Brooke

    "Hey!" a familiar voice yells at me from across the hallway.  "Bitch!"  They come up behind me, taunting me, like they do every single day of my life. Not that they care how I feel, a fact they prove every single day. "Brooke you're nothing you know that right?  You are never going to have anyone that loves you, cares about you.  You will just end up being a little old cat lady in a little old house near a river where you'll drown yourself out of loneliness." I keep walking, my head down, looking at the ground going by me, ignoring those who make my life miserable. It doesn't even seem like I'm in my own body anymore, I don't feel anything, they have turned me into a robot.  No emotion whatsoever, which is new because I used to feel at least something.  This is normal for me though, the bullying.  They used to be my friends, back when we all got along...  "Hey Brooke. I'm talking to you!  Don't you dare fucking ignore me you whore."  Then she came forward and pushed me to the ground hard, my head hitting a locker.  Well damn...That hurt.  I look up at her, my eyes shooting daggers.  "You going to do something?"  She said tauntingly looking at her friends who were all laughing as I sat on the ground, my song book, binder, and all my homework and notes, scattered on the floor.  I kneel on the ground and try to gather my things before they rip them to shreds.  I can hear them laughing as I walk to my next class.  Not wanting to get pushed down or teased again, I bow my head, watching the floor as I walk to my next class. Unconsciously, I pull down my long sleeves so my arms full of scars are hidden from the world, just like they should be.

    It started, the bullying started, in seventh grade with just teasing and being ignored but lately it has just gotten worse, and it's stopped affecting me.  For the most part, no one talks to me or even looks at me.  The worst part, the people who don't bully me. The ones who just ignore. They just watch and say nothing, they are bystanders, therefore as bad as the bullies who are actually inflicting harm upon me with words, silence, and shoves.  They just don't care, no one does.  Which is sad really, and I pity the people who are in the exact same place as I am.  They don't deserve it, no one does.   I quickly walk to my seat in math class, late as usual.  It's as if I'm not there at all no looks, no nothing, not even the teacher acknowledges how late I am to this class anymore.  Ever heard the saying ignorance is bliss?  Well, it's a lie, ignorance isn't bliss it's more like depressing, at least for me.  I can't wait to go home, or at least on the bus, where my only friends are, even though they are on an app on my phone.  I could use it in school, like I'm about to do, but it will just end up getting me in trouble in any other class.  They don't bully me or bring me down, they support me and accept me for who I am.  Which is amazing, because not even my own family cares enough to notice me. If they would, I probably wouldn't be in this state of complete and utter depression.

Only a couple more hours left of this version of hell.  Thank god.  I don't think I could deal with it if it were any longer than that.  I sneak my phone out of my pocket and slide it under the desk a little bit.  My Math teacher, Mr. Rolande, doesn't care at all, which is great.  He just drones on and on about the properties of cubes and all that crap. Don't get me wrong, I know it's important-ish to know but still... I mean, when are we going to use this in our lives?  It's not like all of us are going to become mathematicians or construction workers.  Why is it even necessary to learn this if we are just going to forget it later on in our lives since we won't use it?  I hide my phone better as the game starts loading, better to be safe than sorry right? Soon enough it's done and I go to the chat room on the game, also known as Global Chat or, GC.

Me- Hey everyone!

Katness- Hey gurl rnt u in school?

Me- Yeah I am but math is boring...

GuessWho- Hey

Me- Hey Max! How r u?

Katness- Yeah... I getcha.  How are your wrists?

GuessWho- I'm good u?

Me- My wrists r a bit sore.  I'm ok Max.  How r u?

"Ms. Gosaka?  Would you mind paying attention to the lesson?"He says peering over my desk.  Definitely seeing my phone, well crap. "Sure, I guess I could pay attention Mr. Rolande." I say sassily, looking up at him. Shaking his head, he walks back up to the Smart Board and started droning on again about whatever he's talking about.

GuessWho- I'm good Brooke.

Me- That's good. I gotta go peeps. Teacher is being an ass. Sry I wish I could stay.

Katness- buhbyes gurl ttyl!

GuessWho- Bye see you later Brooke. 

Me- bye. I'll be back!

