"I'll go everywhere you go. You know I'll go. I'll go." – While we're young by Jhene Aiko

Friday, July 5th, 2013

11:30 PM

I think I just had an orgasm.

I just had a very intense, pleasurable feeling throughout my body. The last time I checked, that's what an orgasm is. Google it.

... or could it just be love at first sight? Lust at first sight?

My steps lagged as something majestic snatched my attention and captured my eye. I craned my neck to the right and took three slow and calculated steps toward the object of my affection.

Displayed behind a gigantic glass window was a headless mannequin clad in a dress I'd willingly trade one of my organs for. My pupils dilated, taking in as much of the beautiful dress as they could. My memory storage unit freed up some space to take a mental photograph and store it for later on- when I would require a perfect outfit for one of my pre-sleep fantasies.

An ankle-length, silky, emerald green dress with a cowl neck, spaghetti straps, and a side split that stretched way above the knee called out my name. She begged me to rescue her from the eyes of the world and take her home with me.

The bright lighting of the store made the silk look like it was shining. The dress hugged the perfect figure of the mannequin perfectly, snatching her in all the right places. My eyes rolled in pleasure- Intense pleasure. Tell me that's not an orgasm? I dare you.

Well, scratch that, I don't know. I can't know. I've never orgasmed before. TMI?

Matching the color of the dress with envy, I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at the beautiful apparel. If only I were skinny enough to pull it off.

"May, can you not hear me?" my mom's distressed voice echoed.

"Oh my god," I gasped, as I uncrossed my arms and brought the phone back to my ear. "Sorry momma." I had completely forgotten I was on the phone with my mom. That was how alluring the dress was.

"What are you doing? Are you busy?"

"Oh," I looked around the luxurious mall. "Um, no. I'm not busy. Why?"

"Nothing." My mom replied with a tinge of irritation clear in her voice. "So, your ankle? It's healed nicely? Right?"

Forcing my eyes to take a break from their eye-gasm, I glanced at my brace-covered ankle. "Oh, yes. They're healing perfectly." The only reason I wore my ankle brace was that I sort of over-exerted it the other night when I ran after Noah when he went to give Nick a... piece of his mind.

"Oh, that's good to hear. How about school? Is it going well?"

School, school. That word sounded familiar. My eyes followed the slopes and curves of the matte black mannequin. "Uh, yeah." I said absently as I pressed my hand to the window, my eyes wide open and my breath fogging up the glass.

"Mrs. Hoang came in for a cleaning this morning and she was telling me that Andrew just took his MCATs this Monday. When are you taking your MCATs?"

I wondered if reincarnation was a real thing. If so, I wanted to be reborn as a mannequin. "August 12th." I rushed out as I Imagined my next life as a permanently sculpted figure. There would be no such thing as fluctuating weight. Dresses would always fit me perfectly, and I would get to wear them for free. Where do I sign up?

"... Are you at the library?"

"No." I was waiting for Noah to be done with his meeting while I window shopped in the mall next to Xavier's office. He had been inside for a little over an hour and I was bored out of my mind.

"Where are you?" she asked, cautiously.

"Out." Clearly, I was not in the mood to have small talk with my mom. Hence my short replies. But moms were moms and they never let things go.

"With who?"

I snorted. "What is this, mom? Why the sudden interrogation?"

"Why the sudden vague answers, May? What's been going on with you? You never call, you keep canceling our plans, you evade questions. What is going on with you?" she finished her string of questions with a huff.

A familiar scent made its way to my nostrils, alerting me of an incoming hot man who went by the name Noah and, just recently, my boyfriend. I loved calling him that. The other night, when we got home from the beach, I clung onto him like a teddy bear and agreed to be his girlfriend.

As of the other night, I was a taken woman.

"Jeez, I'm with a friend, mom. So, if you're done with your 20 questions, I gotta go."

Two oversized arms snuck around my waist while warm lips hovered over my neck. A sneaky tongue I was familiar with peeked out and tasted my skin before inviting opaque incisors to nibble away. That had been Noah's favorite pastime. He had been marking every inch of my body with purple bruises. He was making up for lost time by kissing me everywhere, and I wasn't complaining.

