"I fear no monsters,
for no monsters I see.
Because all this time
the monster has been me."

********************

Natalie's POV

I don't understand him.

I really don't.

I don't think I will ever be able to.

It's reason number one why I am pulled toward him like this. He intrigues me. He keeps surprising me. Keeps me on my toes...keeps me guessing. He pulls me in one second and pushes me away the next.

He is a very dangerous territory, a one I am willingly stepping into without any guard.

He opened the car's door for me and I whispered a low thank you as I got inside. He joined me seconds later and roared the engine to life. Pure joy danced in my stomach and my fingers wrapped over the seatbelt, fixing it and that's when I noticed the one lone red rose laying between our seats. My eyebrows pulled closer and I lifted my eyes to him, my gaze questioning.

He sighed, "Alex said I should bring you flowers or something," He mumbled.

I stared back at his amused, "You're taking dating advice from Alex?"

He shrugged, "Well, he seems to know his way around."

I resisted the urge to smile as he carried on, "Anyway when I went, the shop was closing up, since it's already late," He rubbed a nervous hand over the back of his neck, like this is the last thing he wanted to talk about, "This was the only thing left, and I totally forgot that I am supposed to give it to you."

The corner of my lips lifted up and I took the red rose into my hand and brought it closer to my nose, "I am not much of a flower girl, but," I took into its beautiful scent before I turned to him, "But this is just so sweet, I love it," It's not the flower, it's this tall dangerous man who actually went to a shop and tried to get me flowers, I could only imagine his frustration and nervousness as he did this simple small gesture.

My heart lurched in my chest, amazed by the vast difference between yesterday and today.

Just one day ago, he practically kicked me from his house, took me back to mine, and exposed a vulnerable, very tired side of him. And now, here he is, barging into my office, asking me out and bringing me flowers.

Can you blame me if I went on and fell in love with this human?

I am already drooling all over him and then he comes, all nervous and cute, asking me out for dinner. Oh god, if he knows I call him cute in my head, he most probably would use that gun and actually kill me.

You see, it's these two sides of him, so contradictive, so opposing, so addicting and thrilling.

So very messed up, Natalie. The logical side of my brain argued and I silenced its voice.

Nikolas pulled into the street and I let out a low breath as I leaned comfortably into my seat. As he said, tonight is just about tonight, "You said the house felt empty without me," I recalled back, my tone teasing, and my eyebrow raised, "Is it actually, or were you just sweet-talking me so I go out with you?"

He had one hand over the steering wheel, his gaze went to me and he nodded, "Yeah, there wasn't anyone to annoy me with every passing second," He mumbled, ever so casually and I shot him a glare, "And he is back!"

He cracked a smile, "I wasn't complaining," He remarked and my eyes narrowed at him, "So, you like me annoying you?"

He shrugged and I added, "Don't intrigue me, or else I would keep annoying you for the rest of your life," The words left my mouth quickly and I almost winced...rest of his life, seriously Natalie? Too much for tonight being just about tonight.

My words had him looking at me again, he didn't react devastatingly to my word as I expected, instead, he nodded his head, "Like I said, I won't complain."

Oh god, he really wants me to faint tonight.

"So, you're still going to London tomorrow?" I asked, fishing for a way to change the subject.

He nodded and I tried not to look too disappointed, "But, this time it's different."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean I am going to finish this, once and for all," He said, determination flared in his tone and relief rushed through my chest as I added, "So, you will be coming back?"

He nodded, "I am hoping I will be able to."

I smiled and assured him, "You will," I said, relieved that he decided to fight still, "I am sure in the end that lame excuse of a father you have will get what he deserves."

My words had his grip tightening over the steering wheel, the mentioning of his father angers him so I immediately said, "Anyway, let's not talk about that, let me ask another important thing," My eyes narrowed at him, "Why me?"

Confusion cut lines over his forehead, "What do you mean?"

I shrugged, "You could've spent this one last normal night with anyone, so why me?"

He shook his head, "It's not about spending one last normal night," He explained, "It's about spending it...with you."

I gulped down and sank further into my seat, "Oh god, you're gonna kill me tonight, aren't you?"

"What?" He is so confused.

"Not with the gun," I pointed out, "But with your words, I might end up having a heart attack," I pressed my hand over my chest, "I am not used to this you."

When I looked back at him, his eyebrows pulled closer, "Is that a...good thing?"

I nodded, "Believe me, it's both good and bad." Good, because I already like you too much. Bad, because you're leaving and I don't know if I'll ever see you again.

A couple of minutes later of me trying to make small conversations that won't end up with my heart bursting out of my chest, the car slowed down as we neared our destination. Nikolas went down and handed the key to the valley before he circled around and opened the door for me. He offered me his hand and I gladly took it. His warm big hand engulfed mine as I stepped out, "Thank god you are not wearing heels this time," he commented, amused, and recalling our last attempt of having a date.

