Warning: SPG

It was a good school year and I was almost at its end. I didn't belong to the dean's list but my grades are better than they have been for as long as I could remember. Honestly, it was a struggle at the start, but I've adjusted now. I know I will do even better next year and I'm eager to make the old man proud.

Contrary to what I usually did before, I now study with my classmates. Kung hindi pag-aaral ang pakay nila ay minabuti ko na na umiwas dahil na rin sa takot ko na bumalik ang dati kong mga bisyo.

Sabik ako na bumalik ng Guimaras para sa pagtatapos ni Lena. Isa pa ay may inihanda akong sorpresa para sa kaniya; kaming dalawa ni Lolo ang nagisip no'n.

Gustong magpatuloy ni Lena sa pagkokolehiyo na ang kurso ay makakatulong para mapainam niya pa ang pag-gawa ng mga produkto na may tsokolate. Although I want her to come with me to Manila, I did not really suppose my grandfather would allow her to. Kaya naman labis ang kagalakan ko nang sinabi ni Lolo na pag-aaralin niya si Lena sa isang unibersidad sa Manila. Hindi pa tapos ang semester sa eskwelahan ko pero gustong-gusto ko na ibalita sa kaniya kaya nagpasya ako na umuwi para sa graduation niya.

My mother sniffed scornfully when I told her about the old man's plan. "Sosyal naman ng querida ng Lolo mo, sa Benilde pa talaga mag-aaral?" She's currently watching me pack, having dropped by my boarding house for a surprise visit.

"Ma! Ayoko na makarinig ng kung ano pa mang hindi magandang salita tungkol kay Lena at pati na kay Lolo!" Dalawang taon na mula nang napagtaasan ko siya ng boses; bago pa ako nag-aral sa Guimaras.

"Don't tell me pati ikaw nagayuma na ng mangkukulam na 'yon? Mukhang mana ka talaga sa Lolo mo. Isa pa 'yon, I thought he'd have learned his lesson by now," she said mockingly.

"Damn it! I said stop!"

"Fine, fine. Hindi ko alam napaka-sensitive mo na pala ngayon, anak. But don't blame me when that little hussy chooses your grandfather over you." I stood up abruptly but she only rolled her eyes and left.

I know what she's talking about. She was referring to my grandmother— Eliana Calderon who cheated on my grandfather and was sent away after she became pregnant by another man. My father never really forgave any of his parents— my grandfather for chasing her away and Eliana, for leaving without her seven-year-old son.

Whatever my mother said though, I know Lena isn't my grandfather's kept woman. Ni minsan hindi ko nakitaan ng malisya ang pakikitungo nila sa isa't isa. Hindi ko alam kung bakit napunta si Lena sa pangangalaga ni Lolo, pero nakatitiyak ako na hindi totoo ang sinasabi ni Mama o ng ibang mga taga-Aguadulce.

Lena was class salutatorian and my grandfather beamed proudly when the two of them went up the stage. Meron akong nakitang ibang estudyante na malisyosong ngumiti sa isa't isa pero hindi ko na 'yon inintindi. Mga chismosang walang magawa sa buhay nila... Wala silang pakialam kung totoo man o hindi ang kanilang pinaniniwalaan dahil ang nais lang nila ay may masabing masama tungkol sa ibang tao.

🌿

There was a small celebration when we got home after her graduation ceremony. Iilan lang naman naman ang inimbitahan dahil kaunti lang din ang mga kaibigan ni Lena: sina Goldie, Henry at kani-kanilang mga pamilya. Pumunta rin ang ibang mga guro na naging mabait kay Lena kasama ang librarian naming si Ms. Agatha.

The party ended hours ago as it's past midnight now but I simply cannot stop thinking about that girl.

If someone had told me two years ago that I would come to care for her as much as I do now, I'd have laughed and called it a bluff. I can't imagine how it happened. All I know is that this girl is driving me crazy. She's so innocent, so naïve and unlike all the girlfriends I've had. There are moments when I hate myself and my past because I know I'm not good enough for her, but then I always remember that Lena loved me first. Kung ano man ang nakita niya sa akin ay hindi ko rin alam. Ang nasisigurado ko lang ay mahal niya ako kahit sino pa 'ko.

