Soumaya POV

Shivaay bhai just wants to spend time with anika bhabhi that was clear and the fact that rudra seem to have no idea of that as he tries to pull a tray from shivaay was hilarious..... So was the fury in shivaay bhai face.
What was also clear was the UNLIMITED love that shivaay had for his family, even when they acted like idiots,this love they share was pure thats why people envied it,or tried to be a part of it whether in a wrong or right way(like me) or they tried to test it or destroy it.....
"Sumo" rudra said right next to me shocking me out of thoughts
"Do you want to go out......I need to have fun with my best friend" he said smiling brightly at me and in his smile I saw forgiveness and kindness.....he was trying to move on,to forgive me but I felt both happiness and sadness about this.......to do what I did was justifiable for the hurt and humiliation I had suffered but revenge and destruction I did unknowingly tainted the love I had for him and his family and while he can forgive me I can't seem to forgive myself.....him standing here smiling with forgiveness at me after I have taken his love proves the unworthiness of my love and the power of his.......
"That will be great "I said fake smiling at him " but I need to talk to anika bhabhi for a while..... So we can go in an hour OK" I explained looking at anika bhabhi walking with pinky aunty and she looked a little embarrassed!?!
" OK an hour than" he said and winked at me making me blush.....he laughed and ran to anika bhabhi and they had a little chat and he hugged her and ran toward shivaay bhai's room.
" soumaya there you are" pinky aunty said with anika bhabhi walking slowly behind her," we are going for a picnic for the whole family......so I need you and anika to pack bags of everything we will need I have had food catered it will arrive in 30 minutes and everything must be ready because we must leave immediately after that...OK " she said looking at me and anika as we nodded our head.....
"Hurry"she said and walked away

As we where packing in the kitchen i could feel anika bhabhi staring at more questioningly for a couple of minutes ....till she walked to me and pulled my hand and held them tightly
" soumaya what's wrong" she said looking worried " did you fight with rudra?" making me more guilty because of the concern I heard from her voice
" I'm fine" I said feeling a little angry as I pulled my hands away from her....why this forgiveness, this kindness...it was starting to suffocate me because the hate they had give me before anika arrived was better than this kindness........ Hate is what I deserved....
" soumaya what hell is wrong with you" anika said almost shouting at me," you.....you is whats wrong with me" I yelled at her couldn't she understand
"Why are you doing this....why have forgiven me anika bhabhi?" I said with tears running down my face,"are you punishing me?" I said whispering feeling broken.... She looked at me for a while like she wants to read my soul ....
"Haven't you been punished enough soumaya?" She asked me wiping my tears from face "haven't you punished yourself enough?"I sobbed in her arms and shook my head" " why" she said gently," I hurt everyone so badly "I said " because when Svetlana came to me and told me her plans I knew I was just a pawn for her to destroy you all and I didn't care,I watched you all crying and I felt nothing but happiness.........I don't deserve this forgiveness you all are giving me" I said trying to make her understand what I have done" maybe I can fix this" I said desperately " I'll divorce rudra and I'll go find bhavya and...,"NO!!" Anika bhabhi shouted"stop making decisions about rudra life...you cannot fix one mistake by committing another mistake soumaya.....you talk to rudra first, a serious talk find out what you both need or want in this relationship " she said holding my face in the hands
"LOVE,FORGIVENESS AND KINDNESS IS WHAT YOU EARNED BECAUSE YOU HELD MY FAMILY AND MY SHIVAAY TOGETHER WHEN I WASN'T HERE........YOU JUST NEED TO LOVE AND FORGIVE YOURSELF,BE KIND TO YOURSELF LITTLE SISTER!!!!she said with an overwhelming love in her eyes that I felt the walls I built around my heart break ....giving me hope and i hugged her sobbing on her shoulder," I'LL TRY" I promised.... Maybe it was time to rebuild myself and forgiveness is where i can start