"I am not a hero. I don't do good, it's not me."

************

Natalie's POV

I didn't understand a single thing.

Not that I ever do when it comes to Nikolas and his messed-up life.

But that didn't stop me from crouching down beside the little kid, taken aback by the immense agony in his beautiful eyes. My heart ached and I forced on a smile, warmly approaching him when he seemed to be distancing himself away from everyone, whether it's from Nikolas, or the other kids playing around the small field.

He placed his small hand in mine, shaking it, "It's Christian," He mumbled when I asked for his name, hesitant to be telling such information to a full stranger but my warm approach gave him the slightest comfort as he added, "But you can call me Chris."

My head tilted as I gazed at him some more, trying to understand his situation. He looked too skinny for his age, not the healthy type but the one coming from improper nutrition. His skin was whitish pale and the eyes that should be all bright and innocent at this age, looked so broken, severely pulling at my heart even when I knew literally nothing about him.

"I like your name," I said, my smile widening as my hand gently squeezed at his cold small one, giving it some warmth, "I am Natalie by the way," I added, slowly trying to make my way in. He nodded and pulled his hand back, still a bit shy and distanced, not fully giving in.

I let my gaze drift to the grass field where a small group of kids who looked more his age played around, "Why aren't you playing with them?" I asked, my tone curious, taking it one step at a time as I sat down on his other side.

My question had his shoulders slumping down, his eyes on them and he raised his arm, pointing at one of the kids, "He doesn't let me play," He answered and my eyebrows pulled closer as he added, his tired eyes flickering up to me, "He makes fun of me."

"Makes fun of what?" I asked, my enthusiastic tone dropping down, trying to understand how the purpose of this place is to make him get better from whatever he is facing, yet such bullying still occurs.

Instead of answering me, his gaze flickered to his lap, his hand wrapped over the sleeves of his sweatshirt, pulling them down, covering something, and indirectly giving me the response I was waiting for. My heart clenched so tight and my gaze flickered up to Nikolas on Christian's other side, who also had just understood what was happening. His jaw ticked before he rushed a frustrated hand over his face, turning his eyes toward the field where the other kids were playing and his hand twitched before he curled it into a fist, and I was more than sure that the fact they are kids is the only one stopping him from pulling his gun and marching forward.

I placed my hand over Chris's and I gave it a light squeeze, grabbing his gaze back to me, "You know...when I was young, I also had some friends who made fun of me," I said, giving him a sheepish smile, "They used to make fun of the color of my eyes," My eyebrows pulled closer, addressing how silly it was, "It affected me so much, imagine I even went to my mother and begged her to get me some brown lenses," I added with a low chuckle, recalling the memory.

Christian's head tilted to the side and lines etched his forehead, "But why?" He asked, "Your eyes are normal, I mean...they're pretty."

I couldn't hold my smile at how adorable he is and I looked at Nikolas, who had his eyebrow raised as he stared down at Chris, he inched closer and playfully nudged him with his elbow, "Hey, she is kind of mine," He mumbled, annoyed and involuntary, my pulse accelerated, my heart thrashing and all the blood rushed to my face with full force.

I gulped down, trying not to get too affected by what he just said. Oh shit, too much for trying to stop myself from falling for the man, I am officially a lost case...

"We'll find you someone else," Nikolas added, trying to loosen the tension but Chris only shot him a glare, still too angry before he looked back at me. I smiled and shook my head, "Just ignore him," I said, addressing Nikolas, "He is not important," I added, waving Nikolas off.

"What the-"

I pushed at his arm, asking him to shut up as I try and talk with the kid, "So as you see, those people, they made me hate something about myself that now I love the most," I added, trying to make him comprehend it, "It's what some does, their insecurities push them to make you feel bad, about things that you shouldn't feel bad about, they do it only to satisfy themselves, it doesn't necessarily mean that there is something wrong with you," I added and he intently listened, needing to hear some encouraging words, "The thing you need to know is that you can only control your own behavior, " I shook my head, "You can't control other people's."

Something flashed in his eyes, like he understood and the small appreciative smile that pulled at his lips had me relaxing down, a bit content. I brought my hand up, brushing his hair away from his face, "Just ignore them," I said, giving him a wink, "Believe me, it's the best thing you can ever do."

His smile turned more genuine, liking my advice and he nodded. I let my gaze drift back to Nikolas, who was watching me interact with the kid with an unreadable look in his eyes, "Now, how about we see what this man wants," I mumbled to Chris, playfully addressing Nikolas.

"If you had hurt this handsome boy in any way, I want you to apologize right now," I said to Nikolas, faking a strict tone and his eyebrow raised, indirectly telling me that he will deal with this tone of my mine later on.

Christian turned to Nikolas, waiting for him to say something, to maybe explain, or promise him, and maybe give him some hope. A low sigh pushed off Nikolas's chest, it had his tensed muscles relax the slightest as he gazed back at Christian, "I know that it doesn't look like it, but I didn't lie, Chris, and I definitely didn't forget about you," He explained, trying to make the kid understand in his own way, "I am still at my promise and I will get you out of here," His words sounded so genuine and in his eyes, I saw that same look again; guilt, so much guilt ripping at him every second of every day.

It left me wondering yet again; what did you do Nikolas? What did you do so big that affected so many lives?

"I am not abandoning you," Nikolas added and it felt like he is trying to pick up the pieces after one hell of an explosion.

Christian's gaze drifted to his lap, needing to believe in that promise but scared to be disappointed again. Concern etched lines over Nikolas's forehead before he hesitantly brought his hand up, resting it over his small shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze. A low sniffle came from the kid and my chest felt so tight when his tearful eyes went to Nikolas, mumbling over an ached whisper, "I miss him so much."

Nikolas nodded his head, understanding, "I know," He said and helplessly shook his head, "And I know that I can never give you what he gave you, but I will try my best, okay?"

The heartbroken kid moved forward, throwing himself at Nik's embrace, wrapping his arms around him, needing that more than he thought possible, the desperation in his voice had me tearing up, especially when he mumbled, "Please don't leave me too," Nikolas tensed at first, not expecting the gesture, his whole being vibrated with uncomfortableness but he moved past that and slowly brought his arms up and wrapped them around Christian, indirectly giving him the answer to that request.

It left me breathless, watching him being capable of soothing the kid. God, this man, he is a full-on paradox, a one I will never be able to crack open and fully understand anytime soon.

Christian pulled away, wiping at his cheeks with his sleeves and trying to get back to himself. One of the nurses was walking toward us, she noticed Nikolas and her whole being shifted with nervousness before she directed her words at Christian, "Come on, Christian, it's lunchtime," She said and he nodded, getting up to his feet.

He turned to me and gave me a polite nod, "It was nice meeting you," He said and a big smile spread over my lips at how adorable he is, "It was even more nice meeting you, Chris," I said, lifting my fist up, he did the same and bumped his fist with mine, a hint of a smile passing over his lips and I threw him a wink before he walked away.

Nikolas stood up, clearing his throat loudly and grabbing the nurse's attention, she paused and listened to him as he said, "Can I understand what the hell is going on around here," He grated out, gone all the kid-loving, sweet Nikolas from seconds ago, and the grumpy scary man replaced him, "The kid is here to get better yet he is getting bullied by the others," He hissed, "Can you explain?"