"Young lady," my mom's angry voice pierced through the phone, "I know you're not catching attitude with me right now." I winced and lowered the volume, hoping Noah didn't hear her.

"Momma, I'll talk to you later." I cooed. "I love you." I stretched my neck around to my waiting boyfriend and gave him a quick once over. "Will you tell daddy I said Hi and kiss Topher for me?"

Noah's grin was laced with mischief.

"Okay," my mom's sigh of disappointment was palpable through the phone, "I mi-"

Clicking the button, I ended the phone call before she finished her words and turned my body to face Noah. He nestled his head in my neck, inhaling my scent. His breath was ticklish and my body was doing the weird thing it had been doing since Noah came to visit- tingling everywhere. My head was too foggy to mull over the fact that I had just hung up on my mom.

"How did it go?" I urged his head up to look at me.

He held my cheeks in his hands and gave me a sheepish smile. "Fucking awesome!"

My knees wobbled. Bringing my hands to rest above his on my face, "What did he say?" I probed.

"I just signed a split sheet for two of my beats, Mer." He wrapped his hands around my waist, hailed me up, and twirled us in the middle of a busy mall. Leaving me in a fit of giggles.

"I do not know what that means, but I am so proud of you!" I held his face between my hands and kissed him.

He pulled back and met my gaze, his face all so serious and sharp. "It's all because of you." Pressing his forehead to mine, he continued. "I can't thank you enough for being my rock, baby." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "No one has ever supported my dream. Not my parents, not my friends, and definitely not my exes."

He adjusted me on his chest so that I was at eye level with him. "You believed in me. You went to a stranger and convinced him to give me a chance. Look at me now. Because of you, I am entitled to half of the lifetime revenue of two of my songs."

Noah loved making beats. It was the one thing he did for himself. My boyfriend lived his life bending over backward to please everyone else. His mother chose his major for him, his father chose his career for him, his brother chose his friends for him. Making music was the one thing he chose for himself and watching him succeed in that made my heart swell with pride.

"Again, I have no idea what any of that means, but I am happy that you're happy."

Noah gave me a quick peck and put me down on my feet. "Let's celebrate." He turned his head left and right and assessed our surroundings. His gaze got stuck in the window in front of us. The dress I was drooling over stole his attention, too.

"Come on." He grabbed my hand and walked me to the store.

"What are we doing?" I asked as I jogged behind him.

"Getting you this dress." He clutched the fabric and rubbed it between his fingers.

"What? Are you crazy!" I shrieked.

Noah ignored my theatrics and went straight to an employee who was busy folding clothes. "Excuse me, ma'am. I think this dress would look really good on my girlfriend." He said, pointing to the mannequin. "Can we have it please?" he brought our clasped hands and kissed my fingers.

"It won't fit, Noah." I whispered from behind, tugging on his shirt. It was one of those posh stores that carried dresses limited to certain body types. But how would Noah know that?

Turning back to the woman, "can we get a larger size, please?" he asked, charming her with his manners.

"Sure thing!" she eyed him adoringly and scurried away to the adjacent aisle. His smile didn't waver as I scowled at him.

"What?" he shrugged innocently. "Can't I but my girlfriend a dress?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but the woman came back with the dress. "This is the largest size we have for this dress." She said as she handed it to Noah. Her hands lingered on his. Despite her being old enough to be his mom, possessiveness I didn't know I had in me came out and clawed at my skin.

Before I could shoot my claws at her, Noah thanked her and led me to the fitting room. "Here," bringing the dress to my eyes, he went behind me and pushed me into the tiny room.

I walked in and locked the door. Stripping down to my panties and bra, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. The rolls on my belly, the dips on my hip, the flops under my arm all looked back at me.

Pushing back the wave of insecurity threatening to come out, I shook my head and slid the hem of the dress over my head. I rolled it down slowly over my neck, then to my breasts, then to my waist.

