Sooo :)

How's the hangover? ^_^

Fuck. You.

Do we really have to go through this again, little lady?

Do NOT 'little lady' me.

Whatever you say, Muffin. ;)

Don't "Muffin" me.

Sure thing, Muffin.

Don't MUFFIN me.

Why, do you prefer Muffy?

Muffin me.

Ooh, have a change of heart, did we? You never answered the question, how's the hangover?

I hate you.

You don't know me. Now answer the question.

Ooh, do I sense concern?

No, just sympathy.

It sucks.

Nauseous? Head pounding like an elephant is in it, marching in a parade?

Interesting description but yes.

Might I suggest eating toast and coffee?

You could.

And take Aleive or something. But don't eat quickly because you'll end up puking it back up.

No shit. -_-

I highly recommend hunkering down and hibernating for about a year.

Seriously?

Okay fine, until morning. Picky, picky.

Bitch please, I can handle a hangover.

For starters, I'm a guy, so no, I'm not a bitch. I have heard douche, ass-hat, and some other things I won't repeat, but never bitch. FURTHERMORE, no, you can't, because you've never had one. So go fuck yourself.

Excuse me?

What?

I did NOT mean that literally.

Jesus, what the hell kind of mind have you got, bitch?

A sleep deprived one, dumbass.

Who here has experience with alcohol?

You. . .

So don't name call me when I actually know how to help you.

I have friends.

Who more than likely are also hungover right now. So right now, all you've got is me. So in conclusion, don't call me a dumbass.

Okay then, what would you rather me call you?

Harry.

What, don't tell me your feelings get wounded when people call you names.

Surely you aren't that thin skinned.

Hello?

Jeez, can't a guy pee in peace?

Ew.

You do it, too, weirdo.

Just call me Harry, okay?

Jeez, okay already. Harry it is.

So . . . Aside from abusing the alcohol, how was it?

Your birthday.

21, it's a big deal.

Oh, it was okay. My brother Lyle came home today.

Where was he?

Scotland. And I was privy to secret information before anyone else.

???

He proposed to his girlfriend outside a castle in Ireland.

I'm assuming this means she said yes.

Uh-huh :) and I'll be the Maid of Honor at the wedding. And guess what?

You'll wear purple and the new-fiancée has a bun in the oven.

Um . . . Yes?

How did you know that?

I've been to a few weddings.

Do I detect annoyance in that sentence.

No, because it was only six words formed on a screen by the tapping of a few buttons in a certain consecutive order. There is no tone to that.

Ooh, who was she?

An ex, moving on.

I thought you said you lost your virginity two months ago.

This has to do with a proposal how?

You proposed without knowing if she was good in bed?

She was a devout Christian and only sleeps after marriage.

And?

And she married my brother two weeks ago, now, like I said, MOVING ON.

You said a few weddings, who was the other?

A cousin.

Who else?

My best friend's, can we forget I mentioned anything now?

But who are you avoiding?

I'm not avoiding anyone.

Oh, you're avoiding someone.

No, I'm not, now MOVING. ON.

I could just Google you, you know.

Fine, it was my mum's wedding, I was the best man. Now. We. Are. Moving. On. Understood?

Understood ^_^

Something else that won't help your hangover. STARING AT A BRIGHT SCREEN. Shut it off.

Uh, I already dimmed it?

Just don't be staring at it, okay?

I sense exhaustion in that sentence . . .

I'm sorry.

No, forget it, I'm just tired.

How do you do that anyway?

Do what?

Read someone's emotions through the words they send you via text?

I don't know. It's easy.

No it isn't. If it was, I'd still be with her.

Who?

Ella.

The girl who screwed your best friend?

Yeah.

You don't sound mad at him.

He was drunk off his ass, he didn't know who he was monkeying with.

If you say so.

Trust me, Westley wouldn't do that to me. We're together all the time, he's cool. He really takes his bro code seriously.

Bro code?

Yeah, you know, the Bro Code. Don't date your best friend's sister, their ex, your brother's ex. You know, the BRO CODE.

Oh, kind of like the Sister Code.

Uh, yeah, sure. That's a dumb name.

*scoffs* as opposed to the Bro Code.