Her throat bobbed, "Sir, it's been a bit tough on us over here lately, we are very low on staff, we have no manager, we are seriously doing our best to take care of everyone," She said, trying to be as respectful and professional as she can be to convey how bad things are around here.

Nikolas's jaw tightened, "I will take care of that," He said and gave a nod, dismissing her away.

Air pushed in and out of his chest as he let his gaze drift around us, and I didn't need to be a genius to realize that this was the asylum he stayed in when young, the one he briefly mentioned when we first started our sessions.

I moved to his side, "So, I didn't know the mafia is generous enough to take care of unstable kids," I said, making my tone playful, and trying to shake him out of his bothered state.

His eyes fell on me and he gave me a knowing look. My lips pressed into a thin line, "It's an innocent coverup for something bad, isn't it?"

He nodded, "Isn't it always like that," He answered and I sighed, my shoulders slumping down as I looked around me, feeling very bad for these people, who are being used as an image for some illegal work, "Drugs?" I asked, guessing and Nikolas nodded, "One of the things, yeah."

I really hate this world of his...how can he handle it? Truth be told, he can't, or else he wouldn't be the mess he is today, "What type of drugs?" I asked, a bit curious as well.

"Anything that comes to mind," He answered.

I shook my head, "Sometimes I don't understand how this is your world," Sometimes, I don't understand why I am making my way into it...it's dangerous, it stands against everything that I believe in, then why? Is it the thrill, the fact that I am breaking so many rules at once when I've always been such a goody-two-shoes, following every and each rule? Is it the rebel in me, the one I suppressed down the second I lost my parents, knowing that I need to be responsible now, that I had no one to depend on but instead, there are others who were dependent on me? What is it exactly?

The logical part of my brain screamed and thrashed, the one that grew and matured as I gained my degree in psychology; that one in exact had alarms blaring in my head, asking me to stay as far as possible from Nikolas, that there is no possible way this could end well, for either of us. Someone will get hurt in the end. Him, me, or just us both.

I gulped down, shaking all of those thoughts away, doing the most irresponsible thing ever, which is leaving it for future Natalie to deal with.

Nikolas rested his hand over my lower back, shaking me back in as he gently pushed me forward with him, "I need to fix all of this," He mumbled, this whole situation stressing him out, "I've been ignoring it for too long, and these people's wellness...well, it kind of depends on me now."

I lifted my gaze up to him, "I asked you to hire me, I would be great around here but you didn't accept," I joked around and his lips twitched into a small smile as he gazed down at me, "Okay, Ms. Blake, would you take this job and take some of this weight off my shoulders?"

I nodded, "With pleasure."

Amusement passed over his gaze before he leaned down and left a small gentle kiss over my cheek. I stared back at him with squinted eyes as we walked inside the building, "You are being extra affectionate lately," I pointed out suspiciously, "Did you do something wrong and you are making up for it this way?"

For a fleeting second, his arm that was around my waist tensed a bit, proving those words right before he pulled away and I remembered how when drunk, he said that he did something bad...he still didn't tell me anything about it while sober; What could it possibly be?

He didn't give me an answer, only doubling my confusion as we got inside the elevator. He pulled his phone, checking it up for the umpteenth time today since we landed here, as if waiting for someone's call, "Is there something wrong?" I couldn't help but ask.

He looked back at me, "Alex and I kind of argued over something and he hasn't been picking up my calls since," He explained, his lips pressing into a thin line, bothered by the thought. We exited the elevator and headed toward one of the rooms, "I just don't like it when we fight."

"It's okay, when we go back, you can clear it out face to face," I assured him, "I don't think Alex can stay mad at you for too long."

Nikolas shook his head and lowly mumbled, "You have no idea."

I tried not to read too much into his words for now as my gaze flickered around the big office we just entered, which looked practically abandoned for some time, the dust covering the bookshelf said that and more, "Is this supposed to be the manager's office?" I asked and Nikolas nodded, "Something like that."

I moved forward, my fingers moving over the desk before I settled down on the chair behind it, getting comfortable. Nikolas lifted his gaze from his phone and looked at me, "Am I hired yet?" I asked, raising my eyebrow as I rested my arms, getting all cozy and settled, "Or should I seduce you some more?"

The corner of his lip lifted up at my teasing wink, and he just shook his head at my silliness, "If you want, just sit here and rest for a bit," He suggested, "I will go check over things around and come back quickly."

I nodded, agreeing as I leaned forward and turned the computer screen on, getting myself busy as Nikolas went off to get his work done. Being curious me, the first thing I thought of doing was opening up the asylum's information system. It immediately launched, logging in as the admin, with no need for any passwords or whatsoever, considering this is the manager's computer.

A wide list of names showed up and with hesitation, I moved the arrow to the search bar, debating whether I should do it or not. It felt wrong, almost as if I am invading his privacy. I pulled into a deep breath and backed away from the screen. I would be mad if the situations were switched, wouldn't I?

If he wanted me to know about that period of his life, he would've just told me himself.

I gulped down, but I just...I just want a glimpse of who that Nikolas was, of the things his uncle subjected him to, of whether this place healed him or just destroyed him more. How else will I ever be able to get him to feel better when I only know bits and pieces.

With a rock in my throat, already hating myself for doing this, I leaned forward and typed his name. Nikolas Virachi showed up on the top, and when I pressed it, a bunch of different files came up, confusing me at first. Randomly, I picked one of them, and inside it, a bunch of subfiles came to the screen as well. The one named as Videos grabbed my attention the most and I opened it up.

Many videos showed, all named as the date of the day they were taken from. I randomly opened one of them and waited to see what it held inside. My heart started beating so fast, already expecting unpleasant scenery. The video started and I had to squint my eyes, it was of a very bad resolution and quality, probably coming from one of the security cameras found in each room around here, monitoring every patient.

"Why did you do it, Nikolas?" A women's voice echoed and that's when I saw him, sitting across from whoever was talking to him. A sharp breath wheezed out of my lungs as I started at a younger version of him, almost the same but also so very different. Just a boy, a young boy, maybe a teenager at that time if my calculations are correct.

He crossed his arms over his chest, his being reflecting so much anger and annoyance that it left me baffled. His eyes, the beautiful eyes that I love so much now, they looked like...like...I can't even find the appropriate adjective to describe them, they looked so not alive, so dead, like they've seen hell up close, like they tangled up with its devil and tasted every single flame.

"You've severely hurt him, Nikolas," The woman added, partially scolding him, "In a way someone your age shouldn't be able to inflict, and you know....you know that we don't tolerate such behaviors over here."

"He came at me first," His voice sounded so different, a bit young but blank, void of any emotion, void of life itself, "And I told you before, I won't give anyone the chance to hurt me again," He grated out through clenched teeth, the dangerous look in his eyes if it wasn't coming from an actual young boy, it would've scared me.

With my heart beating a thousand hundred miles per second, I exited the video and went all the way back to older years, opening up another one, knowing that I don't have all day to watch each one of them. Nikolas could come in at any second and catch me snooping into his private life.

This video started with struggling noises and till the image became clear that I realized what was actually happening. A bunch of nurses were trying to hold a much younger Nikolas back in his place over the bed, one of them had a needle in his hand but Nikolas thrashed under their hold, "Get away from me!" He screamed, so loud, so tortured as he pushed at the man's hand with everything in him.

