!" I shot back, "So, stop...just stop opening the same fucking topic over and over again," My voice enveloped the small area around us as I took a step closer, "You don't know what happened, you don't know a damn thing, but at least, he...he was okay with it, believe me, he preferred to die than stay under Isaac's command, so just close the fucking subject already!"

"Okay with it?" She scoffed, "So, what was this? An attempt at aided suicide?" She mocked, not planning on closing the damn topic without one of us injured by the other.

"Stop it, both of you, I can see people moving inside," Roman said, interrupting our banter and pointing at the flicker of movements occurring behind the windows of the building.

That was enough for Emma to hit pause on our reoccurring argument. Her gaze focused on the target and she pulled a gun out of the back of her pants, each hand occupied with a different weapon as she strode forward, a madwoman on a mission.

"If someone comes in our way, just shoot them," She said, both Roman and I carefully stepping forward, till we reached the building's side, a few meters away from the entrance, inspecting our surroundings at first.

Her eyes flickered to me behind her, her eyebrow raising in pure mockery, "Try not to shoot me in the back while at it, you're kind of famous for that now," She couldn't help but comment and I shot her a murderous glare, more than ready to break whatever morals I had and actually hit her.

Roman huffed loudly, glaring at us both, and I decided to keep silent until this is over. Don't know why I let them drag me into this bullshit.

Footsteps echoed from inside. They were closer now, so very close. Emma was on a roll, she didn't waste a second as she rushed forward, ready to attack and figure out who that mystery person is. Roman cursed something under his breath, annoyed by her recklessness but he followed right away. I moved forward as well, I mean what's the worst thing that could happen, right?

Emma gave us one very fast look, asking us to be ready before she pushed the door open with her feet, barging in with all of our guns pointed.

Everything happened in a blur after.

The first thing my eyes registered was the gun pointed back at us, its barrel almost touching my own, the owner had sensed our presence beforehand and was more than ready to defend himself and fight back against his opponents.

The second thing my ears heard was the low gasp coming from beside me, I noticed as Emma took a couple of steps backward, staggering and almost crashing into me, the shock stripping away all of her defenses.

I could almost feel it the second we marched in, the alarming change in the atmosphere, the tension enveloping us all in, the deafening silence right before a storm.

And that's when my gaze flickered from the gun and up to his owner.

Green eyes met mine, a shade I see in my son's eyes every single day, a one I've grown to love more than anything. My gun-wielding hand shook, wavering. My lungs malfunctioned, they definitely weren't supplying me with the oxygen I desperately needed at the moment. Shock wrapped up his eyes just like it rocked my whole body, triggering a frenzy through every single part of my brain.

"Nik?" Emma whispered in pure disbelief, even when she was the only one to suspect this when we all titled it as nonsense. Roman mumbled some words like...what the fuck or something like that.

While me...I froze.

The person standing a few meters ahead of me, his stance was similar to ours, like we are the last people he ever expected to see. His wild eyes drifted between the three of us, the muscles of his jaw working, his eyelids dropping down for a second, internally cursing, and trying to compose himself as his eyes warily drifted to the two men by his side, their gun pointed at us, waiting for a command.

What the hell is happening...

My wide eyes kept their focus on his as I tried to breathe again, my gun still pointed, frozen in the small moment, my mind short-circuited, unable to make sense of the situation, my ears heard nothing, I felt nothing, all of my senses focused on one thing only.

Memories and moments from months and months ago pushed and pulled at my vulnerable brain. My ears only heard the gunshot I fired back then, my eyes could still see the blood that spurred forward, my hand could almost feel him as I held him up close...my heart could still feel the same ache, the agonizing pain as I thought that I...killed him.

My hand lowered, slowly drinking into the truth unraveling right in front of my eyes. The two men said something and Nikol...him, his jaw tightened, I heard as he cursed something under his breath, making up his mind as he swiftly moved his hand and without a second thought, he shot one of them in the head, before he went for the other, their bodies instantly dropping down, hitting the floor with a loud thud.

I gulped down, my gaze flickering from them and back to him.

