6. Overnight

Book title: Overnight.
Author: Womanbehindwords.

Title: 4/5.
A good title is apt, specific, unique and short. Though yours wasn't unique, it was short and is an outgrowth of your story plot. 

Book Cover: 2/5.
Here on Wattpad, we judge a book by its cover. We want to be able to relate the story title with the cover but it wasn't the case with yours. Your cover could easily get lost in the sea of many others.  

Blurb: 3/5.
While the blurb was able to introduce the main characters, there was no link to the story title.

Introduction: 3/5.
For a story as short as yours, it is very important that each chapter is intriguing. Most times, the introduction determines if your readers will stick with the story until the very end.

First chapter: 3/5.
The first paragraph was okay but as the story progressed, it followed the usual route of, my name is Lily Thompson; we have seen this style used a lot and it has gotten old. 

Also, if you won't append your MC's name at the beginning of the chapter, have another character call them by their name or create a scenario where the MC is required to introduce herself to another character using dialogues.

Plot/Theme: 8/10.
The greater part of this mark goes to the theme, rather than your plot. 

The story was centred around the theme of rape, which is a very big issue in our society. Kudos to you on that.

Now, onto the plot. 

I don't like how the story ended. To start with, the basic idea of the book is not a 'one-shot' material. I like the fact that she told all her issues to a stranger, it is one of those things we do on a whim, 'we would not even meet again, so why not?' kind of situation.

Also, she could have gone for an audition, gotten a character role which will require her shooting with Aiden and a sizzling romance begins. You might even go into mental health because rape is very traumatic, especially one which took place in circumstances you are describing. But none of these happened.

Most of your story was more of telling than showing. It was a story about a survivor who found love but we didn't get to see all of those intimate moments and I think it's partly because you were trying to wrap up quickly.

On a side note, if you intend to continue with short stories, you should consider making the chapters longer so you don't leave important moments out.

Pacing/Writing: 5/10.
The themes you chose were too wide to be discussed in a short story. It feels like the whole story was rushed, like a summary of events. It was probably so because you had a target of five chapters to meet.

Descriptions/ Plot development: 
In this part, I had more problems with your characterisation and description. I mean yes, we get your descriptions but they are not enough to create an emotional attachment between the reader and the characters. You need to make the reader feel alongside the character. You have to draw the reader's empathy!

Strike 1: I totally get the the survivor image you were trying to build but the emotions in your descriptions of these scenes were not emotional enough. Rape is a very traumatic experience and you need to portray it as such, with the appropriate amount of emotions.

Also, you need to elaborate more on character's emotions. For instance, a young girl ordered while rubbing who I assumed was her boyfriend's crotch. Eww... I despise my job. You could have written the eww in italics as well as in quotation. Then go ahead and explain how this (event) was not new but the sight of it disgusts her everytime.

LAY EMPHASIS ON EMOTIONS!!!

Furthermore, there are ways in which works can be used to pique reader's curiosity. Take for instance, I. Hate. Parties. It's official... compared to: It's official (what?!) I. Hate. Parties.

• Always apply devices to draw readers attention naturally.

Grammar:
Grammar is really important in the writing of a novel. And in this aspect you did good but it is those sub aspects that need more work. These include:

» Tenses: First thing is, decide what tense you want the story to be in. Is it past or present tense, then when you figure this out, stick to that tense for the rest of the story. Exceptions will come up when the MC dialogues with other characters or her subconscious but a greater part of the story should follow a particular tense. 

Instead of, 'now at the age of 20, I was' use 'Now at the age of 20, I am.' A special case of this use was when you were describing Anna (Chris) mom. The tenses used in describing her gave off the impression that she was late. Revise!!!

While, looking at this part, the appropriate use of 'has/have/had' cannot be overlooked. I noticed that most times, they were not used appropriately. Please look into this.

Instead of, 'As if I had a job' use 'As if I have a job.'

» Punctuation marks: Although errors committed in this part were not much I still feel like you need to look into the use of punctuation marks.

Rating: 🌟🌟

The story's main idea is fabulous but it is a lacking a little on content. It has the potential of a great story.

***

Reviewed by _Modupeolu_

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