They tried to reason with him, "Nikolas, we are not going to hurt you," The woman who I assumed was the doctor responsible for his case said, "We are just trying to help you!"

He growled and used all of his power to escape their persistent grip, his hand clutched the needle they were trying to use on him and he snatched it away, "Leave me alone!" He snapped, panting and bewildered as he jumped across the bed and into the other side, getting away from them.

He pointed his hand forward, the one yielding the needle, using it as his defense mechanism, "Stay away from me!" He snapped, the look in his eyes so different from the previous video. That one before belonged to someone who had given up, but this looked like someone who is struggling to keep himself intact, tackling to stay sane and fighting everything within himself.

It broke my heart beyond measures that in the end, that part of him lost and he had to give up to the pain, he allowed it to consume him whole and drag him from the light and into utter darkness.

I had to pause the video, my heart was erratic in ways that weren't healthy anymore. I moved my fingers to the screen, brushing it over his small face, even with the bad resolution I could clearly see the tears in his eyes, how scared and terrified he seemed to be, how he only needed someone to wrap his arms around him and make him feel safe, something I bet he hasn't felt in way too long.

I so badly wanted to reach for the kid in the video and take him far away from there, shield him because what will come later will keep breaking him till he becomes someone he doesn't recognize anymore...the monster he always claims to be.

It wasn't till then that I felt the wetness over my cheek, I sniffled and pulled my hand from the screen, immediately wiping at my cheeks before Nikolas would come back and notice my shaken-up state. I shut down the video and knew that I don't have the heart to watch any of them anymore, I don't think I am capable of seeing him break down up close.

I went to another file and went through the reports, reading over them to understand his case without any visual proof. The words that were written, describing the type of abuse his uncle subjected him to only worsened my state. I don't know how much time passed as I went through almost each one of these reports that in the end, I just couldn't take it anymore. I shut off the system immediately, bewildered and enraged. Uneasiness prickled under my skin and I shot up from my seat, pacing around the room, that specific sentence flashing behind my eyes over and over again.

He witnessed his mother getting raped, right in front of his eyes.

Oh my god. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't handle this or wrap my mind over it. I thought I was strong, I thought I could handle everything. I could handle my pain maybe, but apparently, I can't handle his. I am not that strong when it comes to him. I am not okay with this, I am not okay with all that happened to him. Anger, too much anger rushed at my chest and I wanted to scream, to go find his fucked up uncle and beat him back to death myself, to just know one thing...why? What was that innocent kid's fault? What wrong did he do to deserve all of that?

The sound of the door opening had me pausing in my bewildered pacing, my gaze flickering to Nikolas who just walked inside and I tried, I desperately tried to compose myself, to calm down my heart and balance my breathing.

"I took care of it, we can lea-" He started to say but paused midway when his eyes fell on me and sensed something is obviously off. He inched closer, his eyebrows pulling closer in confusion, "Are you...are you okay?" He asked.

I gulped down and nodded, shaking myself in, "Uh, yeah, yeah," I ran my hand in my hair, "I think not eating anything since the morning is catching up on me," I said with a nervous chuckle, fishing for an excuse.

Concern etched lines over his forehead and he paused right in front of me, he brought his hand up to my face, it rested over my cheek, firstly tucking my hair behind my ear and he gently brushed it over my skin, "You do look pale," He observed, "Come on, let's go and feed you," He said, placing his arm around my waist, "I can't have you fainting on me," His playful tone didn't fulfill its purpose, it didn't let loose of my stressed nerves as he took me alongside him and out of here.

We went down the elevator and I leaned against him, my hand fisted over the back of his jacket and I pressed my eyes shut, taking into his scent and seeking assurance from his touch, trying to kick all that I learned to the back of my head, "Did you say goodbye to Chris before leaving?" I asked, fishing for any conversation to busy my thoughts with.

"Yes, I did," He answered, "He said he liked you."

I forced on a smile and lifted my head up to him, "Everyone does," I said with a confident tone, slowly getting back to my old self.

"I think I am gonna have to live with that fact, huh," Nikolas said with an arched eyebrow, disturbed at the thought.

I nodded my head, "Yup, I've got some demand in the market, you better watch out, from both young people and old," I said the last word while tapping my hand over his arm.

He shot me a glare, "I am not old."

I shrugged, "You are older than me with a noticeable number of years," I pointed out.

His eyebrows pulled closer and annoyance flared in his eyes, "So what?" He shot out, being all grumpy again.

I gave him an innocent look, "What?" I said, "I didn't say anything, it's the opposite actually," I winked, "It's kind of hot," Tease fluttered all over my lips and eyes as I added mockingly, just teasing him some more or else I would end up breaking down thinking of young innocent him, "I never tried the whole daddy fantasy before."

Nikolas winced and paused in his steps, "Don't ever...ever call me that or we are breaking up," He said, ever so seriously, way too annoyed and disturbed with the mere thought of it. I chuckled and shook my head, "I am kidding you grumpy," I said, "Did someone call you daddy before," I joked around, noticing his level of uncomfortableness.

He winced again at the thought, "Something like that, so don't ever say it again."

I chuckled and nodded, the man turned pale at the mention of it only, "Okay, okay, calm down."

He shot me a glare before he opened the door for me and we both walked out of the building. He pulled his shades and placed them over his eyes, stealing my breath away again. Does he do that to look cool only...gosh.

"You look so hot when you do that," I mumbled, speaking my thoughts out loud.

He turned to me and lowered the shades down, his eyebrow raised, "You really do speak without thinking, don't you?"

I shot him a glare, "Yeah, I am honest, bite me," I shot out.

The corner of his lip pulled up the slightest before he leaned down and took my lips into his. I gasped at the sudden gesture, especially when he pulled at my lower lip, biting it before he released it, "That I will do," He mumbled into my lips and my blood pressure hit the roof.

My throat bobbed as I gazed at him up close, "Promise me more of that when we go back to the hotel," I said, again speaking without thinking, and Nikolas's smile grew wider, amusement flickered over his beautiful eyes before he kissed the corner of my mouth, "Promise."

Oh dear lord...

When we got into the car and he drove off, I couldn't help but ask, always curious me winning over, "What happened to Christian?" Why was Nikolas this much invested in helping him?

His fingers tightened over the steering wheel the slightest, "His father was one of my men," He answered, "He died...because of me," His throat bobbed at the mention of that, "So that kid is my responsibility now."

I didn't want to dig more into this, it felt like it's one of those things that Nikolas won't tell me about in detail, "You will keep your promise, right?" I asked, hoping he meant it.

He nodded, "Of course," Nikolas answered, "If I can, I would take him out there right now, but I am not equipped to take care of him when his mental state is weak, Natalie, I can't do that to him."

"I get that, but...but I could also help," I suggested.

Nikolas's gaze fell on me, seeing how my words made sense and he nodded, "Once I get Isaac off my case, I will get him out of here," He said, "Bringing more people into this now would be stupid."

I nodded, that much was true, "Just keep your promise," I urged, "He looks like he has no one, I think he needs you," Just like you once needed someone but couldn't have it. Maybe by this, we will prevent the same mistakes from being repeated over again.

***************

After a long beautiful day of going around the city, exhaustion weighed my body down, so we finally got back to the hotel. We agreed to resume and sail around a bit tomorrow before having to go back to LA later that night.