"You shouldn't be here," Was the first thing he said. His wild eyes went to Emma, then back to me, urgent and on alert, "You need to leave, now," He stressed out, looking at me, but my immobile silent state had his throat bobbing, his voice softening, "I know that you have a million question and I will explain everything," He tried to reason with me but my mind was busy with one fact only.

The fact that he is...alive.

"But now, you should go, there are more of them in here, they can't see you," He added, worry etching lines over his forehead.

"Oh my god, I still can't believe this," Emma mumbled, breathless and just as horrified as me at the new revelation, "I mean...I still believed that I was chasing some false hope but-" She shook her head, unable to form more words.

Nikolas's gaze flickered behind him, sensing them approaching. His eyes met us again, "There is a bar four blocks from here, meet me at the back entrance in like half an hour," He swallowed hard, "I will explain everything, but now, you all should leave..." His gaze fell into the two dead bodies beside him, his jaw ticking, realizing his mistake and he rushed a hand over his face, "Okay, I need to make this the least believable," He mumbled, his eyes falling back on me, "I am gonna need you to punch me."

My eyebrows pulled closer, "What?" Am I the only one who is still trying to understand if this is real or not...

"I need to make this believable, that someone attacked us, or they will know I killed them," He took a step forward, "So, just punch me or something."

Lines etched my forehead as I said in a matter-of-fact tone, "I am not gonna punch you!"

He nodded, "You gonna have to," He stressed out.

What the fuck...

His jaw worked when I gave him a look of disbelief, "Come on, Alex, just one punch."

Fuck, it's really him...

My jaw tightened, cursing under my breath as I moved my fisted hand, landing a punch to his jaw, my skin touching his, making sure he is real and not a figment of my imagination.

A low groan rumbled from him, he wiped a hand over his mouth, "You didn't have to punch this hard," He mumbled, wincing slightly, his eyes meeting mine again, "Come on, leave, now," He stressed again, looking at Emma, "I will explain everything later, come on!"

Emma's hand tugged at my shirt, urging me to back away. In a haze still, I moved, my eyes flickering to him one more time, and he just nodded, his gaze reassuring.

In a disoriented haze, we got into the car, Roman pulling us off the street. I rushed a hand over my face, rubbing at my eyes, my head felt like it was about to explode, every nerve in my body shook with uncertainty, doubt, and fear.

"You all saw that too, not just me, right?" Emma said, her voice low or maybe I was too occupied in my head that I blocked everyone else out.

Fuck, it was him.

I crashed back into my seat, counting the minutes and needing, desperately needing to see him again and figure out what happened exactly, how and when.

We stood by the back door of the bar, waiting for him. The thirty minutes felt like hours, I was growing impatient with every second. Emma was pacing around, anxiously biting at her nails, Roman rested his back against the wall, his eyes only on her, her stressful state stressing him out all the same for some reason.

Footsteps echoed in the hallway, grabbing all of our attention. Nikolas paused to a stop ahead of us, his actual presence proving yet again that this was not a dream. He is here. He is real for fuck's sake...

I am gonna go mad if this keeps happening to me. There is a limit to what my brain can take.

Emma was the first to move forward, surprising him the most when she reached for him, her arms wrapping around his body, hugging him, "You're alive, oh god, I swear I felt it," She whispered, her words followed by some incoherent ones I couldn't understand.

Lines etched between his eyebrows, not expecting this from her but the moment ended too fast for him to grasp when she immediately pulled away, shocked by her very own actions. She cleared her throat and took a hesitant step backward, running her hand through her hair, and composing herself.

The new revelation stripped us all of any logic and sense.

My hand on the side fisted as I watched him, trying to get a grip over myself before I do or say something irrational. Nikolas's eyes left Emma and fell on my hand before they flickered up to my face, "I know that you must be...angry," He said, his words measured, mistakenly reading my reaction as hostile.

Anger...it was the only feeling I wasn't in touch with now.

"But, if you let me explain, I will-" The words hitched in his throat when I moved forward, I wasn't thinking but the relief that rushed through my chest, finally calming the muscle wildly pushing against my ribcage, the relief had me do what I did next. My arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him closer, hugging him because I needed to, because words alone weren't capable of describing the intensity of what I was feeling at the moment.

