Book title: Mirage.
Author: priscabanks.

Title: 4/5.
It is apt, very catchy and also makes the readers wonder what the story all about. I'm yet to see how it relates to the story but I could easily guess the genre of the book by the title. Well done.

Book Cover: 2/5.
The image on the cover is nice. The issue is with the font and colour you used for your name, it blended too much with the background so your name is almost invisible.

Also, some parts of the cover are missing: a few letters of your title, to be precise. You need to fix/check that. 

Blurb: 5/5.
The blurb is short and straight to the point. It is also very intriguing and made me want to start reading immediately. It makes up for the poor book cover.

Introduction: 3/5.
The first author's note is quite long, it should have gotten a chapter of its own rather than merge it into chapter one. Your first paragraph is just there, okay is a better word for it.

First Chapter: 3/5.
A lot of details are missing, there isn't enough to build the reader's imagination.

Some of the paragraphs are too jam-packed, punctuation marks are missing and your spacing needs to be worked on.

An example is this:
"Yes sir, good afternoon sir"I greeted to which he just grunted.
Should have been: "Yes, Sir. Good afternoon, Sir." I greeted to which he just grunted.

Sir is a title and as such, the first letter should be capitalised, especially in the context that you have used it.

When Enny said deceased meant it was a murder case, you lost me right there. Freak accidents happens and people die; until investigations are over, you cannot conclude that the freak accident is a murder case. 

Plot/ Theme: 4/5.
I like the theme of death, the idea of finding her killer. I'm more intrigued by the country you chose because we don't get to see how the system works.

Pacing/ Writing: 5/10.
The pacing was okay but the MC had a way of thinking that didn't sit right with me. I don't know if it's because she's a soon-to-be detective but her pattern of thoughts is sometimes too random.

Let me try to explain: at some points in the story, you let your thoughts slip into Enny's own. She knew too much of what to do, the things to think and she's not even a detective yet.

For the writing, I'll break down some of the issues I have with your style.

» Grammar: This is fairly good but there are also mistakes that could have been avoided if you took a minute or two to proofread after drafting. And better choice of words you could have used to paint a befitting picture for the scene.

For example:
... photos were included showing the girl in a lifeless stare which made my heart flinched.

Flinch means to make a sudden, involuntary movement in response to a stimuli. It doesn't suit this context, your heart cannot flinch. A better choice of word(s) could have been:

... photos were included showing the girl in a lifeless state which made my heart pound.

It mustn't always be a big word and if it must, make sure you are using it correctly.

» Punctuation: This needs a lot of work. Sometimes, you put ellipsis (...) where they are totally unnecessary. I feel like it's your way of creating suspense which shouldn't be so.

Also, for a greater part of the story, the punctuation are either missing or placed wrongly. In the cases that you managed to use the correct punctuation mark, you never added the required space after it.

Examples:
I got in my car and headed to the address given as Aramide's house.I thought of ...

I heard a voice saying"I dey come".

The issues with the punctuation made me question the blurb because it is 100% perfect.

» Tenses: The story is being told in past tense but there should be exceptions in cases like dialogues and your inner thoughts. Sometimes you slip up, forgetting to maintain the right tense at that point. Kindly fix that

» Descriptions: This needs more improvement, the dialogue works well in showing but we also need more details. Tell us what the room looks like and whatnot, give us something that will keep us transfixed as the story unfolds

» Paragraphs: One general rule of thumb for paragraphs is this: when the subject changes, make a new paragraph. Your paragraphs are too clustered, makes it difficult to read. 

Characters: There are a lot of them but I don't honestly recall them or their names. They don't have distinct features to tell them apart. I don't even know what Enny is suppose to look like. A little something like how she bites her tongue when she's nervous goes a long way in making it easy for the readers to relate to her and also identify her easily.

Rating: 🌟🌟

It is a good story and once you fix those little mistakes, everyone will be rushing to read Enny's story.

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Reviewed by maramartha.