"I clung to your hands so that something human might exist in the chaos."

**************

Nikolas's POV

The sound of the bomb exploding was like a shock that rocked all through my body. The silence was gone and replaced with the aftermath of the attack. Everything happened in a blur. My feet acted on their own accord, and I was running toward the house.

My heart raced wildly in my chest and the second I barged in, Roman was clearing everyone else's way out. My eyes took a quick scan, they drifted from Cara to Lilly, who was tightly held in her mother's arms and my heart sank down, "Where is Alex?" I asked Cara, my voice barely audible under the pressure the explosion left.

She blinked in shock, the fact that I am here didn't seem like something she was aware of. Her gaze drifted behind her, for a mere second, checking, as her hand pressed over the back of Lilly's head, "He is getting...Max," She mumbled, the amount of fear in her eyes and voice pushed me inside after I ordered Roman to take them to a safer place.

My feet slightly faltered to a stop as I tried to focus my vision through the smoke. I glimpsed a sight of someone heading down the stairs. Sensing that it's Alex, I picked up the pace and met him halfway, my gaze first falling on the little boy crying loudly, his face buried against his chest.

"He's fine," Alex said before I could even ask, his tone proving that he couldn't grasp the thought either.

His arms tightened over the kid the slightest, his palm cradling the back of his head and trying to calm him down, "Emma was behind me," He looked back, unable to focus his sight either, "Where did she go?"

With my hand over his arm, I urged him to walk away, "Get him out of here, I will take care of the rest," I said in a hurry before I walked past him and made my way up the stairs. My fingers wrapped tighter over the gun's grip as I took careful calculated steps down the hallway. My feet hit something and my gaze flickered down to the ground, to see a man's lifeless body laying there.

An uncomfortable feeling crept up my chest and I took one step closer. The smoke was clearing out, and the first thing my eyes registered, just a few feet away from the man's body, was Emma, over the ground, and unconscious.

My eyes grew wide, my dark assumptions proven right as I rushed to her side, "Emma," I shot out in utter shock and my eyes quickly searched for her wound. My gaze went to her stomach, where blood seeped out uncontrollably. I immediately took my jacket off, and pressed it over the wound, to stop the liquid from draining out.

I wasn't the least aware of what I was feeling at the moment. In a haze, I moved, the sight beheld in front of me didn't make any sense. Emma was the last person I'd expected to get hurt. No one can outsmart her, not when it comes to this, "Emma," I mumbled again, the worry creeping my chest and filling me up with a coldness I can never get used to.

My hand moved checking her pulse and her body twitched, half here with me, and half slipping away. My arm went behind her back, trying to hold her in my arms and get her the hell out of here, but my movements had a raw whimper of pain escape her mouth and I paused right away, knowing that I was causing more damage by moving her around.

Her eyelids glided halfway open but fell down immediately, unable to stay conscious, "Hey, hey, you gonna be okay," I promised breathlessly as I pulled my phone out, dialing an ambulance, all while my hand kept pressing over the wound, trying to stop the bleeding as much as I can.

Her lips moved, she said something but I didn't hear it. Her hand weakly moved, trying to kick herself back in but she couldn't. Finishing the call, I shoved the phone away and my eyes fell into her face; it was so pale, drained and I still couldn't understand any of this; why her?

She answered my unspoken question when her hazed eyes opened midway, looking at me ever so helplessly. She placed her hand over her stomach, right beside mine, her fingers shaking. Closing her eyes, she said, a mere whisper filled with pain, "My...baby.."

What?

Her two small words knocked the breath out of my lungs and my wide eyes shot form her stomach to her face. I stared at her, horrified. I must've just heard her wrong, the whole incident is playing tricks on my mind, it can't...it can't be true.

Why didn't she tell me about this?

My mind took me back to the day just before we left. She asked me to protect her from him. She reflected a type of vulnerability I've never seen before on her. I thought she was scared for her life. But Emma doesn't get scared, no, she was only terrified for the life she was carrying.

That day, she indirectly asked me to protect that life.

And, I failed her.

Fuck, it hurts.

If only she told me before, I would've been more careful, I would've kept her out of danger's way, but I doubt she would've ever listened to me anyway.

