While on the way to Gina's, I take my journal out and read through it a little. After Esmeralda told me she's familiar with this area, I asked her to look for a 2-story house with a white Lincoln outside. Now as I stare into the pages of my little book, the thought of calling Mom crosses my mind. I might not be able to get in touch with her until tomorrow, judging by the time and the fact my phone needs time to charge.

Esmeralda glances over, "What's that?"
"My journal...had it since I was a kid." My voice is quiet, concentrated. I'm curious...
What did Nicolai see if he looked through it? Did he see anything about my dreams? He really unnerves yet intrigues me with the similarities he has; it's his looks, his castle, and the fact he's Romanian–just like the guy in my dreams...

Something really tells me I will run into him again. I seriously wish I knew how and when. I know that right now, I need to find some way to clear my head. It's going to be pretty hard. When I can, I will make some phone calls to assure everyone I'm alright.

We pull into Gina's driveway and park next to my car. She asks me, "Is this it?"
"Yup...you got it!" I say. I give her a relieved smile and thank her. "How much do I owe you?"

She shakes her head, "Nothing at all." She looks out past me at a light in one of the windows of the house, "Have a goodnight." I nod at her, get out with my stuff and watch her drive away. I set my bag on the hood of my car and look toward Gina's place.

The porch light comes on as I approach the door. In this moment, I wonder to myself what everyone else I talk to is doing; if they're thinking of me. Any calls I make to those closest to me will all be the same; which would be anxious yet relieved. I'm not calling anyone until I'm absolutely ready to do it.

I see the door open and her head poke out. "Ivy!" Her voice is a loud whisper.
With a slow smile, I walk up and give her a hug.

"Here, wanna come in?" She steps back. I shake my head, "No thanks, I mean it's getting late and I just want to go home. How did it go with the boat?"

"The boat... No problems; it's back at Eric's, parked in its spot.
"You sure you don't wanna come in? I want to hear about what happened after I left."
"I'd tell you how everything went between Nicolai and I but there isn't much time."

She pats my shoulder, "We can talk about it tomorrow at work then. You are working tomorrow, right?" I think about it. I'm in a daze right now; I can't even think straight. Why is this?
I close my eyes and the memory comes back to me. "Yeah, I'll be working."

"You need some sleep. Here, let me get your keys." She goes inside for a minute and comes back out with the car and truck keys in her hand. Taking them, I puff out a sigh, "Thank you." You know...she says I need sleep but I'm not tired.

"No problem. Get some rest."
"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow." I wave at her and start for my car. She cups her mouth, "Have a safe drive!" "I will!" I get in, start the engine and slowly back out her driveway.

Now home, I turn the lights on and look at the microwave clock. It's 7:10pm. After putting my phone on the charger and turning it on, I go to the bathroom to take a long hot bath. My apartment seems so quiet and empty all of a sudden. I don't remember it ever having this amount of silence. By the time I was halfway home, I started feeling depressed and I don't understand why. I'm not sure if it's because I'm overwhelmed with what has happened to me or what. Lounging in the tub is extremely relaxing but so...so...lonely. For the longest time, I have a towel over my eyes as the image of Nick's face stays in my mind. I see his stunning smile, I hear his smooth, alluring voice, I think of how he kissed my hand and looked at me the way he did. He made me feel the same way I do whenever I dream of that beautiful man; he shares almost the same exact charm as him.

I take the towel off my watering eyes, frowning slowly. I really want to see him again...so much. It's the same feeling as if I'd left home and miss it more than words can explain. I'm not where I'm supposed to be? "And I have to work tomorrow." Maybe after that my head will be cleared up.

I finish up in the bathroom, get dressed in my pajamas and look at my phone. It's too late to do anything now. Nobody I know would want to talk at about 9pm on a weekday.

Setting it aside on the nightstand, I go make some precooked chicken and noodles. Back to TV dinners. This night is so strange...

I arrive at work and clock in at 6:58am. The sadness that came over me last night has gotten worse. I'm in a daze; not a tired daze–a preoccupied daze. The first thing I do today when I have spare time is begin a small search for Gina; asking around and so on–doing whatever I can to find her. I need someone to talk to; someone I would consider close. Everybody here is behaving as

they normally do. However, they're wondering about my strange mood. I don't tell them much–if anything at all. I check the whole ER, and STILL–she's nowhere in sight.