I kept walking outside her window, not even having changed my clothes yet. I want to give my gift to her but what if she's asleep already? Screw it. I threw caution to the wind and went back upstairs. Siguradong tulog na silang lahat dahil na rin sa pagod sa paghahanda at pagliligpit pagkatapos ng selebrasyon. I knocked as softly as I could on her door, praying that my baby was still awake. Finally, the door opened a little and her timid face appeared.

"Renz? Ano'ng ginagawa mo rito?" Her voice was soft and a little husky as if I'd wakened her from sleep.

I didn't wait for an invitation although I probably should have. I opened the door wider myself and stepped in, carefully shutting it behind me.

"Renz! Baka may makakita sa'yo," she whispered in alarm.

"Saglit lang ako. May ibibigay lang ako sa'yo. Kanina pa kita gustong ma-solo."

My baby looked nervous as she sat on her bed and turned on her desk lamp. Its pale yellow light was enough to allow me to see my words had made her blush. I sat on the floor beside her legs and placed the gift-wrapped box on her lap.

"Nag-abala ka pa. Thank you!" maligaya niyang sambit.

"Sige na, open it."

She smiled joyfully as she began to unwrap the gift. When the small bottle came to view, she immediately opened the cap and sprayed it on her wrist and neck.

"White Shoulders," basa niya sa nakasulat sa lalagyan.

"Nagustuhan mo ba?"

"Gustong-gusto ko! Mas mabango kaysa sa inaasahan ko!"

Goldie told me Lena found out Manila girls like using perfume. Nakita niya rin sa isang magazine na sikat ang White Shoulders kaya nag-iipon daw siya para makabili nito. Now she doesn't have to. 

She bent a little so she could reach my face and kissed my cheek chastely. She didn't mean to linger, but I caught a whiff of the perfume on her neck. She isn't the least bit aware of it, but she's driving me crazy.

"Come here," I whispered sensually and caught her wrist, pulling her gently so that she had no choice but to sit on the floor beside me. I knew my presence in her room made her tense because she couldn't even look at me anymore. The bottle of perfume now lay forgotten on her bed.

"Meron pa akong isang regalo sa'yo," I said in a playful tone.

She raised her brows in confusion but didn't have time to ask what I meant as I had already leaned closer and kissed her on the lips. It didn't even last two seconds as I had withdrawn quickly.

She swallowed and for a second, I thought I had made a mistake. Natakot ba siya? Hindi niya ba nagustuhan?

"Bakit... bakit ang bilis?" she finally managed to say, still not looking me in the eyes.

I smirked and touched her chin with a finger. "What did you say, baby?" I challenged her. "Sabi mo sa akin dati gusto mo akong maging boyfriend. Naghahalikan ang mag-boyfriend, Lena."

Nakayuko pa rin siya pero unti-unti ay tiningan niya rin ako. Nilapit niya ang mukha niya sa'kin at pumikit nang nagtama ang mga labi namin.

She kissed me tentatively, innocently. I wanted to make the kiss deeper but didn't want to scare her so I let her take the lead for the first few minutes. When I felt her getting used to it, I probed her lips open with my tongue. My hand curled around her neck, never letting go of her lips in the process. I claimed her mouth repeatedly, her sweet taste as addicting as I had imagined.

I maneuvered her slender frame so that eventually, she was straddling me. Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal ang halik na iyon, ang alam ko lang pareho kaming hingal nang tumigil kami. I rested my forehead on hers as we both tried to catch our breaths. Damn, I should not have started what I know I will find hard to stop later.

I don't know if she realized it, but she was sitting on top of my erection. Dahil manipis lang na pantulog ang suot ni Lena, nakita ko na hindi lang rin ako ang naapektuhan sa halik na iyon. I could see the outline of her hardened nipples.