I brushed my finger over her cold cheek, the blood in my veins roared with anger at her current state, my hand almost shook with the force of my fury. This wasn't fair.

"He will pay for this," I mumbled, knowing she didn't hear me, but I I gave her my promise nevertheless, my jaw ticking at the thought of what she lost, of what he just stole away from her.

The door in my brain, the one separating the good from the bad, I ripped it apart, letting every illogical thought I ever had clash with one another. I am done playing the role of his puppet, searching for a weakness he probably doesn't have.

He wants the monster, I am giving him the monster.

It's time to take a stand. People will get hurt, others will die. I don't care. I have those who I need to protect, and those who I can sacrifice.

He just declared war, and I am fucking ready for it.

***************

Roman's POV

Rage boiled deep down in veins as I kicked one of the fuckers down, the rest were able to escape but I caught this one at the last second. After I made sure everyone was safe as Ronald drove them away, I rushed back inside, my thoughts rather occupied with the fact that Emma didn't come out yet.

That's when I came crashing against one of Isaac's dogs. I pounded at his face before I dragged him down. My fingers tightened over his shoulder, my face leveled up with his, "Who are you after?" I shot out, unable to grasp the idea that they attacked even at my mother's house.

He coughed up blood, but still managed to sneer at me, "How's your wife?" He questioned, mockingly, "I am sure one of my friends got to her first," He added, "I was hoping to be the one though."

I felt my heart drop into my stomach at the hinting behind his words. However, I couldn't let it play over my face. My fist collided with his jaw so harshly, it sent him backward, his head slamming against the concrete and temporarily knocking him down.

Then, I ran, so fast, faster than I've ever ran before. I rushed up the stairs in hurry. I couldn't see anything, I couldn't hear anything and I couldn't get myself to feel anything. I stopped when my feet could take me no further, and stared at the blood that led to...my wife's body. Nikolas was hovered above her, his jacket wrapped around her body.

For a second, my mind just blanked out. It transferred me to a dreadful moment all those years ago, where I once thought I lost her. The memory and the scene in front of me had something in my chest...break. Falling down to my knees beside her, I didn't know what to do; My gaze on her bleeding wound, I wasn't sure what to feel.

"Roman!" Nikolas snapped at me, trying to pull me out of my head, it's almost like he said something before but I didn't listen, "I called an ambulance, they're almost here."

He repeated his words once again and I felt the pressure build up at the back of my throat. I inched closer and he backed away, giving me my place. My hand pressed over her wound, adding pressure. My eyes on the blood that seeped out and covered my fingers. I wanted to be angry, I wanted to blame her for never fucking listening to me, I wanted to march into Isaac's place and kill him on the spot...but all I could do was stare at the warm red liquid as it wrapped over my skin.

All I could do was feel the pain radiating off her unconscious body and pulsing through mine.

"She was pregnant?" Nikolas's word were more like a statement rather than a question.

I didn't look away from her, my throat bobbed heavily and I nodded my head. She looked so pale, so sick, so different from the woman I saw only a few minutes ago. I wanted to hold her, but I couldn't possibly move a muscle or cause more damage.

Instead, I leaned closer and kissed her forehead, "It's gonna be okay," I whispered against her cold skin, my hand removing her hair away from her face and it took all of my willpower to back away when the paramedics came in to take her.

***************

I waited and waited for what felt like ages. Nikolas sat at a distance, he waited here with me as well. Physically, he was present. Mentally, he seemed to be far away, his lost gaze on the floor, and he looked like he was planning something.

The urge to get up and punch him felt very appealing at the moment but I fought against it. He triggered Isaac...but that fucker would've done it anyway. Somehow, he knew. Even when we hid it from everyone, he still fucking knew.

Footsteps got closer and I turned my head to the end of the hallway, my eyes fell on Cara as she rushed forward toward me. Her wide eyes fell on my bloodied shirt but before she could ask anything, I shook my head, "It's not my blood," At the moment, I wish it was, "It's Emma's."

Her hand went to her mouth, shocked at the revelation. The worry didn't leave her eyes as she sat down by my side, her hand taking mine, and she gave it a tight squeeze, silently giving me the support I needed. Alex, on the other hand headed toward Nikolas's direction and they both talked about something.

The moment the surgeon came out, I was on my feet in a second, "How is she?" I asked.