I chuckled lowly before I looked down at myself, "I wish you told me though, I would've prepared myself more, put on some makeup, or fixed my hair or something," I added and he shook his head, "You don't need to," He said, his gaze on my face, his eyes so alive - green and deep, like moving rivers.

I tried not to blush under his intense gaze and flipped my hair back casually, "Natural beauty, I know," I added, proudly, just trying to lighten the mood.

His smile was there, his eyebrow raised playfully and he shook his head, "Except the hair."

My mouth gaped open, "What do you have against my hair!" I whined.

He gave me no answer as he placed his hand over my lower back and gently pulled me with him to the restaurant's entrance. Air harshly pushed out of my nose, "You really love annoying me, don't you?"

He turned his head to me, now at a very close proximity, and I could smell him, just him. Among all the mingled scents, it's just Nikolas in my lungs now, in every breath, he smelt like a fresh breath of air, of aftershave, of soap, and of something entirely intoxicating, "Are you complaining?" He asked, amused, his voice low or maybe I just stopped hearing properly.

I shook my head, "No, I am not," My voice came out low, and my heart took on a faster pace; Nikolas's presence, his gleaming gaze, his lips, and the memory of how they taste, his scent...all-consuming me into a whirlwind of excitement and thrill.

It unnerves me and soothes me altogether.

My gaze drifted to the restaurant's name and I smiled when my eyes recognized the name as Italian, "Italian restaurant, huh?"

"You said you like things Italian," He said innocently, but nothing about his words was innocent; was he doing this on purpose?

I nodded, "I do, the wine you suggested was really good."

"Then, you will like this as well," He said and we stepped inside.

The hostess greeted us with a big wide smile, "Welcome Mr. Viarchi," She said, her tone all cheerful and professional, and at the same time, guarded, "Your table is ready, Sir," She added, leading the way.

Is he a usual customer here because she immediately recognized him...I mean come on, who wouldn't? He's got the presence that could stand out in any crowd. Even now as we walked by the tables, everyone's gaze was on him only. I don't blame them, but still, my stomach aches with unfamiliar possessiveness.

He's wearing his black suit with ease, those black slacks covering his long legs and a white shirt that milds perfectly to his chest. His hair black and silky, a bit shorter on the sides and a little more generous and playful at the top, slicked back today to reveal his smooth forehead and chiseled breathtaking features.

"Natalie?" A familiar voice said from behind me, breaking my gaze from admiring Nikolas and I turned around, startled as my eyes fell onto the source, "Malcolm!" I said, a bit surprised, and a smile curved my lips when he stood up from his seat and walked closer, "Hey, it's been a while," He said, a sweet smile curving his lips.

Malcolm is Sarah's brother, Sarah is both the receptionist at our building and my best friend since ever. She tried to set me up with her brother once, but it didn't work out. Even though she told me he liked me, I always saw him as a friend, not more.

He wasn't my type.

You know why...because he was the perfect boy next door. All sweet. All good. The type of guy to bring home to meet my parents, the one my mom would've wanted me to end up with. The one my over-protective dad would approve of without much thinking.

The one who would give me a safe home and a happy family.

Instead, I am here having dinner, crushing and melting over the man, who since I met him, I've been chased down, had a gun pointed at me, and threatened to be killed on more than one occasion. A man who is leaving, who kills and pretty much enjoys it, who would never open himself fully to me, who will always keep parts of himself hidden and untouchable.

Yet, I'd still choose Nikolas's company over Malcolm's in a blink. But there was no choice to be made anyway. Nikolas is leaving. Tonight is just about...tonight.

I will probably just be spending the rest of my life with someone like Malcolm, who doesn't spark my interest nor ignite this fire and thrill in my chest the way Nikolas does. No one ever did before, because this is my type of sickness. I love this, I love the danger Nikolas brings along with him. I love the mysterious aura he carries around. I love his secrets and his puzzled mind. I love working my way through till I unravel everything there is about him.

But if I do, what would be left, then?

I zoned back in when Malcolm leaned closer, probably going for a hug because I haven't seen him in a while, and the moment I stepped forward, I was immediately pulled back, Nikolas's hand over my waist tightened the slightest bit. The interrupted hug had Malcolm's eyes drifting to Nikolas, "Uh hey," He said, forcing on a smile as he sensed the hostility radiating off him in waves, "I am Malcolm," He said, politely introducing himself.

Nikolas's gaze didn't waver and he effortlessly said, "And I don't care," My eyes widened, "Excuse us, but our table is waiting," He stressed out with fake polite words, his tone steady and clear as he turned around, pulling me alongside him. I gulped down and waved a quick bye to a very flustered Malcolm as we made our way to the outdoor part of the restaurant.

"What was that?" I hissed at him.

His jaw ticked, "Who was that?"

"A friend," I remarked, raising a very unsatisfied eyebrow.

He scoffed, not satisfied with my answer and I was too shocked and angry to realize that we have reached our table. My eyes flickered from him to the beautiful exterior decor of the restaurant and I forgot all about what just happened. It wasn't anything too fancy, the opposite actually, the sparkling, lantern-lit outdoor dining area felt cozy and warm.

