The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.
- Jim Rohn

      I wasn't allowed to leave the hospital until the next day because the doctor wanted to observe me some more, like there was more that could happen. I didn't mind, there was no one waiting for me at home and the white walls of the hospital created an illusion of serenity.

Albert and I had argued a little over the bill after Jake left. He had this whole picture in his head of us all being best buddies in the future and how he was just laying the foundation.

"Need a ride?" Jake asked from the door of the ward.
I pulled my shirt on, then stood up.
"You didn't have to come back, I can find my way home". He easily leaned on the door frame.
"I'm hoping you do". He said softly and I knew he wasn't talking about my shitty apartment.

"Where is your... " I trailed off.
"Albie? He wanted to come get you himself but he had to work".
"He works?" Of course he did, every white dude with a rich daddy insists on working for some reason.

"Yeah. He got a job at that karaoke bar, said he was tired of being bored at home. He was pretty comfortable sitting at home all by himself but now he'd rather leave me in that large apartment to... "
He paused suddenly and gave me a shy look.

He looked about ready to apologize for spilling the tiniest detail of his relationship to me of all people but I brushed it off. I had sort of been expecting it, Jake never had any problems talking about the people and things he loved and Albert was now one of them. I wasn't anymore.

      I groaned when I saw the pink Porsche in the parking lot.
"You used to have one of this, don't bitch". He said as he unlocked the car.
"Yeah but it wasn't freaking pink".
"I don't see how yellow is any more subtle".
Okay fine, I like yellow. Is that a crime?

"What happened to your car anyway?" He asked as we pulled out of the hospital.
"Sold it". Luckily for me, he left it at that.
The silence that stretched out between us wasn't calming or from the lack of things to talk about. I had a lot of questions and I knew he had his as well but I realized sometimes, it's better not to ask.

He had the music blaring at full volume but he wasn't singing along to the songs I was sure he knew. I was making him uncomfortable, Jake never stayed quiet for more than five minutes but he was for the entire ten minutes ride to my place.

I muttered a small thanks as he dropped me off but he opened his door too and got out. I stared at him quizzically but he just gave me a challenging look of his own and walked into the building. He waited beside me while I opened the door and strutted in without waiting for an invitation.

The place was a mess;  the tiny table had been tipped over and our three half eaten pieces of cake sat there rotting.
"Charm". Jake said as he took a seat on the armchair.
"I haven't exactly been disposed to clean up".

"You mean like you always do?" He asked with a smirk and I remembered nights when I had snuck his huge ass into my room.
"I am not a pig". I stated.
"Of course not, only a swine".
I was going to bash him but his phone chose that moment to ring.

"Hey sunshine". He said into the phone. I felt my heart pick up speed and not in a pleasant way.
I tore my eyes away from him, deciding to clean the apartment up a bit because regardless of what Jake Levinson say, I am not a pig.

"Oh man. Are you alright?"
I wanted to tune him out but it's not like I could have just turned off my hearing. His voice flowed into the kitchen.
"I think you should just give her time"
"That she is". He said, then sighed.
"Okay. Just take it easy".

I walked back into the room to change.
"Albert?" For obvious reasons I doubted it but I couldn't just ask who it had been.
"Zayn, actually".

I regretted asking because I knew he wasn't going to let it stop there.
Zayn Rodriguez was a guy I had mixed feelings towards even as we had never had a real conversation.

"He is stressed out of his mind. They recently found out Meghan is pregnant and her career just experienced a breakthrough. She's not sure she wants to keep the baby because aside her career, she thinks they aren't ready to be parents but it's Zayn's first child, he just won't allow it".

My hand stopped in the act of taking my shirt off. Meghan is pregnant. It took a  while but a small smile finally made its way to my lips. I was sure Pokello was going to be the godmother.
I pulled the shirt off before facing him.

"He really shouldn't worry. She will not kill her child". Especially if it was his child, she loved him, enough to take a bullet for him.
I couldn't even say her name out loud, hurting her had hurt me too but I deserved a lot more than I got.

"I don't know Trav, situations change people".
He eyes refused to meet mine, staying glued to the floor. Hearing him call me that did something to me but what was damning was the fact that he hadn't even noticed it, he was too busy being worried for his best friend.

"Situations don't change people, it just brings out a side of them they never knew existed". He calmly stared at me and I coughed to free myself from the trance he had me under.
"I'm going to take a shower". I told him, not sure if he was going to stay.

I would rather he not be here right now because of all the memories he was stirring but he had invited himself in and it was Jake, he had to get comfortable before spilling anything that truly bothered him.
"I'll be here". He leaned further into the chair and got busy with his phone.

      I got out of the bathroom clad in just sweatpants. I moved towards the closet while toweling my hair, got out a tank top and turned to set the towel on the bed but halted. On the bed was a stash of all the trips I had left, my eyes moved from them to Jake who was still lounged on the armchair, unreadable eyes set on me.

"What the hell is this?" I asked.
"It's not yours?"
"So, you came here to snoop". I accused.
"Is this what you left home for?"
"You know why I left".
"No I don't!" He rose so fast. "I really don't know Travis, I have no clue why you chose this path".

"It was the only way".
"Only way to what? Prove to yourself you aren't gay? That you didn't want me? You were doing all of that well enough back there".
"This isn't about you".
"Of course not, it's about your selfish, cowardly self".

I had seen Jake angry a lot of times but it had been so long, I forgot how scary it was.
"I'm not a coward".
"At least you can't deny being selfish". He took three heavy steps towards me. "But you are a coward too, you did something that changed all our lives, then you just left".

I wanted to be angry but the guilt wouldn't let me. He was right, he usually was.
"What do you want from me?" I sank onto the bed and held my face in my hands. "I can't fix what happened, it's not something that you fix".

"You can fix your life, so nothing like that happens again". How he got from hot to lukewarm in seconds was something that always amazed me.
"I don't have a life".
"Then get one. The doctor said the amount of hard stuff in your blood was alarming".

It wasn't until I felt his hand on my knee that I noticed he was squatting before me.
"This could kill you". I lifted my face so I could stare at his green orbs.
"Why do you care?" He sighed.

"Because I wasn't there the first time, I let you push me away. I won't let you do that to yourself again, to Pokello, you are all she's got. Please Travis, let me help you".
He was beautiful but frown lines were beginning to mar his face because of me.

"You can't help me". He shook his head slowly, ready to protest but I didn't let him.
"Go home Jake. Go to your boyfriend".
"Travis!"
"Go!" He shut his eyes tight and when he opened them, they were red rimmed so I looked away.

I listened to the familiar sound of his retreating footsteps, my eyes shut tight. Several memories danced in my head of all those days I had watched him wait from my window.

He would sit atop his car waiting and I'd sit by my window watching, for hours. I was never able to watch him leave.

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If there's anyone reading yet, I'm sorry for missing a few updates. Don't worry, there will be an update or more tomorrow as per the normal schedule.
See you💋