"I feel something so right doing the wrong thing." – Counting Stars by OneRepublic

Friday, May 17th, 2013

"One, Two, Three..."

Click.

"Crap. They're still not in sync. Do we do it after you say 3 or when you say 3?" Noah asked as he ruffled his perfect hair.

"On three means when I say three, Noah." I explained for the hundredth time.

"Okay, let's do it one more time. But let me count this time."

"Okay, go!"

"On three! One, Two, Three!"

Click.

"Hold on, let's listen." He raised his hand, signaling for me to zip it. I swallowed back the words that almost made it out of my mouth and held my breath as the movies started playing.

"Yay!!!!" I squealed once I made sure the movies were synchronized.

We were on a date. Yes, you read that right; I said date, DATE-date. Noah had finally asked me out. He said, and I quote, "I want you. I want you so bad, Mer. Go out with me." while licking his perfect plump lips and staring at me with those perfect sparkly eyes.

Guess what I said? Guess. I got time.

Nothing. I said nothing. I simply got up from where I was sprawled up on the couch and bolted to the bathroom to throw up. In my defense, that was last Tuesday, the day he sent me the package, and I was still sick. But after cleaning up and promising him I would see a doctor, I gleefully accepted.

Noah then went on to tell me that despite the hurdles of a long-distance relationship, there was no one else he'd rather do it with. While I was overjoyed, my resolve didn't break. I was still nervous over the fact that we hadn't seen each other in a very long time, and I didn't want to begin a relationship before we spent some time in person.

We were both in the midst of taking our finals, and because he wasn't taking any classes in the summer, he said he'd try to come to see me after his finals, possibly in June. Until then, we had decided to go on a virtual date every Friday night.

Our first one, the previous Friday, was pretty low-key. We had gone out for a walk at our local parks, grabbed some Ice-cream and sat and talked through FaceTime for hours.

Our little hiatus had served as a wake-up call for both of us. It was like we realized that what we had was special, and like everything else that was special in the world, it needed nurturing and care. So, we did just that. Nurtured and cared for our relationship.

We never spoke of those strange few days again. Noah never brought Nick up; I never brought his brother up. It was like it never happened. While I still had so many questions I wanted to ask, he had done everything he could to get us back to where we were, and I didn't want to ruin our progress.

We were on our second virtual date, and we wanted to make it casual and go for the quintessential dinner and movie night. I convinced him to watch A Walk to Remember with me, and after purchasing it, we were both sitting comfortably, waiting for the movie to begin.

We had been counting down from one to three, three to one, ready-set-go, for over ten minutes, hoping to make our movies play in sync, but one of us kept being a second too late. It was our umpteenth attempt, and it had become tiresome.

We were both in front of our computer screens, slurping our noodles and glancing at each other as the movie finally played in sync. With our phones propped up in front of us displaying our faces, we started watching the movie, while sneaking a peek at each other dreamily.

I guess we hadn't thought everything through because bathroom breaks turned out to be a little challenging. We had to pause and play at the count of three every time one of us had to go, and it took us longer than it should, to get halfway through the movie.

"Life's not fair!" I whined as fat, hot tears coated my cheeks.

"It's-" sniff "-just-" whimper "-not-" wipe "-fair!" I was crying like a baby. Sobbing, hiccupping, sniffling, and all. My lips were pulled down forming a perfect "n", my cheeks were flushed, my nose was swollen, and I was swallowing hard to get rid of the lump in my throat.

Noah was just staring at me with a stunned look on his face. I had counted to three and made him pause the movie because I wanted to rant quickly.

"He... He..." I paused to take a breath, "He had a star named for her." And the waterworks.

Noah let out a soft laugh.

Wiping my tears away, I calmly said, "Did you just laugh?" while I glared at him through my squinted eyes.

No response. Noah was just smiling, with his hand tucked under his head and his phone above his eyes. His biceps were screaming for attention, and they got it. They got my full attention.

"I can't believe you, Noah. I CANNOT believe you would laugh at a time like this!"

Another chuckle.

"Noahhhhhhh, stop it." I groaned, stomping my feet. I was throwing a tantrum.

"We haven't even watched the sad part yet, baby. And you're already crying." His body shook with laughter.