Our table was beside the massive tree planted in the middle, all types, and sizes of lanterns hanging from it, illuminating the whole area. I looked around amused by the simplicity yet the elegance of it. I love simple.

When I looked at Nikolas ahead of me, his stare was already on me, his eyes greener than ever. I tried not to be too affected by its intensity but my stomach contracted, so did my throat. I nervously fidgeted with my bracelet and questioned, "Why is there no one out here?" I asked, noticing the many empty tables.

He didn't answer, per usual.

I sighed, "You didn't book the whole outdoor area for us, did you?" My question was meant to be sarcastic but when he didn't answer again, he proved me right. Wow, too much for simple.

"You didn't have to," I added, "It's good that I did," He said, the muscles of his jaw worked, "Or else Mr. friend would be sitting beside us now."

I gaped at him, "Why does it bother you?"

He opened his mouth to answer but he stopped, he rushed a hand over his hair and shook his head, "I don't know."

I hate it to admit it, but deep down the girl in me liked the fact that he is bothered by Malcolm, "Okay, last time we went out, we bumped into your ex and had your mood ruined," I recalled back our fake date, "This time it's on me, so let's just ignore what happened and eat, because I am starving!"

And I don't want this night to be ruined.

His jaw ticked again but he nodded nevertheless, agreeing, because tonight I am just a girl and he is just a guy. I am just Natalie, and he is just Nikolas. No more, no less.

After giving the menu all of my undivided attention, we ordered our food and I impatiently waited for it to arrive. The screen of his phone lightened up, signaling a new message, and involuntary, my gaze fell on it. An immediate smile came back to my lips as I saw the picture of the little girl as his wallpaper, "This must be Lilly," I commented.

Nikolas followed my gaze and when his eyes fell on his phone, he smiled, almost instantly, "She had my phone with her all day and placed her picture as the wallpaper," His voice was soft and my heart warmed up at the breathless look in the green of his eyes, gone all the anger from before and they were so warm now; would he ever look at me with such warmness?

"I couldn't have it in me to change it," He added and my stomach flipped by this soft side of him.

See, how can I not be pulled toward everything this man is?

I overstepped my limits and my hand went to his phone, turning it around so I can see the picture more clearly, "She is so cute," I said, awed by her adorableness. My head tilted, gazing at her features before I looked back at Nikolas, "She does have a bit of Alex in her."

He nodded, "She does."

I placed the phone back in its place and even though we said we are not gonna talk about it, I couldn't help but ask, "What changed your mind?"

He pulled into a deep breath, "Alex," he said then nodded toward the phone, "This little girl," He said, "There are people in my life that I need to fight for," He said, "I can't give up just yet."

I couldn't be more relieved hearing those words. I've been worrying about him, about what will happen once he goes there, but something tells me if Nikolas decided to fight, the one opposing him won't stand a chance.

I leaned forward and rested my arms over the table, "I really admire what you and Alex have," A strange bitter feeling pressed against my chest and it ached, "To be honest, I am also a bit jealous of it," My smile slowly dropped down, "Because I used to have that with my brother."

My words had him leaning forward as well, my words spiking his interest, "Natalie, I should tell you something," He said, something akin to worry flashed in his eyes, "I've been trying to look for your brother," His words had my fingers curling into a fist, unnerving me, "If you give me more information, I think I can find him."

I know his intentions are innocent behind this but I immediately shook my head, "No," My refusal came out fast and loud. My jaw tightened, "I told you before, I don't want to find him, so please, just don't...don't look for him."

It's the last thing I need.

His eyes held mine for a couple of seconds, searching for something before he nodded his head, "Well, if it makes you feel any better, Alex and I weren't always like this," He said, triggering the part of my brain that's so keen on finishing the puzzle that is Nikolas.

"You weren't?" He did say he had hurt him before, but it just doesn't make sense.

He shook his head, "No, we didn't grow up together," He said, for the very first time giving me the information I didn't ask for, he was just trying to divert my mind away from the conversation that included my brother, "I didn't see him till my uncle took me," He added and his words did make sense as I am now more aware of his messed-up family tree.

"Then, how did you two become close like this?"

"Believe me when I say, it's all Alex," He said, half-smiling at the thought.

I mirrored his smile, "Well, if it wasn't for him, you would've not come to me, right?" It feels strange that just a couple of months ago, he walked into my office, all dangerous, consuming, and refusing any help.

And now here we are, having dinner outside, like any two normal people.

He nodded, "Yeah," He scoffed, "He was playing the matchmaker and trying to set us up."

I chuckled, very much loving the idea, "Did I tell you that I love Alex?" I said, appreciative of his attempt to bring us together to which Nikolas seemed very annoyed by.

Our food arrived after and it felt so refreshing to just sit and talk with him about everything and nothing. It felt normal.

But it hurt me a bit, that after this night, this normal part of him will be partially gone. Despite his will to fight, going back there will steal a chunk of him and I am worried, terrified for him, because going back means facing the pain he refuses to acknowledge, and he is not ready for that.

