Harry?

. . . The Advil isn't working.

Sorry, I'd have answered sooner but I was too busy CHOKING ON MY LAUGHTER.

Fuck you!

Damn, aren't you insistent? I told you before, Muffin, you can't fuck me when you haven't seen me! :)

At least, not in reality. I can't take any credit for dream me though, just saying.

Dream you is a sexy blond surfer with blue-glass eyes.

What the fuck is blue-glass? XD

You know, like blue glass, in stained glass windows?

Light or dark?

In between. Piercing but not daunting.

I'll give you that, I've got those kind of eyes.

No way.

Yes way.

How?

It's the power of genetics, darling.

So . . . Are you a surfer?

Hah, nope, not even close. I've got short brown hair and I vowed at sixteen never to touch a surfboard again.

I'm pretty damn good on a snowboard, though. ^_^

So you can hang ten on the drifts but not the waves?

Yup XD

What's with you and "XD"?

It's easier than finding the emoji. XD

Lazy.

Trust me, I am ANYTHING but lazy.

Anything?

Possibly. Depends what it is.

But you said anything.

Just trust me when I say I'm not lazy, okay?

But Hairy man, you said "anything."

It's spelled HARRY. H-A-R-R-Y, HARRY. Get it through your thick skull.

And just leave it, okay?

Please?

Okay, fine. Are you alright?

Yes.

No you aren't.

I said I'm fine so I'm fine.

Fine.

Fine.

Just so you know, bottling it up isn't going to help.

I know that.

It's like a wine bottle.

Future alcoholic in the making. . . -_-

Jesus, it's a metaphor.

Jesus doesn't care if it's a metaphor, he cares that you'll be in AA two years from today.

JESUS, SHUT UP.

I don't think Jesus will like that.

Je--you know what?

No, what?

You suck.

Wow. I had no idea you felt that way.

How much sarcasm do you have left in you?

Trust me, Muffin, I'm full of it.

Yes, you are, but I already knew that. And I told you before, font "Muffin" me.

Do I have to go back and screenshot our texts? Regarding the subject if your pet name, the last thing you said was, and I quote, "Muffin me."

FWD: Muffin me.

You didn't have to foward my own text to me.

I could have just scrolled back.

And it's so easy to fake a forwarded message.

I know ^_^ but I didn't fake it this time.

This time?

Trust me, Muffin, I've faked a lot of things before, and text messages are the least of your concern.

What else have you faked?

Haha

No really, I'm curious.

Nosey, nosey. ;)

Um . . . in order of greatest number of times used to least: illness, injury, loss of voice, car trouble, headaches, the dog ate my homework, family emergency, traffic, late to class because of family issues, nausea, delirium, fever, a relationship, social media activity, blaming someone else for a prank etc, and . . . Oh yeah, working.

Oh and caring is up there somewhere too but I haven't figured out where to place it yet.

You have problems.

You know shit, honey, so don't pretend to.

Whoa.

Okay.

Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.

Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, too, I just. . .

I've got a lot on my mind right now. Please don't feel bad.

I'm suffering a hangover the size of Mount Kilimanjaro right now, I already feel bad.

There's no room left for you.

Honey, there's always room for me, who are you trying to kid?

Ooh, someone's back to normal again. #sassysob

Uh, what?

Sassy son of a bitch.

Please reread the original hashtag and get back to me.

Ehat, #sassysob?

Oh wait.

Yeah.

How can a sob be sassy?

Easy, like this: *hand to forehead dramatically* "It's not faaair!" *single fat tear slides down rosy cheek* See?

I'm sold.

And also laughing my ass off.

Don't go anywhere I'll be right back.

What?

We're texting, not calling. I can go anywhere I like and you'll still be there.

Unfortunately.

That's just mean.

You're hurting me.

Haha, you know I'm kidding.

But seriously, where did you run off?

Um

The bathroom?

Why?

Because if I didn't I'd have to change my pants and I'm too lazy to find another pair right now.

Shit.

I'm that funny?

Honey

I haven't laughed like this in years.

How come?

I don't know you well enough for that. ;)

Alright, I can get behind that.

Not the answer I thought I'd get.

What did you think I'd say?

Well, you kind of have a go-to answer for everything, so.

What answer would that be? :)

"Fuck you."

You can't fuck me if you haven't seen me yet. ;)