The whole alphabet failed me and I just hugged him, a breath of calmness leaving my lungs as I came to terms with it all.

His body tensed up at first and I tightened my hold, my eyes closing, my chin resting over his shoulder, my hand pressing over the back of his neck and I felt his arms coming up and around my back, hugging me back.

"You son of a bitch," I mumbled, so relieved, but also terrified of what's hidden and still unknown. I edged backward the slightest, my hand on his arm as I faced him. The uncertainty cleared out from his eyes, calming them down a little. My action had his shoulders fall down, relaxing as well.

Then, the other part of me kicked in and my jaw ticked. I punched his shoulder, hard, glaring at him. His eyes widened, not expecting this after my initial reaction, "I thought you died," I shot out, my voice rising, beyond worried at what he had to go through since that day, "I grieved you, you bitch," I punched his arm again and he took a step back, running away from my punches, "Why is it that everyone I kill comes back to life," I grumbled under my breath, rushing a hand over my face and mocking this joke of a life I have, "Can't one person just stay dead..."

The one thing that gave me a tiny taste of solace was thinking that maybe, that at least he was at peace, no longer in pain, no more suffering, but this...it is breaking every concept I had, it is proving every assurance I convinced myself with as wrong.

"Why didn't you say a thing?" I shot out after and he gulped down, nervously scratching his neck, "Where the hell were you all this time?" I wanted to smash his head now when the dots connected, he is playing as Isaac's puppet since then, hasn't he?

I shot him a glare before I turned to Emma and Roman, "Can you leave us alone?" I asked and Emma's eyes narrowed at me, "He is my brother too, you know?" I rolled my eyes at her words, unable to understand how she suddenly started to care for him.

"You can have him all you want later," I added, unfazed by her hard glare.

Her jaw ticked, but she didn't fight me on it. She seemed less enraged than before. Her eyes went to Nikolas, "Talk to you later?" She said, much softer than before. He nodded, "Yes, of course."

His eyes went to Roman by her side, who still looked like he'd seen a ghost. Roman just shook his head, "Don't expect me to hug you as well," He mumbled, walking alongside Emma as they headed toward the car. Nikolas only rolled his eyes at him, so not impressed.

When it was just him and me, I crossed my arms over my chest, "So, go ahead, explain," I said, my eyes flickering all over him, at least he looks okay physical-wise, "Was it Isaac who saved you?" It didn't make much sense, not when he was the one to trigger me.

He shook his head, "Not him."

There was one other person. My jaw ticked, "Well, isn't she a doll?" I mocked and Nikolas nodded, unsatisfied at the situation as well.

"Why didn't you come back, why didn't you say a thing to me?" I said, my angry tone fading, despising the fact that he stayed away for all this time.

He gave me a low shrug, a bit helpless, "It was for the best," He mumbled, his gaze flickering away, unable to look me in the eye, "You looked better with me away," He shook his head, "I wasn't going to barge again into your life, not when my...death gave you peace somehow."

I scoffed, "Peace you say," My gaze left him, trying to keep a grip over every emotion seeping through my chest at the unexpected turn of events, "I can't fucking sleep at night, Nikolas," I mumbled, looking back at him, "I keep thinking, questioning myself if I did the right thing or not..." I shook my head, "It didn't feel so right to be honest, because that's what they all wanted, it's what Frank always wanted, it's what Isaac wanted," I shook my head again, my jaw tightening in desperation, "It felt like the bad won when I aimed that gun at you and fired."

Air pushed out of his chest, heavy and strained. My eyes took a full look again, a part of my brain still in shock, still in denial, still trying to digest the fact, "That doesn't matter anyway, you are alive," I breathed out, trying to focus on that to ease my distressed nerves.

"Alex, I-" He couldn't complete his words, at a loss of what to say. Sorrow and guilt swarmed his vision, almost sorry that he is alive still and I wanted to bash his head against something because no one drives me crazy as he does.

"I think I am gonna hug you again, because I am still trying to understand this," I said, interrupting any other word he had to say.

Lines pulled between his eyebrows, almost as if he expected any other reaction from me but this. His lips twitched, fighting a smile, "To be honest, I am not much of a hugger-"

My eyebrow raised, "As if I asked for your opinion," I said. The audacity...