"It's still sad!" I paused mid-whine. "What? You've watched it before?"

"I... Uh..." He stammered. "No, I guessed it." He lied through his teeth as he flashed me his flawless smile.

"Noah, you told me you've never seen it before." There was a hint of disappointment in my voice.

"You were just so excited, baby." He cooed.

"You lied to me."

"Mer, I didn't want to lie. If it's any consolation, I didn't remember half of it."

"Who did you watch it with?"

Please don't answer that question.

He didn't answer that question.

"Oh, the ex." I muttered under my breath, but he nodded softly, confirming he heard me.

"I'm sorry!" he put the hand that was tucked under his head up in surrender, "you're just so fucking cute when you get animated and the idea of telling you I've already seen your favorite movie and taking all the excitement away from you didn't sit right with me."

"It's okay." I said in defeat.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked.

"Yes." I teased. He didn't know it, but there was some truth in it.

"Where?" he teased back.

"My heart." I replied, pointing to my chest.

"I can kiss it better."

"You're so corny." I rolled my tear-stricken eyes while my whole body heated.

"I'm always horny when I'm with you."

"You... uh... sto... ugh, Noahhhhh." I blushed.

Remember my cheeks that were already flushed? Yeah, well, the dilated veins ruptured, and my entire face reddened. That had been happening a lot since we had amended our relationship. Noah saying something extremely flirty; me going crimson and glitching in return.

He had been using words like, my girl, baby, I love you, you're hot, and so on and so forth, and I just kept melting and turning into a puddle every single time. It wasn't just the words that got me so titillated. It was the way he looked at me when he said them.

I was spellbound; He hypnotized me. He did things to my body. Things I didn't know bodies could do. I felt tingles everywhere. More prominent at certain places down south, if you catch my drift.

The sound of his laughter brought me back to his waiting eyes. He was laughing at me, amusement playing on his perfect face.

"I love it when you blush. You get all flustered and cute- so fucking cute- you avoid my eyes and fidget with something, anything." His throat bobbed visibly as he continued, his gaze lighting me on fire. "You're so hot and you don't know it. You're so oblivious to the power you hold on your fingertips. You're so clueless about the things you do to me. The things you make me want to do to you."

I shivered. My poor body overheated when those words left Noah's perfect lips and made their way into my ears. My body temperature would be above 104F if I measured it. The stings and tickles on my skin multiplied by a hundred and infested me from head to toe. Bidding me alive; awakening something feral in me.

"What do you want to do to me?" I asked, catching both him and me by surprise.

His eyes roamed what little of my body he could see through the screen and smiled at me playfully.

"Are you sure you want to know?" His voice was thick. His grin was mischievous.

I nodded shyly as I swallowed hard. Fearless. Daring. That was who I was with Noah; That was who he made me.

"I'd start with kissing those delectable lips," he groaned, "One by one, slowly, on the corners, in the middle."

My body vibrated in triumph. My fingers started moving of their own accord, trailing the lines of my lips.

"What else?" I asked, my voice coming out hoarse.

"I'd kiss-"

My screen went blank with an incoming call from an unsaved number blocking Noah's face and cutting his sentence short. I breathed an annoyed sigh out and declined the number.

"Hello?" I asked as Noah's call connected again, and his confused face popped back up on my screen.

"Hey, where'd you go?"

"Ugh, I got a call."

He looked at the time and eyed me apprehensively. "Who calls you this late?" his voice had a bite to it.

"I don't know. No caller ID. I've been getting those kinds of calls for days now." I answered truthfully.

His eyes cornered me, asking me silent questions, and I felt the need to clarify. "I don't enjoy answering phone calls from unsaved numbers. It's an anxiety thing." I brushed it off with urgency.

I was hoping to go back to our previous conversation. You know, the one where he was telling me about all the stuff he would do to me? I had never been so thankful for my vivid imagination. But to my disappointment, he was no longer in the mood. His facial expression hardened within seconds, and he was suddenly in a hurry to go to sleep.

"I'm gonna head to bed," he said as he picked up the plates from dinner. "I gotta wake up early."

Puzzled by the sudden turn of events, I called out his name.

"Good night." He said, angling the phone down to hang up.

"Whoa, Noah, what's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm beat." He replied, avoiding my gaze.