I was so tired but I had promised myself to take my revenge back at Nikolas for being drunk and stripping down his shirt and torturing me all night. I had packed my sexy nightgown, which looked more like lingerie to be honest. A one I was hiding away for...special occasions. I smoothed the material of it and fixed my hair, trying to look as natural as possible.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror and a big satisfied smile crawled up my lips. God, even I want to ravish myself now. He wants to play hard to get, well, let's see till when.

Sucking into a deep calming breath, I made my way out of the bathroom and casually walked into the room. Nikolas was sitting on the bed, his back against the headrest as he went through his phone, his eyes stressed as usual as he read through something.

My light footsteps grabbed his attention and when his eyes fell on me, I swear I saw the phone wavering in his grip, almost falling away from the shock. He quickly cleared his throat and straightened himself, placing the phone away, "What the hell are you wearing?" He grumbled with a frustrated sigh.

I shrugged, ever so innocently, "I always wear this when I go to sleep," The amount of tease in my tone had his eyes darkening. Oh, I am so gonna torture him.

I smoothed the black lacy material of my very short and exposing nightgown before I settled on the bed, "It's comfy," Because it's barely covering any part of my body...I didn't say the last part out loud of course and when I pulled my body up the bed, the gown lifted even higher and exposed more skin.

He mumbled something under his breath, his gaze drifting away from me on purpose. I only scooted closer, till my side was plastered right up against his, "I mean you're torturing yourself by yourself," I added.

"This is all yours by the way," I pointed at myself from head to toe, my eyebrow raising, "You're the one being hard on yourself," I let out a low laugh, "Hard," I repeated, laughing again at my pun, "Oh god, I love myself sometimes."

And then...it happened so fast.

I can proudly say I had officially broken Nikolas Viarchi down.

I realized several things in one second. He had pulled me from my side and into his lap, he grabbed my waist, so tight. His hands landed on my hips, stopping me from moving away, and I quickly made sense of the determined hungry look on his face, as if not planning to let go of me anytime soon.

My heart stopped beating or it started beating way too fast for me to understand. It's always a mess when he is around, when he touches me, holds me so close and I get dizzy with his intoxicating scent. I wanted him all, now, fast, I was throbbing for him in every womanly way known to science.

Feeling like I am all jelly, my arms that shot to his shoulders moved away, "Keep your arms around me," He ordered and I linked them at the nape of his neck. He watched me for a full second, trying to fight a battle within himself and I can see him losing already, his hand that moved over my hip, making its way up under my gown proved that and more.

He was torturing me again, making me wait, in anticipation of what could happen next. The teasing, it was a torture and a bliss, exquisite in its own way, "I don't think I can breathe," I mumbled out heavily.

"I don't want you to breathe," He managed to say before he tipped his head down and took my lips whole into his, stripping both of our oxygen away. The hot feel of his tongue parting my lips apart had me bursting out in flames. He pulled me closer with a groan as his tongue delved in and stroked mine, tasting, dominating, and kissing.

His hand is big and warm over my hip, and without it, I felt like I could fly and float away. I melted some more when I heard his desperate voice against my skin, "What will I do without you, Natalie," He made his way back to my lips, kissing me more before he added, "When I am not with you, all I could possibly think of is how sweet you taste..."

He pulled my hair away, fisted it in his other palm, granting himself access as I felt his mouth on the sensitive skin of my neck, his lips, and his tongue, doing magic and wonders. Involuntarily, I moaned against his throat, burying myself deeper into everything he is.

My breath hitched when his hand over my hip slowly moved to my inner thigh, "What do you want me to do, Natalie?" He asked against my skin, moving his lips from my neck and up to my mouth before his eyes meet mine, they were so green, so dark that I shivered.

"You know what," I managed to say, clutching into him as if I am clutching into life itself, scared if I loosened, he would just go and leave me so frustrated for him.

"I need you to say it, Natalie," He grated out, his jaw clenching as his hand tightened over my thigh, desperation pouring from his touch, the look in his eyes telling me that he needed me just as much as I needed him, if not more.

"I want you to...you know, just...ugh," I groaned, "I know I am always so open about it but I can't say the words themselves out loud, so just...surprise me!"

He smiled, all man and mischief, a devil in his eyes danced as he threw me against the mattress and climbed over, gentle but also not too gentle, and god, I wanted him more than I wanted to breathe.

He yanked me closer to him and pressed his mouth on mine, his hand moved under my nightgown, over my stomach, and trailed up. He sucked on my tongue, all greedy and his mouth started to go downward, leaving my lips and toward my neck as his hand went upward.

"You have no idea how much I thought about this...you beneath me," he whispered against my skin before his teeth grazed the spot, his fingers slowly moving the straps of my nightgown down my arm and exposing the upper part of my body. The need to have his bare skin on mine intensified and I shamelessly tugged at his shirt, unbuttoning it in a haze and he allowed me, for the first time not stopping me.

I better not be having another wet dream. This better be real or I am suing...

Those male eyes of his were hot as lava, gleaming, watching me as he shrugged his shirt off and discarded it away before he inched closer, his knee resting between my thighs, nudging them apart. His palm rested over my cheek, and his mouth tasted me some more, warm, wet, light, fast, hard, and deep as his hand trailed a hot path to my neck, down my shoulder before it cupped my breast, caressing it. His thumb on my nipple, lightly rubbing, his simple touch promising me that no one ever will measure up to him; my body will never react to anyone the way it does to him.

Never did one simple touch drive me to the edge of my release so fast, never did I feel every nerve in my body alive, searing, and on fire. He triggers an animal need in me, a one I didn't even know I had. I wanted to feel every part of him every second of every passing day, I wanted to taste, touch and smell everything that is Nikolas and Nikolas only.

My nails dug deeper into his shoulders, bruising him, the soft voice of need parting my lips turned urgent when he dipped his head and licked one nipple and then the other. My head rolled a little on the bed, intense waves of pleasure tightening my stomach and tingling between my legs as he did wonders to my sensitive skin no one has ever done before.

I clenched my fingers into his hair, wanting more, so very afraid of more, terrified even, and the sound that rumbled from his chest, I felt it in every part of my body before I heard his words in my ear, "Can you breathe now?" His voice came out tight, husky and so very desperate.

I was panting, writhing under him and I shook my head, I forgot how they breathe even. There is this immense need to just feel, connect to him in ways not many had. But deep down, there was also fear, so much fear ripping through my consciousness and asking me to back away. To stop. I never expected this fear, not till the moment became so near.

Nikolas moved further down and I understood what he was about to do next. The many thoughts ripping through my mind suddenly made me feel so self-aware, exposed and I tightened my legs closer, "Uh, can you not...do...that," I tried to say, and Nikolas's eyes shot up to me, a bit taken aback by my sudden request, "I mean I never did that before," I stressed on the that part, indirectly telling him that no one went...down on me there, "It just...it feels too personal," I could feel the fire rushing up to my face. I didn't understand what I was saying, I was overwhelmed with my sudden reaction, the way I placed a pause on this. "You know, can you just put your thing in my thing and just have it that way?"

Nikolas's eyebrow raised, "God, do I love it when you talk dirty to me," He commented in mockery, pulling himself up, and granting my wish of not doing that.