A small smile pulled at his lips, his expression shifting to a more relaxed one, like for once, for this passing minute, he wasn't carrying the weight of everything over his shoulders.

He was the one to go for it this time, inching closer and pulling me in for a quick hug to which I returned, needing the reassurance any way there is, "You're alive," I hefted out a low breath, maybe saying it out loud would make it feel more real, "This is not how I expected this to unfold," He mumbled, tapping my back as we pulled away.

My eyebrow raised, "You always expect the worse from me, don't you?"

He shook his head, "It's not that," He hefted a low breath, his half-smile lightening up his face, "I think I kind of...missed you," He said and I nodded, moving back, "Of course you did, I am the best thing that ever happened to you."

His eyebrow raised and a small smile lifted my lips. It took me a while for it to fade away, "We are gonna figure this out." I said, addressing everything, this, him, me, Isaac, just everything.

That was enough to shake him back and he shook his head, "I don't think we can."

"We have to."

************

The one thing to shake me out of my thoughts was the ringing of my phone. A loud breath left my lungs as I gave it a look to find a very unexpected call from Natalie. My eyebrows pulled closer as I pressed the answer button, "Hello," I said, my tone a bit questioning, taken aback by seeing her name.

"Hey, Alex," Her voice enveloped the inside of the car as I started the engine and took off into the road, "I am sorry to disturb you but uh-"

"No, no, you're not, what's up?"

A low sigh came from her side, "If you are available, can we meet, I just want to talk, just a couple of minutes only, I won't take much from your time."

"Yeah, sure," I said, checking the time, "I am free now, where are you, I can come wherever you are," I can go to Nikolas right after that, because whatever she wants to talk about is Nikolas-related for sure.

"I am at my house now, you can come by here if you want, or I could meet you somewhere if you are far," She sounded somber, a bit dejected, so not like her cheerful self that I've met many times before, "I am not that far from your place actually, I will be there in twenty minutes max," I said, a couple of questions surging through my head; did she know what happened? Did she see Nik?

She must've had.

We hung up after and I drove off to her house. Less than half an hour and I was there. I parked the car and went down, climbing up the stairs to her apartment. I rang the bell and instantly footsteps echoed before she opened the door.

A small smile pulled at her lips, "Hey," She said, moving aside to give me space, "Come in."

I walked inside, "How are you?" I started up the conversation, already sensing her out of sorts state. She didn't look okay, to be honest. Her face was a bit pale, and under her eyes, there was a slight redness, proof that she cried more than she should.

Did something happen between her and Nik? The last time I saw them together was when she bumped into Ronald. After that, I have no clue what happened. Nik and I were rather busy fighting to talk about his relationship. He probably screwed this up somehow, it's his talent to push people away.

"Trying to be okay," She mumbled as she took a seat across from me. She tucked the loosened strand of her hair behind her ear, nervousness radiating off her in waves, "Uh, would you like some coffee or tea?"

I shook my head, "No, thanks," I said, leaning forward in my seat, giving her my full attention, "So, tell me, what's wrong?" I asked.

Her throat bobbed as she looked at me, "I saw Nik," She said, her words explaining why she is all shaken up, her brow cinched in pure sadness, "He looked so bad," She added.

I nodded, "I know."

Her eyebrows pulled closer, trying to understand how I knew, "I know that you two are fighting, it's why I called you here, I know it's not my place to interfere but he really needs you by his side now," She said, the heartache wove into the blue of her eyes, darkening them, reflecting just how deeply she cares for him, and that relieved me beyond measures.

"I was actually on my way to him when you called," I said and a low sigh of relief parted her lips, her tensed shoulders slightly relaxing down, "Oh, sorry, I know I should've not interfered but when I didn't see you there and saw him in...that state, I just got so worried," Her voice was tight with so many emotions, "Now that we broke up and I am not by his side anymore, I really thought you-"

"You broke up?" I interrupted her, taken aback and trying to digest the information.

Her eyebrows pulled closer, "You don't know?" She asked in shock.

I shook my head, "He didn't say a thing," I mumbled. No wonder he looked extra miserable that day.

"Can I ask what happened?" I didn't expect my ship to sink that fast.