"What the hell, are you kidding me?" I was annoyed.

He turned his eyes to me, and my heart snapped once they met mine. Something was up; his eyes told me so. They were pleading with me, asking me to ask him what was wrong again.

"Noah, talk to me?" I softened my voice and pleaded.

He sighed loudly and sat on his couch. Running his hand over his face, he spoke in a low voice, almost a whisper. "It's just... I just..." He let out a frustrated groan.

I waited in silence, giving him time to sort his feelings out.

"It's just that I hate vague answers, May."

"What vague answers?" I was confused.

"You don't know who called you this late? And they've been calling you a lot. What's that supposed to mean, May? Am I supposed to believe that?"

"What the hell. Of course, you are supposed to believe that, because it's the truth. Is this it? Is this why you snapped at me? For not knowing who called me?"

"I didn't snap at you-"

"Yes, you did. You almost hang up on me."

He exhaled a long, resigned breath, "I don't want to fight. That's why I didn't want to talk, May."

"Stop it!" I said, aggravated. "Stop calling me May! Stop making something out of nothing. What is this? What are you doing?"

"Fuck!" he muttered. "Fuck. I'm fucking messed up. She fucking messed me up."

"Who is sh- Wh- what?"

That's when it all clicked. Noah had trust issues. He thought I was hiding something from him.

"Noah."

"I'm sorry, Mer. I'm so fucking sorry."

"Noah," I called again, but he was still muttering apologies.

"Noah!" I yelled and his head snapped toward me. "Your apologies are getting out of hand. Sorry doesn't fix everything. We will not bandage what just happened with a sorry and move on. Talk to me. What the hell is going on?"

There was a long pause before he spoke. "It's just that my Ex, Ava-"

I hate her!

Tears started streaming down my cheeks. I was no longer crying for Jamie and Landon, though; I had an insurmountable amount of hatred for that girl, Ava. My arteries were clogged with my disdain for her. She was always looming over; always the elephant in the room.

I wish she would just disappear.

Noah's face contorted with panic and confusion. "Mer, don't cry?"

I wiped away my tears aggressively, "Tell me, what were you going to say?"

"Let's leave it, it's upsetting you."

"No, Noah. Tell me."

He exhaled loudly, "Ava cheated on me, and it just messed with my head." He paused. No, he stopped.

I finished it for him. "So, you thought May is going to cheat on you, too. Right? Because if Ava is a cheating dumb ass, so is May. Right? Is that it?"

When he didn't answer, I continued speaking as my throat tightened and clogged up with tears.

"I'm not her, Noah,"

"I know, baby. I-" He spoke over me.

"No, no." I held my hand up, "let me finish. I am not her and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing for you. But I can assure you, I am not her. I would never cheat on you. I would never hurt you the way she did. I... I can't apologise on her behalf, I can't take back what she did, I can't fix your broken heart, and I can't heal you from your trauma, Noah, God knows I want to. But I can only love you my way; on my own terms. And if that's enough for you, let me in as me. Not as another Ava, not as a potential cheater. Just as I am, just May. I can't ask you to trust me. I can only promise you that I will never play with your heart. I will never hurt you intentionally."

"I know that. I'm so sorry, Mer."

"I am too, Noah. For everything you've gone through."

"I promise I'll be better."

"We'll be better together."

"I really love you."

I loved him, too, but I didn't tell him that. I simply nodded. If there ever was a wrong time to say those three words, it's when the recipient was vulnerable.

Friday, May 31st, 2013

I was late.

Thirty minutes late, to be precise. Our date was at 7 PM and, according to my car, it was already 7:30. I was speeding through yellow lights, switching lanes, and doing everything I could to get home as fast as possible. Noah was a punctual man, and I was sure he'd be bored out of his mind waiting for me.

After finishing my finals a few days ago, I had picked up some shifts at the local doggy daycare. I had already signed up for the summer semester, and the first day of class was on the third of June. I was able to go through the schedules, and the course load seemed to be a lot less than my previous semesters, leaving me with some free time. So, earning a little money sounded like a great idea.

"I'm so sorry!" I apologized when the phone connected, and Noah's handsome face graced my screen. As soon as I parked my car, I dialed his number.

