Hi all

Here's the update. I won't say much other than this might be the most awaited one. This is a bit longer than usual. Please do ignore any errors or typos found.

  Happy Reading. Please do let me know your thoughts. A star and a few words.  

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What the eyes see, the mind does deny

What the heart knows the mind turns a blind eye

Oh, when, oh when will you see and learn

That Swara is the very girl for whom you yearn...

                                                                                   Credit -Nynaeve

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Sanskaar was in one of his best moods that morning, as he drove to the office. From the moment he decided he would admit his feelings to Swara, everything felt new. He woke up with a smile, a new sense of euphoria. He took an extra care to dress his best and stared at his reflection for more than few minutes ...than usual

Buttoning his shirt cuffs, He imagined all the smiles Swara would give him and of course his most favorite expression at those 3 words.

'You are special'

Swara is the first one he's gonna say those words. Masked girl.. crossed his mind for a minute. Maybe she would have been the first one ...but now it's too late. If Swara would be willing to take it ahead, he will put all his efforts push away any lingering memories of that night and start clean.

Shouldn't be tough with Swara around!

He smiled, picked his laptop bag, had a super quick breakfast for his focus was on to reach office at earliest. He turned on FM...the song played was just the right one he needed. A soothing romantic number in voice of Atif Aslam

Tere kareeb aa raha hoon

Khud se main door jaa raha hoon

Yeh bewajah toh nahi hai

Tu jo mila...

He couldn't figure out the reason he's being drawn only to Swara last few weeks..and now he didn't want to. He would be led by his heart.

Dheere dheere se tera hua

Haule haule se tera hua

Rafta rafta tera hua...

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Sanskaar greeted everyone with an extra beaming smile. As he neared his cabin, he felt a twinge of nervousness, but eagerness to see Swara was more predominant. He drew in a deep breath and stepped in.

She was right before his eyes ....but what's wrong? She looked dull and lifeless, stood up and gave him an awkward glance. No smile, No spark.

"Swara .. "he took a step forward.

Morning Sir...

He turned around at familiar voice and before him was Rosy.

Darn! was his first feeling. Then he listened as she explained how things settled down and went on thanking for rendering support at tough times. Sanskaar listened but his eyes drifted to Swara every now and then who had her head immersed into project book.

Is she upset because Rosy is back? Of Course, she would be. Wasn't he? Oh Yes! very much as his time with Swara would be cut short in great proportions...

"Are you sure Rosy? I mean you can take a few more days off if needed." He asked with an ounce of guilt over painting his selfish proposal with a shade of generosity.

"No Sir," Rosy shook her head in negative, "Everything is back to being fine. I don't want work to suffer further. I already took handover from Swara. I am sure she might have had a tough time managing your schedule."

Did he sense a bit of attitude and air of superiority in her voice? Was she putting down Swara? Sanskaar downplayed the anger he felt," I differ on that," he countered, "Swara have managed very well, in fact exceptionally well in your absence, Rosy." He told in a tone enough to put across the message.

Rosy looked taken aback for a minute. Hearing praises from Mr.Maheshwari would take ages. It was only twice or thrice, she managed to fish out compliments from him but hearing them for a few weeks old intern didn't leave her with a good feeling.

"That's Great! Thank you so much Swara, " She forced a smile. This girl definitely made into the good books of Mr.Maheshwari.

Sanskaar turned to Swara, "Please get me my coffee." He said scrutinizing her closely. His cabin would be a better place to unfold any of the talks.

"Coffee?" Those words were out of Rosy's mouth before she could think of.

His eyes shot at her ."Problem? " Sanskaar's voice sharpened a bit more than necessary.

"No Sir," Rosy muttered in a low tone.

Good! He nodded and walked into his cabin. A dose of caffeine might brighten up his not - so- good- mood- over the unplanned start of the day.

"Looks like so much have changed over here." Rosy passed a statement, her eyes implying more than just words. Swara sighed. As if she doesn't have enough issues, this one too.

She silently walked to the pantry.

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Sanskaar stood watching the garden behind his cabin. Little greenery is always good on eyes, but his mind was far away. Is she sick? She looked so tired.

Knock on the door gave his thoughts a break and he turned back. Swara walked in silently, placed the cup on the table and avoided looking at him. But Sanskaar's eyes were intent on her. Worry took over him.

"Are you alright?" He asked concerned, "You could have taken an off if you are not well, Swara. Look at you...." He stepped close instinctively and Swara stepped back in a reflex putting distance between them. That little action from Swara stopped Sanskaar in his tracks. What was he planning to do?