"Uh, it was me," She mumbled, something like guilt flashed in her eyes and she let her gaze drop to her lap, fidgeting with the hem of her sweatshirt, "It was the right thing to do," She added, but she didn't sound so confident in her own words.

"It doesn't look like it," I commented, addressing her state. She looks sad, really sad.

Her eyes met mine and she shrugged, helpless, "It will be okay," She was assuring herself, not me.

She sucked into a deep breath, shaking herself out of that moment, and smiling at me, "I feel like I brought you here for nothing," She said, "I am sorry, I am just so worried about him and there is nothing I can do now."

I shook my head, "Don't worry, he is in safe hands," I said and she nodded, a bit relieved at that, "I know."

"Also, Natalie, if anything was to happen, if you ever need anything, you can just call me, okay?"

My words made her smile, "Thank you," She said, appreciative of the gesture.

"And if there is anything I can do to fix this, I am more than ready," I let my tone take a playful tone, trying to lighten up the atmosphere, "I'd hate to see my ship sink like this, I was hoping for nieces and nephews, to be honest."

Her smile was somber and she nodded, "A silly part of me was hoping for that too."

Then, maybe, there is still a way to fix this somehow. I just need to push some sense into Nik's brain. The bitch gives up on everyone too fast.

"I better get going," I sighed, "My brother, the pain in my ass, he kind of needs me now."

I started to get up and she did the same, nodding her head, her voice lowering, "Take good care of him, will you?"

I nodded, "I will, anything else?"

She shrugged, her eyebrow playfully raising, "Kiss him for me?"

My eyebrows pulled closer, my face twisting into a one of disgust, "Nah, I don't love him that much."

Her smile widened and she lead my way to the door, "Just don't set him up with another girl so fast," She pointed out, playfully warning me, addressing how I was the one to set them up in a way.

I shook my head, "Nah, you were my favorite," I said, winking and her face slightly lightened up, trying to crawl her way out of that heartache, "It'll be impossible to find another you," My lips pressed into a thin line, "Gosh, you and I would've made a really good team against Nik," I sighed, "Think of the things we could've done."

She chuckled and nodded her head, "We would've driven him mad."

"Yeah, I think I am the one who's heartbroken now, I was really invested in this relationship," I said, partially joking and partially serious.

Her lips curled up and she raised her shoulders, shrugging, ever so helpless. She looked so cute, Nik better find a way to get her back. I ain't marrying him off to anyone else.

"Now, will you give your ex-brother-in-law a hug or what?" My eyebrow raised and her lips curved a smile as she nodded her head, inching closer for a quick hug.

"I am so gonna tease Nik about this," I said, daydreaming about making him more miserable.

She giggled, biting her lip, "Take it easy on him," She warned.

I winked, "I will try."

**************

Nikolas's POV

"Are you just gonna follow me everywhere?" I shot out, glaring at Ronald as he followed me to the parking lot, he has been on my tail since I woke up.

"Where are you going?" He asked, pushing his nose into my business.

I unlocked my car and opened the door, my hand rested on its edge as my eyes flickered to him, "Ronald, look, you are like my least favorite person in the world, so if you don't leave me alone, I might actually kill you," My words didn't sound threatening at all. I was still tired, and energyless, whatever meds they put in me is still active and is messing with my head.

Not waiting to hear more from him, I got in and roared the engine to life, taking off before he tries to join me as well. I lowered the window as I sped down the highway, letting the cold air in, hoping it can blunt off some of the ache in my chest as I drove to my new apartment. I am slightly better now, mental-wise, I am kind of ready finally interact with them.

Parking the car in its spot, I made my way to the elevator and rode up to my destination. When inside, my gaze fell on myself in the mirror, my eyes taking notice of the crumpled piece I've become, both inside and out. A rock lodged in my throat, my brain too exhausted to think or analyze or even make a rational decision. The picture I took was burning a hole in my pocket, asking me to pull it out and look at it again, consuming me into one heck of a torturous loop.

Exiting the elevator, I pulled my keys out, and unlocked the door before I stepped inside. Almost instantly, hurried footsteps got closer and Emma came into view. My sight had her halt to a stop, her wide worried gaze flickering all over me, assessing my state and trying to understand which parts of me he ruined.