Finally, I stop in the hallway and then start to get lost in my thoughts again. I don't want to be here. I want to walk out the door and go back to that castle to spend more time with him–Nicolai.

"Ivy?" That voice comes from behind me. I turn around and see Gina. Instantly, I hug her. "Gina, I'm glad to see you!" I know this is inappropriate, but I don't exactly care right now.

She pats my back, "Hey Ivy...! Are you okay?"
"Oh," I say while taking a step back, "Sorry...yeah, I'm okay."
She looks at me closer, "You seem stressed. Did you get any rest last night?"
I look at her almost warily.

"No...?" she frowns. I lower my head and shake it slowly.
Now she's really starting to wonder about me.

"Oh... I see." She quietly says. I look up at her in question.
"You are sad about something, aren't you?" I don't answer; I only watch her.
She quickly places a hand on my shoulder and whispers, "Did that Francis guy do anything to you?" That, makes my eyes widen. "No! Not at all!" I can't believe she said that!

"Look," I say, "we don't really have time to talk about this and we're in a bad place to do that anyway. I'll tell you later. Maybe at lunch." Right here, I'm questioning myself why I even thought of trying to talk to her during a small break. I should have waited a little longer. I'm being insecure.

She removes her hand and nods carefully at me, "Okay. You're right."
I try to smile at her, "Let's get back to work."
"Of course–Later then." She says. As she starts heading off down the hall, I let my head down again with another sigh, and I say to myself, "Can't wait for this day to end. I need something else to do." Why didn't Nick and I exchange phone numbers?
...Why?

It's lunch time now. I've amazed myself today; I've been pretty antisocial to the ones I normally talk to. I don't know what's up with me. I'm not worrying about the things I should be worrying about either; I have Nick on my mind.

I'm not sitting in my usual spot either because Gina knows about it. I've chosen to do nearly everything alone today. So I'm sitting outside at a picnic bench. And then, a memory pops into my head of a dream I had last night where my dream-man and I went to his greenhouse and sat down at this little concrete-table-set-up-thing. He told me to follow my dreams; to do whatever my heart desires most. I knew he was very serious because his eyes never left my face; they were always unmoving. That really said something to me. I have never been encouraged like that by anyone. He asked me what I wanted. I told him I wasn't sure; life is going too fast. He was amused by that, and then he leaned across the table and gently, slowly, kissed my lips and murmured in between those kisses, "I can give you anything you want..." he slowed down to a pause and lazily reopened his eyes with a slow smile, "That is...if you let me." In that moment, I felt warmth washing over my body and jitteriness filling me. I was stuck in that bewitching gaze of his. It was as if I was then standing in a dark room, staring into light-blue diamonds that were so very, very striking–But no, they weren't glowing as I thought they were. That was merely a thought. There was nothing I wanted more than to hold him close and stay there in his arms forever.

I know that this morning I woke up teary-eyed. I was very happy. What does all this mean? I love him so much...and I don't even know him.

I sniffle, wipe a tear away and think to myself how much I wish for this dream to come true. Though at the same time...all I want to do is try to forget about it because it's not healthy to be obsessed with dreams. It's not real and it never will be. I push my salad away and put my head down on my folding arms. How could I understand this? I don't think I'll ever be able to.

"Ivy, right?" I hear. I look up past my arms and see a lady about 20-something-years-old holding her lunch, looking at me questionably. I blink, then sit up straight, "Yeah." I pull my lunch closer to me, "There something you need?" Her lips look like she's going to say 'Well' but then she shakes her head, "Um, no. I'll just-" she chuckles uncomfortably and goes to sit somewhere else. I raise an eyebrow at her. Weird. Ok...

I get up and throw away what's left of my lunch and head back to work. Oh yeah...I remember now–she's new in the ER and needs friends...
No thanks.

I'm home now. Leaving work wasn't much of a hassle and when I pulled into the apartment complex's parking lot, I noticed tonight is quieter than usual. I'm not giving that a second thought though; I'm enjoying this while I can.