Hey hey hey, you can't dis the Bro Code. It's illegal. It's an unwritten law.

Do you mean unspoken?

Same difference. It's not written, you can't tell me it is. Unless you count in Westley's fourth grade journal, because I don't.

You've seen his fourth grade journal?

Uh, girl, I helped write everything in there.

You've known each other since fourth grade?

Second actually.

How'd you meet? Same class?

Uh . . . Yes, but we only spoke halfway through the year when I puked on him.

Ew. x_x

Yeah he thought so too. I didn't think of anything because I was too busy spewing up my guts again.

What's with you and puking? You seem to do it a lot.

Okay. I was, like, seven years old and I got food poisoning. NOT my fault.

Besides, it's not like I did it on purpose. I didn't even know I was going to throw up until after I did.

How do you even remember this?

Because I ruined the coolest shoes I've ever seen in my entire life. -_-

Nice. What color?

I pray you're talking about the shoes--blue tiger striped.

Uh . . . Of COURSE I meant the shoes, weirdo. What was he, living in the seventies?

Mmm no, I think it was 2004.

You fucker.

Get some soap and wash your mouth. I think it's a bit dirty.

Fuck. Off.

Gee, sailor, I'm joking.

Sort od.

NOT AT ALL.

You aren't funny.

Liar. You're probably laughing st me right now.

Nope.

Aw, so I haven't made you pee yourself yet?

Ew, is that your goal?

No, gross, but if it happens, I'll roll with it. Gotta roll with the punches, Muffin, you learn that quickly where I'm from.

Which is?

Ah . . . My back story. No, no, that's for another time.

Now go get dressed.

EXCUSE ME?

Honey chances are you wound up naked last night.

It's noon.

And you probably have thrown up, downed coffee and Advil and ignored my suggestion of toast, and haven't gotten dressed yet.

Which mean your hair is dirty, your eyes are crusty and your boobies are sagging. Not hot, honey.

I repeat, fuck you.

And I repeat, nobody can "fuck me" until they see me. Please note the use of my air quotes.

Those aren't air quotes, loser, they're REAL quotes. You know, ones you can see?

Unless you're blind, you can see air quotes, smart-ass.

That reminds me. Is your ass nice?

Are you a fuckboy?

Sorry, I meant is it hot.

I certainly think so, but you'll never know.

Ooh, burn.

Just like how I'll never see how small your dick is.

You wound me, baby.

^_^

I love our little games.

GAMES?

Ouch, not so loud.

Oh wait, it's YOU with the killer headache. XD

You dud NOT just use "XD".

XD XD XD XD XD

Like "Disney XD"

You disgust me.

GO SHOWER, SMELLY GIRL.

I do NOT smell.

Haven't showered or brushed your teeth, you're about to puke up thst coffee and Advil, and you smell not only like vomit but like whatever alcohol you greedily consumed last night.

I'm going to go shower now.

Take care, love.

Do NOT call me "love." *shudder* *gags*

*you vomit* because of your hangover, not me.

You suck.

Bitch, did I give you that bottle last night?

I'm going now.

Cold water. Wakes you up.

IT'S FREEZING!

One, of course it is dummy, hence the word COLD. And teo, stop texting me while you're naked, it's creeping me out.

What, you're not that kind of guy?

Only if you're my girlfriend sweetheart and trust me, you ain't her.

Nope, because she's out fucking another friend of yours. ^_^

Ouch. Thst stings. Like, really, I think you just reopened an old wound. Oh wait . . . IT'S NOT HEALED YET.

Goodbye ^_^

Text ya later, Muffin.

No you won't.

Yes I will, but I won't have to, because you'll beat me to it.

In your dreams.

Ooh! I have permission for you to enter my dreams?

No.

It's the subconscious, baby, you can't control that shit. It's scary up in there.

That just sounds . . . wrong.

-_- nightmares, baby.

You're my nightmare.

-_-

And don't "baby" me.

Whatever, baby.

I AM NOT YOUR BABY.

Okay, Muffin.

STRANGER DANGER. GO AWAY. STOP TEXTING ME.

Mkay. Talk to you in an hour when you're telling me the Advil isn't working.

Will not.

^_^