It got stuck midway. I pulled and pulled and pulled. But I couldn't make it go past my middle. It was too small.

Tears blurred my vision as I rolled it back off. What was I thinking? I turned the dress inside out and searched for the size tag. 2. The largest size they had was 2. I can't even remember the last time I fit in a size 2 dress. What was I thinking?

I deflated.

I walked to the corner of the room and squatted, hugging my knees. My chest shook as my lungs gasped for air to accommodate my silent cries. I zipped my lips shut and breathed through my nose as tears spilled from my eyes.

I cried for all the dresses I would never wear. I cried for the embarrassment that awaited me when I walked out and told Noah that the largest size the store carried didn't fit me. I cried until my face was blotchy and my eyes were bloodshot.

I was smart, strong, and self-aware. I was resilient- I won my battles silently. But my weight was my Achilles' heel.

A soft knock at the door, followed by a barely audible "Mer?" broke the sad silence. I gathered up my clothes and cleared my throat. "Hmm?"

"Are," he hesitated, "are you okay?"

I didn't reply. Because I wasn't okay. Another set of tears impended behind my eyes threatened to leave. Noah took my silence as my answer. Cracking the door open slowly, he peeked his head in and spotted me. It only took one look for him to know I wasn't okay.

"Fuck." He whispered under his breath and strode toward me with so much power. He collected me in his arms and sat on the floor, holding me tight. My resolve broke, and I cried all over again. Tears I didn't think I had watered my face.

"Shh," he soothed, "What's going on, baby? Tell me? Huh? Tell me, I'll fix it. What is it?" Sifting his hand through my hair, he rocked me back and forth as I cried in his arms. He allowed me to cry for a while before he broke the silence again.

"What is it, baby?"

I pointed to the dress. "It doesn't fit." I looked up at him as more tears welled up in my eyes. "I told you it wouldn't fit. Nothing good ever fits, Noah. I'm fat."

He regarded me silently, probably going over all the things he could say to me to calm me down.

"So?" he whispered, wiping tears away from my face. "What's wrong with being fat?"

"Nothing's wrong with it. I just don't want it."

"Okay." He ran his hand up and down over my arms. "Okay."

"I'm sorry." I wiped my tears and stood up from his lap. "I didn't mean to make a scene. I just, I'll be out in a minute." I gathered my clothes and hugged them to my chest. I held the door open for him.

Noah walked out, and I stood in front of the mirror, cringing at my appearance. Minutes later, as I was about to walk out fully dressed in my old attire, Noah walked back in with a new dress in his hands. "Try this one."

"It won't fit, Noah." I said, getting a little irritated.

"Please."

"Noah-"

"Dresses are made to fit you, you are not made to fit them, Mer. That one doesn't fit you?" he glared at the hung dress we drooled over minutes ago. "So what? That's its loss. It won't get to be worn by a woman as beautiful as you. You'll get another one that will fit. That dress is lifeless, baby. It's just a piece of fabric. It's you who gives it life. YOU breathe life into it. You don't have to change yourself to get into a dress, they just need to add a tad bit more fabric in to it."

Walking all the way in, he closed the door behind him and stood behind me, both of us facing the mirror. "I think you're perfect just the way you are. I love you now and I'll love you the same if you were 40 pounds heavier or lighter. But Mer, I want you to love yourself, too. I don't like seeing you like this. Seeing you cry breaks my fucking heart."

He hugged my waist and ran his hands over my middle. "Your body is just a vessel for the beautiful person who's inside. And man, it's one hell of a hot vessel." Leaning down, he kissed my ears.

My heart filled with so much love and gratitude. "I don't know which country I saved in my past life to deserve you."

After I successfully changed into the new dress Noah had found, I took it back off and changed into my jeans and tee. I walked out of the fitting room and went to where Noah was seated. His eyes scoured me up and down, and he pulled his lower lip between his teeth.

"There's my gorgeous girl." He extended his arm.

I put mine into his.

"I'm definitely buying you this." He took the dress from my hand and led me to the front of the store.

"You don't have to buy me stuff, Noah."