I know it in my guts that he is not ready.

After finishing our food, we decided to leave, he said we can go somewhere else, I grabbed my purse and got to my feet, "Do you think Malcolm is still here?" I asked as I came to a stop beside him.

He turned to me, his eyes hard and his tone angry, "Are you doing this on purpose?" Wow, you really can't joke with the man sometimes.

I nodded, and couldn't hide my smile, "Are you jealous?"

He shook his head, bothered by the fact as he led my way back inside, "No, but when you're with me, I don't want...that sort of thing happening again," He stressed out ever so strictly.

My eyebrow raised, "When I am with you?" I questioned, repeating his words and he nodded without hesitation, "Well, aren't you now?"

"Uhuh," I gulped down and mumbled lowly, "You're really territorial, aren't you?"

I felt his gaze burning into me but I didn't dare to look as we headed for the exit. His hand brushed against mine before I felt his fingers gently wrapping and tangling within mine, smoothly taking my hand into his, indirectly answering my previous question.

Still, in shock of everything tonight held about him and his actions, I turned around and stared up at him. My confused unwavering gaze had him facing me as we paused to a stop outside the restaurant, "What?" He asked.

I shook my head in a haze, "I just could really get used to this you," He is holding my hand for christ's sake, he got me a flower, "But I kinda miss my grumpy Nikolas," I shrugged, "True he is a big pain in the ass and he makes me lose my mind so often, but I do miss him threatening to snap my neck if I don't shut up."

He cracked a smile, and his eyebrow raised, "YOUR grumpy Nikolas?" He stressed out on that part only of my sentence and my eyes widened, just now realizing what I said.

"Uh, not like that, I just meant," I chuckled nervously, and redness rushed to my face, "You know what, looks like I am territorial as well." If I can wrap him up in a bubble and keep him away from everyone, I would.

Maybe then, they will stop hurting him.

His smile is all mischief. It makes him look younger, free, full of life and with no pain. I love his smile.

The valet went down Nikolas's car and handed him the key, which made him leave my hand, leaving me disappinted. I missed his warm touch almost instantly.

Just I was about to circle my way around the passenger seat, "Hold on," He said, stopping me.

I looked at him and he held his hand up, showing me the keys before he threw them toward me. I caught them right away and they landed between my palms. I stared at them in pure shock, my confused eyes flickering between him and the keys, "Wait...do you want me to," My eyes widened as I looked from the keys to the car, then back to him, "Can I?"

He nodded and looked like he is trying his best not to smile at my flustered state. Without further comments, he got into the passenger seat, and with my eyes still wide, I got into the driver's seat; I looked at him, "Why do you want me to drive?" I asked in disbelief.

"You said one of the little things that makes you happy is speeding down an empty road with a car like mine," He nodded ahead toward the road, "So here you go."

I couldn't begin to understand how he remembered our little silly conversation or how it felt to place my hand over the steering wheel and feel the whole interior of this beautiful car, "Are you sure?" I asked, checking once again.

He nodded his head, then his eyebrows pulled closer, "Just try not to kill us."

I chuckled at his words and fixated my attention ahead of me. I let my hand brush all over the smooth texture of the steering wheel, a smile broke down my face and I patted it, "Oh god, you're so beautiful," I said, flirting with his car, and I could feel Nikolas's amused gaze on me as I roared the engine to life and the sound it made brought me to a different high...my small little car could never do that noise.

Just like him, his car is dangerous, hot, and wild.

I gave him a proud look and bit down at my lower lip, "You better buckle up," I said, my tone challenging before I pulled the car away from the restaurant and sped down the road.

Following Nikolas's road instructions, I made a turn and went down another road before I found myself in an almost isolated one, only a few cars sped from my side and I took this as my cue to let go.

I pulled the windows down and pressed my feet up against the gas pedal, speeding up as far as I could without losing too much control. The car shot forward, slamming us back into the seats and the speedometer whipped all the way to seventy-five miles per hour and I smiled, satisfied.

The wind whipped through my hair as I steered the wheel, with every second adding more speed, letting the car make that noise that almost gets me wet. I was still careful though, my dad taught me how to drive when I was so young, so by now, I am a pro and I know how to handle the wheel.

I gave Nikolas a quick glance, "You good in there?" I asked, teasingly.

A low chuckle rumbled from his chest and he warned me, "Eyes on the road, Natalie," He said, gently, giving me enough confidence to keep my pace and speed past the stud driving the BMW. Huh, he thinks himself faster than me.

I placed my foot down again and pressed. Oh boy, this car can move, "I think I am in love," I couldn't help but say. I will definitely have to throw my car away after this, it will never satisfy me.

I checked the mirror and saw the BMW on my heels, the guy got his pride hurt and is trying to speed past me. Nikolas noticed it too, "You can take him, Natalie," He said, his words genuine and encouraging.

His words or the adrenaline rushing through my veins made me say what I said next, "Oh when I stop the car, I am so gonna kiss you," I mumbled and almost winced right after, "God, being straightforward will always be my downfall."