"Oh god, Nik," She mumbled breathlessly, coming closer and crashing into my arms, tightly hugging me and I tried not to wince, "I am so sorry," She mumbled and I brought my arms around her body, rubbing a hand over her back, thinking how I should be the one who is sorry. I promised that I will avenge what she lost but...I won't be doing that anymore.

"I am sorry I couldn't get to you before he did all of this," She whispered, pulling away, her eyes flickering down to my neck, then to my chest, where the first button was undone, giving her a peek of the bandages, reflecting whatever mess was hidden underneath.

Her jaw tightened and her eyes fired up more, planning his murder in her head.

"I am fine," I said, trying to calm her down and her eyes met mine, furiously shaking her head, "No, you are not," She said, so sure, "I know him, I know what he does and how he does it."

Fire licked the wildness in her eyes, and I rested my hand over her arm, shaking her back to me, "I will rip his heart out, I promise," She grated out, clenching her teeth, "He is crossing so many lines, I can't take it anymore!"

I shook my head, "Emma," I tried to drift her thoughts to somewhere else, "Do you remember what you told me that day," She gave me a questioning look, "You said that this has a way of coming back and hurting those around us," I reminded her she gulped down, thinking back to that horrendous day.

"Do you want my advice?" I suggested, my eyes flickering behind her to the living room, where Roman was talking with someone on the phone, "Do you love him?" I asked, my out-of-the-blue question had her angry expression waver, taken aback and lost as to what to say back.

Her jaw tightened, "Love is overrated," She mumbled, "But-" She looked behind her, for a brief second before she faced me, "But I would die for him, yeah."

I nodded, "Then, take him and get as far as you can from here," I said, the path she is on, is similar to mine in a way, and I really don't want her to end up like me. She is yet to be salvaged, but if she doesn't stop, Isaac would ruin her beyond measure.

Line etched her forehead, "What do you mean?"

"I mean stop this," I said, "Leave Isaac to do whatever he pleases, take your husband and go somewhere where he can't find you, you will have a chance at a somewhat happy life, don't risk it, Emma."

She stared back at me in pure disbelief, "What the hell are you saying," She shot out, "He killed my baby, Nikolas," She stressed out, the rage pushing and pulling off her gaze, "I won't give up till he tastes that same pain!"

I tried to speak more but she shook her head, "Look, I get it, whatever happened, whatever he said and did, it's messing with your mind, and if you want to give up, then that's your decision," She took a step backward, "But you can't stop me as well, I am not done fighting," She shook her head, "Not till I see him dead."

She left my side and walked to Roman's, saying something before they both headed out. When they were by the door, she looked at me, her gaze softening, "If you need anything, call me," It was the last thing she said before they both left the house.

A distressed sigh pushed out of my aching chest, I will find a way to keep her safe before I leave, I have to. I climbed up the stairs, heading for my room, desperately needing to take a shower and change. Right, when I was about to open the door to my room, the one at the end of the hallway opened up, my mother's eyes fell on me and they immediately widened.

"Nikolas!" She breathed out, striding forward and coming to my side so fast, "I was calling you non-stop, Emma said that your father, he..." The words hitched in her throat when she was closer, her wide eyes on me, drinking into my current state, "Oh my god," Tears rushed to her eyes with full force and she edged forward.

She brought her hand up, it rested over my neck, her fingers gently brushing over it and her lips quivered, her eyes falling back on mine, "Oh, my sweet boy, what do they keep doing to you?" Her words were choked as the tears fell, one after the other before she wrapped both arms around my shoulders, hiccupping a low sob, trying to reach me and pulling me closer into her embrace.

My eyelids dropped down, trying to breathe and she cried more when I hugged her back. She ran her hand through the back of my hair, smoothing it down, sniffling as she mumbled more incoherent words. When she pulled away, she brought her hand to my face, palming my cheek, the tears darkening the green of her eyes.

They stared back at mine with so much tenderness, regret, and sorrow, "Why did he do this?" She asked, pain twisting her expression, "Is it because I came with you?" She shook her head, "I told you, Nik," She said, terrified still of him, "He said he would hurt you, he-"

I shook my head, dismissing the topic, "It wasn't because of you," It was part of it, but not all.