"Your wife is fine," He replied back, his tone urging me to calm down, "They're transferring her into a private room right now," He added, his tone shifting, "We did everything we could for the child, but...I am sorry, the wound was too deep."

I knew he was gonna say that, the second I saw how much blood she lost, I figured there is no possible way...but why then did his words shock me now?

"She will be up and about in a little bit, you can see her then," He added and Cara thanked him, before he walked away.

I just ignored everyone else and walked away, heading outside for some needed fresh air, still in a maze, trying to understand what I was feeling about everything that happened today. I rested my forearms over the metallic rails, and my head hung low, my eyes pressed shut, unable to understand why I was grieving.

I felt a hand gently rest over my arm, shaking me out of my troubled thoughts and I lifted my head up, my eyes on Cara as she stood by my side, her worried gaze caressed my face, "You didn't tell me," She mumbled, not accusing or judging, just worried and concerned.

I shook my head, "We didn't tell anyone," As if that helped.

She nodded, in understatement before her gaze drifted away, looking down at the busy streets, "We never talked about this," She said, "You were always great with Lilly since the moment she was born and now the same with Max, but did you...did you want that?" She asked, pushing me to both think and talk about it, "Did you want to be a father?"

I wasn't sure how to answer that, so I stayed silent at first, gathering my thoughts together and a distant memory kicked in, "When I was younger, dad used to tell me stories," A low breath parted my mouth, "He used to talk about how he met our mother, how their life was before he was forced to get back to London," I added, a small smile lifting my lips at the recollection of his words and I looked at her, "And later on, he told me about when they had you," Her eyebrows tightened in pure sadness at the topic I was bringing up, "The way he talked about it all, it left me wanting that; wanting what they once had, I used to think that I would have it one day."

"In this chaotic world of ours, I wanted to have something peaceful like that."

I shook my head, "But then, you know what happened and when I decided to marry Emma, I just threw that thought out of the window; having a family with her wasn't an option," I added, I wasn't much of a talker when it came to what I felt, but I appreciated the fact that at least I had Cara to lean into in a situation like this, "As much as it was not planned and not exactly the way either of us wanted it to be, but...I was getting excited for it each day," I rubbed a hand over my throat, blunting the ache scratching at its insides, "It still felt right even when the whole situation is wrong, it felt like I could still have what I wanted," My throat bobbed, swallowing past the ache that something was stolen from me, "I started planning the future and what we'll do, how we'll manage everything, so yeah," I answered her question, "I wanted to be a father."

Cara wrapped her arm around my back and leaned into me, her head pressing over my arm, "I am so sorry," She said and I placed my arm over her shoulder. She looked up at me, "But now, at least you know what you want, Roman, and one day again, you will have it," I began to shake my head but she interrupted, "The important thing though at this moment is that you need to go and be at your wife's side," She said, so seriously, "You gonna put everything about her behind and you will be there for her."

"God knows how much I hated Emma before, but that woman inside just got attacked, and she lost something big, it's not easy Roman, so don't you dare blame her," I wanted to, I wanted to be angry at her but just couldn't, "You need to help her mourn this."

She doesn't know my wife.

"Emma isn't the crying mourning type," I said.

Cara slapped my arm lightly, scolding me and I shot her a glare, "No matter what type of person she is or was before, her baby was stolen from her now, so, one way or another, she will mourn it in the end, and if you weren't there for her at the time, who will be?"

"And don't pull on me the whole marriage-on-paper crap," She added, noticing the look in my eyes, "You two were going to be parents, so whether you love her or not, it's your duty as her husband to stand by her side in this, because believe me, as much as this is hurting you right now," She stressed out, "It's gonna hurt her ten times more."

She ended her words there when her phone rang, she glanced at me and I nodded, assuring her I won't fuck this up more than it is. She walked away and it felt like hours before I found the will to walk back inside as well. I asked the nurse for her room and stood by the door for a couple of minutes before I was able to walk inside.

To my surprise, Emma was sitting up, but she looked so dazed, like a total different person. She didn't look my side yet and when I closed the door behind me, she almost jumped, startled as her eyes met mine.

They were just...empty.