A low nervous chuckle left my throat and I pressed my palm to my forehead, "I totally ruined the moment, didn't I?" I mumbled, feeling every part of my body blush at the way I turned things around in a mere second.

Nikolas gently pulled the straps of my nightgown up, covering my exposed skin, "You totally did," His eyes fell on mine, a small smile lifted one side of his lips, "And suddenly I am not being too hard on myself anymore," He said, recalling back my previous pun joke.

I chuckled and rested my hand on his shoulder, "Oh, so he jokes."

He gave me a knowing look before he helped me get up, our bodies were still too close and I knew I wanted him, so much, way too much but...but why when it got so close to that moment, I purposely stopped it. I feel so stupid and embarrassed.

Nikolas's hand tucked my hair behind my ear, bringing my attention to him, his touch so soft now, the opposite of seconds ago when he was more than ready to ravish me whole, "I think you are just not ready for this yet," He commented and I saw the light bob in his throat, that look in his eyes too familiar for me to ignore, a one in which he wished he didn't let it get this far.

"But why?" I mumbled, clueless at my own behavior for once.

He shook his head, "Who is the psychologist between us, me or you?"

Was it his warnings from before, every time he pushed me away, every time he expressed how I would regret this one day; is it the fear of what to come, of what he is hiding, was it all slowly getting embedded into my subconscious and showed up only when the moment got so near.

I wasn't sure but I knew one thing only, that if I want to share such an intimate moment with Nikolas, I don't want to ever regret it later. So, maybe, maybe he was right, maybe waiting some more and taking it slow was the better option.

I looked down at my lap, "I am so sorry," I mumbled, wanting the ground to swallow me whole, "I feel so stupid and embarrassed," I added, "I pushed myself at you and then stopped you, I am sor-"

"Nate, you have nothing to apologize for," He interrupted me, his fingers resting over my chin, tipping it up so I can face him.

A small smile lifted my lips, "You called me Nate."

"As far as I remember, it was better than the other two nicknames I had picked," He winced at the memory of drunk him, "Nelly, was it? Or something like that."

I laughed and nodded, "Yeah, exactly."

He only pulled me closer, wrapping his arm around me, "Don't apologize, okay?" He said, "I should've had more control but I can't help it when you look like that," He added the last part with annoyance, grumpy him always coming to the stage.

I lifted my gaze up to him, "Looking like what?" I asked, my tone all teasing.

He brushed his thumb over the corner of my mouth, gazing at me with that unreadable look of his, the one that he has when he doesn't know what to say or how to express what he feels, "Like you," He whispered, "Just perfect."

My chest tightened at him and his sweet words. This man, what the hell is he going to do to me? How bad will he break me in the end? I felt so guilty for what I did earlier at the asylum, for going behind his back and snooping in what might not concern me, "Nik," I started, confessing, "I will tell you something and you will get mad at me, so please...don't."

His eyebrows pulled closer and he nodded, ushering me to talk, "When we were at the asylum, I did something," I swallowed hard, looking down at my hands as I nervously fidgeted with them, "I accessed the information system and looked into your file."

My words had his soothing arm around me loosen a bit and lines etched his forehead, taken aback by the information. He blinked, confused, "Why did you do that?"

I gave him an innocent shrug, "I...I just...it's curious me, always looking for answers I guess, and I am sorry-"

He hefted a loud breath off his lungs and removed his arm from around me, moving a bit away and I instantly missed his warmth. The muscle of his jaw worked as he looked away from me, but he didn't snap at me or something.

"I know it looks like I went behind your back and invaded your privacy," I shook my head helplessly, "I didn't mean to."

He leveled his gaze with mine, "I just wish you didn't do that...because, in the end, I was going to just tell you everything," He said, his tone changing from warm to blank, "I am slowly opening up to you, Natalie, step by step because I don't know to do this, but I am trying still, for you, I am trying, and then you go ahead and do this-" He rushed a frustrated hand over his hair, turning his head away from me.

"I am sorry," I mumbled, my voice a bit weak. My choked tone had Nikolas facing me again, his eyebrows pulling closer, "Why the hell are you crying?" He asked both in bewilderment and worry.

I sniffled and wiped under my eye, "You're mad at me, and I...I don't," I shook my head multiple times, "I don't want to be another one who would hurt you."

And just like that, my caring Nikolas was back, "You didn't hurt me," He said, his voice softening and he inched closer to me, "Come here," He urged and I immediately took the chance and scooted closer, settling between his arm and chest.

He lowered his head and kissed the top of my head, his hand soothingly running over my skin, "Just don't do this again, don't go behind my back, it's the one thing that I can't handle."

I nodded, closing my eyes and burying myself deeper into his embrace, "I won't," I said, "I promise."

******************

Emma's POV

My gaze flickered from my phone and back to the ingredients over the counter then back to my phone, reading the stupid instructions for the umpteenth time.

Beat in the eggs, one at a time. I read it over and over again, my eyes squinting at the eggs sitting over there waiting for me to crack. I nodded, determined before I placed my phone away and pulled my sleeves up, ready to do it.

Breath in, breath out. Here goes nothing.

I took one egg and inched it into the bowl. Okay, Emma, you've kicked and cracked many balls before, this isn't too new, you can do it this time. I took in a deep breath before I cracked the first egg, maybe a bit too hard than I should, the disgusting yellow content fell into the bowl along with some shells with it, mixing with the flour and the other ingredients I've added from before.

"Fuck, fuck," I cursed under my breath as I tried to remove the eggshells but the disgusting smell of the egg had me backing away. I don't need to be pregnant to feel like throwing up at this weird smell.

My hand curled into a fist and I wanted nothing more than to hurl this stupid bowl across the kitchen. What the hell am I even doing? So stupid, god, such a stupid insecure mess I've become these days.

I pressed my palms against the counter and pressed my eyes shut, trying to calm down the war raging in my chest. I am sick of the fact that you don't trust me. His voice rang in my ears again and my jaw ticked. I wanted to punch him so hard, then kiss him and then maybe throw him off a cliff or something.

He has given me nothing but a constant headache since we got married. The fucking idiot.

The idiot came back late last night after our fight or argument or whatever that was. He spoke no words to me after, fell asleep, and was gone first thing in the morning. Such an idiot. I should probably add some poison to this stupid cake as well, or maybe keep these eggshells, have him choke on it, and die. That's the dream, isn't it?

"Mrs. Viarchi, is there anything I can help you with?" The polite voice belonging to Viviana, the head of the maids, pulled me back in and I opened my eyes, turning my head to face her as she gazed at me, confusion written all over her face.

I scratched the back of my neck, it must be quite the scene, me, in the kitchen, attempting to actually make something eatable, "Do you know how to make a cake?" I asked, not giving up yet. I don't care, let her judge me all she wants.

She nodded, "Yeah sure, you could've just told one of the maids, you didn't need to come all the way down here," She added as she stepped closer, "I can tell them to prepare one right away and will be sent to your room once it's done."

I shook my head, "No, no, I don't want someone to prepare it, I want to make one myself, but, but I don't know how, and this stupid internet is giving so many different recipes," My jaw tightened in frustration and my tone kept raising, "And these stupid eggshells are sticking to the flour and I just can't fucking remove them and-"

A small smile pulled up at her lips. Sensing my frustration, she immediately suggested, "I can help you if you want."

