Soft weeping filled the small clearing. Ryder sat in the center beside the rose bush, huddled up and letting the tears fall. Her gut clenched with the effort of keeping the tears quiet. Even out here where no one was listening, she still couldn’t let go all the way. She had to hold some back. It had become her habit.

It’s nearly time for the next step of my plan.

I don’t want to know…

Mmm… Sad. Well, if that’s your attitude, I’ll keep it a secret. Alyx teased, his tone light.

You’ll do what you want regardless of how I feel about it. Ryder wiped away the tears as they fell down her cheeks. But if you think that’s going to stop me from fighting, you’re wrong. I know who I am, Alyx. And who I am is someone who fights for what’s right. Someone who protects the things she holds dear. But most of all, I’m someone who will defend those who can’t defend themselves.

Don’t mess around with fire, love. You’ll get burned. Alyx warned.

Then so be it. I’ll fight you until I breathe my last breath. Ryder hissed at him.

He fell silent and left her to her silent cries. The constant ache of guilt and pain in her heart was incurable. She didn’t think she’d ever be better again. How could she be when she’d been instrumental in the deaths of others who were innocent of wrong doing?

Soft footfalls sounded and someone walked over to her and sat down. “Hey… What’s the matter?”

Ryder couldn’t look at him, but she knew it was Kane. A strong arm slipped around her shoulders and pulled her into a hug. She melted into his embrace, no longer trying to conceal her tears. The loud, wracking sobs broke the stillness of the clearing.

Warm sunlight filtered through the trees onto the two friends as they sat together, one comforting and supporting the other. A soft breeze mulled over the scene as it brushed through the grass, and birds watched the two while they continued on their way. The only thing that broke the peace of the scene was Ryder’s tears.

“What’s the matter? I know it’s more than just what happened to those agents, Ry.” Kane gave her a squeeze and then held her at arm’s length to look into her face. “You can tell me anything, you know.”

Ryder shook her head. “I let those agents die.”

Kane frowned. “What? No, you tried to save them. You fought the imposter.”

She shook her head with more vehemence. “I lost. If I hadn’t, they would’ve lived. But I lost, so they died.”

“You can’t blame yourself for that. You fought for their lives and lost. But you did try. That’s what matters. You didn’t ignore the problem or let them die.” Kane held her by the shoulders and gave her a little shake. “You hear me? You didn’t let them die, and you didn’t kill them.”

A tear slid down her cheek. “I did.” She squeezed her eyes and mouth shut, hoping to keep in all noise and any tears threatening to spill. “I did.” She covered her mouth with her hand, and with one last, muted cry, she stood up and fled back towards the Base.

***

Kane held a hand up and started to call after her, but he stopped and let his hand drop back into his lap. She needed to be alone right now. He wasn’t of any use in this situation, and going after her might do more harm than good. Best if he let her sort herself out a bit before he went after her.

Anyway, her sister, Cassie, had told Ansgar she was coming to visit her sister shortly after Donnovan allowed Ryder’s release. Perhaps her sister would be able to help her to get past this. It wasn’t likely that Kane would be able to. He wasn’t the one she turned to for emotional support. Never had been, and probably never would be except in special, select cases. There had really only been once that he could think of that Ryder had come to him for emotional help and succor.

He shook his head and pushed himself up off the ground. This situation was impossible.

***

 Ryder ran into the Base and tore down the halls, heading for one of the unused sections of the Base. She couldn’t meet anyone’s gaze as she ran, and she brushed off those who tried to stop her. Let them report to Ansgar that she was behaving strangely. She had bigger problems.

As soon as she reached the deserted halls of the old wing of East Base, she slowed down and walked slowly through the dusty halls. She trailed her fingers along the walls, collecting the dust on her fingertips. A fat tear rolled down her cheek as she continued on her way. She took a shaky breath and pulled open a door.

It led into an old meeting hall with a dust-topped oak table and equally dusty chairs with deteriorating cushions. Her footsteps echoed in the silent room as she walked over to the table and rested her hands on the table. A single, weak ray of sun made its way through the dusty, cracked window behind the speaker’s podium.   

She collapsed into the chair with a puff of dust as tears fell down her cheeks. They made little splashes as they fell onto the table top and disturbed the dust. She traced random patterns in the dust as she wept, trying to figure out everything. Finally, with a cough, she buried her head in her arms and cried herself to sleep in the cold sunshine coming through the dirty window.

***

Cassie marched up to Kane and said, “Where is she? I saw her go running out of the woods… What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything. She’s confused and upset right now, Cass. She needs you…” Kane murmured.

She nodded. “I know that. But where is she?”

“I have no idea. She probably went to one of the unused rooms in the old wing of East Base. Which one, I can’t say. She’s random when she goes there.”

Cassie sighed. Her sister had always been sporadic when choosing where to hide. She had said it kept her hidden, which was the point to hiding. Ry had always been the hardest one to find among her friends when they played hide and seek. Well, Ry and Donnovan, who often used his magic to shift through the shadows from hiding place to hiding place. “I’m sorry, Kane… It’s not your fault she ran off. I know you wouldn’t intentionally hurt her. I’m just worried about her.”

Kane wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her head. “We’re all worried, Cassie. Something isn’t right, but no one will listen to me about it.”

Cassie embraced him back and let herself relax. Her voice broke as she answered. “I believe you, Kane… Something is so very, very wrong.”

“I don’t know what to do, though. She’s my best friend. I love her, and I can’t stand seeing her like this.”

Cassie gave him a squeeze. “Neither of us can, but we have to for a little bit as we try to figure out what’s wrong.” She pulled away. “I have to go find her. You stay here…”

Kane nodded. “Bring her back, Cass. Help her find herself again.”