No tears, no emotions. Nothing. Just blank. Taking a seat beside her, my gaze never left her face, trying to study her, to read the energy vibrating off her and trying for once to understand this woman. She only kept silent and this was the first time ever that I hated her lack of words.

"Aren't you going to say it?" She whispered, her gaze on the window not on me.

"Say what?"

"That it was my fault. That I killed ou...your child. That maybe it was for the best." She looked so exhausted, as if she had gone to war and came back, defeated, "That I would've been a terrible mother anyway."

I began to shake my head but she wan't done, "That neither of us wanted this baby to begin with," She turned to me, her gaze daring, because even in this, she wouldn't show me her weak side, "Say it, Roman, come on. Say I told you so," Her jaw ticked, and finally a flicker of emotions passed through the green of her eyes, "Say that you're relieved nothing binds you to me anymore."

"Emma, it wasn't your fault," I stressed out, trying to reason with her, "And no, you would've not been a terrible mother," I saw her fear, her will to protect the life growing inside of her. Maybe she wasn't ready, but I doubt she would've been terrible.

My innocent words didn't settle well with her and her jaw clenched so tight, "Don't you dare play the pity card on me!"

"Seriously?" I let out a low sigh, "Is this really how you are gonna deal with this?" My eyebrow raised, staring at her in disbelief, "Is this how you express your pain, Emma?"

"Don't tell me how to deal with my feelings, Roman," She grated out, her fingers twisting the white sheets with her deathly grip, trapping inside everything she didn't want to face.

It wasn't till then that I realized something; she wasn't running away from facing it, no, she just didn't know how to.

I left the seat and stopped right by the bed, "Do you even deal with your feelings?" I questioned, triggering her for her very own sake, teaching her, "We just lost something, Emma, and god, it's taking everything in me to stand still on my feet right now," I pushed her to the limit, "So, don't turn this around, don't pretend that it's not affecting you, don't act as if nothing can bring the mighty Emma down!"

"Get out," She grated out, her eyes wide as if scared if she blinked, the world would collapse.

I shook my head, "Where will I go," I questioned, "Who is going to understand this fucking rage and pain I am feeling right now but you?"

Air harshly pushed out of her lungs, she was panting, fighting a battle deep down, "I said, get out," She stressed out again, her voice edging, and I knew I had to give her one more push.

I scoffed, "You know what, maybe you are right after all," I said and sensed the shift in her expression, "Seeing the way you are treating this now, you probably would've been a terrible mother-"

Before I could carry on the rest of the sentence, she pushed her sick body out of the bed, angrily marching on me, her fingers wrapped over my shirt's collar so tight, pulling me to her, "What the fuck do you want from me!" She snapped, her voice bellowed and pushed against the four walls, filled with so much pain she had buried years and years ago, her eyes raging, boiling, the red lines in them more prominent than the white.

I brought my hand to her face, it gently rested over her cheek, "I want you to breathe, Emma, can you do that?" I said, my voice dropping low as I gazed at her teetering right on the edge.

Her fingers shook over my collar, her whole body shaking with so much anger and rage. My thumb caressed her soft skin, "Just breathe," She blinked before a stuttered breath left her mouth, almost taking all of her energy along with it.

I wrapped my arm around her waist, anchoring her to me, "I want you to know that I am here," I whispered and she fisted my shirt, her eyes on my chest, unable to meet my gaze now, "That I am not going anywhere, ever, that you are not alone," I assured her this when we were going to have the baby. I felt the need to assure it to her now as well, because Cara was right; it's my duty.

Her gaze flickered up and silently she gazed at my eyes, still no tears, but I had a feeling she was starting to deal with us, a wave of emotions pushed and pulled at her expression. I just guess tears really aren't her thing.

My head edged forward, my forehead pressed over hers and I assured her, "You are and will be a great mother, Emma, not a terrible one, never," She stared at me in a way she never did before, almost as if she thought she was dreaming, "What happened was not your fault," I added and my jaw clenched, "It's Isaac's fault only."

At my words, she let her eyelids glide down for a second or two, gathering her strength, her emotions and herself before she opened them again, her hand tightened more over my shirt, "He killed our baby," She mumbled, the weakness in her voice is something I wished never to hear again.

"And he will pay for it with his life."