"And I have a feeling you gonna be my downfall, Natalie," He commented and I gave him a quick glance, taken aback by his words, "Eyes on the road," He stressed out again, trying to sound calm and I am sure he is anything but calm, the edge in his voice made my skin burning even with the cold wind whipping all around us.

Determined, I checked my mirror and swerved right, blocking the BMW's way and I sped once again, both of us taking turns but in the end, he couldn't get through me. Fire clashed with cold in my chest, and that taste of being free and liberated rushed through my blood and I started to slow down, till the BMW reached beside us, the windows were rolled down, "Hats off, young lady," The man said with a wink, appreciative of my driving skills before he sped off.

"Park aside," Nikolas said, more like ordered me, and from his tone alone I knew if that guy was still here, Nikolas would've killed him, because I can see his hand right beside where his gun is.

Territorial.

I eased the car down, slowing, and parked it by the side of the road. The rush from the speed and the adrenaline crashed through my body and I let out a long deep breath. I turned my head to him, and excitement thrilled through my veins when his eyes met mine, the green in them livid, curious and cautious all in once. The flicker of hunger in them tightened my stomach into a hundred million knots, because this can't be real, he can't possibly want me like I want him.

I am both afraid and excited. Both happy and sad. Afraid to want him, afraid of the risk he is imposing, and at the same time excited to have him. He smells better than I could possibly imagine, he feels better and god, I want him, so much more than I ever wanted anything.

A hot blush crept up my neck, and he noticed it. He's breathing fast, clearly fighting for control because he knows the thoughts running in my head, bad bad thoughts a good girl like me shouldn't even dream to think about. His control wavered and I wanted him to lose it, especially when he moved closer, his movement fast as his hand curled over my wrist pulling it away from the steering wheel, "Come here," He coaxed, his hand circling the back of my neck, angling my face closer and the second he took my lips in his, my mind went numb and I started to feel him everywhere.

He is only kissing my lips, his hand is on the back of my neck, but I felt him in every part of my body, places I didn't know even existed for pleasure. I stopped thinking and I moved, my body decided for me as I climbed up and reached him, our lips never once breaking the contact as I straddled his lap, needing and craving the closeness.

For a mere second, my logic fought me and I eased back a fraction, startled at how fast I just jumped into his embrace. My palms rested over his shoulders and I stared down at him. His eyes are dark and...glimmering. I sucked into a deep breath, finally realizing how he had grabbed my waist, guarding me in place, his hand on my hips, and I shivered at everything my body and my poor heart felt with the touch of his skin so close to mine.

"I think I forgot how to breathe," I mumbled, whispering my distress and need. He edged his face forward, "Let me fix that," His lips were a breath away from mine as he whispered back. He kissed the corner of my mouth; the innocent little gesture shouldn't tighten every part of my body this way but it did.

He eased back, but not a lot, like he wanted to feel me and see me all the same time. He looked at me like I am so precious and new, like he is scared to break me but also wants to play with me so much. While me, the fear of him and what he posses only triggered me more, and I was burning down to my bones, "Kiss me again," I urged, wanting him to be the one initiating it, I wanted the rush that comes with it. I wanted his hunger, his need, I wanted him to want me just as much as I want him.

His eyes gleamed at my words, his gaze all male and savoring before he ducked his head and took my lips again. My inside burst into flames at the feel of his tongue pushing my lips apart. The noise racing up my throat was uncontrollable and he pulled me closer with a rumbling noise, his arms tightening around my body as his tongue delved in and stroked mine, dominating, tasting, kissing.

A rush of sensations knifed through me and at this moment, I realized that I've never been kissed before Nikolas. No, those weren't kisses before him. No kiss made me shake all the way, no kiss made my toes curl and placed me right on the edge of pleasure like this. No one tasted like this, so man, so good, so gentle and hard, so contradictive, so addictive.

My lips were virgin before him, and he is claiming them now, marking them, possessively. I am scared, because no one after him is gonna live up to this sensation. I've had boyfriends before, I've kissed them, I've had sex, I was probably in love or whatever we could name what I felt...but after him, after Nikolas, I don't think I will be capable of doing that.

My fingers tightened, wrapped around his soft silk hair, "I want you, so bad," I mumbled against his lips, unable to hold back. It was one of my perks, to always say what I feel, to be direct and straightforward, it was both a blessing and a curse.

My words had him pausing for a second, and he edged his head backward a fraction, his chest heaved out and his eyes on mine, bare for me to see everything he felt as he mumbled, "You shouldn't," I shouldn't want him, but I do. He shook his head, "I'd break you."

I shook my head, refusing the thought, "You won't," Something in me, call it a gut feeling or an instinct, but Nikolas could hurt everyone, could kill and torture, but something tells me he would never hurt me.