"Hey Baby." He smiled as he took me in and darted his tongue out, licking his lips flirtatiously. "You look hot."

Crimson. I turned completely crimson. He never got tired of complimenting me, and I never got used to it.

"Sorry I'm late, I had to close today." I explained as I fiddled with my keys.

"Don't worry about it. How was your day?" he was lying on his couch, with his TV playing loudly in the background.

"Was awesome!" I beamed.

"That good? What's up?" he mirrored my smile and turned down the volume of his TV.

"I'll tell you later. How was your day?" I asked as I changed out of my uniform. I left my phone on my vanity as I roamed through my closet for a dress.

"Hm, strange. My day was awesome too."

"Are you going to tell me why it was awesome or no?" I yelled from my closet, hoping he'd hear me.

"Later," He chuckled, "Uh, where'd you go? I wanna see."

"Nothing to see." I walked out of my closet clad in a peach summer dress. I angled my phone as I ran my fingers through my curls. "I don't have time to put on makeup so you're going to have to deal with this." I pointed to my bare face.

"Lucky me, I get to stare at your beautiful face."

Rolling my eyes, I set my phone on my dresser, leaning it on the wall. I walked back a little until more of my body could be seen through the phone screen and awkwardly did the Ta-da hands as I showed him a fuller view of my outfit.

Noah hummed as his eyes took in every inch of my body. "Give me a little twirl."

"Oh, come on!" I protested as I spun around.

"So damn sexy." He whispered.

I cleared my throat and picked up my phone. I could see my rosy cheeks through the phone screen. "Do you have all the ingredients?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

It was our fourth date, and we had planned on cooking dinner together while listening to music. We both prepared a playlist, and we were going to play our songs one by one while cooking, eating, and conversing.

He chuckled, "I do have all my ingredients, hot stuff."

I walked out of my room, closing the door behind me. "Stop it, Noah." I was embarrassed. I didn't do well with compliments.

"What? You're not hot?"

I opened the kitchen cabinet and started looking for the cooking pot. Honestly, I was only doing the cooking night to impress Noah. I had never even used the pots and pans Rosie and I owned. I picked up the pasta sauce and started pouring it into the pot as Noah spoke again.

"You're hot, and sexy, and beautiful, and smart, and empathetic, and kind..." I discarded the empty can as my heart grew in size. All the beautiful words he whispered found all the hollow spaces in my body and filled them to the brim.

He continued saying sweet things to me, and I continued absently stirring the sauce, basking in all the love and attention he was sending my way.

"...you're so adorable and- baby, you're supposed to boil the pasta first." He said, suddenly pulling me out of the sugar daze he had put me in.

"Oh?" I asked. I didn't know the first thing about cooking. The best I could make was instant noodles, and more often than not, it came out undercooked. Preparing a pot for my pasta, I spoke as I avoided his gaze.

"You know, sometimes you make my heart swell with so much love, I feel like it'd burst any second."

Noah smiled, and his eyes crinkled. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

Chuckling, I echoed. "Good."

We caught each other up about our days while we set our tables and made our pasta. Noah was telling me about how tired he was all the time. He had been working two jobs to support himself, day shift at an auto repair shop and night shift at a bar.

His dad was still hell-bent on punishing Noah and His brother for getting into a fight. Mr. Thompson was angry that his kids had compromised the safety of their customers and soiled the name of their company. He had told Noah that he wouldn't be hiring him back or continuing his allowance until he made sure he was reprimanded.

Noah was under a lot of pressure, and he was struggling financially. It broke my heart seeing him struggle and not be able to help. I tried to send him some cash the other day, but he refused to let me do that.

For some reason, Noah's food was done before mine, and we were enthralled in a conversation when the fire alarm started blaring out of nowhere. Startled, I looked at him defenselessly as I cupped my ears with my hands. He motioned to the stove behind my shoulders, and finally, my dead senses resurrected.

The smell of burnt food made it to my nose and my eyes watered. I took the oven mitt and swung it in the air, attempting to see through the smoke. Turning the stove off, I picked up the hot pot, threw it in the sink, and ran water through it. I then sprinted to the living room, turned off the fire alarm detector, and threw open the windows and doors.

It turns out I can't cook. I burnt the pasta. No, not the sauce. The pasta that was supposed to be boiling burnt to ashes. Noah couldn't stop laughing at me. I guess I didn't put enough water in it.