Cassie nodded. “I’ll do everything I can.”

She gave him a weak smile and headed for the old wing of East Base. She had to find her sister and help her. Ry seemed to be in desperate need of it right now.

***

Ryder lifted her head from the table top as Alyx woke her with a whisper. Someone’s coming… You’ve been sleeping here for nearly three hours, Ryder.

No wonder I feel so out of it.

She sat up and pushed away from the table. The floor boards creaked as she stood up.

The door to the meeting hall squeaked open slowly, and her sister’s head popped around the corner. Her face lit with a smile when she saw Ryder. “Ry… I finally found you. I’ve been searching for three hours!” Her smile faded.

“What is it?” Ryder backed away.

She can sense me… She knows I’m here. Alyx hissed. She must be kept out of the way.

No. You’ve taken everything away from me. Not my sister too…

You insist on fighting me. Now I must do whatever it takes to break you. Until you are utterly broken, you won’t be able to do what I need you to. Alyx whispered. If that means your sister’s life, then so be it.

Please don’t… Ryder’s eyes filled with tears. “Cass?”

“Why is there another conscience in your mind, Ry?” Cassie looked at her with tear filled eyes. “Is that what happened at the warehouse? You were possessed?”

Ryder struggled against Alyx. He wanted her to say no, but she wouldn’t lie anymore. She nodded since she couldn’t force out any words.

Cassie’s blue eyes widened. “But how? Possession is a long lost art.”

“Not to some.” Alyx growled through Ryder.

Cassie gasped and began to claw at her throat.

Alyx, please. Don’t kill her. Anything but that. Anything…

She must die.

If she dies, I have nothing left to live for. So if you kill her, I won’t care if stopping you means my death. Ryder reasoned.

Tears dripped down her cheeks.

Stop crying! Why can’t I keep this away like before?

Because this is my sister we’re talking about. You’re killing her! You can’t control my strongest emotions.

Fine. I won’t kill her immediately.

Cassie’s face went ashen, but she stopped gasping for breath for a few moments. She watched Ryder warily. “Ry, I know you’re in there somewhere. I know you are. Don’t let him control you… Please. I love you, and no matter what you do, I always will. There is still good in you. You’re in there somewhere…”

Ryder shook her head at Alyx’s behest. “She’s not in there, Cassie. Or rather, she is, but she’s not in control. I am, and it’s going to stay that way.”

Cassie doubled over with a gasp. “M-make it stop.” She whimpered.

She’s going to die if I don’t stop… And unless you cooperate, I’m going to speed up her death. If you cooperate, I’ll make the spell that’s sucking her life away slow down. Alyx whispered. Her life depends on you, love.

I’ll do anything, just don’t kill my sister. Please… Ryder wept.

Alyx laughed. Anything?

Yes. Anything. It doesn’t matter what you do to me as long as she stays alive. My parents can’t lose us both.

He sighed. Well, if you’ll do anything, love…

Cassie collapsed onto the floor, and Alyx gave Ryder control. She ran to Cassie’s side and dropped to her knees. “I’m sorry… Cass… I didn’t mean for it to happen this way.” Ryder whispered as she pulled her limp sister into her arms. “He made me promise to do anything he wants in exchange for your life. Whatever I do from now on, it’s all for you, Cass… I promise. No matter how evil it seems, it’s for your life.”

Her sister didn’t respond. Her face had gone a waxy white, and her lips were pale. The color had completely fled her, and her eyelids fluttered frantically as though she was having terrible nightmares. Her body was cold to the touch, and Ryder’s tears were hot against her skin. Ryder brushed her fingers across her sister’s cheek.

Then she stood and picked her sister up. Cradling Cassie in her arms, she headed for the hospital ward.

***

Cassie lay on the hospital bed, wrapped in fuzzy white blankets with multiple IV tubes in her arms. The slow drip of liquids into the needles in Cassie’s arms and the shallow breathing of her sister reminded Ryder how close to dying Cassie was.

Kane held Ryder’s hand and squeezed it when he saw that she was crying silently. He opened his arms, and she willingly leaned into him. Ryder rested her head against his chest and let him cradle her as she cried. “I need to be strong for her, but I can’t do it…” Ryder whispered as her tears soaked Kane’s shirt.

“You’re strong enough to do what needs to be done. You can do whatever you need to, Ry. I’ve watched you make it through so many things. Your aunt’s death, initiation as an agent, numerous dangerous missions, the warehouse mission… You’ve always come through. This is no exception.”

“No… I’m finally broken. This was the last straw… I can’t win this one, Kane.”

Kane sighed. “What happened, anyway?”

“I don’t know. She just collapsed.” Ryder buried her face in Kane’s shirt.

“The doctors said it was some sort of magically induced coma.”

“Kane, what are you asking me?” Ryder moved back.

“I’m asking if you did something. I don’t believe that you personally would’ve. But you’ve been acting weird since the anomaly, and I’m beginning to believe that it’s not you. Who’s really in control, Ry?”

“I’m not possessed.” Ryder snapped when Alyx forced the words out. “And I didn’t do this to Cassie. I would never do something like this to my sister.” She stood up and stormed past him. “If even you can’t believe me, then I really am alone in this.” Ryder shot back over her shoulder.

“Ry… I do believe you, but I’m trying to consider other possibilities. That’s why I’m asking this. Because I do believe you, and I think that possession is the only answer to the anomalies I’ve been seeing in your behavior. If you say you’re not possessed, though, I’ll believe you.”

“Well, I’m not.” Ryder turned on her heel and stormed out of the hospital ward.

It’s time for the next step. Alyx whispered. You are broken. And now I can truly use you.

Do whatever you want. But do one thing for me…

What?

Don’t make me see it. Blank me out.