Lines etched between his eyebrows, worry and fear flashed in the green of his eyes, they were deep and moving, but there is no missing the little flecks of ice glinting inside, screaming at me to warm them, "Not physically Natalie," He explained, my hand still in his hair, his face still close to mine as he brushed my cheek with the pad of his thumb, "But mentally, I would," His voice lowered, his handsome face etched in worry and puzzlement, "The darkness in me would ruin the good in you, it will break your mind."

I shrugged, "Who said it's not already broken," I mumbled, my voice reflecting every weakness, every fear, and doubt.

If my mind was healthy, I would've not wanted him. If it isn't broken already, I would've not craved the danger and the risk he imposes on me.

His eyebrows tightened, his eyes searching mine, trying to read them, trying to understand me, just like I am dying to understand him, "You deserve better," He said, believing in his words very much, "You deserve normal, I don't do normal."

I shook my head, wanting to scream that I don't want normal either.

"You deserve a safe home and a family," He added, almost reading my previous thoughts, "You will never be safe with me," The look in his eyes now is unreadable, I can't figure it out as he adds, "I can't give you a family."

"Who said I want those things?"

One corner of his lips pulled up in a half-smile, "I may not understand many things in this world, I don't know how to be normal or how to even do...this," This meant us, "And yeah, you're the one with the psychology degree over here but I do understand what you feel, I know what I am to you, Natalie, it's your job, it's your profession to unravel a mystery and that's what I am," I felt taken aback by his words, by his level of observation, by how easy he read through me when I can't read him at all, "But I can assure you, once you're done, you will find nothing behind."

I shook my head, disagreeing, "I believe that there is someone behind." There is you, the real you, the real Nikolas, the one who they didn't break or change.

"There is a broken shell of a man, who could do you no good."

I am okay with that. I wanted to scream that I am, that I don't mind.

"It's normal for the light in you to be attracted to the darkness in mine," He explained, understanding whatever this between us is better than me, "It's exactly what I feel as well, but the end of this...would be drastic," He shook his head and I could feel the walls closing up in his eyes, pushing me to a limit, "I care about you enough to know it's not fair."

He cares about me...at least I've got that going for me.

"So, this is why tonight is just about tonight?" I mumbled, something twisted in my chest, almost ruining how good this night was going.

He nodded and I started to back away from his touch, "We don't stand a chance, do we?" I asked, a bit of frustration in my voice, "Even if you came back, we don't?" I was really building dreams on a very shaky ground.

He nodded, "We don't."

"Give me a reason," I demanded. He offered me a hundred different explanations, but none of them is enough, "Give me one reason why we would never work, show me a proof that your darkness and my light won't work together."

The muscles of his jaw worked, the strictness in my voice didn't work well with him, "Remember the woman we bumped into at the restaurant," He said, his words confusing me and I nodded, "Do you remember how she looked at me?"

Yes, with pure hate and distaste, with terror and something so fierce.

I nodded again and he carried on, "If I tell you and if you get to know the real Nikolas, you'd look at me just like she did."

"Tell me then, tell me and I will decide how to look at you after," He can't already predict how I will react. It's my decision.

He shook his head, "No, I won't, maybe it's selfish but I don't want you to know, I don't want you to look at me like that, to remember me like that," He brought his hand to my face, his finger brushed the top of my cheekbone, under my eyes, "I don't want to lose this look."

I leaned into his touch, my eyelids dropping close for a second and I whispered, "You won't."

I felt his other hand over my skin, cupping my face before I felt his warm lips press over my forehead. His kiss was tender, gentle and so sweet. The little action had my chest aching and I felt like I may just burst into tears, "Take me home," I mumbled.

When I opened my eyes again, he stared back at me with an understatement and he nodded, "Okay."

His hand slowly retreated from me before he went out and I sank into the seat. He circled his way around the car and got inside, taking the wheel, because I felt too energyless to let this night last any longer. He started the car again and pulled into the empty street, while I rested my head against the window, watching the trees and the cars pass us by.

Disappointment settled deep down in my spirit and I wanted to scold myself. I felt weak and bare, I felt like he read all of my thoughts and still wouldn't let me be the one to take the decision, whether I want him or not.

He took the decision from me and I wanted to be angry at him, but I couldn't.

He was right in a way. He respected me enough to pull away when I didn't have it in me to do so. How could I want him so much when I don't know him for so long? How could I like him when he only showed me a very small part of who he is? It is just an attraction, a very big one, chemistry that I feel boiling deep down in my blood.

This is all.

He didn't say a thing as he drove me back home and I appreciated it. I would only feel his concerned gaze on me every once in a while and the moment he reached my apartment, the moment the car stopped, I went down, not waiting for him to open my door.

"Good night, Nikolas," I mumbled, rather quickly before I headed for the building's entrance, running away, scared to look at him and have him notice my disappointment. He must think me crazy, to be affected this much over him.

I think he said something, more like wait or hold on, but I pretended I didn't hear it as I marched inside the building and headed for the stairs. Footsteps echoed behind me and a hand curled over my wrist from the back, stopping me and twirling me around to face a very puzzled Nikolas, "Natalie, I didn't mean to hurt you," He said, and the frustration had his eyebrows pulling closer.