I ruined dinner for everybody because Noah no longer wanted to eat his pasta. He said we were supposed to eat from the same menu so; he ordered pizza for both of us. I insisted on paying, for myself at least, but he gave me a look, and I held my tongue.

Date number four was a success. We ate and laughed and listened to music. I even got up and attempted to dance for him. We did our dishes, did our skincare routine, and went to bed while on FaceTime.

Before we said good night, Noah asked me about the awesome thing that had me grinning earlier.

"It's a surprise. For you." I told him.

"What? No way. I have a surprise for you too."

"Okay, me first!" I said, no longer able to control my excitement.

He nodded, and I forwarded him a picture of a business card with a personal phone number.

"Look at the text I just sent you." I squealed.

He did as I said and looked at me in pure shock.

"No fucking way!" he kept chanting.

My last client at the doggy daycare was a famous music producer called Xavier. He was very friendly and overly flirty, and I used it to my advantage by twirling my hair and laughing at his bad jokes. I coaxed him into listening to some of Noah's beats on SoundCloud. Xavier liked them so much, he made me send him the link.

I then boldly asked if he could hire Noah or something. Xavier laughed and told me it didn't work like that in the music industry. He said he could give me his business card, and Noah could contact him, and he could take a look at some of his beats. He seemed impressed with Noah's raw talent and said he was interested in talking to him.

"Is this real?" he looked at me with wide eyes.

"Mm-hmm." I nodded.

"What? How did you? Holy Shit!"

Giggling that he was rendered speechless, I explained to him how I got Xavier's number.

"Whoa! I- wow! I don't even know what to say. He listened to my beats?"

"He did, and he loved them."

"Thank you! I fucking love you, May." Noah whispered, mixed emotions playing on his face.

I freaking love you, too, Noah. I wanted to say, but again, the timing seemed off. If I say those words to him- when I say those words to him- I want it to be sans an adverb.

I smiled knowingly. "What is my surprise?" I asked, ever so eager.

"Open the text I'm sending you."

My jaw dropped. "Oh my God! Seriously?" It was a plane ticket. He was coming to L.A.

"Seriously." He confirmed.

My eyes scanned the page, searching for the date, and my heart dropped. The 13th of June, the day my parents had their annual vacation. The day they were coming to visit me.

"What's wrong?" he said when he noticed my face drop.

"Nothing."

"Tell me?"

I swallowed. "I just can't wait to see you."

He eyed me with so much adoration. "I can't wait to see you too, Mer."

...

Saturday, June 1st, 2013

10:20 AM

"Okay... Love you, too. Bye!"

I huffed a gust of wind that could blow a house down as I hung up the phone and tossed it to the side. Falling to my bed on my back, I waited combatively for my conscience to scold me. I waited and waited and waited, but nothing. Every inch of me was buzzing with excitement; the image of Noah and I finally meeting taking over my mind.

I just got off the phone with my parents. After I saw Noah's plane ticket, I couldn't wait to call my parents and tell them to reschedule their trip. I told them I wouldn't be able to see them on the 13th because of my new schedule.

"School is making me busier than I thought, Dad." I had lied. "And work too and I have to study for my MCATs and I don't want to be distracted. And on top of that, there's the volunteering thing. And the... It'd just be a waste of your time and money, dad. We wouldn't get to spend time together." I persuaded, crossing my fingers and hoping that they'd just say okay without a fight.

"You don't have to work so hard, honey. You don't have to work at all. We can send you money." My dad had offered kindly.

"No, no, dad. That's not necessary. I'm old enough to at least cover my expenses. Thank you, though." The fact that they were still paying for my school and my apartment was more than enough. I was forever indebted to them and their generosity.

"Are you sure? We don't want you stressing out over money, May." My mom had added from the back.

"It's okay, I'm okay, you guys. No need to worry. It's just that I'm busy, you know? I'd rather study and use my spare time getting ready for med school. I'll come home in September, so it's no big deal."

"Oh sweetheart, we really miss you."

"We haven't seen you since New year's." My dad reminded me.