The equation has changed, his feelings too, definitely, but liking her doesn't give him a right to invade her personal space, how much ever he wanted to wrap her into his hands and take away the gloom cast over her face.

"Should I call a doctor?" He asked gently.

"I am fine," Swara managed to find her voice midst choked emotions his presence seemed to evoke as well as his concern and caring gestures. Why? Why he had to make it more difficult for her? Why can't he let her stay in peace? Only Swara knew the efforts that took to lock her heart in defense and she can't afford to fall weak, but he held every power on her, in every way.

But she decided to put up a fight for her own sake, for her own sanity. Ragini echoed the same sentiments. She had to be tough and with this thought came a sudden need to clear few things.

"I am sorry. I don't think I would be able to make coffee from now on. I don't want anyone to assume somethings have changed. I hope my concerns will be understood, "She finished in one breath and dared to look at him, regretted very next minute.

He looked blank as if trying to process her words. She turned to leave. Just a few steps...

"You mean to say nothing has changed between us. Right!". His voice mildly accused her.

Swara smiled sadly. Everything has changed for her. From the time she made him a part of her life, everything has changed...and now again. Only it was not so pleasant.

Sanskaar waited holding his breath. So much has changed from the day she stepped into his office, his life. He has changed around her. From last night everything...

"Nothing."

She stepped out leaving a shocked Sanskaar behind.

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Swara's changed demeanor was worrisome. She no longer was lively and bubbly, carried on work like a zombie.

Swara's stance left Sanskaar confused and next few days turned terrible. She hardly spared a glance at him. Then blame annual board meetings, he couldn't get much time owing to his busy schedule. Those few minutes he managed to snatch in for the project, he was given a cold shoulder treatment. She would nod or answer in one or two syllables and her silence bothered him most. His probing met with protests... and adding to his woes 'Sir' was back in the picture.

"I guess we decided on Sanskaar," He pointed one day.

"I recall choice was left to me and I am more comfortable with Sir," came her answer leaving no scope for further arguments.

It was on one of the evenings, Swara had to stay late for a draft submission. Sanskaar walked in after closing on scheduled meetings for the day and found Swara about to leave.

Elated, he offered to drop. Last drive somehow laid the foundation towards the admission of his feelings for Swara. The magic of Beethoven and sight of a Swara lost in her own world was still fresh in his mind. This drive would just be perfect to put across his feelings.

But much to his dismay, Swara clearly refused citing she would take public transport as usual.

"Are you serious?"Sanskaar dismissed the prospect, "I mean it's already late and why do you want to trouble yourself?Main drop kar dunga aur raat ho gayi. I don't want you to travel alone, Swara."

"Nahi ... woh main." Swara shuffled with contents in her bag avoiding meeting his eyes.

"Swara... Meri baat Suno .."Sanskaar tried.

"Chale Swara... I am done."Rahul came into the picture, with a bag dangling on his shoulders and greeted Sanskaar who looked absolutely shocked at his new development. Swara nodded in silence.

"I am not alone, Sir," she muttered in a low tone. Sanskaar stared at them in disbelief.

Did she just choose that Rahul over him? For the first time, Sanskaar felt hurt, a terrible blow on his ego. Wasn't he supposed to stay away? She asked him to, right? Sanskaar left office in a murderous mood. On top of that, he was being ignored royally all these days. Whoever said ignorance is bliss, at least it's not in his case It is not - so - bliss..

That night on sharing his plight with Laksh...

"Of course Sanskaar... That's the best defense in this case. She feels there' someone else in your life who is merely equal to nonexistent. You need to clear it as soon as possible." Laksh came up with a solution. Sanskar couldn't agree more.

And he realized the reason behind Swara's actions, the extent of Swara's hurt and the love she holds for him. He felt moved. Laksh was right. He can't let go of Swara. All he needed was - a chance to explain and clear things. The office wouldn't be an ideal place and he understood Swara's concerns..the unnecessary gossips and conclusions would be drawn... it must be out of office and he has a perfect plan

A lunch date.

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"Your friend is giving my friend a tough time, Ragini. She's hurting him. He was so upset last night" Laksh got straight to the point as he met Ragini over a coffee after a lot of perusal. His statement earned him a glare.

"Well, I can say she's trying not to get hurt. My friend is not in a good state as well and It's all because of your ...Ragini paused, trying to calm her flaring temper.

"I get it, Ragini. But Sanskaar really likes her."

"Oh! But as far as I remember he had someone else in his life, he was in love for 2 years"

"She doesn't exist."