"I want to."

He paid for the dress and carried the bag it was in. As we walked out hand in hand, the lady from earlier winked at me. Keep that man, she whisper-yelled.

"I will!" I giggled and nodded.

"You will what?" Noah asked.

"Kick you on the butt." I smacked him on said area and gave the lady thumbs up.

That afternoon, when we got home, I showed him how much I wanted to keep him in a PG-13 way. Kind of.

Saturday, July 6th, 2013

7:20 PM

"Would you rather have cotton candy fingers or marshmallow toes?" I asked, dipping my straw in my milkshake and scooping out a large amount of whipped cream. I angled the straw above my mouth and licked it clean.

"Not again." Noah protested, following the straw with his eyes. His gaze lingered on my mouth as his thumb caressed the side of my lips and wiped away the smeared cream. Bringing his hand to his mouth, he ran his tongue over the pad of his thumb, licking it clean.

Red-faced, "Answer." I whined as I channeled all my energy to poke his nose with my straw. I squirmed in my seat, tingling everywhere.

We were sitting in a booth super close to each other. The heat emitted from his body was being absorbed through my pores. His knees were brushing mine and one of his hands was over my shoulder, stroking my bare arm.

All the sugar we had consumed throughout the day had left us drowsy. We were in a glucose overdose. All the exploring of each other's bodies we had been doing the past few days had left us wanting for more. We were tangibly turned on.

His eyes were in a dilemma, restlessly ping-ponging between my lips and my eyes. My eyes, on the other hand, were shamelessly glued to his lips, remembering all the things they did to my body the other night.

"Marshmallow toes." He said in a thick tone. His face was so close to mine. If I scooted an inch, his lips would meet mine.

"Huh?" I said, spellbound.

Noah's eyes hooded, and his lips twisted up in a smirk.

"I feel so drunk." I murmured, holding his stare.

"Same."

It was Noah's last full day in LA and we tried to make the best of it by going out on a full-day date. Waking up at seven AM, we got dressed and ate breakfast at Denny's. We walked around the Hollywood Walk of Fame and took questionable pictures with the brass stars. We went to Barnes and Noble and gifted each other books of our choices-I gave him a romance novel he gave me a manga.

After having brunch at Breakfast Club, we went to a music store where I got schooled on the evolution of Rhythm and Blues by my boyfriend and a random stranger. We had lunch at Delphine, watched a movie (not sure which one, though because we made out through it), and we had another lunch in our car–tacos from a taco truck.

We drove around, went to Starbucks where I had three Birthday Cake Pops and a very berry hibiscus tea before we drove back to my apartment. After taking a quick shower and changing into fancier clothes- I wore the new dress he got me and he finished his look with a denim jacket - we went out for dinner.

He took me to an Italian restaurant; we ate and talked and kissed a little. As we walked around the beach, we spotted a dessert place and got in to grab a milkshake. Spoiler- we ended up having way more than just a milkshake and we were still sitting there. Hence the sugar coma we were in.

A surge of adrenalin ran through my body and I jolted up from my seat, accidentally shaking the table. "Aha!" I yelled.

Noah's face tilted to the side as it contorted with confusion. "Ah-ha?" he repeated, question marks hanging above his head.

"Let's do something reckless and blame it on being drunk." I yelled.

Noah laughed, holding his belly, "Like?"

"I don't know." I shrugged. "Let's skinny dip? Or let's go on a motorcycle ride? Or..." I hurried up and gathered our disposable plates and cups. "Come, let's walk around and find trouble."

I slid out of the booth and walked out the door, discarding the trash on my way out. Noah followed along, protesting under his breath. He caught up to me and laced his fingers with mine as we walked side by side, wobbling and nudging into each other.

"There!" I pointed to my right. Before Noah had a chance to process what I was doing, I started jogging, stringing him along.

"Tarot readings? Hell no." Noah pulled me back as we stood at the door.

"Why?" I sang the word, pouting up at him and stomping my feet on the ground.

"No. That's just. No."