She nodded, her gaze a bit defeated but still, behind the shock and the exhaustion, the fearless Emma, the crazy one, the wicked one was still there, she just needed a break, a couple of minutes only.

"I will rip his heart out," She said, her voice still low and tired, her promise so contradictive to the softness it came out with, "So he can know what it feels like."

I nodded, "I know you will," I know what she is capable of, "But how about for now, you just rest," I added as I carefully pulled her back to the bed. She could barely balance herself on her feet and the second she settled down on the bed, I pulled the blanket over her body.

"Do you need anything?" I asked and her eyes flickered up to me, silently telling me that what she needed...it was gone.

She nodded her head, "You," She said, "Stay."

I didn't need her to say more. I sat down on the bed's edge and she moved to my side, resting her head over my lap. My hand fell into her hair, I tucked it away from her face and my chest tightened when I saw her hand pressed against her stomach, holding into whatever was left.

"You said if I get hurt, you will kill me," She said, her voice getting weaker, and her eyes dropping closed.

I ran my hand through her soft hair, soothing her, "I am sure in the end, one of us is gonna kill the other."

She nodded her head, slowly drifting to sleep, the aftermath of today's event draining her beyond measures, "It will be me," She mumbled.

My eyes were focused on her hand, how it stayed pressed over her belly like she was used to before, how her thumb stroked over the thin fabric and I swallowed past the rock lodging my throat. Fuck, it was hard. So hard to keep it together. I could feel it choking me, scratching at the back of my throat. I could feel it creep up to my eyes, burning them.

I leaned down and my lips lightly pressed against her temple, "Yeah, it will be you," I addressed her previous words, but she was fast asleep as my hand went and rested right above hers, "You're stronger than me."

For the first time, I didn't hate that fact. I wanted her strength, I wanted everything she is. I wanted her to stand by my side as we both avenge what we just lost.

**************

Nikolas's POV

I waited for Roman to get the fuck out of the room, so I can go inside and see Emma. Talk with her about what just happened, check on her, and fucking apologize for failing to do the one thing she asked from me.

But the fucker wasn't planning on leaving her side anytime soon.

My eyes went to the other end of the room when I heard some noises, they fell on Roman's mother as she just arrived to Cara's side. Alex got a call a few seconds ago, he walked away to answer it and even though the waiting hall was big enough, I could clearly see Cara shift uncomfortably in her seat. I am sure if this wasn't related to her brother and serious enough, she would've not accepted for us to be in the same confined space.

I can feel the hostile energy coming off her from miles away.

My gaze drifted from her mother to the little girl she was holding up close, "Max is asleep, but she didn't stop crying, so I brought her with me," I heard her say and when I looked at Lilly's face, at the sight of her teary eyes and red cheeks, my heart broke a little bit more.

Cara crouched down by her side, and she cupped her face, wiping those tears away as she tried to sooth and calm her down. I wanted to get up and walk away, not wanting her to notice my presence now, it wasn't something Cara was a fan of, but my attempt to be discrete failed when Lilly turned her head, her teary eyes falling on me.

"Daddy," She called for me with a sniff, her tone so sad I just couldn't ignore.

She was about to run off to my side but Cara's hand tightened over her shoulder, stopping her movement. Her jaw clenched and her eyelids glided down for a second, controlling herself before she let Lilly go, placing her daughter's comfort over her own.

And I couldn't hate myself anymore. I couldn't not feel like shit when she despised my presence so much. I didn't want to be the reason behind her discomfort any longer than I was but what the fuck am I supposed to do when situations like these forces us to be under the same roof again?

Lilly scurried toward me, her little arms wrapping around my leg and I crouched down immediately, leveling myself with her, "What's wrong?" I asked, the concern cutting lines over my forehead as my hand rested over her cheek, and tried to kick those tears away.

She sniffled, "A bomb," She said, fear in her voice, the previous events affecting her, "I'm scared."

For god's sake, why is it that everything I get close to gets ruined?

Even this little girl that I love more than anything; I can't manage to keep her shielded away from this fucked up world.

She brought her fist to rub at her eyes and I pulled her closer to me, hugging her small terrified body, "Don't be scared," I pulled back and tucked her hair away from her face, "You're safe, okay? I would never," I shook my head, "I would never let anything happen to you."