Katness- mkay hun

    I shut my phone off and slide it back into my jeans pocket where it will stay till I have Family Consumer Science.  Sigh... Great now I have to pay attention to this shit.  In case you're wondering about the wrist thing, I cut them when I'm really depressed or stressed out or had a hard day. So, all the time.  It takes my mind off of the bullying and helps me focus.  It also convinces me that I'm still human.  Still have blood running through my veins, still have at least that left. "Alright class here's your homework.  Ms. Gosaka can I see you after class please?"  He asks, a stern tone to his voice.  Well, I'm sorry your class is boring as hell.  "Sure Mr. Rolande."

"Great.   Everyone stay seated till the bell rings."

    After a few minutes the bell rings and everyone else leaves the room in a hurry, apparently my opinion is very widely shared in this class.  "What can I do for you Mr. Rolande?" I ask in a sickeningly sweet and innocent voice.  "I just wanted to warn you if I see you using your phone again during class, I'm sending you to the principal." He says grimly looking down at me.  It isn't my fault I'm a mere five foot...  "Okay Mr. Rolande." I say looking up at him like I do with everyone, unfortunately.  "Can I go now please?"  I ask after he finishes his lecture. Apparently he was talking while my brain was conjuring up its mystical thoughts. "Sure.  See you tomorrow."

"See ya Mr. Rolande."  I start walking to my next class.  I can't wait to cook.  Even though I'm not very good at cooking or sewing it's still a ton of fun.  And by not good at cooking, I mean I burn everything. The teacher is super nice though and she gives me A's just for trying my best.  I wonder what we'll be cooking today... Walking into class, I put my stuff down.  "Alright everyone!  Today we will be making meatballs.  Here's the recipe follow the directions and I'll be around to help if you need it."  Mrs. Capolla instructed us.  Well at least I've cooked these enough for dinner at home to know what I'm doing.  "Hey!  What ya doin'?" I ignore them and continue working.  "Listen."  I turn around and face them.  "Do you want an A on this?  If so, then I have to continue working and you should too honestly."  I say politely, but firmly.  They look at me like I've grown two heads, which honestly, it would've been pretty damn funny if I had. I then turn around and continue making the meatballs.  Why are people so mean?  It's like some of them are just trying to make my life a living hell.  I mean, they succeed but what's the point?  If they have to make someone else feel incredibly insecure about themselves in order for them to feel better then that is low.  Which remind me of Sleeping With Sirens song.  The lyrics start running through my head.

You make me feel low

Don't make me feel low

Cause I've tried so hard to convince myself

It's okay that I feel this way

You make me feel low

Don't make me feel low

If I can't have you I'd be by myself

Cause you know I need you so

Don't make me

Don't make me

Feel low

I notice that they are still just standing there.  "I thought you wanted to cook?  My meatball is done.  I am most definitely not making yours."  I stare them down, it worked last time, so why should it not work now?  "Okay.  We'll make ours." They say with a frown upon their face.  "Great.  Have fun."  I step back and let them work.  They don't have to be all rude about it.  It isn't my fault if I was taught to never do anyone else's work.  It is their responsibility anyway.  People just annoy me sometimes...  "Brooke? Have you finished making your meatball?" Mrs. Capolla asked walking up behind me since I am just standing around waiting for them to finish.  "Yeah I finished preparing it." 

"Good." She says with a bright smile.  I watch the rest of my group finish their meatballs and we stick them in the oven, well more like I stick them in because they are little fucktards that don't like to work.  As I wait for them to be done in the oven, I wash the dishes.  I love washing dishes, I don't know why, it is just calming to me for some reason  When I finish the dishes in there, I look in the oven and they look done, but I'm not completely sure.  "Mrs. Capolla?" I ask.  "Yes Brooke?" she responds, walking up behind me, taking a look into the oven.  "Are these meatballs done?"  I look into the oven again, furrowing my eyebrows.  That's the issue, I can never tell when things are done.  I either don't cook them enough or I burn the shit out of them. "Yes they are.  Great job Brooke!"  I'm telling you, she's a great teacher! And not just because she gives me compliments all the time. "Thanks Mrs. Capolla!"  I take them out and set them on the counter.  My group walks over to me and they grab their meatballs, while totally ignoring me.  I don't want to deal with those bumbling idiots anyway, so back to normal I guess.  I grab my meatball and eat it.  This is delicious, like the spices and stuff in it?  Sauce is so not needed.  After I finish my meatball I start to wash the dishes that we used, since I had been washing the dishes from the previous classes.  "Brooke?  Let your group finish washing the dishes."  Mrs. Capolla instructs, walking over to my group.  I mean, they have mainly just been standing there messing around and chatting away.  "Okay."  I dry my hands and step away from the sink.  "Do you need me to do anything else?"  I look around the room, all the other students flitting around making a mess.  There's meat on the floor, spices all over the counter, there might be an egg on the wall, which makes no sense, since we aren't even using eggs right now.  "Not right now Brooke.  Thanks anyways." She smiled and went to help some students who were calling her over to them.  No wonder, their meatballs are quite literally smoking.