"I know! I miss you too! But do you know who else you haven't seen since January? Eric Van de Kamp." I digressed. "I spoke to him the other day, and he was telling me how much Poppy and Lola had grown. You guys should go see your grandchildren. You'll see me soon."

My parents were hard-working people who barely had time for themselves. They only got one week of leave from their work every year, and we had always used that week for our yearly family vacations. They had come to L.A. and visited me the previous year, and we had made it an annual thing as long as I was in L.A. But circumstances changed, and I could no longer attend to them.

When I had brought my nieces' names up and directed their attention to visiting my brother Eric and his family in Florida instead, my mom hummed in agreement, but my dad just grunted his grunt of disapproval.

My dad was disappointed. He was looking forward to spending some time with me. He and I had a very special bond. I was his only daughter, and he hated going months on end without seeing me. I was the same way. A few months ago, I wouldn't have passed on an opportunity to see my family, my dad. But the best thing happened to me in March 2013. Someone special came knocking on my door. I found my person, and he became my whole focal point.

As my grandma would say, when you find your person, hold on to them and never let them go. Put them first, choose them, pick them, love them, and show them how much they matter to you. Noah was my person.

I had a choice to make, and I made it. I chose Noah, and I wasn't feeling a shred of guilt over that. I had loved, respected, and put my parents first for 19 years of my life. I had seen them every single day for 17 years. It was time I arranged my priorities; It was about time I put Noah first. I'm sure they would understand.

I knew what I did was wrong, but it felt so right. I feel something so right doing the wrong thing.

Monday, June 10th, 2013

11:30 PM

Me:

Noie Bologna, (Read as Baloney for the sake of poetry)

The man I'd die to see,

Are you doing just fine?

Do you also miss me?

Noah: Lmao, you goofball. You'd DIE to see me?

Me: Way to go ruining the moment. This is why men don't deserve good things.

Noah: Oh hell no. You're not going to "men" me.

Me: You're not going to "not all men" me either, you goofier goofball.

Noah: I fucking miss you.

Me: Miss you more! Can't wait to see you!!!!

Thursday, June 13th, 2013

6:00 AM

Me: U up?

Me: Never mind, of course, you're up. I keep forgetting you guys are three hours ahead of us. Anyway, good morning, you! Hope you slept well. I was up all night going over multiple scenarios in my head. Like, how I'd run to you in slow motion at the baggage claim and hug you until you pass out. (For legal purposes, I am joking... Not really.) Are you okay with PDA? I'm not a huge fan, but I don't know if I'd be able to keep my cool today. I am so excited to see you. Can it be 8 PM already?

6:12 AM

Me: Also, I'm closing today so I'll be driving to the airport straight from work. I'll make it by 7:30-ish, so I'll wait for you by the gate.

Me: Anyway, text me when you take off, just to be safe.

6:14 AM

Me: See ya!

10:00 AM

Noah: ha-ha. See you, beautiful. I can't wait to more than hug you. Wink-wink.

7:34 PM

We had the busiest day at the doggy daycare. One of our doggies was sick, and my boss was losing his mind. We were short-staffed because my co-worker Annie had to leave for an emergency. I was all over the place, running around, doing every imaginable job. Everyone was calling my name, and I didn't even have a chance to eat my lunch. I was hungry, tired, sweaty and my knees were weak.

I had left my apartment dressed to impress that morning. The maintenance guys downstairs whistled at me. They never whistle at me. That was how much effort I had put into my appearance that day. I straightened my hair, wore tight jeans that made my butt pop out, dabbed on some makeup, and almost bathed in my fresh bottle of Chanel no 5. I was ready and eager to meet Noah.

But by the time I was clocking out, my straightened hair had been frizzy, my jeans were covered in dog hair, and I didn't even want to know what I smelled like. I was just ecstatic that I'd finally be able to know what Noahsmelled like.

We closed a little later than usual, but I still had time to go to the airport to pick Noah up. It was drizzling out and I covered my hair with my backpack and jogged to my car. I hurriedly got in and took my phone out of my back pocket to check if he had texted. He had, several times. I had some missed calls and texts from him waiting for me. I expected as much. I wasn't able to check my phone at work. I set up the GPS and quickly dialed his number as I started my route to the airport.

As soon as he picked up, I started speaking. "Hey! Oh, my God. Did you land already?"