"Wow! Now she doesn't exist because your friend has hots for Swara." Ragini sprung up to her feet irked to the core " I don't understand how can you defend your friend when he's clearly bent on destroying lives of two women. Giving wrong signals like he's interested and then breaking hearts. He might be quiet an expert in that department by now. Isn't he? But mind you, Not my friend."

"Ragini, mind your words. I will not hear anything against Sanskaar." Laksh said trying to hold on to his calm stature. " Can you just let me explain?" he asked hoping she would listen to him.

"Not interested, Mr.Mathur. Thank you," Ragini picked her bag and stormed out of the coffee shop.

Laksh sighed. Ragini and her tumultuous temper. She didn't change a bit from college days. She can be a sweetheart at times and a few times... raging devil.

He wished Sanskaar would have some luck ...

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Next day started on a busy note but Sanskaar had it all planned. He had a table set for two in one of the finest restaurants nearby office. He passed specific instructions not to be disturbed as he had a personal lunch plan. No calls and no messages for the next hour or two.

Swara's attitude these days left Sansaar with a lingering doubt in adopting a straight approach. What if she refuses outright? She wouldn't. He assured himself.

Absolutely sure, Swara wouldn't mind meeting him out of office, Sanskaar went ahead with plans. He dropped her a text message asking her to join him for lunch with details of the restaurant. He would have loved to pick her up right from office but it would unnecessarily raise some eyebrows. He didn't want Swara to land up in any trouble because of him.

But he wanted to add a personal touch and he exactly knew what to do.

Little he did he know he was in for a rude shock.

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Dear Swara,

Can I have the pleasure of your company for lunch?

Sanskaar

PS; I will be waiting for you.

A handwritten note from him asking her out for a lunch and a chocolate.

Her fingers gently traced his name. Lunch date. She would have gone mad with joy if it had been earlier. It was straight out of her wish list. But she should have known 'wishes are only granted in fairy tales' and her story is no fairy tale.

Last few days had been no easy, but she had to put up the act of being tough. She can't falter and afford another heartbreak. A little tear trickled from her eyes as she squeezed her eyes shut.

"You can't give up Swara. Stay strong." She recalled Ragini's words.

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He waited for her and also made sure note reached her, So she would join him shortly. Can they call it first official date? He smiled at the thought.

Oh !How much he missed her and that infectious laughter, twinkling smiles, the dreamy spark in her fluttering eyes, her trademark dance, and admiring gaze filled with awe every time she looked at him. His heart embraced the feeling, slowly and languidly. He is falling in love with Swara. It felt wonderful. The best feeling ever.

"Sir.."A waiter approached interrupting his musings.

"I am waiting for someone to join," Sanskaar replied and checked his watch. She should be in by now. Was she stuck in some work? He kept on checking his phone. She would drop him a message, Right! If it didn't work out or would call him.

The clock ticked, every passing minute felt heavy. She would come. She would, he kept telling himself ...dropped a few messages, but as an hour passed, he knew with a clarity, she wouldn't. He didn't wait for a minute more. He needed answers.

As he walked in, she met his cold gaze.

"In my cabin, "He ordered in a curt tone. She followed in silently.

"Mind giving some answers, Swara," he asked straight."I have been waiting for an hour in the restaurant like a fool and you didn't even bother to drop me a message or call. What's wrong, Swara? "

She stayed silent.

"Can you please speak up ?" Sanskaar held last bit of restraint.

"I never said I would come. You just told and didn't wait for my answer, Sir" Swara replied mustering up the courage to face him.

Silence ruled for a minute and Sanskaar knew where he went wrong. He just told her and expected her to show up... assumed she would. His anger mellowed bit by bit.

"I am sorry, Swara. I Just thought saath main lunch karenge tho acha lagega, I mean you know.." Sanskar struggled with words because he hoped and was sure Swara would love to have lunch with him. He never expected this prospect. Was he being too bossy trying to decide things, claiming ownership on her already?

Swara equally felt bad but ...she had her own feelings to fight with. She knew it was wrong on her part. She had overridden basic courtesy rules. She can fight his anger, hate, and ignorance, would bear them in silence but not his love, care, and extra attention showered. It would crumble her down. She just wanted this internship to end and she already decided on not joining Maheshwari Inc, not when he would be right before her eyes...making it impossible for her to move on. She didn't have the courage to watch him with someone else.

Coward. She admitted chiding of the inner voice. Yes, She is one. Maybe she had always been one.

"Ab pooch raha hoon... Kya tum mere saath lunch par chaloge? Kuch baat karni hain" Sanskaar asked with a longing in his eyes and voice. Swara felt the crack in walls around her heart.

"I already had my lunch, Sir," she told impassively in a deadpan tone.