    As the class comes close to ending, along with the school day, the room is clean and very loud.  Chatting between students fills the air as I sit by myself, totally and completely alone.  Maybe this is how life will always be for me.  Just moving through life in silence and depression and low self esteem.  There are only a few more minutes left, then the bus awaits me and I can go home and out of this hell.  Looking around the room waiting for the bell to ring, I see students talking, running around, and laughing.  All having a good time.  I know I complain a lot, but I have good reasons.  One, three girls, Ashlee, Courtney, and Destiny are bullying me and have convinced the whole grade that I'm a whore, slut, bitch, you name it honestly.  Two, I think I have an eating disorder due to a low self esteem.  Three, my wrists are scarred and almost every afternoon they have blood running down them.  Fourth, my parents don't care about me and it's mostly like I live by myself.  Aren't parent supposed to care about their kids?  What have I ever even done to them other than be born, which they wanted.  So, those are my issues.  While two of them are my choice the other two aren't, and have affected the choices that I make in the other parts of my life. Ding-ding-ding!  The bell rings throughout the school.  Thank god!  Schools over! YES!  Now I just have to make it out alive...  As I walk out of the class, the "clique" comes walking down the hallway.  Hopefully they don't spot me.  I start walking quickly to my locker, hopefully blending in with the crowd that plagues the school on a daily basis.  Crap.  I'm dead.  As soon as I reach my locker I stuff my binder in, close it, and walk away to the doors.  "Hey!  Bitch!"  Yells Ashlee as I walk even faster to the doors.  Why me?  What did I ever do to deserve this?   "I'm talking to you!  Don't you dare walk away from me!"  She continues to yell, although the rest of what she says is unintelligible since I left that bitch in the dust.  I walk out the doors into the open air and head for my bus.  That's when I see him.  Walking out the doors with his mom.  God, he must be new.  He was tall had medium length wavy black hair and chocolate brown eyes.  He looked like he spent a lot of time in the sun cause that boy was tan. Damn.  Wait, what was I supposed to be doing?  Oh, right, bus.  As soon as I'm seated I take out my phone.  Time for my friends.  It really is no use to even bother trying to associate with him, he obviously will be immediately popular since girls are already staring at him.  How could they not though?  He's wearing a dark grey t-shirt, black jeans, black converse, and he walks with confidence.  I feel like he's definitely a cocky guy.  The bus starts moving as mystery boy and his mom get into their car.

Me- Hey everyone.  I'm back schools over. I survived another day.

GuessWho- Hey. Sup Brooke?

Katness- Hey! (again) lol

Me- Hey Max and kittykat lol

HPfan- Hey

Universe- Hi

Legolas21- Whatsup?

Taurielandkili- Hey. I gtg peeps ttyl!

Me- hi everyone! Bye tauriel. Not much lego. How bout u?

Katness- good to hear u survived.

GuessWho- Sigh...I gotta go... work is calling.

Me- bye Max

Universe- see ya

Legolas21- Adios

Legolas21- I can totally speak Spanish! (not)

Me- lol

HPfan- Hahahaha Lego you're killing me!

Katness- I can speak en espanol! Learned it in school, well I'm still learning... :/

Me- O_o mind boggled face ;)

Me- busses are obnoxiously loud!

Legolas21- I hear ya...

Me- alright I'm home. I gotta go i'll be back soon if my parents don't kill me :}