As I take my uniform shirt off, I walk around the living room, planning the phone calls I have to make. Then...after that, and most importantly, I'll kick back for a few minutes with my journal in hand and write about what's happened to me lately–because it's really bugging the hell out of me. The first thing I do is go into my room where my phone is and speed-dial my mom. Here' goes...

Just as I imagined; she picks up on the 3rd ring.

"Ivy!" I run a hand through my hair and sigh with a small sheepish smile, happy to hear her voice. "Mom, hey..."

"Why haven't I heard from you?" Now she's scolding me...
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to..." Think Ivy–think. "I know this sounds bad, but...I didn't want to do anything with the family on my birthday." I squint, gritting my teeth, ready for an earful of 'Ivy, we had plans! Ivy, that was very wrong of you! Ivy this, Ivy that!' Here it comes...

"Ivy...you never say stuff like this. What's wrong?" She asks. I reopen my eyes to stare ahead at my bedroom window.

Well, how do I tell a good lie? I don't like to do that, but it's quite needed at the moment.

"I just...got tired of the same thing." I say.
"...You ok hun?" She asks. Yeah, she didn't like to hear me say that.

"Fine–I'm fine. Everybody likes a little something different once in a while." I remember Nicolai saying something like that...

"I suppose. I mean...you just got up and left us all hanging. Your dad's unhappy. We just wanna know what's up. Is there any particular reason-" "Mom, remember–I'm not a kid. I'm not a teen either. That's why I didn't want any big celebration this year. It's nothing personal."

"Ahh, so you're telling me you're not our little girl anymore...is that it?" I take in a big breath, then puff it out, "You have to understand!"
"I do Ivy, I do. Here–your dad wants to talk to you." She hands the phone to him.

"Ivy?"
I close my eyes, "Hi dad..."

"What's going on?"
"Nothing." I say, "I'm sorry about yesterday–sorry that I didn't call or anything."

"Ivy, we couldn't call you at all. That's why your mother was so excited when she got your call. We called a lot of times."

"It went dead and I lost my charger." That's easy for me to say. I hear mom telling him something.

He says, "Your mom's telling me that you didn't want to celebrate your birthday like we usually do because you're growing up..." It's almost like a question how he says that.

"Yeah, that's right. Don't worry dad, everything's fine!"
"Hold on, let me put you on speakerphone. Your mom's having a fit." He sighs. I wait.

"Ivy, what'd you do yesterday? Did you do anything on your birthday?" Mom asks. I roll over onto my back on my bed with the phone pressed to my ear, "I went sightseeing with my friend Gina. We went to different shops and small landmarks." There–close enough.

"Shoppin' with the nurse... Well that sounds fun. Why didn't you invite us?" Dad asks. Oh boy, something else I have to lie about. This is a harder one.

"Well," I begin, "do you like jewelry stores and yogurt shops? Also, do you like seafood? What about crowded places? How about-" "Ok, ok!" Dad stops me, "I've heard enough!" I can see him now, turning to mom as he says, "That's a perfectly good reason why we weren't invited Bess." Right here, she probably rolls her eyes. "Oh shut up. You're no fun!" she says. I hear her smack him. I grin faintly at this. My parents: two grown children.

"Ivy, don't do this again ok? You had us really worried and you had your dad all up in the air." Mom says.

"Mom, I told you everything is alright. Again, I'm sorry. And I won't do it again, I swear." No, I can't make that a promise... Why did I even say that?

"We'll tell your aunts and uncles that everything's fine, kay?" She assures, "Because they were wondering too."

"Fuck our siblings! They're busy-bodies." Dad suddenly grumbles.
I try not to snicker at what he says.

"You have a goodnight." Mom tells me.
I nod, "Alright mom. You too." "Love you sweetie." Dad says.
"Love you too Dad. Love you both!" After I say that, mom tells me the same thing, and then we end the call.

I set my phone down with a long sigh, then I go into the kitchen to make some shrimp stir-fry and turn on some music. If I'm going to make this a 'good night', I'll go beyond that and make it a GREAT NIGHT!