It was not our first kiss. I had kissed her before, but it was the first time it lasted more than a few seconds.

She tried to kiss me again but I turned away a little. "Baby..." I groaned.

"Uhmmm... ayaw mo? Hindi ako marunong humalik. Sorry..." she said shyly, clearly insecure.

"Baby don't say that... Sa sobrang sarap ng halik mo...." I couldn't finish it; I did not want to frighten her.

Hindi na siya sumagot. Ang tanging tugon niya lang ay ang paglapit ulit sa'kin para mahalikan ako. I was too weak to refuse her. She was only seventeen, damn it. Let's be honest, I was aching to kiss her.

My hands went to the buttons of her dress. She stopped kissing me and her eyes widened when I started to undo them one by one. Lena caught my hand, but didn't reprimand me. I wanted her so bad but I knew this wasn't the right time for that. Slowly, never taking my eyes off her, I renewed my effort and this time, she did not protest.

When her breasts were exposed to me, she crossed her arms to cover them.

"Baby..." I whispered and gently removed her arms. She inhaled heavily as the cool air from the open window made her nipples pucker harder in the moonlight.

I kissed her forehead lightly and then both of her cheeks. Tentatively, I massaged her neck a little and let my hands travel down her arms. One word of protest and I would have stopped. But she didn't say anything, and so I went on. I splayed my hands on her ribs and then started to massage her breasts, steering clear of her nipples for the moment. Ayoko na matakot siya kaya dahan-dahan lang ang pag galaw ko. Eventually, she began to moan and when she did, I finally rewarded her by cupping both her breasts. I want this to be for her, I want her to feel good but it was also affecting me. I lightly pinched her nipples and rubbed them with my thumbs when she moaned a little bit louder.

"Renz..." Damn. Nothing felt so good as hearing her say my name while I was rubbing her rosy pink nipples, and I have been celibate for a year and half now.

I tucked my hands under her armpits and pushed her upward so that she was kneeling in front of me. She was trembling a little by this time. I placed her hands on my shoulders so that I was still supporting her, then gently, I began to suck on her left breast. By the time I grazed her nipple with my teeth, she was breathing heavily.

"Renz... Renz..." Hindi na siya mapakali, at kahit hindi niya alam ano ang nangyayari, kuyom lang ang mga palad niya sa balikat ko.

"Baby, let go...." I whispered sensually before sucking harder on her other breast.

I had a raging hard on when I got back to my room but I didn't care. This night was not for me. Besides, Lena and I had the rest of our lives to wait to make love. I don't mind waiting for her...

She was overjoyed when my grandfather told her the news that he would be bringing her to Manila in a couple of weeks time.

Dalawang araw pagkatapos ng graduation niya ay nauna na akong bumalik sa Maynila. Magiging problema na magkaiba kami ng school pero magagawan naman ng paraan iyon. Mas gugustuhin ko na magkasama kami sa Luzon kesa naman maiwan siya sa Guimaras.

I didn't tell my mother about Lena and me. Not yet. I didn't want her to ruin it. I didn't want to hear anything about her accusations or assumptions about Lena again. Hindi niya kilala si Lena kaya wala siyang karapatang manghusga. Balang araw, pakakasalan ko si Lena sa gusto man ni Mama o hindi.

🌿

I had tried calling her a few times but only got to speak to her once. She sounded a bit sad but assured me she was fine, just feeling under the weather.

"You already miss me, huh?" I couldn't help teasing her and imagined her pretty face blushing.

"Renz... 'wag ka na tumawag ulit. Sayang lang ang pag long-distance mo. At saka... malapit na rin naman tayong magkasama riyan."

"But I miss my baby," I whispered huskily to her.

Everything was going according to plan. We are going to be together in Luzon real soon. Two weeks passed unbearably slow but when it did, Lolo and Lena did not come. No one was answering the phone nor had I received any letter. I decided to go to Guimaras, worried out of my wits. Imagine my fucking surprise when I went back to the island, only to be told she had gone... She had gone abroad with my grandfather.