Book title: Finding happiness.

Author: Reby_gray.

Title: 4/5.

Book cover: 3/5.

Blurb: 3/5.
The blurb contained some unnecessary details. It gave too much information about the characters which made them seem uninteresting.

For instance:
First paragraph: “Looking at…” (unnecessary)
Second paragraph: “Her good looks…” (unnecessary)

Introduction: 3/5.
I love what you did with the introduction. I like the fact that you started off with the character’s challenges.

Prologue and First chapter: 3/5.
Your method of introducing us to the characters' name by having someone call it out was amazing and I was impressed (initially). Later on, you did the self-introduction routine and it was such a turn off.

That method (self-introduction)is so overused that it feels wrong. Because through that method, you tell us(readers) what you should have shown us.

Plot/Theme: 5/10.
The theme (or at least what I think it is) is very interesting. The concept of what you see is not everything is intriguing. Good job!

Pacing and writing: 5/10.
The pace of the novel was steady and I honestly appreciate that. I like the fact that you show these characters living their individual lives. It goes a long way in allowing us(readers) understand them.

Now, to the writing.
First, the backstory was given way too early. You just dumped everything on the readers from the first chapter. There are no rooms for anticipation. You could have shown their backstory without directly referring to it in their thoughts, in the psychology effect it has in them, in their behaviors etc.

Second, You don’t tell a novel, you show!
Her father’s resentment? Show!
Her friends' loyalty? Show!!
Her life that sucks? Show!!!
The method of telling makes the MCs' challenges seem trivial. There is no room for empathy or an emotional connection between the readers and the characters and we want to read a story where we can feel for others.

Third, I would like to ask a question. When you go about your daily life, do you go about asking questions in your thoughts? No, right? Exactly! Your characters go about asking questions in their thoughts. They have this awareness that we(readers) can see through their thoughts and that shouldn’t be because you can’t see through others thoughts. Your Characters are too aware of the readers presence. Please fix that!

Description: In this area, you did nothing (at least in the first few chapters). This extends from physical states to emotional states. I have visuals on nothing; not the characters, the school, the characters' emotional states. Nothing!!! I would strongly advise you to revise this because descriptions are the powerhouse of a novel.

Grammar: You were fairly good here aside from a few mistakes here and there.

For instance,
“what’s the hell goes on in that head of yours?”
Should be: “what the hell goes on in that head of yours?

“…hops back to her sit.”
Should be: “…hops back to her seat”

“I yell furiously, bashing…”
Should be: “I yell furiously, barging…”

“…I had the misfortune to…”
Should be: “I had the misfortune of…”

Tenses: I think the major problem you have with tense use is the habit of using past tense in place of present.

For example,
“Although dad never said…”
Should be: “although dad never says…”
The use of past tense gives the impression that ‘dad' is dead. The man is alive!

“I sucked…”
Should be: “I suck…”

Punctuation marks: You had a lot of issues with your punctuation marks.  The use of comma, question mark in place of exclamation marks, use of double exclamation marks and so on. One thing I particularly noticed is the fact that you used ‘and’ where a punctuation mark belongs. Please revise!

Character: 5/10.
Basically, the characters are too self aware. They are too aware of the fact that there is an audience (readers) and therefore, they try to communicate with us. Your characters should be able to carry out their normal everyday lives without minding the readers. It is not up to them to say what they are or not, it us up to the readers to decide.

Again, I repeat: Show don’t tell!

Overall impression: 🌟🌟

The novel has the makings of a fantastic tale. I believe when all necessary adjustments are made, it will achieve it’s full potential.

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Reviewed by _Modupeolu_.