I nodded, "Yeah, yeah, that," I nodded again, "But I will do it myself, you just tell me what to do, or...how to do it," I suggested and she nodded, "Okay, yeah sure," She said.

I swallowed hard and shot out without being shy about it, "I know you might be judging me now, I mean someone my age should be able to do these somewhat silly things, and I am not stupid, but it's actually my first time attempting to do something food-wise."

She shook her head, "Why would I judge you," She said, her smile a bit warm now and sweet, "I've been serving for this house before you were even born, Mrs. Viarchi and-"

"Just call me Emma," I said, interrupting her.

She nodded, "Emma," Her eyebrows pulled together, "It feels weird to say it like that but okay," She added and I found my chest tightening bit by bit, realizing how true are the words Cara told me when that incident happened, how I never had a female figure in my life, true, not even a one to teach me the simplest task of cracking a damn egg.

"Like I was saying, I've been in this house for so long and I know how things go around over here," She added, her eyes dimming at the truth that is our lives, "So, I wouldn't judge you, to be honest, I admire you for the strong woman that you are."

I stared back at her with a puzzled expression, coming to terms with the fact that this is the first time someone is telling me...such words. I didn't know how to respond back to that. I don't know if I, myself believed in those words. I don't think I admire myself. True, I am always confident and I am, I believe that I am good at what I do, but that doesn't mean that what I do is the right thing to do.

I took so many lives, and because of that, my baby's life was taken away from me. How can I ever admire that?

I rubbed a hand over my throat and looked away, fidgeting with the ingredients I arranged over the counter, trying to skip to the part in which she helps me finish this stupid cake. I am not the one for the sentimental moments and talks.

"Let's start, shall we?" Viviana said and I nodded. She walked closer, her eyes falling on the bowl in front of me, my third or fourth failed attempt at this, and she smiled, "How about we throw this away and start over," She suggested and I nodded.

Here goes my fifth attempt at this.

****************

On my sixth attempt, I mistook the sugar with salt.

On my seventh attempt, I burned the cake.

My eighth attempt was the winner, I guess. I haven't tested it yet. I will have to make Roman taste it first, I am not risking my life for him.

I opened the door to our bedroom and peeked inside, the sound of water running from the bathroom's side proved that he is back and is taking a shower. With the cake in my hand, I walked inside and closed the door behind me, settling it down over the bed before I placed one small candle on it and lightened it up. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at my own self. Since when do I do this?

God, I hate him.

The idiot. Look at what he is making me do.

The water stopped running and not long after the door opened and he came out, a towel in his hand as he dried his hair, his upper body naked and I started to plan what exactly we are going to do after he eats the cake. I will just have to eat mine.

His eyes fell on the cake over the bed and his eyebrows pulled closer before he looked at me, his gaze questioning before it drifted back to the cake, "I don't understand," He said and I rolled my eyes.

"It's your birthday and birthdays means cake," I explained so his idiot brain can understand it.

He still looked so confused as he turned to me, his eyes narrowed at me, rather suspiciously before he inched closer to the bed, keeping his distance from the cake as he eyed it, "Is it gonna explode in my face or something?"

Don't pull your knife, Emma, it's his birthday, you can't make it his death anniversary as well.

I rolled my eyes, "Blow on the stupid candle," I ordered, crossing my arms over my chest.

He gave me a fake smile, "God, you are so romantic, I might burst into tears now," He said, mockingly.

"Unless you want to make your birthday the same as your death day, you will blow on the stupid candle," I threatened, very serious before I sat down on the edge and pulled the cake closer into my lap, urging him to come forward.

"Come on," I snapped, too annoyed by everything he does.

"What?" He said, faking innocence as he sat by my side, "I am just making my wish."

I shot him a glare, "Seriously? You believe in that?"

"You're still here, so apparently these wishes don't work like I thought they did," He said, ever so casually before he blew on the stupid candle.

I placed the cake forward, "Don't ask for a gift, I spent the whole day making this cake, it's more than you deserve."

"Hold on," He said, lines etching between his eyebrows in utter bafflement, "You...you made the cake?"

I nodded and his eyes grew a bit wide, "You?" He asked again and I huffed out a loud breath, nodding my head, "Don't be overdramatic," I grumbled out as I cut one piece and placed the fork up near his mouth, "Eat it."

His throat bobbed heavily as he eyed the small piece of cake before he opened his mouth and allowed me to push it inside. He started to chew it and I kept staring at him, desperately waiting for his reaction.

Amusement flickered over his eyes as he swallowed it down, "Oh wow, that was...much better than I expected."

My heart calmed down, "Really?"

He nodded, a small smile lifting his lips up, "Yeah."

"You made it for me?" He asked again, the idiot wanting to humiliate me some more.

I nodded, "You better eat it all or-"

Before I could threaten him, he moved the cake away, his hand wrapping around my arm and pulling me closer to him, "Roma-" His lips were on mine before I get the words out. My hand went to his hair, kissing him just as hard as he was kissing me. He tasted so sweet, so fresh, and I didn't want to let go of him. I didn't want to lose him. It's crazy, but I don't.

Breaking away, I took a deep breath, my hand resting over his shoulder as I looked at him, "So, I think you are not mad anymore?" I asked, my eyebrow raising.

"What can I do, you drive me insane," He responded, his hand moving from my cheek and caressing my lower lip.

I nodded, "You were right," I said and he gave me a weirded-out look, "Did I hear you right...did you just say-"

I punched his chest, hard enough to make him groan and shut up, "I don't trust you," I said and in his eyes, I saw confusion, and then...hurt. I shook my head, "Not because you did something, it's me and my...insecurities I guess," I shrugged, mocking myself, "You know, the basics, daddy issues and all."

His other hand over my lower back tightened the slightest, "But," I looked down, not wanting him to see the bit of vulnerability in my eyes as I ran my fingers over his chest, "But I will try to, it will take me a bit of time to get used to it, but I will try and move past that and trust you," My jaw tightened, feeling all out of sorts and his hand moved from my cheek and under my chin, tipping my head up to face him as I added, "But if you break that trust, you will break me," I don't understand why, but I am giving him this much power over me, "And if you do that, I am not messing around this time, Roman, I will really kill you," I wasn't teasing him as I always do, I meant it, my serious tone said that and more.

He shook his head, "I would never do that."

"Then answer me this," I said, needing answers, ones I can believe in so I can be able to take that step and trust him, "Why do you want to continue with this marriage?" I asked, "I gave you a way out, something you wanted since day one, so why, why did you choose against it?"

"It's simple," He said as he tucked my hair behind my ear, "It's because I love you, Emma."

His words were supposed to calm me, but they didn't, they pressed so tight over my chest, they made my heart run wild, beating way too fast for its own good and I shook my head, "You love the old me, the one I pretended to be all those years ago," I shook my head, "You think you can bring her back, as if she exists, she doesn't, Roman, this is me, this," I pressed my hand over my chest, "Are you sure you love this?"

He nodded, "Yes, I love the real you, the one with the knife under her pillow, and the one that keeps me on my toes twenty-four-seven, the girl that I took on her first Ferris wheel ride and the one I want to take on all of her first rides, because I know she missed on a lot growing up the way she did," He said, gazing at me with something akin to...adoration, "I love the Emma that would easily beat me up if we get in a fight," His eyebrow raised, "The one who smashed my friend's head in the men's bathroom because she understood that he abuses his wife," How the hell did he know about that?

