12 # Tangled


Swara loved butterflies as a kid. The fluttering of those painted wings flitting from flower to flower like little fairies in colors, such a fascinating sight! Sometimes she wished to be one, fly and soar high... as her dreams and hopes did. Didn't they?

In reality, they had always been clipped, bound by limitations...and now broken.

That night hadn't been easy for Swara. The stream of tears seemed never-ending as the pain of her aching heart. One word... Just one word from him, she had no clue would crush her world.

Haan!

And she froze on spot ...all she could feel was deadly numbness for next few minutes deprived of every feeling and sensation. Then she felt, a sharp stab right into the heart. Tears pooled in her eyes and all of sudden everything felt blurry.

Thanks to Ragini ,who as usual came to her aid. She cited some excuse, Swara had no clue what! Voices around reached her ears in bits and pieces and she couldn't make sense of a single word. Ragini held her hand and she blindly followed.

Back in the car, Ragini didn't say a word...they drove in silence. Thankfully, she was led to Gadodia house, straight to the terrace.

"Aaj hum tumhe nahi rokenge, Swara. Jitna rona hain rolo," said Ragini and restrained tears of Swara found their way out. Ragin simply held Swara close in silence.

In midst sobs, Swara murmured she had no clue why she felt this bad on hearing Sanskaar's love for someone else. It's not like they are even together. She didn't have hopes of any. He was an unattainable dream ...that's it. She was well aware, he had never been hers or could never be. Then why was it killing her from inside?

"It's because you love him, he doesn't and sometimes unrequited love is worst kind of pain," Ragini said.

Love? Did her love ever make sense like her mindless fascination for Sanskaar? No matter how much ever she wished for him badly, she always had clear lines drawn between dream and reality. Where did she go wrong then?

Last few weeks with him around, she didn't even realize blurring few lines or many and had been living in a dreamy reality, giving into her momentary fancies, false hopes until harsh reality came crashing down to her, today. She felt bad, then angry over that nonexistent face, who claimed Sanskaar's heart, then terrible over her state of mind and wretched heart.

Did she have a right to complain? No, she didn't. Not when she called this upon herself. None is to be blamed other than her. The sand castles were bound to be to washed away one day, she should have known.

"Sanskaar doesn't have a clue of your feelings, Swara. You never had any intentions to let him know and now it's too late." Ragini's every word made sense... every word. "It's a wake-up call, Swara. It time for you to move on from, Sanskaar."

Move on? That felt like a death sentence. Move on from him? Swara dreaded the prospect. Would that ever be possible? She nodded no. For the first time in years, Ragini lost her cool over Swara's adamant stance.

"It's just a matter of few more weeks, Swara. Your internship will end. Even if you are placed in Maheswari Inc. is there a way? He wouldn't have an idea of your craziness and would get married to someone he loves aur tera kya? How long, Swara? How long? Days? months,?years? How long will you hold on to this fascination? Step out of your dream world, Swara. Please. You can't go on like this. It's not too late yet, Swara. Please wake up."

Swara blinked through tears feeling lost. Ragini sighed sadly over her friend's state.

"I know it's not going to be easy ... And I can't even imagine how tough it is going to be for you to give on someone you loved so dearly all these years ...but it's time." She told calmly this time.

How could she? But she knew Ragini was right in every way...only her stupid heart was not willing. If not Swara, what about the masked girl she was that night. Did she mean nothing to him, that night of them together, the dance, the kiss? What had she seen in his eyes? Was It all  in the heat of the moment? Those few minutes with him kept her going for long, every bit etched into her memory, his every touch imprinted on her skin and soul and branded to be his...but It didn't for him. It didn't.

Only Swara knew the prick she felt at that moment. She cried in a state of confusion, trying to make sense out of her pain and she cried until no tears were left.

After a few hours feeling bit composed, Swara dragged her feet down to Bose house. Ragini insisted her to stay back for the night but Swara wanted to be alone. Ragini reluctantly agreed only after a promise from Swara, she would call if in need.

Swara stepped in dejected and what awaited her was totally unexpected. Kavita out with her friends caught glimpse of Swara in a coffee shop with two guys and it was a news she couldn't wait to share in the family. She did.

Swara was put on the stand.

