14 Days Until...

Josh

"Hey Brooke?" I ask on the ride home from school. It's a Friday night and the last day of school. "There's a party later, I was wondering if you wanted to go? I'm leaving for my old town on Monday and it could be one of our last chances before I'm gone to hang out. I'll only be there for a week and a half but still."

"A party? Josh, those aren't really my thing at all. You can go if you want but I think I'll skip out on it." She says. Her eyes have been getting sadder lately, showing less light. And all week I've been trying to get it back. Nothing has worked though. She isn't talking much, or eating. Trying to get her to eat is like trying to make a baby walk. And I hate that I have to leave her for a week and a half. I'll be coming back on the 30th and it's the 17th now. And I'll be leaving on the 20th. Mom and I will be packing mostly the entire weekend, but the only reason we are going back there is to see old friends and hang out with them. "Brooke c'mon please? How can you know they aren't your thing if you've never even been to one? I know you have a bucket list and one of those things is go to a party with the sexiest man alive. So you may hate me, but I'm forcing you to go." She giggles and rolls her eyes. "You'll have to drag me out of my house then." I kiss her lips gently. "Don't worry baby, we'll drink the night away and have fun." The bus pulls up to our houses and we walk out. "Now go get ready, wear something fit for a party baby girl. I'll see you in a couple hours."

Brooke

I cannot believe that ass is making me go to a party. What makes him think I'd want to spend more time with the hoodlums that infest my school? Yeah he is definitely on drugs if he thinks I'm going to enjoy this. Then again, there will be alcohol and dancing and music. Maybe I will finally be able to let loose. Forget everything that has happened. Forget him, his hands, his everything. I haven't told anyone. Not Max, not Josh. No one. I don't even know who he was, I blocked that out of my mind. I thought I blocked all this out but lately it has all been coming back to me. With every single one of Josh's kisses and his hugs, something springs back at me from the boxes I shut them in. And the memories cause depression, an endless sea of blue, fading to black, then blue when Josh is around. The black is dangerous, floating in it means streaks of crimson against skin. I cut every single day. Sinking into myself and my thoughts completely unable to shut them out. Josh is both my savior and my downfall. But with good there's bad right? It's unfortunate that life works that way. But then, life is not fair. Not an ounce of fairness in it. Just loads of depression mixed with a spoonful of happy. But I suppose I could try the whole party thing. You only live once right? What do you even wear to a party? Fuck it I'll just figure it out.

A few hours later I'm standing in front of my mirror with my hair curled. My nails are painted black and I'm wearing a red dress. It's knee length and strapless. The top of it is like a corset with black strings. For shoes I have on black wedged boots. I grab my phone and walk out of my room.

Me- Hey Josh, I'm ready

Josh- gr8 ill head over to pick you up now

Me- cool see u in a sec

I walk out the front door and wait for Josh to come over. Soon enough his door opens and he walks out. "Damn Brooke." He says with a smile on his face. "You look gorgeous."

"Thanks Josh, you don't look to bad yourself." He's wearing a dark blue beanie and a white t-shirt with black jeans and converse. If nothing else, he has style. "Well thank you. Are you ready to go have some fun?"

"Yup, bring it on." I say walking ahead of him to the car. And then we are driving off to my last night of fun.

Before we even pull up you can hear the music blasting. Josh parks the car a couple minutes away and as we get out the music gets louder, if that's even possible. "You ready for this Brooke?" He asks me his eyes lit up from the excitement and adrenaline that's coursing through our veins. "Absolutely. I'm completely ready for a night of fun." We open the door and are greeted by the smell of booze, sweaty bodies and fun. The music is obnoxious. Some rappy hip hop crap. But it doesn't matter because everyone is here for their own reasons. Whether it's to get lost in it all, chill with friends, or just because. Ashlee, Courtney, Destiny, and Evan are all chilling in the corner, not caring who sees them getting all up on him. Or that they're all doing it. And him being the ass he is, is completely enjoying it. God that just makes me sick. "Hey babe, I'm going to go get us both a drink ok?" He kisses the top of my head and leaves walking towards what I assume is the kitchen. I look around, leaning against a wall just observing everything. Natalie by Bruno Mars comes on. It's just about the only song I'll dance too. I walk onto the dance floor and get lost in the music. Not caring anymore about who sees me, just getting completely caught up in the buzz that drowns out all the other emotions.

Josh

I look back and see her in the middle of the dance floor. She's swaying her hips and her eyes are closed and she's just moving along to the music. It's completely beautiful. She just looks so free, and it's so different from how she usually is. Normally Brooke is closed off and hard to crack open. When I get back, I am definitely bringing her to another party. I walk into the kitchen and grab us a couple beers, unfortunately there isn't any better alcohol. But it's a high school party so this is about as good as it's going to get.

Brooke

The music is pumping through my veins. I almost feel like I'm dancing in a pool of snakes, with all the slippery, sweaty bodies. Hopefully Josh will forgive me for what I'm about to do. But I need him to let me go. Kinda like Elsa. I just can't find the oomph to live anymore. And in order for my upcoming death to hurt him less, I need to hurt him no matter how much I'm going to hate it. "Hey baby girl." His voice whispers in my ear. A smile finds its way onto my face, I spin around to face him and kiss him right on the lips. He smells and tastes like a bottle of beer. Wow, he must have already had something to drink. I take the cup from his hands and gulp it down feeling the buzz overtake my body as soon as it enters my system. "Woah babe, slow down there. You don't need to drink it all at once."