I shook my head, "You didn't hurt me, and that's the problem, you said all the right things," I shook my head again, "I just wish you didn't," I added, my voice lowering and the tightness over my throat increased, "I am just angry at myself and at my bluntness, not at you."

My teeth dug into my lower lip as I looked up at him and his puzzled expression. I shook my head, "Let's just forget about this now," I said, desperately wanting to change the subject before I cry or something.

"I wanted to tell you about this before, but I got too wrapped up in myself," I let out a sigh, "You will go back there, so just be careful, Nikolas," I said, genuinely concerned for him, "You said you care about me and I really care about you too," I admitted.

I shook my head, "Don't let your father manipulate you, be smarter than him," I inched closer to him, hating the distance, "Don't let your mother hurt you," My words had a frown pulling up between his eyebrows, taken aback by my words when his mother was never a topic we discussed, "I have a feeling she is hugely responsible for this crack in your chest," I said, hating her and hating them, "Don't give her that power over you anymore."

"Don't let them hurt you again, please," My throat constricted at the look in his eyes, it's like no one ever told him this before, "Take care of yourself, okay, promise me that you will."

He sucked into a breath as if he forgot how to breathe for a second or two, his throat bobbed and he gave me a small nod, "I promise."

A small somber smile came to my lips and I extended my hand forward, "It was nice doing business with you, Mr. Viarchi," I said, playfully, desperately trying to lighten up the mood, or I will cry. Cry because he is leaving, because he might get hurt, because he pulled me in one second and he pushed me away right after.

His gaze fell on my extended hand and something seemed to tremble in his eyes before his hand wrapped around my wrist, pulling me closer, stealing every breath from my lungs when he hugged me, his arms went around my body and mine immediately found their home around his neck.

"You're really something else, aren't you?" He mumbled in my hair, his voice thick and tensed.

"Look who is talking," I said with a low sad laugh as I sniffled, my eyes pressed shut as I buried my face further into the crook of his neck, feeling him, smelling him, and storing his breathtaking scent into my lungs to suffice me for days after he goes away.

My lips were beside the scar running down the side of his neck and I didn't hold back when they feathered over it, "Believe in yourself, Nikolas, and you will win," I whispered into his skin, hoping he would listen to me, "Don't be scared of facing your pain, believe me, it will only make you stronger," I added, "Just fight, every demon, every fear, and every doubt, fight that voice in your head that tells you that you don't deserve a second chance," I pressed my eyes shut, trapping the tears, "You do, you do deserve it and in the end," Tears betrayed me and I felt a drop or two escape my closed eyelids and fall over his skin, "In the end, you will be okay again, I promise, you will."

My lips pressed over his scar ever so gently, leaving a feather-like kiss and I felt his body tense up, I felt his heart racing beneath mine, and his arms tightened over me, like he didn't want to let go just yet, holding into something, into hope, into light, into a lifeline.

When his arms loosened from around me, he edged back a fraction and our gazes met, his eyes now warm, in them was the same look when he stared at the little girl's picture and my heart stuttered, "Natalie," He grated out, my name painfully leaving those lips, and I understood what he needed.

He needed to leave.

I nodded, "You should go," I said the words on his behalf, both of us scared of losing control, him more than me.

He nodded, "I should."

"One more thing," I said, building distance between us again as I stepped backward, "Every once in a while, just smile," My own smile curved up my mouth and I added, "You have a really beautiful smile."

He knew I wanted it and he gave it to me, a small smile lightened up his lips like the sun. A smile that made me want to smile, to breathe...to kiss it.

I nodded, satisfied, "See," I mumbled, "I love it."

And if you decided to stay, I have a feeling I would love you just as much.

**************

Nikolas's POV

Something within my insides feels weird; warm and cold, all at the same time.

My heart is beating faster, and then slower, without a constant rhythm as I unlocked the door of my apartment and stepped inside.

Before I could dwell back on tonight and what it held and the many many things it made me face and feel, my eyes dropped to Emma, sitting over my couch, her legs pulled up, her chin resting over her knees and when I slam the door shut, she seem to notice my presence and her eyes fell on me.

My eyebrows pulled closer, "I thought you left."

"Alex told me," She mumbled without further explanation, her voice low and her expression unreadable, "So, tomorrow, we can just leave together."

I nodded and stepped closer to her side, something about the energy radiating off her didn't settle well with me. I sat down by her side, and a full moment of silence wrapped us in till she broke it, "You won't ever think of hurting Roman again, right?" She asked, with the same monotonous tone, her eyes on the couch as she talked, too energyless to even look at me.

"No, I won't," I mumbled, I wasn't even able to.

She nodded, "Good."

"Do you love him or something?" I asked, the thought too funny to even be processed.

That had her lifting her eyes to me, her eyebrows pulled closer and she shook her head, "No, I don't do love," She said, so serious.

"Then, why are you worried about him?"

"I hurt him before, because of you," She pointed out, "I just don't want to do it again."