Dadi was first one, "I knew it right then when she decked herself up. Shopping ke naam par ladko ke saath ghumne gayi na..maare khatu shyam ji.." Parvati Bose pressed her mouth glaring at Swara.

Sumitra was next, " I didn't expect this from you Swara. You could have told me. Let me remind you we are from a middle-class family aur ladko ke saath aise dosti, bahar ghumna... it will not have good implications for either you or our family. All society is needs is a chance to hurl mud on others... I hope you would be careful from next time." The disapproval in her eyes was strong enough to put across the message.

Kavita stood at one end having fun, obviously.

Neither in a position to defend or explain, Swara nodded in silence, made way into her room and locked herself up. At the time of dinner, she lied of having it already ... and she's not hungry. When Aadyot came in, she asked to be left alone citing headache. Aadyot sensed something wrong but he didn't want to trouble her further. But he made sure his di had a glass of milk before he was shut out.

Once left alone...Swara cried her heart out. Curling her knees close, she clutched the scrapbook close to her heart. Let him go. Then it hit her, the intensity of her fascination for Sanskaar. It was no mere fascination but he became center of her world, her cheer, her warmth, her happiness, and her everything. Her world minus Sanskaar would be void. A void empty space, dark and cold and it scared her. The thought itself ....

She cried herself to sleep.

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Move on! It's high time.

Sanskaar recalled words of Laksh. His mind was far away from sleep. The unexpected turn of events this evening left him restless as Swara's sudden exit. She didn't wait for him to finish his words.

Laksh looked least affected sipping his coffee like he was expecting this outcome. On questioning, Laksh admitted doing it on purpose.

"Why?" Sanskar shot question next minute

"Because I wanted to see how much she loves you. She felt bad and was hurt. That's quite a natural reaction in this scenario when in love.Now don't give me those looks Sanskaar. Tu bhi jaanta hain."

"I know she likes me," Sanskaar admitted. He had known it for weeks.

"Like? Laksh shook his head, "Dude! she loves you. It's written all over her face, the way she was looking at you, dotting on your word, your every little gesture, she literally worships you. How can you be so blind to her feelings? Of course, I know why! For one girl who you have no clue of existence .. or would she ever turn up? How long? How long Sanskaar? Days? months? years? How long will you hold on to this masked girl? For her, you are turning a blind eye towards Swara, jo tujhse itna pyaar karti hain.

You like her too. Don't you? Chup kyu hai! bolna? You admit or not, you do! You talk hours about her, you can't stop thinking about her .. you feel jealous of guys around her and aur aaj bhi, It was all out in open for anyone to see. Why don't you just get out of your dream world and admit your feelings ..admit that you are getting drawn towards her, you are falling for Swara.

Is he? Sanskaar turned to another side of the bed.

"You are scared to admit Right! You feel threatened by your feelings for Swara.Kyon Ki tujhe lagta hai you are being unfair to the other one. Hain na?" Laksh's questions were on point.

Yes! He always felt threatened around Swara. His feelings for her.

"The truth is Sunny! You are being unfair to self and Swara. You are depriving yourself of true love jo tumhari aankhon ke saamne hai. If not today, tomorrow or down the line few years, you will have to move on. You can't get married to a mask. Get that straight.

Don't think I am pushing you, Sunny. I just don't want you to lose out on someone who loves you. All I want is to give yourself and your feelings for Swara, a fair chance .Give Swara a chance. Tumne khud kaha na, there must be a reason you are attracted to Swara. Why? Jo itni ladkiyon saath tujhe feel nahi hua ..Swara ke saath hi kyu? Your heart knows the answer. Dimag nahi yaar dil ki sunn.. listen to your hearts voice and dump your mind for a while. Pyaar hain Bhai..logic, reasoning kuch nahi hota.

I know you will give same justification for the masked girl but does that even make sense, practically. No! Just think over it."

Laksh's every word made sense. Holding onto this mere mask felt like waiting for a train that would never come and the more he thought about it ...he felt settled.

Swara loves you.

She does. The thought itself filled his heart with a warm feeling and he found himself smiling. These days only Swara's thoughts brought a smile to his face instantly. Maybe he had known it for long but didn't want to accept and had been forcing himself not to. He had been fighting his feelings too hard.