She sniffled, a stuttered breath leaving her chest and she nodded, believing in my words.

I cupped her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead, filling my lungs with her sweet scent, needing her to clear the darkness in my mind more than she needed me now.

"Daddy," She added again, still using that word even though I asked her not to.

"Yeah?"

She wiped at her nose, "I want ice cream."

Her words had me chuckling, "Even now, that's the first thing on your mind?"

She nodded her head before she gave me a small smile, trying to bribe me with her cuteness, "You love me?"

I nodded, "More than anything."

Her smile widened, her tears long forgotten, "Then, let's go," She said, offering me her small hand.

"How about you go and ask your mom first," I suggested, feeling Cara's dissatisfied gaze on us.

Lilly turned around and before she could ask anything, Cara shook her head, "Wait for your dad, and he can take you, okay?" She said, her tone strict.

Lilly's eyebrows pulled closer, not satisfied with her refusal and she pointed at me, "But, also daddy-"

"How many time I am gonna tell you, Lilly, he's not your father!" Her frustration with me seeped out within her words.

"I know," Lilly said, pouting and crossed her arms over chest. Her little shoulders slumped down in sadness as she mumbled, "Don't shout on me."

Cara stroked her cheek and guilty said, "I wasn't shouting at you, baby, I am sorry," She inched closer and kissed her cheek, "Let's just wait for dad, okay?"

Lilly nodded before she turned her head to me, her gaze so sad and I gave her a wink, shaking her out and lightening her mood. She returned my smile and blinked both her eyes, still failing to give me a wink back.

My eyes went from her to Cara and I found myself saying, defending the obvious, "You know I would never hurt her."

Cara's head whipped to me, taken aback with the fact that I dared to speak, "Don't you see it?" She said, her eyebrows pulled closer, blame and blatant accusation echoed in her words, "Look around you, look at where we are," She added, her gaze going around the hospital's hallway, "Everyone around you, Nikolas, everything you touch," She grated out, "Dies."

Her words hit too close to what I've been thinking about since I saw Emma laying down in her own blood, "I am not scared of you," She said, her tone hard and not wavering, "I am scared of the darkness you bring along with you."

My jaw clenched tight and I took a couple of steps backward, hating the fact that I couldn't defend that part. She was the only one who saw me for who I really am. Alex sees me as his brother, that sometimes he looks past everything else for my sake. Emma sees me as someone who can save her from this darkness, and she could care less about the rest. Natalie sees me as a victim, only because I keep her at an arm length, not allowing her to dig more. And Isaac, he sees me as the crazy kid I once was.

Cara, she was the one who saw my worse. She knows the monster, she met him face to face, she lived with him and I don't think she will ever see me as anything but that.

The fucked part is, I don't blame her, she is right.

Finally, Roman left the room and I took that as my cue to escape from this. I didn't have the energy to reply back or have her add more guilt into my already stuffed package. I pressed my eyes shut, my jaw tightening before I opened the door and got inside, dealing yet with another guilt.

Emma was sitting down and her eyes flickered to me when I stepped in. I froze there for a second, noticing how none of this could ever fit her; not the hospital bed, not the sick pale skin, not being stabbed and hurt. This wasn't her, this was never supposed to be her.

"Can you scare them to let me leave?" She said, breaking the silence, "I guess like you, I also can't stand hospitals," She added, looking around her surroundings in utter distaste.

I didn't address her words, I didn't hear a thing. I was still trying to make my peace with this and miserably failing. So, I acted on instinct, it's what Natalie taught me to do in a way, to just follow my instinct when at loss of what to do.

I walked toward the bed and sat by the edge, my arms went around her frail body and pulled her closer, hugging my little sister for the second time in my life. My eyes pressed shut as I pressed my chin over her head, the words scratched my throat as I let them tumble out, "I am so sorry."

Her body tensed up and her lost dazed gaze flickered up to me, unable to understand. I shook my head again, "I am sorry for being such a shitty brother," I added.

She blinked and her throat bobbed heavily, swallowing hard, "Why didn't you tell me, Emma?" I asked, not accusing, just regretful that I didn't get to know about this before.

She shook her head, helplessly, "I just thought that if more people knew, it would be easier for Isaac to know," Her gaze drifted down, "That doesn't matter now, anyway."