"Already did babe. Dance with me and have fun." I say my voice slipping up a lot. It doesn't take much at all to get me drunk. "Baby are you ok?" He cares way too much, he needs to let loose. "Yeah I'm fine." I slur. "Just dance with me." I whine out with a big ass smile on my face. "Okay baby." We dance to the music, not knowing how much time has passed at all. It could have been hours, minutes, seconds, and we wouldn't know.

"Hey Brooke?" He says breathless from all the kissing and dancing we've been doing. "Yea Josh?" I respond, my face nuzzled in his neck leaving kisses everywhere. "I'm going to go get some beer ok? Do you want some?" He smiles. "Yes please baby." I slip out of his arms and watch him walk into the kitchen. This is going to hurt him so much. I look around, searching for someone dancing all alone. I'm drunk but not drunk enough that I don't know what I'm doing. Finally, I spot a guy dancing all alone. Thankfully he isn't too bad looking. I walk over to him swaying my hips in time with the music. I feel so disgusting right now, doing this to him. "Hey handsome." I say to him with a smile, snaking my arms around his waist looking up at him. "Hey cutie, looking for a good time?" He smiles. Well, I definitely found someone I would never get attached too. "You know it babe." I lift my arms above my head and turn around dancing against him. His arms wrap themselves around my waist, securing me against him. And then his tongue is flicking against my neck between the kiss he leaves there. Within a minute I'm pressed up against the wall, my legs somehow finding themselves wrapped around his waist. His lips are all over me, from this angle I have a very good view of who comes in and out of the kitchen. I see the dark blue beanie before I see anything else. Then his face, I can tell he's searching for me. His eyes scope out the area and then they find me. Hurt crosses his face, then disappointment, then pure rage. He storms over, not being able to tell that I saw him. As he gets closer I make myself look like I'm enjoying having this pigs hands all over me. Then his hands are pulling the guy away from me. And he is pissed. Very pissed. His hand connects with the guy's nose immediately. "Stay away from my girl." He growls out. "Sorry dude, I didn't know she was your girl.. She's the one who started feeling up on me." The guy stammers out, now on the ground. "Just don't touch her ever again." He says, calmer now, completely masking all of his feelings. "Fine dude whatever." Josh turns around and grabs me by the arm pulling me out of the house. After we are out of the house, he continues pulling me towards his car. We stop outside of it and he opens my door. What scares me is that he hasn't said a word. Just silence. Pure silence. The air holds so much tension. He slams my door shut when I'm in the car and then gets in on the other side. He doesn't start the car just sits there, unbuckled and his face completely emotionless. "Josh I-"

"What the fuck were you thinking Brooke? How the hell could you do that to me? I thought you actually fucking loved me! But no! You are a cold hearted bitch like everyone says you are!" He yells at me cutting me off. "You could have just told me you didn't feel the same way! But no, you had to go and cheat on me with some douche bag who doesn't even give a shit about you. Why the hell did you go and do that Brooke?" He is really pissed at me... God I hate having him yell at me. "And what are those on your legs Brooke?" His voice gets gentler and he isn't yelling anymore. But this is worse. I stare straight ahead. Keeping my eyes fixed on one single point. His hand moves my dress up my leg. Just enough for him to see the criss crossing red, pink, and silver. I look over and tears are streaming down his face. "How did I not notice this?" He asks himself. "Because you didn't want too." I tell him anyway, not caring if it was a question he didn't want answered. "Brooke, why?" Why did he have to ask that question? "Josh, I can't tell you that..." I say staring at the floor of the car. "Fine. Whatever. The least you could do after cheating on me is tell me why. But fine! We're done Brooke. D. O. N. E. Done." He starts the car and starts driving. "And for the record, the only reason I'm driving you home is because I took you there and it's my responsibility to take you home."

We reach home, tears streaming down my face. Meanwhile his face is just expressionless. "Get out of the car Brooke." He tells me, his voice steely calm. "Okay. But first, I know I have no business asking this but... Can you kiss me? I don't want his lips to be the last ones that touched mine." I ask, glancing over at him. His face softens for some reason. "Of course Brooke." He turns toward me and pulls me over, sitting me on his lap. "I didn't realize it till now Brooke. But I love you and I would do absolutely anything for you. I just think we both need some time apart from each other okay? And until you can tell me why, I'm gone."

"Okay Josh." I whisper. His hands run up my legs, gently caressing my scars and healing cuts. They trail up my body seemingly memorizing every inch, and then they are in my hair entangling themselves there and his lips are on mine. The electrifying currents are stronger than ever and his lips are soft against mine yet rough from all the emotion he is putting into it. We break apart needing to breathe and his kisses move to my neck, trailing down it from my jawline. "Josh." I say breathlessly. "Shit, sorry. I'm sorry Brooke." He pulls his face away and opens his car door, sliding out from underneath me. I climb out after him and he's walking around anxiously. "Hey, calm down."

"No. Don't tell me that. Just go home Brooke. Please. I need time."

"Okay." I say bowing my head down and walking away. I walk through the door and into my room. As soon as I'm in tears start falling down my face and I curl up on my bed, ignoring my parents fight and incoming texts from Max and Katness. I'm just done... That was my last straw. In a few days, I'll be dead.