"The same one who would do anything for her brother because she cares about people in her own weird way," He added and I just listened, needing to hear those words more than I thought possible, "The one, who with no regard to her own life went up that stairs to make sure Max was safe when they attacked us," My heart clenched so tight and his eyes dimmed, recalling that day back, "The one when I saw laying over the floor, bleeding, I knew that if anything was to happen to her, I wouldn't be okay at all."

My jaw tightened so hard, trapping emotions I can't let come forward just yet. A strangled breath left my lungs and I asked, "What if...what if I told you that this Emma might not be able to love you as much," I mumbled, "She wants to, so bad, but it's not in her hand or control, what if she was never able to give you this much love, would you still want her?"

His lips lifted up, a small smile curving his lips and he nodded, "Yeah, I don't mind," He said, "She made me a cake," He looked at the cake beside us before facing me again, a double meaning behind his words, a one I couldn't grasp now, "That's enough."

He brushed his finger over my cheek, "I just need you to be okay with being vulnerable in front of me," He said, shaking his head, "I won't use that against you, Emma, it's the total opposite, I need you to lean into me when needed, I know you are not used to it, but we can try, didn't we say it's us against the world, I need you to believe in that."

I nodded, wanting that as well, I can try, I can fight through the shackles Isaac wrapped around my heart, forcing me to be what he always wanted me to be. I don't want to be that anymore, I want to be more than just a...weapon.

"Roman, before we celebrate your birthday the way I was intending to," I said, trying to put some teasing into my tone and he smiled, "I need something from you."

He nodded, ushering me to say it, "I want you to bring me the guy who stabbed me." The one who killed my baby.

And like that, that warm sweetness started to fade from his eyes as he nodded his head, "I already did," He answered and my eyes widened, taken aback by the information, "He is in the basement, I was having my sweet time with him," He added and I pushed back every vulnerable overwhelming feeling I just experienced to the back. There is one thing I need to do, and I know once I do it, I will be able to let go of this feeling, I will finally be able to let it out.

"You didn't tell me," I pointed out, not angry or anything, just confused.

"You wanted a small break from this, so I waited until you asked yourself."

"I don't want to ruin your birthday, but I need to do this, Roman, more than you can imagine," My pulse accelerated, my blood boiling, "I need to kill him, not slowly, not...no, I just, I just need to kill him right now." I want this wall trapping my feelings behind to go away.

He nodded, "I know," He said, for some reason, understanding me.

I pulled away from him, getting up to my feet, the nerves prickling under my skin with uneasiness, tightening my stomach into a hundred different knots as I forced myself to walk through that day again, experience what I felt, fueling my anger, giving myself the power to walk downstairs and end the man.

He was a puppet of Isaac, I know. If he didn't do it, another one would've. My problem is not him, my problem is Isaac, I know that too and I need to let go of my problem. This is how. This is how I will erase him and all of his words from my mind.

I need to break myself down, for once, or else I will never be able to heal and move on.

**************

Roman's POV

She tightened her hand over mine as I unlocked the basement's metal door. Nervousness radiated off her in waves, I don't think I've ever seen Emma nervous before. But I understood what she wanted, and why she wanted it. It was crazy, but I did.

I squeezed her hand in mine as I opened the door and stepped inside, "I am right here," I whispered beside her, just assuring and she lifted her tortured gaze to mine. She nodded her head, "I know," She said, reflecting how much she needed me to just be here now.

She thinks she can't love me, but I know that what she feels for me is the same that I feel toward her. She just doesn't know how to comprehend it. She doesn't understand it, but with time, I will make her come to a sense with it all. She will drive me insane in the process, that I am sure of but who said love was for the sane.

She paused in her steps when her eyes fell on him, another one of Isaac's men, a meaningless human, his death wouldn't mean a thing, no one would miss him, no one will care, but she needed to kill him just like I needed to draw out his blood, slowly, each day over the past week, taking my revenge for the role he played in taking what was ours.

Emma let go of my hand and marched forward, a madwoman on a mission and I wanted her to do it, to kill him whichever way she pleased. It was her right to take his life, not mine. Without a word, she strode forward, throwing a hard punch over his face, shaking him back from dreamland.

Bewildered, he snapped his eyes open, in a haze as he looked around before his eyes met hers and maybe he tried to hide it, thinking he can keep his ego but I saw that fear flash in his gaze in waves. I loved that power she had, how she can make a full-grown man tremble in fear. The fact that she can handle this life and fight her own battles gets me relieved at times, but also the need to protect her, shield her far away from this is always there and I know I can never do that. I can't control or tame her down and I never will. I meant it, it's us against the world. Just me and her.

Emma snatched the ropes binding him the chair before she wrapped her hand over his shredded shirt and pulled him out to punch him and bring him down to her feet again. I saw the wild look in her eyes as she didn't stop, throwing one punch and kick after another, him helpless and groaning in pain under her assaults. She didn't even give him one second to react.

I knew deep down in her mind she was walking through that day again, making sense of it, accepting it, because she has to, or it will always hold her back.

Panting, she pulled her knife out and took her first shot, stabbing him in the stomach and twisting the knife deep in his guts. A scream erupted from his mouth and he threw his head backward. Emma knew where to aim, where to get him to feel the worst pain. She usually smiles when she hears them scream, but this was different, she wasn't enjoying this, it wasn't pleasurable for her. Not this time.

She did it again, pulling the knife out and stabbing him again, and again, and again, till I lost count and he lost his consciousness, falling into a limb dead body over the ground. The blood left him in floods but Emma didn't stop. She was nowhere ready to stop.

Growling, she stabbed him more and more, penetrating the blade through every visible part of his body, his blood tainting her hands, arms, clothes and she finally noticed that he was gone, dead. I saw it break down in her eyes at the realization. She shook her head, helpless and her next whispered words ruined me beyond measures, "It didn't bring him back."

I stumbled backward, pressing my eyes shut, and when I opened them again, she was shaking her head, staring down the man's dead body, "It didn't," She mumbled, so weak and helpless before that wire snapped off in her brain and she attacked him again. He was dead, but she continued and I knew I had to put a stop to this now.

"Emma," I said, carefully as I stepped forward but she wasn't listening to me anymore.

She groaned, mumbling something as she ruined the man's body beyond repair, "Emma, it's enough, he's dead," I added, my hand going to her arm but she violently shrugged it away.

My jaw ticked and I moved closer, I wrapped my arms around her from the back, pulling her away, stopping her, and trying to shake her out, "Emma!" I snapped, trying to penetrate through but she wasn't here with me anymore.

She groaned, panting, struggling out of my hold and the scream she let out at the end was raw, filled with pure pain that ripped my heart apart.

A pain no one person should ever be allowed to bear.

I tightened my arms around her, my hand coming to hers, taking the knife away and she let me, drained after what just happened. Her eyes were focused on the result of her actions, before they flickered to her own hands, bloodied hands, bloodied clothes, everything.

And then, for the first time ever, she broke down, she allowed herself to break down. Her shoulders shook before the gravity of her anguish pulled her under, crying out in my embrace.

"It didn't bring him back," She cried out, "It didn't, I want him back," She struggled to say through her tears, "I want him back, I want my baby back, please, I want him back..."

