Yeah I decided to make this a crack book instead of a Discord book. I just love these two gay bitches. Okay let's start!

~

*While planning to break in somewhere*

Brock: Hey, let's do "Get Help!"

Master Frown: What?

Brock: "Get Help."

Master Frown: No.

Brock: C'mon, you love it!

Master Frown: I hate it.

Brock: It's great! It works every time!

Master Frown: It's humiliating.

Brock: Do you have a better plan?

Master Frown: No.

Brock: We're doing it!

Master Frown: We are not doing "Get Help!"

*A Minute Later*

Brock, carrying Master Frown: Get help! Please! They're dying! Help Them! *throws Master Frown at guards, knocking them out*

Brock: Ahh, classic!

Master Frown: *gets up* I still hate it. It's humiliating.

Brock, laughing: Not for me, it's not. 

~

Master Frown: I taught the dog a new trick. *throws ball* Fetch!

Dog: *just stands there*

Brock: He didn't do it.

Master Frown: I taught him to ignore social conventions and think for himself. 

~

Master Frown: My hands are cold.

Brock: Here, let me hold them.

Master Frown: My lips are cold too.

Brock: *covers Master Frown's mouth with their hand*

~

 Master Frown: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.

Brock: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.

Master Frown: I said within reason, Brock. How about I murder that guy?

Brock: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?

Master Frown: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

~

Brock: What are you eating?

Master Frown: You wouldn't like it, it's really salty.

Brock: I like you, don't I?

~

 Brock: *casually taking four stairs at a time*

Master Frown, falling behind, taking two stairs at a time: Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-

~

 Master Frown, sniffling: Calm down, I'm probably not sick. It might just be allergies.

Brock: Okay, tell me this: are you like, really tired?

Master Frown: I have depression, what do you think?

~

 Brock: Stop failing.

Master Frown: Don't tell me what to do! I'll fail right now!

Master Frown: *Succeeds*

Master Frown: Dang it!

~

 Brock: I have a problem.

Master Frown: If it's harder than 2+2, I can't help.

~

Master Frown: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you're a coward.

Brock: I'm worried about you.

~

 Master Frown: Brock, how do you feel about lifting heavy things?

Brock: My doctor just said I should avoid—

Master Frown: Being a wuss? I agree.

~

 Brock: Master Frown, you're testifying in an aggravated assault case tomorrow, and the D.A. is worried about how you'll present yourself on the stand.

Master Frown: Why? I'm fine on the stand!

*flashback to Testimony #1*

Master Frown: Look, I'll make this real simple so even these dumdums can understand.

Master Frown, to the jury: MAN DID CRIME.

*flashback to Testimony #2*

Master Frown: I'm sorry, could you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face?

Defense Attorney, next to the crying defendant: ...Crying?

*flashback to Testimony #3*

Master Frown: And when this is over, I'm gonna find you and I'm gonna break those little fingers.

Judge: Could the witness please stop threatening the stenographer?

Basically Master Frown in that court episode be like but change "MAN DID CRIME" to "KITTY DID CRIME"

~

Brock: You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch.

Master Frown: What changed your mind?

Brock: Oh, now I know that you're a fake bitch. Why do you ask?

~

 Brock: I'm not being weird. Am I being weird?

Master Frown: Yes, and that's coming from me.

~

 Brock: :)

Master Frown: >:(

Brock: Turn that frown upside down!

Master Frown: ):<

Brock: Not sure what I was expecting...

~

 Brock: Are you really planning to shoot the demon?

Master Frown: Don't worry, it's a holy gun.

Brock: How so?

Master Frown: It makes holes.

~

Brock: I am going to need you to swear-

Master Frown: Fuck.

Brock:

Brock: ...swear as in promise.

~

 Brock: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi??

Master Frown: So fuck oxygen, I guess.

~

Master Frown: If I die, you can have what little I own.

Brock: Wait. What do you mean "if" you die?

Master Frown: My unending existence is fuelled by pure spite, that of which the painful experiences of life have rendered me full.

Brock:

Brock: *Sighs* Let me call your therapist again.

~

 Master Frown: I can't believe all these people are wearing black. black is supposed to be my thing, they're all just posers.

Brock: Master Frown, for the last time, we're at a funeral.

~

 Brock: Have I ever told you that I love you with my whole heart?

Master Frown: For the love of all that is holy, I am not taking you to McDonalds. It's 2am!

Brock: Mean. 

~

Brock: I desire moisture.

Master Frown: Please just say "I want water" like a normal person.

~

 Brock: I can't tell if you're a genius or just incredibly arrogant.

Master Frown: Well, on a good day, I'm both.

~

Master Frown: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.

Brock: Those are wanted posters!

~

 Brock: If you spell skeletons backwards, it still spells skeletons.

Master Frown, deadpan: Wow, I can't wait for Halloween to see some snoteleks.

~

 Master Frown: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.

Brock: I know. Whenever I'm near the person I like I just start acting stupid.

Master Frown: But you're always acting stupid?

Brock: ...

Brock: Yeah, don't think about that too hard.

~

 Brock: You want some leftovers?

Master Frown: What are those?

Brock: You've never had leftovers before?