Not anymore, Sanskaar decided. He will let them take their own course. For one last time, Sanskaar looked at the mask in hand...but he was thinking of Swara.

"Just remember sunny," Laksh told before they parted ways for the day, "To love the one who loves you is the best thing you can ever wish for. Don't let Swara go."

He won't

For once there's no harm in giving self a chance, he would. A chance to be loved and to love. He had no intentions of keeping Swara in dark. He would share everything with her about that night, masked girl and his wait all these years and these budding feelings taking roots for her. It would be left to Swara's choice and her decision would be binding.

He pushed mask back into the drawer. Maybe it's really time for him to move on and let go...of 'her'

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"Baba ..dekho na ye kitna sundar hain." Little Swara rushed to Sekhar with a victory smile holding butterfly with its wings. She finally managed to catch one. They were in a neighborhood park.

"Nahi beta .. aisa nahi karte, chod do usse." Sekhar looked at the plight of butterfly and at his pouting daughter who didn't want to let go prize of her quest.

"You are hurting it Swara, "Sekhar's mildly censured tone was enough to make Swara guilty and she released her hold. The butterfly fluttered away. Swara settled on the bench sulking. "It was so beautiful baba. We could have taken it with us, back to home. Mamma ko dikhate na and you just asked me to let it go. Why?"

Sekhar smiled at her questions. He took her hand into his and closed on it gently "Because, you can't hold onto everything that is beautiful and fascinating, beta. Sometimes you have to let it go.. Nahi tho dard hoga, talkleef hogi ..jaise uss choti si jaan ko hua tha and always remember this, Shona... It hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on."

Swara woke up with a jerk. Her head pounded badly, tears still lingered at the corner of her eyes, Her cheeks and pillow were tearstained .. and she still had the scrapbook in her hand.

It hurts more to hold on...

Yes...It does.

Swara slowly got down the bed and walked up to wardrobe in slow steps, hesitantly. Her heart pulled back but her mind knew its right thing to do. She can't take this pain anymore.

For one last time, she stared at scrapbook for long.. Her lifeline all these years. She quickly wiped off blinding tears. Her hands trembled as she placed it back in wardrobe not in the usual place but totally out of her sight. Then with a click, the door was shut and she sank down slowly onto the floor in tears.

Time to let go.

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Ragini tried hard to sleep but Swara's tear stricken face just flashed before her. She called quite a few times but no response. It was understood. Swara wanted to be left alone and she was willing to give her all time needed.

As time passed guilt took over Ragini. She played a part too in giving hopes to Swara that Sanskaar likes her. He looked and acted as he does in the coffee shop..all those gestures making Swara feel special. Didn't he?

Such a jerk! Ragini fumed.

If he was in love with someone else why put up this lovey-dovey act and send mixed signals. Maybe he had been doing that all these days in the company. That might have led Swara to believe he really does like her. Oh! She knows this kind of guys. Pyaar kisi aur se aur flirting ke liye koi aur, phir shadi kisi aur se.

Idiots.

Next minute Ragini felt terrible. She should have stopped Swara from plunging too deep into her dreamy world. She didn't because .. Sanskaar had been the reason for little happiness in Swara's life. But if he is turning into a source of grief for her best friend ... She will not let it happen.

Angry over self and at Sanskaar and the sight of heart-wrenching pain and tears in her best friend's eyes as she recalled each of them, Ragini's protective instincts for Swara kicked in strongly.

No Sanskaar can hurt Swara... till she is in the picture. In Fact, no one can hurt Swara. She will not let Swara go through a heartbreak again

Sanskaar has to be out of Swara's life at any cost. She would make sure of it.

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No way...

He is never letting Swara go out of Sanskaar's life, Laksh determined quite strongly that night. Not when he is absolutely sure of their feelings for each other.

Swara and Sanskaar would be together and he will make sure of it. He hoped his words might have put some sense into Sanskaar. He is not letting his friend spoil his life over a stupid mask and brown eyes. He didn't care who it was. That masked girl should be out of his friend's life ..and he would do whatever it takes...

Whatever...

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At that point, none of them had a clue of the equation they were tangled in.

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Thanks for reading.

Love

Lucky

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