I can't, Emma, I can't bring him back...I really wish I can.

I held her tight, and my chin pressed over her head, my eyes pressed shut as I mumbled, "It's okay," I assured her, "It's okay. I got you."

****************

Next day...

Nikolas's POV

"Oh, wow," Natalie mumbled in awe as she twirled around, looking at my new apartment, "Now, this is what you call a house," She added, raising her eyebrow and recalling how she called my previous apartment a hideaway, not a home.

And a hideaway it was, till every fucking person knew about it.

For this one, only Alex knows, for now, my mother who is probably upstairs also knows, and now Natalie. I wanted a place, far away, where Ronald won't just come barging in any time he wanted to.

She moved closer and I pulled the extra key out of my pocket. Taking her hand in mine, I dropped it into her palm, "So, you can drop by whenever you want," I explained, and this is exactly why I need Ronald to be far away and unaware of my new address, or else...

Natalie gaped at the key in her hand before her wide eyes flickered to me, "You are...you are giving me a key? A key to your place?" She asked, for some reason, this is being a big deal for her.

My eyebrows pulled closer and I innocently nodded...did I do something wrong?

"Yeah," I scratched the side of my neck, "Why? Do you not want to?"

A big smile broke off at her lips, her head tilting to the side as she gazed at me, "You're so cute, you know that?"

Here we go again.

I shot her a glare and she chuckled, knowing how much I hated that word.

Her smile only widened and she inched closer, tiptoeing to kiss my cheek, "You never cease to surprise me, my grumpy baby," She said.

We had arrived back from New York around an hour ago, but before dropping her at her house, I wanted to show her this place first, give her a key and I guess I did right. I think I am getting better at this...relationship thing.

Natalie rested her hand over my shoulder, "Ahem, how about I stay here the night and we can test the new bed?" She asked, teaser fluttered in her tone and my eyebrow raised.

She chuckled, "I know I am all talk and no action apparently."

"I would like it if you stay," I said. I was getting used to her presence more than I should.

She nodded, her eyes gleaming, liking the idea too much, both of us not able to let go of one another, almost as if we weren't together all over the past two days, "I just need to pass by my place and check up on Massie and then, I can come back," She suggested and I couldn't understand why does she bother this much with that little monster.

I nodded, "I can take you," I started to say but she shook her head, "No, no need," She said, tiptoeing to peck my lips.

"Oh, I am sorry," At the foreign voice, Natalie pulled away from me so fast, a bit shaken up by the other presence in the house.

My mother was beside the stairs, "Uh, I just heard voices and I came to check if you came back," She mumbled ever so nervously, her eyes drifting between me and Natalie, whereas Natalie stared at my mother in utter bafflement.

"Natalie, this is my mother," I said and her wide eyes shot to me, taken aback by this and I tried not to comment on that now as I turned toward my mother, "This is Natalie, she is...my girlfriend."

"Oh," The shock radiated off her in waves before she hesitantly stepped forward, a small smile lifted her lips as she turned to Natalie, stopping at a safe distance away from her, "It's nice meeting you."

"I can't say the same," Natalie said before her eyes grew wide, "Oh god, I am sorry, I...uh, I just tend to speak without thinking."

That she always does.

My mother understood the message and backed away, her eyes on me, "I will just be upstairs," She mumbled lowly and turned away. My jaw tightened, did I actually save her by bringing her here, or am I just going to hurt her more than he did?

"I am so sorry," Natalie mumbled guiltily, "I just...I don't really like the woman."

I couldn't say a thing, just two days ago, I was feeling the same. I still am mad at her for too many things, but she needs me, and despite all, I can't ignore that now.

"It's okay," I mumbled, hefting out a tired breath from my lungs, "We can talk about it later."

She nodded and kissed my cheek another time, "Okay, I will be back in an hour or so."

************

Around half an hour later, or maybe less, a loud knock on the door startled me for a brief second. Natalie has a key, she would just open the door.

I moved closer and behind the main door, stood a very angry Alex, and behind him was what I was dreading the most. My jaw ticked and I was ready to pull my gun and fire at him, "What the hell is he doing here?" I shot out at Alex, addressing Ronald.

"Move aside before I smash your head," Alex grated out, pushing me away as he walked inside and the wild look in Ronald's eyes proved to me that...they know. They definitely know what I did.

And here I was hoping no one will know about this place. Great, just great. I will have to fucking drag him out here, alive or dead, I didn't care at the moment.

Before they could start, I pulled my phone and fired a text to Natalie, asking her to stay in her house for now, that something came up and she can come later. The last thing I need is a sibling reunion at the moment.

"What the hell did you do?" Ronald shot out, his voice strained, moving forward, ready to attack but Alex raised his arm, stopping him for now.

I shrugged, "I do a lot of things, can you specify?"

"You fucking-" He grated out, a scream threatening to leave him, "I knew it, I fucking knew it, I knew how your sick mind will do anything!" He shot out and I was giving him time to express himself before I have to deal with him my way, "In the end, you will do anything to get what you want-"

"Is it true?" Alex asked, his tone more composed than Ronald's, giving me a chance to deny this.

"Is what true?"

"Just one day, one day after I tell you about Nathan, the house Isaac has been keeping him in goes up in flames!" Ronald shot out, "It was you, wasn't it?"

"He made it out alive," I simply answered.

Ronald's eyes grew wider, "But he could've got hurt, and I am sure that's exactly what you wanted!"

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Alex shot out, his tone getting angrier as he stepped closer, "You see I always hate it when you turn into momma's boy, you always tend to go rogue when she is around."

I tried to ignore those words, the last thing I needed it is to lose it at Alex now.

"He is a fucking kid!" He snapped.

"And nothing happened to him!" I snapped back. It was just a warning to Isaac, something to get him all scared as he tries to figure out who discovered the presence of his precious heir.

"Fucking unbelievable!" Alex shot out, "What if something happened, huh?"

I didn't answer so he added, "Is this what you want? To add killing a kid to your already long list of fucked up sins?"

Here it comes.

I turned to Ronald, knowing if I started this argument with Alex, it wouldn't end well to either of us, "Nathan is apparently Isaac's only weakness, and playing dirty is the only way I know how to play," I said, "Your brother will be alive in the end, don't worry, but that doesn't mean I won't use him as a bait for the time being."

I am not a hero. I don't do good, it's not me.

It's what makes us different, I am ready to overstep that ethical line that they can't...it's the only way I can win this. I need to play with Isaac's rules, and this is one of them.

It all happened so quickly after, Ronald was about to march forward, "You sick ba-"

"Nik, I think I forgot my phone in your ca-"

Natalie was talking as she unlocked the door, but her next words hitched the second she stepped inside, her eyes flickering from me, to Alex, then falling into...her brother.

**************************************

Hey!

It was a long chapter, I hope you enjoyed it! Also, not edited, so ignore typos.

From here onward, expect things to go downhill xD
No more cute lovey dovey scenes, sorry not sorry ;)

Whatcha ya think of the chapter?
Of Nik and Nate? Young Chris?
Roman and Emma?

I love how at this point, both books are so related and are practically explaining each other xD

Don't forget to drop down your opinion :)

Also, like I promised on my insta, I will give you an off-topic belated Christmas chapter soon, I just need to get into the happy mood first xD

See ya later!
Love y'all