"Pretty please?" I pushed my lower lip out while I strategically looped my fingers through his belt and tugged.

Noah's eyes hooded. A win for me.

"Baby, pleaseeeee?" I cooed again, putting my arms together, discreetly pushing up my cleavage.

Groaning, Noah bent down and gave me a punishing kiss. He took my lower lip between his teeth and nibbled on it. "Okay," he breathed. I giggled in triumph and walked him to the shop.

On a break. That was what the sign hanging on the door read. I convinced Noah to wait for five minutes. We sat at the curb in front of the shop for ten. I huffed in disappointment and we got up to leave.

An older woman with long, raven black hair dressed in a beautiful golden dress walked toward us. We tried to move over for her to pass, but she stood unmoving right in front of us. She had a golden scarf that matched her dress lightly draped around her hair.

She regarded us silently for a moment and a beautiful smile played on her face. Extending her hands out for us to hold, "So young." She whispered. I relented and took her hand. Noah tightened his hold on my hand, silently scolding me for interacting with a total stranger.

She closed her eyes and smiled. Her brows were furrowed, though. She looked like she was smiling in pain. Averting her gaze to Noah, she spoke to him. "You look exactly like my late husband." She placed her hand on his face. Noah flinched a little before relaxing. "He was my world." She paused and took a breath like it was too much for her to speak about him. My heart sank for her. I couldn't imagine losing a loved one.

"Sorry for your loss." I chimed in.

"Love each other like there's no tomorrow." The woman's eyes glistened. "Live everyday like it's your last. Don't look back at the past. Don't focus on the future. Just live in the moment. Okay?" Her tone was pleading, "Make as many memories as you can, okay?"

"Okay." I spoke as Noah nodded and brought me closer to him.

"Go on now, be young." She shooed us. "Be wild and have fun and..." she paused, swallowing hard, "Just love each other fearlessly."

Noah and I said goodbye to her and walked away. My heart was beating fast, I was sure his was too. We walked hand in hand, no words exchanged, pondering over the wise lady's unsolicited advice.

"I want to get a tattoo." He broke the silence. When I looked up at him, his eyes were full of unsaid words. "I want to get a tattoo of you."

My lips parted as air escaped my mouth in a gasp.

He stood in front of me, clutching my hands desperately. "You're my fucking world, Mer. And I am leaving tomorrow without my world." He sighed, "I want to be with you, always. I want to stay here or take you back to Jersey with me. But I can't. So, I want to have a tattoo of you that I can carry around everywhere I go. One I can kiss good night on the days I can't kiss you. One I can touch on days I can't touch you. Please, let me. Let me get a tattoo, Mer."

I went up on my toes and kissed the words out of his lips. I wanted to swallow them and hold them captive inside my body. I wanted to bring them out on days he couldn't be with me and bathe in them.

Noah loved me. Loudly. Permanently. Gloatingly.

Noah and I ran to the nearest tattoo shop. We reached the door just as a tall, tattooed man with a clean shave came and changed the neon signboard to closed.

I banged on the door and waved my hands for him. He glanced at us and pointed to the sign. I was persistent, so I knocked again. Please? I mouthed. Holding my index finger up and pointing to the door.

He sighed and opened the door. "Sorry guys," he said with a tight smile, "we're actually closed for the day."

I inched to the cracked door, lodging myself between the tall guy and Noah. The shop was empty; I peeked.

"Please," I walked toward him as he stepped back and opened the door wider, "Please, we'll pay double. I'll clean up the shop for you. I'll take your fliers to my college and post them everywhere, please."

The man rubbed his hand on his scarred jaw. "Miss-" he started to say, but I interrupted him.

"Please, I will beg. I'll go on my knees and beg. Please." I pointed to Noah. "This is my boyfriend. He's leaving tomorrow. We're in a long-distance relationship and we can't kiss each other good night anymore. And he wants to kiss me good night. I want to be kissed good night. Please give him a tattoo to kiss. Please."

