That night when I retired to my bed, I was too restless to sleep. I attempted to enter my meditative meadow, but my mind rejected the illusion. I tried praying to Egyptian gods and goddesses, but my soul felt naught.

Lying, searching the stars for answers, I finally cried out to Adonai. "Why am I here? You do not need me. I have nothing to offer. I do not have the second sight. You have more able messengers. I may even be a hindrance with the brand of Herod on my neck. Show me what you would have me do."

Even as I finished my plea, a star seemed to blaze its way from the heavens. I sat bolt upright and scrambled hurriedly to the edge of the roof. This was the same visualization as the night the heavenly messenger visited Balthazar. From my lofty perch, I beheld Joseph resting against a tree in the front yard. This was the place where he spent time alone, conversing with Adonai. Tonight fatigue must have overtaken him during his deliberations, for he slept. A shimmering being sat on the lowest branch of the tree, observing him.

As I slithered down the ladder, I listened intently for any message the angel might bring to the sleeping carpenter. Silence reigned. When I reached the corner of the house and peeked around, the being still sat serenely in the tree. I attempted stealth, but when I peered out of my hiding place, the sparkling man raised his eyes from Joseph and locked my gaze to his. I wanted to withdraw or at least look away, but I could not. It was as though he had captured my sight and frozen it in time. His eyes blazed with a burning zeal. Purpose and confidence glowed in their depths.

Not a sound left his lips, but in my mind words formed. "The Magus was right. You are a dark angel. Adonai has seen to it that you are uniquely prepared to guide his son to the safety of Egypt, from whence He will call him back into this land to save His people."

"Am I destined to be one of them?" I fashioned the query in my mind without realizing it.

"It is possible. You must look and listen," came the response.

"That has been my life's work."

"Yes, but you have been looking to the wrong deity and listening to half truths."

With that cryptic message, the angel slid gracefully to the ground and addressed the quiescent Joseph, "Arise, take the young child and his mother. Flee to Egypt! Stay there until I bring you word, for Herod seeks the young child to destroy him."

As his brilliance streaked back into the night sky, I expected Joseph to jump to his feet and hurry into the house to rouse Mary and Jesus. Instead, he stirred as though his slumber were disturbed by a dream and then rested peacefully against the tree trunk.

I started across the yard to waken the man, but in my mind, the words echoed, "Look and listen."

"When am I to act?" I wondered.

Instead of rousing Joseph, I filled the water skins, tied dried fruits and nuts into bundles, and then stirred the coals and began to cook thin slices of pita. The smell of the bread awakened Joseph.

"What are you doing, Subira?" he asked as he stretched.

"Preparing for the journey," I responded.

Remembrance suddenly dawned in his sleep-filled eyes, jarring him completely into wakefulness. "How did you know?" he demanded.

"Mary told you what I beheld when the heavenly messenger spoke to Balthazar while he slept," I said. "The iridescent man came again tonight. He spoke to you, but he also gave me a message. He told me Adonai saw to it that I was uniquely qualified to guide his son to Egypt."

"How so?"

"I was brought across the desert from Memphis through dried wadis and uncharted paths. We traveled at night when men normally avoid the desert. I observed the route closely, using the stars and landmarks as a guide. A Bedouin's daughter was chained to me and whispered desert survival skills in my ears. I have stored all of this in my mind for such a time as this."

"And what message did this angel have for me?"

"He told you to take the young child and his mother and flee to Egypt because Herod conspires to destroy the boy."

Satisfied, Joseph jumped to his feet.

"We must hurry and leave under the cover of darkness. We can be far from this place by the time the sun rises," he said.

Seeing that I had filled the water skins and prepared food, Joseph quickly made a few bedrolls and strapped them to the donkey. As I finished the pita and doused the fire, he scurried inside and awoke his sleeping wife.

Mary showed no surprise. She simply donned her traveling mantle and stuffed some clothes for Jesus into a saddle bag. Telling Joseph to bring the sleeping boy, she climbed onto the donkey and held out her arms for Jesus. The child stirred, murmured, "Mama," and then rested his head over her heart and fell back into a sound sleep.

Joseph took the reigns from me and motioned for me to lead the way. He and Mary put their complete trust in me to bring them safely from Bethlehem to Memphis.

We traveled through the night and early morning, attempting to rest in the heat of the midday and afternoon. The problem was Jesus. He slept until almost sunrise in Mary's arms. When we were ready to rest, he wanted to play. Since one of us needed to keep watch anyway, we took turns entertaining the child, trying to keep him silent and occupied. When his usual nap time came, we tried to keep him shaded and somewhat cool, hoping he would sleep enough to stay awake during the upcoming night.

When darkness fell, Joseph urged the child to walk with him, rather than ride with his mother where he might be lulled to sleep. When it was apparent that his baby legs would slow us too much, Joseph placed him on his shoulders. I walked beside and pointed out pictures in the stars, challenging him to find animals and other objects in the constellations.

With the necessity of distracting the child, going was slow. I feared that the five moons it had taken to cross the desert with the slave caravan would stretch into eight or ten. But there was no way to rush. When I expressed my concern, Mary merely smiled.

"Adonai is in control. He will protect us and provide for our needs. He sent you as a guide and perhaps to meet my need for female companionship, but you are not the one in charge, He is."

I sighed. "I wish I had your faith."

"You can. Adonai is the author of faith. Ask and He will grant it."

"But don't you have to believe when you ask?"

She raised her eyebrows. "It would help."

"Then I am doomed. I want to believe, but doubt intrudes."

"Perhaps wanting is enough. Adonai can read intent. Try asking Him."

I considered Mary's words. Adonai had certainly responded the last time I cried out to him in desperation. His messenger had come with a message for me as well as for Joseph, despite my lack of faith. He had warned that I looked to the wrong deities and listened to half truths.

As we trudged through the night, I tried talking to Andonai.

"I was not born a Hebrew. I know only what Mary has told me about you. She said that anyone can chose to be your follower and that you grant faith. I am making that choice. I have seen your might. I have heard two of your messengers deliver utterances designed to protect the child that Mary claims is your son. One of the angels spoke directly to me and told me to listen and learn. I am tuning my heart to you. From now on I will listen for your voice and learn of your ways. Give me the faith I need and remove my doubts. Please. I have wanted a relationship with the gods all of my life. The gods of my people are fickle and rarely seek meaningful relationships with their subjects. Mary said you are different. She said you want a relationship with your people. I chose to join your people."

After I told Adonai of my allegiance, our pace did not increase. No miracle replenished our water supply. Our food did not multiply. But my worry ceased. An inexplicable peace came over me. I was not responsible for the safety of Adonai's son. He was. I was content.