Her eyes moved down, trying to find where all of my wounds are, "Did you at least see a doctor, you must've bled a lot, did you-" I nodded, answering her many questions. Ronald said it was only Natalie, but each wound was professionally dealt with, it couldn't be her; I know how much she hated the mere sight of blood. She must've called someone, and I couldn't have it in me to be mad at her for that. At least, she came to my side when I indirectly needed her to, she didn't have to.

My mother sniffled, swallowing down her tears and she nodded her head, "Okay, get in and rest, I prepared you soup, I will go and bring some, you need to eat and-" I tried to refuse as she rambled on, giving me orders, interrupting me and opening my door, strictly telling me to get in and lay down before she disappeared down the stairs.

I sighed, worn out and depleted to even argue as I dropped by the bed's edge. I pressed my elbows to my knees, bringing my head and burying it into my palms, wishing this throbbing headache into nothingness.

Minutes later and she was back. I lifted my head, my eyes falling on her as she placed the tray over the nightstand, a big bowl of soup laying there, the same one she would make for me when I got sick as a kid. I felt her hand on my shoulders, "Come on, rest your back and drink your soup."

I shook my head, "I really don't feel like eating anything."

She nodded, "I know, but it's just soup, it will make you feel better, I promise," She urged. She used to tell me those exact same words before.

She noticed me looking at her for a long moment. Her eyebrows pulled closer and she rested her hand over my face, "What? Do you need something? Is there anything else I could do?" She looked so confused and anxious like she wanted me to feel better, but she just didn't know how.

"Do you really care about me or is it just something you're used to doing?" I voiced my thoughts out loud, because sometimes I feel like I matter to her more than anything, and other times, it's the total opposite. I partially understand why Alex treats her the way he does, it's really hard to understand her sometimes.

My words had lines forming over her forehead, taken aback by my question, "Nik, you're my son," She whispered, hurt by my uncertainty, "I love you more than anything."

"I just...sometimes, I really don't know what to do, or how to do it," Sad green eyes flickered all over my face, tears lined her lashes, "I know that I am a...terrible mother, I admit that," Her eyes drifted down and she sat beside me, "I don't know how to be a mother," Her throat bobbed, the shame evident in her downcasted gaze, "Nothing changes that, but..." She looked back at me, "But my feelings, for you and for....your brother are not to be questioned."

I really wanted to believe in that. I needed to.

So, for this passing couple of minutes, I did. I inched closer, leaning on her and she didn't waste a second, her arm came around my back, her cheek rested over my head. A long moment of silence wrapped us in before I felt her press a soft kiss to my forehead, "Happy birthday, my beautiful boy," She whispered.

A somber smile pulled at my lips. Even I forgot what today is.

"That was never a happy occasion," I mumbled and I could feel her immediately shake her head, her arm around my back tightening, "It was to me," She said, pulling away so I can face her, "The day you were born, it was one of my happiest days," She added, a small smile pulling at her lips, recalling a memory, "You were the most beautiful thing ever and I knew, I knew I was bringing you into a very cruel world, I just thought I'll be able to protect you from it."

Her jaw tightened, "Because on that day, even Isaac looked happy to have you."

I scoffed, "Yeah, that's why he took me in today, to celebrate my birthday together," I mocked.

She shook her head, "Truth is, I think that maybe he did care for you back then, and maybe he didn't, I never know when it comes to him," A bit of anger rushed into her gaze, for the first time expressing another emotion besides fear when it came to him, "All I know is that they all hurt you, they all stole a piece from you, including myself."

She smoothed my hair back, gently pushing it off my forehead, staring at me in a way she never did before, like she was ready to avenge my pain for once, "I will fix this," She said, and at the moment I didn't think too deeply about her words, "I promise."

***********************************

Hey!

The chapter was supposed include one more part, of Alex and Nik reconciling and all, but it was getting way too long and I was getting tired and I've been postponing writing this chapter for way too long, so I decided to just update it.

I will try to make the next one much sooner. Promise.

Anyways, what are you bringing Nik for his birthday? xD

See ya peeps!
Love y'all <3