A small smirk played on the man's intimidating face as he shook his head mumbled. "Kids." Was I offended that he dared to call us kids? Yes. Did I let it pass? Also, yes. Because... well, what was I going to do? He was about to do us a huge favor and he looked like he would knock me out with a single punch.

The man looked at my boyfriend with a hint of approval. "Follow me." He led us through a curtain.

Noah and I sat on the couch flipping through an album while the tattoo guy sterilized his equipment. "I'm getting one too." I announced. Noah opened his mouth to say something, but I beat him to it. Cupping his face with my hands, "I love you just as much as you love me." I whispered against his mouth.

The tattoo guy came back and tattooed us one by one. It was quick and exhilarating. Not too painful.

A+

That was what we had marked on our knuckles just below our left pinkies. We promised to always love each other A+.

...

It had been an endless day, and Noah and I were exhausted, to say the least. Our drive home was peaceful and quiet. We didn't turn the radio on. Noah liked it when I hummed and that was what I did for the entire twelve minutes it took us to get home.

Noah held onto my tattooed hand, brushing his thumb against the plastic wrap ever so slightly. Our mood had shifted immensely. We weren't the same giggling teenagers that were eating dessert a little over an hour ago.

All the emotions we carried aged us a little. Noah's eyes were hooded and my skin was flushed. I fell deeper in love with Noah that night and I think he did too. I didn't just have him tattooed on my skin. He was tattooed on all four chambers in my heart, too.

I wanted to give him everything in the world. I wanted to give him myself fully. I had given him my heart long ago; I wanted to give him my body, too. I wanted to be his. Entirely.

We parked my car and went up to my apartment in silence. His hand never let mine go. He had been bringing our interlaced hands up to his lips and kissing my tattoo since we left the shop.

Noah stood behind me, hugging my waist as I fiddled with my apartment keys. He leaned his head in the crook of my neck and breathed me in. I leaned into him and let go of the keys, leaving them dangling. Noah's hand grabbed the keys and turned them, opening the door successfully.

I walked in first. Noah followed, closing the door and locking it behind him. When he turned around, I was on him. My lips plastered themselves to his. He stumbled to the back and leaned on the door.

It took him a fraction of a second to understand what was going on.

Wrapping his arms around me, he reciprocated my kiss feverishly. Our lips moved together, our chests brushed against each other, our tongues tangled, and our moans mixed.

The kiss differed from all our other ones. It had an urgency to it. Our lips weren't soft and his hands weren't gentle. I wanted to show him what I couldn't speak. I wanted to pour all my emotions into him and I wanted to slurp his into mine. With every touch, he was saying be mine and with every kiss, I was saying I am yours.

Noah turned us around, cementing me to the door with his sculpted body. He brought one of my legs up to his waist while he removed his lips from mine and guided them to my ear, my neck, my chest, everywhere. My body melted.

His hands were magic. They revived every part of my body they touched.

With one of his hands on my neck, he walked me to my room, I guessed- while kissing me. I ran my hands through his chest, snaking them under his jacket and taking it off for him. He wrapped his hands around my waist and hugged me tight to his body. Hiding his face in my neck, "I love you so much." He whispered. His voice was thick with emotions.

Noah continued leading me backward while he kissed me breathless. I took his clothes off one by one while I whispered his name. He threw the door to my room open, and he backed me up to my bed.

I tugged on my dress and motioned him to take it off. Pausing, he cupped my face and pressed his forehead to mine. "Baby." He whispered against my lips.

"Take it off." I urged him, leading his hands to my back where my zipper was.

"Mer-" I captured his mouth, stealing his breath. He breathed into me and slid the zipper down. I shrugged out of my dress and stood in my underwear.

"Fuck." Noah ran his hand over his face. I pushed him to the bed and straddled his lap. "I want to do it. Can we do it?" I asked, nervously.

"Baby, we don't have to."

"I really, really want to." I ran my fingers through his hair. "I want to do it with you."

His eyes searched my face for what seemed like an hour. The silence made my skin shrink in embarrassment.

"If you want to, that is." I added.