Instead of pulling away from me, she only leaned closer into my embrace, the side of her head rested over my chest and I kept my arm around her back as I internally vowed, to bring the man who did this and hand him to her. She can rip him to pieces herself.

As for Isaac, when his end comes, I will make sure she takes her part form him as well.

Her hand fisted over my shirt, desperately trying to hold into anything and not break apart; like me, she lacked that part in her brain that knows how to deal with emotions as strong as these, "He had a heartbeat, Nikolas," She mumbled, "I am never gonna feel that heartbeat again, am I?"

She left me speechless, and a curl of anguish twisted my chest into the tightest knot. I tightened my arm around her, and she didn't pull away, instead, it seemed like she found a bit of comfort, that she felt safe.

"Nikolas," She said, her voice was Emma's voice, but it definitely didn't sound like her.

"Yeah?"

"Can I say something?"

"Yeah sure."

"If you really like Natalie, don't bring her into this life," She said, "We had ruined so many lives before," Her words had me tensing up, "Karma has a way of coming back and hurting those around us in the same exact way."

She pulled away from me, "What happened today, it's all my fault."

I shook my head, "Emma, it's not-"

She nodded, "Yeah, yeah, it is," She gulped down, "I will tell you something, but please don't tell anyone," She started, "Back when I was at the HEX, they gave me a mission, to kill some man," Her jaw tightened, "So, I bombed his car and all," She carried on, "A target is just a target, you don't get to know anything about them," I didn't know Emma was battling with her guilt inside till this moment, till I felt her expression mirroring my own, "So, I definitely didn't know that his wife, his pregnant wife was gonna get into the car with him."

Her eyes twitched, fighting her tears, "Guess what," She said, "The man made it out alive, but he lost his wife and baby, so yeah," She smiled, mocking herself, "Yeah, I deserve this," She nodded, "I deserve much worse."

"What I did to that family, I did it now to my own," She added, her voice choked, "What I did to that man, I did it to Roman and to myself."

"Emma, don't say that, you were forced, you didn't know."

"I still killed them," She shot out, shaking her head furiously, "I killed an innocent woman and her...her baby."

She pressed a hand against her chest, "I killed an innocent baby."

"You wanna talk about monsters, Nikolas," A lone tear escaped her eye and scrolled down, "I am no better than Isaac, I am a monster too."

*****************

Emma's words should've kept me away, instead, they sent me back here again, back where I am not supposed to be. I checked the time to see it very late but I still found myself knocking on her house and hoping she is awake.

Before I could dwell more on the possibility, the door got opened right away, almost like she was waiting. Her concerned gaze fell on my face, it drifted down, taking all of me in. She froze when she noticed the blood over my shirt. I didn't even change yet, I just left the hospital and found myself here.

Her hand wrapped over my wrist and pulled me inside before she closed the door, "Are you okay?" She asked in panic as her hand reached for my chest but she stopped herself midway and pulled back, her hand fisting as she sticked to the boundaries I've made around myself.

I nodded, "It's not my blood."

That didn't make her any relieved, sadness twitched her eyebrows, "Did someone get hurt?"

I nodded, "You remember my sister?"

"Emma, right?"

I nodded, "She was attacked and uh-" I rushed a hand over my face, "She was pregnant, so, she lost...the baby."

"Oh god," Natalie gasped, and her hand pressed over her mouth, unable to hide her shock, "How is she, now?"

"Physically, okay," I answered, "Mentally, not too much." Our conversation died there when Roman walked into the room. She immediately turned herself off, closing the whole subject.

Natalie nodded, utter sadness and worry darkening her soft eyes, "I know, I've had some patients who had been through that," She shook her head, "It's not easy. Some can handle it, but it could wreck others."

The way Emma talked in the end, I have a feeling it will wreck her beyond measure.

"If she would accept, I can talk with her," Natalie suggested and I shook my head, "I don't think she would, she is more like me in that sense."

"I had a very bad feeling all day," Natalie said, lines etching between her eyebrow, "I couldn't sleep, and I was hoping you would drop by-" Her eyes fell back on my bloodied shirt and she shook her head, "Come with me, you need to change," Her hand wrapped over my wrist again pulling me, "And maybe take a shower, you need to freshen up and relax a little-"

I paused, stopping her and shaking my head, "I can do that at my place, I just wanted to drop by like you asked me to."