Master Frown: No, 'cause I'm not a quitter.

~

Brock: We need a plan to beat them.

Master Frown: Okay, listen up. First, we fill their shoes with wet cat food.

Brock:

Master Frown: Judge me all you want, I get results.

~

 Brocky: Baby vibes... hold gentle... like hamburger.

Master Frown: Punt like football.

~

Brock: I'm so excited!

Master Frown: We're gonna have the best costumes, get the most candy...

Brock: And have the biggest stomach aches ever!

Master Frown: Yeah!

~

 Master Frown: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized.

Brock: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely*

Master Frown: That one. I want that one.

~

 Master Frown: Why would I flip my shit about that?

Brock: Because you flip your shit about everything.

Master Frown: Well, will you look at this. Here is my shit, and yet it remains unflipped. Just sitting there on the skillet, getting burned on one side. It's a miracle.

~

 Brock: This is a bad idea.

Master Frown: Then why are you coming along?

Brock: Someone has to get your injured ass home.

 ~

 Brock: I'll offer you some friendly advice-

Master Frown: I don't want your advice.

Brock: Well, then consider it unfriendly advice.

~

 Master Frown: No, I don't want to talk about physics! I don't know anything about the laws of physics because they are hard and boring. I simply would like them to behave in a way that is most convenient to ME and MY LIFE! Is that really asking too much?

Brock: Yes, as a matter of fact, it is!

Master Frown: Well, guess what? Science is stupid bullshit!!

Brock: You take that back!!!

Master Frown: No. Magic is awesome. Science blows. The end. 

Imagine if they'd go to Dr. Fox's lab for some reason and then argue like this before getting caught it'd be so silly-

~

Brock: I need a long word.

Master Frown: T-rex but the long one.

~

Brock: Are you reading fan fiction?

Master Frown, reading an article about extremely rare diseases: Wh- No.

Brock: Oh, is it on AO3?

Master Frown: This is CNN.

~

Master Frown: I'm here for the cult stuff.

Brock: How did you find us?

Master Frown: I saw your ad on craigslist.

I feel like Unikitty and Puppycorn somehow made the cult stuff and then MF would come there and find out but HAS to participate even though he dislikes it

~ 

Brock: Okay. Hypothetically speaking, how mad would you be if I burned a hot pocket so badly it could probably fall off a ten-story building and be completely fine?

Master Frown: Brock, what did you do?

Brock: Take a guess.

~

 Master Frown: PEASANT. I REQUIRE SUSTENANCE.

Brock: You know there are other ways to say you want McDonalds.

Master Frown: FOUL PLEBEIAN. YOU DARE SPEAK AGAINST ME—

Brock: *sigh* What do you want?

Master Frown: Chicken nuggets please.

~

 Brock: You're violent.

Master Frown: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.

~

Brock: Why aren't you sleeping?

Master Frown: I'm too busy plotting your murder to sleep, Brock.

Brock:

Master Frown: ...The nightmares.

Brock: *wrapping their arms around Master Frown* Awwww, sweetie-

~

 Brock: According to the footage here, you shook the vending machine and when the shake alarm went off, you punched the glass and broke it.

Master Frown: ...I was hungry.

~

Brock: How are you gonna carve a gigantic pumpkin?

Master Frown: The same way I make onion rings!

Master Frown: *grabs a chainsaw*

~

 Cop: What are your names?

Brock: Don't tell them, Master Frown.

Cop, writing: Master Frown...

Brock: Crap.

Master Frown: Nice going, Brock.

Cop:

Master Frown: Uh oh.

~

Master Frown: Hey, Brock. These candies you gave me? They sucked.

Brock: But you ate them all.

Master Frown: I had to make sure they all sucked.

~

Master Frown: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Brock and not do the thing,

Master Frown: Well there's a clear right answer here.

Master Frown: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke*

~

 Brock: Do you want a drink?

Master Frown: I could go for some appy slices right now.

Brock: With a little peanut butter to dip them in?

Master Frown: FUCKING OF COURSE I WANT PEANUT BUTTER BROCK!

~

 Brock: Dammit, Master Frown, you ruined everything!

Master Frown: You're welcome.

~

 Master Frown walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Brock, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.

Brock, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

~

Master Frown, T-posing in the doorway: Greetings, Brock.

Brock, not looking up from their coffee: Good morning, problem child.

~

 Master Frown: If we don't get out of this alive... If we're both about to die... I love you, Brock!

*Neither of them die*

Brock: ...

Master Frown: ...

Brock: So do you wanna talk about somethi-

Master Frown: No thank you. 

I feel like he'd do this in pure panic and then not say anything about it to Brock ever again and Brock keeps teasing him about it, cuz he loves Frown as well :3

~

Brock: You have your weirdly sincere humility.

Master Frown: I prefer the term "self-loathing", actually.

~

 Master Frown: Let's write Brock a friendly note, shall we? Dear... Incompetent... Dumbass...

~

Master Frown: If I had a face like yours, I'd put it on a wall and throw a brick at it.

Brock: If I had a face like YOURS, I'd put it on a brick and throw a wall at it.

~

Ok that's enough for now lmfao. WHY DID ALL OF THESE FEEL SO CANON-