"Fuck," he kissed me, "I want to," another kiss, "so fucking bad, Mer." He tipped my head up, bracing my mouth for one hell of a kiss. "There's nothing in the world I want more." And he kissed away. My head spun and my body drenched- with sweat and other bodily fluids.

I took his hands and led them to the hook of my bra. He unclasped it. I stood on my knees and guided his hands to my lower back. He brought my panties down. Turning us over on the bed, he went on top of me. Every piece of clothing that separated us got discarded.

He grabbed his wallet and retrieved a rubber. Our lips found each other frantically. Our fingers explored. Our bodies were molded as one. That night, Noah marked me his forever. I fell apart as our bodies became one.

"You are perfect." Noah kissed my forehead as we cuddled afterward. "Tonight was perfect." He pulled my naked body to his chest and tangled his leg with mine. "Today was perfect."

"I want to spend another perfect day with you." I whispered, brushing my lips over his bare chest.

I loved that man with every complete pulsation of my heart, with every inflation and deflation of my lungs, and with every transmission of nerve impulses in my body. I loved him- so much, too much- with all I had in me, and I thought it was impossible to love him more.

But I was proven wrong because when he pulled back a little and whispered, "are you okay?" as he sheathed himself, I loved him a tad bit more. When he repeated it as he entered me, my love for him intensified. And when he said it again as he pushed in and out of me, my love for him blossomed.

That night was the night I knew for sure that love was an inadequate word to describe how I felt about Noah.

Also, that night was the night I had found out for sure what an orgasm was. Another TMI? Oh well.

Sunday, July 7th, 2013

4:00 PM

Noah and I stood chest to chest in the middle of a crowded airport, gazing into each other's eyes. My hands were interlaced, wrapped around Noah's waist behind his backpack. One of his hands sat at the small of my back while the other stayed on our side, clutching his suitcase.

"I love you." I smiled up at him through my teary eyes. I loathed saying goodbye. Especially to my favorite person.

"I love you more." My boyfriend replied, looking down at me with the most beautiful half-smile I had ever seen.

That morning, when I woke up face to chest with Noah, the images of the other night swarmed my brain and I hid in the sheets. My body was sore and a surge of emotions sat in my stomach in a knot.

Dread engulfed my entirety as Noah stirred in his sleep and tightened his hold on my waist. He was leaving. I wasn't ready. I just got him. That was when my first tear of the day rolled on my cheek and landed on his chest.

He snuggled me closer and rubbed his hand on my back, soothing me. Silently telling me that it's going to be alright. I buried my face in his chest and cried. He didn't say. "Baby, don't cry?" like he always did. He just peppered kisses on my head and hugged me tighter. Loved me harder.

We kissed.

We repeated last night's action.

He made me fall in love with him all over again.

I cried.

We took a shower together. He washed my hair; I rubbed lotion on his body. He cooked breakfast and fed me as usual. I sprayed his cologne throughout my apartment-in my closet, on my bedsheets, and on my curtains, hoping that it would be enough to keep me going until September.

We cuddled up on the couch and sat silently, waiting for the clock to hit 3 and for my world to end. And it did. 3 PM came, and we walked out of my apartment with his suitcase trailing behind us. My world crumbled.

"I love you most." I said, letting my tears free once again.

Noah's face wrinkled in pain. "I love you mostest."

Pressing my face to his chest and inhaling his pleasant scent, "I love you to infinity." I confessed.

Cupping the back of my neck with his hands, he urged me to meet his gaze. "I love you, A- plus." His Adam's apple moved as he leaned down to kiss me.

I smiled. We were one of those people who had their own inside jokes. "I love y-"

"Oh, for the love of God." Rosie threw her hands up in defeat... or disgust. "You are going to miss your plane. You love each other. We get it. Enough already. Eek!" she stormed past us and sat on one of the uncomfortable-looking benches.

She doesn't understand. She didn't understand. Her boyfriend was at an arm's reach. My boyfriend was miles away.

Chuckling, Noah looked down at his wrist and checked the time. His smile faded, already replaced with nostalgia. He brought his hands to his back and unfastened my fingers, interlacing each of them with his. Running the pad of his pinky finger over my tattoo, he hid his face in the crook of my neck and whispered.