And he didn't have a morsel waiting for her. Wow! Great! was all he managed to say trying to keep hurt out of his voice.

He didn't have food all day long.

A meeting came to his aid for a while, but he couldn't focus much... Swara was all over his mind. She doesn't care for him. He meant nothing, Sanskaar couldn't bear the thought of it. She loves him, Right! Everything he had seen in her eyes all these days and felt, was it all his illusion? Did he start spinning hopes out of nothing?

By evening, he had a bad headache. Maybe a coffee would do. Darn! Again Swara! And her coffee. He resignedly walked to his cabin. He would make one for self since she made it clear already. She was missing from her place. He checked his watch. It's break time for interns. He placed back laptop and sank into his chair. His fingers moved over his head in a gentle massage, but what about his aching heart and the one who could ease his pain

'Same is his cause of pain and cure that one girl who had become the center of his being.W hat an irony!

His eyes fell on note lying below paperweight and chocolate next to it. Oh! She wouldn't take even chocolate from him. Sanskaar stared at the note in silence. The excitement he felt penning it down...and then his eyes caught something, smudged letters.

He stared blankly at the wet spot over his name and heard his own heartbeat thumping against his ears. It was not the headache which did not matter anymore. But his pulse raced at the new feeling.

Hope.

Could it be that his disappointment was shared by her? Could she have felt the same emptiness snipping away at her? Would it be a trick of fate nudging him to tell her the words he had waited all day to utter? She wanted to come ... She was sad she couldn't, then what was holding her back?

And Sanskar rushed out of his cabin, eyes hopeful and the note crushed inside his fist, a skip in his step. He would tell her. Rest, he would tackle it as it comes.

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The interns, he know would usually be hanging out on the terrace, an open gaming area, little, and a cafeteria. Out of elevator his eyes looked around ..and found her midst bunch interns seated in a circle with juice glasses before them. He took slow steps and in a minute he realized they were playing 'Never have I ever'.

Wow! Interesting. He didn't want to interrupt and stood out of their view but in a place, he would catch on snippets.

It turned out to be fun. The questions went like, 'Never  have I ever'

broken something at a friend's house and then not told them.

Shoplifted.

had a bad fall because I was walking and texting.

cheated on a test.

Bunked classes

had a paranormal experience.

pressed send and then immediately regretted it...and the list went on.

Swara's response had mostly been negative, as expected. Then came question

Never have I ever kissed someone on lips.

Sanskaar sensed a change in Swara's expression. She looked tensed and nervous. No, she wouldn't have. Swara silently took a sip from the glass, erupting cheers around. At the moment Sanskaar felt a fist ripping through his chest and landing a fatal blow to his heart.

He turned away and strode off.

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Swara walked in a bit late. She would have never ventured to be a part of the game, but she badly needed a distraction and few people around she thought would cheer her up. It had been little fun ...but one question took it all away.

It would have been easy to lie..but she couldn't about the most beautiful and precious moment of her life. It wasn't a kiss but every bit of her love poured into it for him How could she lie? She didn't care about her good girl image...The truth is she cherished that night and every moment of them.

Post break, they had a session on guidelines about submission, deadlines to be met and viva- voce. It was past 6 by the end of the session. The cabins were deserted other than few employees scattered here and there. Friday effect, Swara thought as she made way towards her place.

Rosy left and the Sanskaar's cabin was dark too. He left as well. Swara packed her bag and just then a light went on in the cabin. Is he still here? Almost on an impulse, Swara stepped in.

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Seated in his chair ..he looked distraught. Tie out of its place, his normally perfect hair completely disheveled and the air thick with tension.

It scared her for a minute. What's wrong with him? She wanted to rush but held back. "I am .. sorry ..I was just leaving.." She muttered in bits and started to leave.

"Kiss and all huh!" His voice hit her cold and icy. She stopped in tracks. So he was there. 

"Who's the lucky guy?" She didn't miss the taunt and her heart thudded loud at the sound of his steps and his breath touched her neck," And I was thinking how sweet and innocent you are, Swara."

In other scenarios, Sanskaar would have condemned himself for saying those words, but it was his hurt speaking, the mental anguish and agony he went through past two hours. The thought of someone else in Swara's life evoked a violent rage in him and the sight of Swara melting in someone else hands ...burned him from within. Whoever it was, he simply wanted to wring neck and rip him apart.

Is it because of him, Swara had been ignoring and treating him like a piece of shit? That guy snatched Swara from him...His Swara. It was only in those moments of despair, Sanskaar realized he lost his heart completely to Swara and the intensity of it. He couldn't bear of thought of not having her in his life.