I stayed silent after that, not knowing what I am supposed to say, but she looked so different, so defeated, so not Emma-like, "Are you okay?" I found myself asking, for some reason, concerned.

She shook her head, "I don't think so."

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Did something happen?

She gulped down, "I am scared."

"From what?"

"I am not sure," She answered, sounding too lost.

I've never seen her like this before. Lost and...scared? Since when she gets scared?

Her gaze drifted up at me, and she looked so small, hugging her knees, curled up into a small tiny ball and it wasn't till now that I realized how young she actually is. Since I got her out of that place, she always looked so strong, she walked around with confidence and stance, she looked undefeatable, unreachable, and not for once did I take the chance to recognize how much younger she is from me, so young.

Her next words were the last thing I expected from someone like her, "Can you hug me?"

I couldn't hide the shock from reflecting off my eyes and she added, "No one ever hugged me," She mumbled, the green of her eyes, a total different shade from mine, a one I think she took from her own mother, it dimmed a bit as she talked, "Not a mother or a father," She looked at me, "Or even a brother."

I didn't say anything as I wrapped my arm around her little body and she scooted closer into my embrace, she rested her weight over me, her cheek pressed against my chest, as if trying to hold into something, "No one ever took care of me," She added, "No one protected me," Her voice was so weak as she said, "Can you protect me?"

I didn't understand a thing but I nodded my head, my hand ran the length of her arm in a soothing manner, "Yeah, I will," I never felt the sister-brother bond with her, never felt like she needed me, or that as an older brother, I should protect her, not till now, not till she looked up at me, the fear etching her whole face as she requested, so weakly, "Don't let Isaac hurt me."

She wasn't making any sense. I know Isaac is unpredictable and heartless, but I don't think he would hurt her now, hurting Emma would give him nothing, and he is a man who only does what benefits him, so why is she so scared of him?

I shook my head, "I would never," I assured her, "I would never let him hurt you, I promise."

She took reassurance from my words and rested her head against my chest, still not breaking from my hold, not ready yet and it felt weird for me to be the one offering comfort. I tightened my arm and looked down at her fragile state. My chest tightened and I realized she was just human, a young little girl who felt pain, who was just like me, fighting her own demons, and hiding behind a mask.

Isaac took years from her life like he did with me, but she is still young, it's not too late for her, and at this moment, the urge to save her pressed over my limbs. I will save her, from him, from this world that took a chunk of all of us.

Unlike me, she can still be salvaged.

"I am sorry," I mumbled, my voice low, my apology and the genuine sorrow behind it had her pulling away.

She stared back at me, confused, "For what?"

"For using you," I admitted, "When I got you out of the HEX, I just thought of you as a tool to get me to what I want."

She nodded, "Just like Isaac did, he used me as his own personal-made weapon."

I nodded, "Just like he did, I didn't save you from him back then, I only took you from one monster and threw you into the hands of another," I rushed a hand over my face and raked it through my hair, "I ordered you around and made you hurt Roman, all for my own benefit, I never stopped to think that we share the same fucked-up father, and just like he took from me, he took from you as well."

She stared at me for a full minute, her expression still remote and totally unreadable, "I used to think you are the only one who could beat Isaac, because you are just like him," She shook her head, "But you are not, you are nothing like him."

My jaw tightened, "In a way, I am," I pushed the suffocating air out of my mouth, "The bad parts of me, I took from them."

"Them?"

"Isaac and Frank," I clarified, "They both left their imprint on me."

Her eyes narrowed a bit, her gaze calculating, "Maybe that's a good thing," She said, her mind working, long gone the weak fragile Emma, "You've got traits from both evils, use it, maybe this is the only way to defeat Isaac."

She gave me a determined look, "Bring the monster back, Nikolas," She urged, "This time it will be different, this time you will control him, not the other way around."

She smiled, "Bring him back."

She was right in a way. I am in...control. I have reasons, people to keep me guarded and in control.

She is right.

At the realization, I couldn't help but smile.

Every once in a while, smile.

"Yeah, that's the smile that I like," Emma commented, amused and thrilled for what the following days hold.

My eyebrow raised, "Why is everyone obsessed with my smile, today?"

Her smile only widened and she pointed at my face, "No, this one is different, it's wicked, it's exactly what we need to destroy him."

I nodded, agreeing. I was trying so hard to be the hero and failing because it's not who I am.

I am not the villain either.

Not anymore.

I was bred differently.

Now, I get it.

There are no heroes...in this life, only monsters win.

The key point is just to know when, where, and on who to use that monster.

The key point is control.

And after years, I finally have that.

**************************************

Hey! I am back!
Sorry, I was just so busy lately, I could barely have time to sit down and write, so I made this chapter longer *wink*

So, whatcha ya think? Of this chapter? Of Nikolas and Natalie, and their attraction? Of Emma? Of Nikolas bringing a side of him we haven't seen in some time?

I will be working on Blue Ribbon next, see you there!

Love ya!
Your lovely awesome author, Yara.