"This is not goodbye." He nuzzled his nose, breathing a whiff. "This is an 'I will see you in September.' Okay?" his lips twisted in a heart-breaking smile as he pulled away to look at my tear-streaked face. "In the meantime, be kind to my Mer." His hand moved to tuck my hair behind my ear, and they stayed there, holding my jaw.

"Ace your exams, paint when you need to-call me while you paint if you're comfortable-, smile a lot." He swallowed and pressed his forehead to mine. "Take care of you for me. Love you for me. Okay?"

Hot tears washed away the sunscreen on my face and ran over my lips. Noah pressed his lips to mine, kissing my sobs away. He wiped away my tears with his lips as he peppered kisses on my eyes, my cheeks, my nose, my forehead...

A big, fat lump stood above my vocal cords and forbade me to speak. I nodded as I relished in his touch, his smell, his presence. I memorized every pore in his skin. I counted every strand of hair on his eyelashes.

Skimming my nose with his, he swallowed a gulp and let his hands drop from my face. "Go." I rasped, turning my lips up in what I hoped looked like a smile.

"You go." He stood with his hands in his pocket.

"No, I want to watch you."

"Okay." He nodded, yet his feet didn't move.

His flight number was being called for check-in. People boarding the same plane were already lined up to go through security, yet he still stood, his unwavering gaze not leaving mine.

I walked around him and gave him a gentle shove from the back. "Go. I love you."

He brought one foot in front of the other and walked away. I turned to Rosie and released the tears I had kept from falling. The next thing I knew, someone was hugging me from behind, squeezing me breathless.

My hands instinctively found his on my chest and held onto them. "Thank you for the best four days of my life." Kissing my ear, he continued whispering, "Thank you for giving yourself to me and trusting me. I love you forever."

"I love you too, Noah." I hiccupped and squeezed his hand. He let go of me and walked away, that time, for real. My eyes followed him as he went further and further away from me. He went around the belt barricade and stood in line. My unblinking eyes stayed with him as he checked his suitcase in, got his boarding pass, and walked to the other side.

I cupped my hands over my lips and yelled. "Noah!"

When his head snapped to me, "I miss you already!" I said as the last of my tears rolled down my cheeks.

He grinned and cupped his hands over his lips. "I love you, May Van de Kamp!" he yelled back.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Rosie grabbed my elbow and dragged me backward.

"Don't forget to take your Ambien, you chicken!" I continued my scream.

My boyfriend was a giant teddy bear. The intimidating-looking, 6 feet tall guy with a body adorned with pits and grooves of muscles feared flying. He had to visit his doctor and convince her to prescribe him sleeping pills whenever he flew. Which wasn't often, it turned out.

That was why he was late the day we met. Because he was passed out. The flight attendants had ushered him out of the aircraft. A good Samaritan helped him with baggage claim. And he slept through the ride to my place in his cousin's car.

Noah burst out in the most beautiful fit of laughter. He grabbed his pill bottle from his pocket and waved it around. I gave him a thumbs up and he disappeared from my vision.

"I never thought I'd see this day. Little miss Van de Kamp, crazy in love." Rosie nudged me. "I love it." She smirked and walked to the driver's side of her car. I was too busy to reply to her. I was already pressing the green button on my phone, accepting a FaceTime call from Noah.

We talked as he waited for his plane to be ready for boarding. We talked while Rosie drove me to my apartment. We talked while he boarded the aircraft. We talked while I curled up on my couch clad in his hoodie. We talked until the flight attendant softly patted him on the shoulder and asked him to please turn off his phone as they were ready for take-off.

It has been two hours since I last saw him and I miss him already.

...

a/n- Hi friends! Hope you had a good week! 💕

I present to you ✨chapter 12 ✨ and I hope you guys enjoy it. Your reads, votes, and comments, mean a lot to me. Thank you! We're advancing to 1K reads and I am so excited and nervous about it.

Have a good week! xx

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