Tears stung in Swara's eyes at his statement, but she chose silence as always. If this assumption would pull him away from her, it would be easy for both of them. She didn't want to clear anything.

"Who is it Swara? "He asked again, his eyes leveling at her gaze. His eyes were shots of red blood... raging and intense. Swara instinctively stepped back. "What game had been you playing with me and my feelings? All those smiles..those heart in eyes looks like I mean everything to you. What was all that? You led me into this, didn't you? Why? " He grabbed her shoulders, "Your silence will not work today. I need my answers and I will have them. Why you did make me feel special and all of sudden threw me out of your life like, I no longer exist. Why?"

The desperation and pain in his voice shook her, but his accusations need answers. Swara gulped and braced herself " I can ask you the same question? Why?"

That was right on his face.His grip loosened and Swara stepped back rubbing her hands over the sting. Sanskaar sighed defeatedly. Did he have a right to question her? Did he? He himself had no clarity all these days? What mess did he land himself in?

"Haan ... Haan ek ladki thi," Sanskaar admitted, "aur main usse pasand.." He paused abruptly Karta tha? Karta hoon?" Raking his hair in frustration, Sanskaar tried to phrase, "Swara it's complicated. Let me explain. I met her on a night and ..."

His love story? Swara held her tears stubbornly," I don't have any interest in your love story, Sir. Now if you will let me go." She tried to walk off and he followed her trying to explain.

"Swara Please! Meri baat suno," He held her hand," I know ki tumhe bura laga ,lucky ki baaton ka because you like me...and I...like.."

"I don't ... "Swara hit him back and that was fatal. She doesn't? Sanskaar turned deathly pale, he felt something inside him break.

Swara had her reasons. If her love is what led them to this state, this pain, and chaos and if a lie would get them both out of this, be it." I don't like you...I don't and I don't think you should be bothered. I ..."

And that was the final straw. Nothing prepared Swara for next. Neither the force his hand grabbed her pressing up against the glass nor lethal rage in eyes. A clink of glass on the floor went unnoticed. Her specs.

'Caged...' she was, in his hands pinning hers and in his eyes all set to burn. Sanskar couldn't take it anymore, her blatant lie, her ignorance, the simmering pain, frustration, and anger. He just couldn't and he just blew up.

"You don't ?"

His nostrils flared, pulse hammered wildly and his breath felt like rushing torrent ready to sweep away everything in his way and it did.

Rage consumed him and his lips slammed on hers with a brutal force. A part of his mind was shut...he couldn't process a thing or think straight as he kissed her with all pent- up feelings neither could she.

Swara stood paralyzed at sudden attack on her senses as he claimed her lips with a searing need like he's punishing them both. His hands held her in place and there wasn't a mere space for air between them. She didn't struggle, didn't reciprocate but let him kiss. She stood fighting her own longing and realization of where this pain of his came from... from her.

Did she hurt him so much? Her sunny.

Tears streamed out of her eyes and wetness on her cheeks alerted him. He loosened his grip, let her hands free but his need was far from over. It was the deepest he ever felt. He needed her. He needed a way out for all his jumbled emotions.

Yet he pulled back a little, just enough to read her face. A tear escaped from the corner of her lashes and met his lips midway. Did he hurt her? The thought was enough to singe his heart. "I am sorry ..sorry, Swara... I ..."His fingers feathered over her cheeks wiping any remains and went on mumbling trying to find words put across his feelings. That was her undoing. This little love and him. Her will crumbled and she gave in.

He gasped at the touch of her lips and wrapped her in his arms. With all rage died down, he kissed her with an ardent longing and she kissed him right back. His fingers cupped her cheek delicately and her hands held onto his shoulders ... and they kissed with a wild abandon. Their breaths, and lips mingled into one fueling them both with irrepressible sweeps of impassioned love.

Hours melted into minutes. As his senses fell back into the place, he was no longer in office which vanished bit by bit. He was on the dance floor and he was kissing 'her '...The texture, the taste, and her elfin frame fitting against his own perfectly...'Her'

'It's her' 

His heart and mind screamed alike and he stepped back as if hit by a jolt ... a jolt of realization. Swara stared at him wide-eyed trying to catch on her breath and it hit her. The kiss. As she was about to run away, he grabbed her back in a death grip, his eyes boring into hers. He read them with a desperation, seeking answers ...and he was again staring at those eyes which gave him sleepless night for years, those caramel colored ones...

Swara snatched her hand and rushed out with a thudding heart not caring of spectacles lying on the floor. Sanskaar stood rooted just like that night watching her disappear into darkness...only this time her mask was off ...

It's her ...It's Swara.

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Thanks for reading

Love

Lucky