"Hey, are you at the airport?" he asked at the same time.

"No, I'm on my way. I'm just running a little late. I'm so sorry! My stupid boss was-"

"Oh, thank God! Don't go." He interjected.

"What? Why?"

"I'm- I'm not there." He said in a strange voice.

"You Ubered? That's expensive. Ugh, I should've taken the day off. I'm so-"

"No, I didn't come."

My pulse rate picked up frantically, and I could hear the loud thump in my ears as my heart fell to my stomach. "What?"

"May, something came up, and I didn't board the plane. I kept calling you, but you weren't picking up. I texted you too."

"Oh," I breathed out. "I, uh, I was busy. I didn't get to check my phone. What happened?" my voice cracked.

He muttered something under his breath, but I only caught the end of it, "My dad."

"Is, is your dad, okay?" my eyebrows knitted, and my palms perspired.

"Yeah, yeah, he's okay. He just kinda hired me back."

There was an awkward silence filled with the sound of passing cars and a few aggressive honks.

"Uh, okay? Congratulations. What does that have to do with you not being here."

"He hired me effective immediately. I had to take over as soon as possible."

A poignant silence came between us. It was deafening. Even the sound of passing traffic faded away.

"Noah." My shoulders dropped. Droplets of rain splattered on my window. Tears blurred my vision.

"I know, I know, baby. I'm sorry." He besought. "He needed me; I had no choice."

"So, you're not coming at all?"

"Not today, not this week. I don't think I'll be able to come anytime soon."

The first teardrop rolled over my generous cheek. I swallowed hard as I signaled to change lanes. "Okay." My eyes stung as they searched for a turn sign.

"Baby, I'm sorry." His voice was rueful.

"You said that already." There was a bite to my voice.

Finally switching lanes, I stepped on the gas harder than I should have. I needed to get home effective immediately.

"It's just that it's my dad, May. I couldn't bail on him."

"I understand." My tears were spilling, and I couldn't drive anymore. I had to pull over.

"And you know how much I need the money."

"I know." I whispered, wiping away my tears with the back of my hand. I was frantically searching for a place to park my car.

"I love you." He sounded dejected.

"I know." I nodded, "Bye."

"Mer,"

"I'll talk to you later." I spotted a McDonald's parking lot.

"Don't, please."

"I'm okay. It's okay. I just need to go." I pulled over.

"Okay."

"Bye." I let out a shaky breath as I hung up and killed the engine.

Staring at the yellow logo, my face crumpled, and tears rushed out of my eyes like a broken pipe. All the excitement I had throughout the day faded to disillusionment, and I collapsed. Letting my head drop to the steering wheel, I wept as the susurration of rain muffled my sobs. My chest was trembling, and my teeth were chattering.

I put Noah before my family, and he put his family before me.

My tears continued to stream down my face as I watched children play on the puddle and couples kiss in the rain. I pushed my seat back and tilted my head up wanting to count the stars in the sky. But the sky was eerily empty; devoid of stars. I turned my attention to the clouds, wanting to count them instead. But they were hugging each other; connected at heart, never letting go.

"Raindrops will do." I whispered as I zeroed in on my window desperately needing a distraction.

"One, Two, Three," I counted as the raindrops banged on my window rhythmically.

Ping.

A Text Message.

Mom: Hey, honey! We just landed. Your brother is waiting for us outside. We will send you a picture once we get to our hotel. We miss you. Take care! Love, Mom, and Dad.

I waited.

I waited for the insurmountable amount of guilt and shame to kick in. I waited for my conscience to berate me. I waited for my world to crumble. I waited and waited and waited and waited...

But the sad truth was, I felt virtuous. I would have done it again and again and again and again...

I was out of my mind, astoundingly, irrevocably, head over heels, in love with that boy.

So in love that I'd have done just about anything for him. I'd have lied and deceived to be with him; I had lied and deceived to be with him.

...

a/n- Hi friends! How have ya'll been doing? I hope you have an exquisite Monday. 🤍

Thank you so much for following May and Noah's story! Thank you for reading, voting, commenting, and sharing. I'm filled with so much gratitude for you guys! How do you feel about this chapter? Talk to me.
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Special thanks to, @Cosmic-Enigma and @Peachhiii           I appreciate your support!!

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