"No, Nikolas, you're staying here," She insisted, very serious, "I am not letting you be alone, not when you're like this."

My eyebrows pulled closer, "I am fine."

She gave me a knowing look, like she could read all in between the lines, "No, you are not, you're blaming yourself for what happened, I know you."

"Natali-"

"Nikolas, you're staying here, no arguments, okay," She stressed out, not taking no for an answer and using that scary tone of hers.

"Come with me," She ordered and for some reason, I listened, because deep down, needing to be with her after such a chaotic day, "I kept dad's old clothes here, we can find something that can fit you," She added as she turned on the light to the guest room and opened the closet, rampaging through the clothes before she pulled something out, "This is good, I guess."

She placed them over the bed before her eyes fell back on me; she walked closer, "Take that off, I can wash the blood from it, and I think it will be dry in the morn-"

"Why are you doing this?" I asked.

Her eyes shot to my face, "Do what?"

"Taking...care of me?"

Her eyebrow raised, "If I didn't, who will?" She questioned, "Will you?" She shook her head, "Of course not, I know you, so, since you won't take care of yourself, that's my job form now on, also, can you just stop talking," She definitely isn't aware that she is the one talking non-stop, "I am already on my nerves since you came here this morning," She inched closer and started unbuttoning my shirt, "I kept thinking about the worst scenarios possible all day," She carried on, letting it out, her eyes focused on my shirt only, busy unbuttoning it, "When it got late and you didn't drop by, I...I just, I thought-" She shook her head, shaking the thought away.

"And now....the news about your sister isn't doing me any good and I just," she let out a frustrated groan, "I just don't know what to do!"

I wrapped my hand over hers, pausing her movement and grabbing her eyes to me, "You can calm down," I suggested.

She breathed out a loud breath, "I am sorry," She mumbled, guiltily, "I am just worried," She shook her head, "The way you live your life, it's just nervewrecking!"

I know, which is why you can never be part of it.
Her eyes drifted to my chest, to what laid beneath the bloodied shirt, a mess even more prominent. Her frustration long forgotten and her eyebrows quenched in sadness before her soft gaze flickered up to mine, almost as if taking permission. I just didn't say a thing. I couldn't accept nor deny her anything.

She took my silence as a step forward and she slowly brought her hand up, hesitant and scared.

The second her fingers touched my chest, tracing the first scar I ever got, I immediately flinched, internally wincing. No, of course they don't hurt after all these years, but when someone touches them, it does something to me.

It felt like needles prickling under my skin, like a wildfire rapidly eating up at my inside and I couldn't handle more. My hand shot to hers, wrapping over it tightly and stopping her movement. She didn't move or budge, instead she kept her gaze on them, "Why did they do this to you?" Her words came out chocked before her tear-filled eyes flickered up to mine.

The hurt in her gaze pained me more than whatever wound these scars came from. I edged forward, my hand leaving hers and it rested over her cheek, "Don't cry, Natalie," I grated out, "Believe me, I am not the man you think I am."

She shook her head, "It doesn't matter," She sniffled, "Can I...can I just steal you and hide you away from all these people who keeps hurting you?"

I smiled at her innocence and with my thumb I brushed the few tears that fell away, "What if I told you that you should never be kept alone with a monster like me?"

Just like they said; everything I get closer to, I ruin. One way or another, I would end up ruining her.

"I would tell you that I know you need to be a monster in that world of yours to survive, but with me," She shook her head, "You would never be that."

"I trust you," She added.

"Maybe you shouldn't." You wouldn't, if you learned the whole truth.

"No, I do, and I will, but you-" She shook her head, furious, "Why won't you just let me in, Nikolas?"

"Because," I said, "I am too insane to explain, and you...you're too normal to understand."

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Excuse any typos or errors, Imma update and head to sleep *yawns*

What's your thoughts on the chapter?
On Emma and Roman?
On Nik? Natalie?

See ya next chapter, hopefully also soon.

Also, a big happy birthday to PoojaSharma782 and a belated happy birthday to authentic-writes 🥳🎉🎊

Love ya all!