Truth or dare, that is Meghan Summers' idea of a party highlight. This is coming after our interesting and delicious meal, thanks to our pregnant momsy.

"Seriously Meg?" Said woman says from the sofa where she is cuddled up against her husband.

"What? It was the event that set Zayn and I on our journey together. It is memorable".

"Weren't you two betrothed or something? Your daddies owned the hospital together right?" Newt ask.

"I guess they just wished really hard on it". Zayn is still holding on to a slice of apple pie that he practically colonized.

"I don't care what you all think, we are playing. Let me be sentimental this once".

"You are always sentimental tig, you just cloak it with violence". Travis say from the love seat next to mine and gets a weak glare in return.

"I am not violent".

"Why don't we call a truce? No dares because I've seen you lot make out more times than I like to think and no one wants to see Zayn in his undies". Pokello suggests, causing a little round of laughter.

"I do not appreciate being bullied on my birthday, little Harden".

"So, how about like a truth game? You either tell the truth or take two mouthful of Meghan's sweet rice". Pokello goes on. She noticed Travis's temporary relapse and though he has promised that it isn't serious, we are not taking chances with alcohol.

"Is that supposed to mean something?" Meghan ask from the seat where she is curled into Zayn who has his legs spread wide.

"Are you going to hit a pregnant woman?" Pokello dares.

"Where did you get that recipe couz?" Newt pipe up but gets shot down immediately by a hard stare.

"I'll go first!" Pokello announce and readjust her seat so she is facing me. Oh boy.

"Jake. Who was your first real crush?" Her smile is coy. Bitch. She knows it was Zayn, as do her brother and even as he hasn't said it out loud, I know it makes him jealous. It's silly and extremely cute.

Everyone is looking at me expectantly, including the oblivious Zayn, if he finds out, I won't hear the last of it.

"Where is that sweet rice?" Pokello's grin is huge as she goes to fetch it.

"Really bro? That embarrassing?" Zayn laughs. "I thought your first crush was Bonnie".
Bonnie Chapman from fifth grade, she just had this pigtails that I thought was adorable but the kid hardly ever said a word.

"No it wasn't". Pokello return with the bowl of rice and hands me a spoon.

"Are you going to tell me who it was?" He presses.

"No, Zayn. It's why I'm eating this purgant". I immediately catch myself and give Meghan a sheepish smile and she sighs.

"That is the end of me trying something new".

The rice probably wouldn't have been so terrible if it weren't soggy but it is and the brownish color doesn't help. The sugar is overwhelming, it feels like a sure shot of diabetes but somehow, the pepper makes it far enough to choke you still. Meghan's idea of sweet and spicy.

Everyone laughs as I force it down and I'm probably going to be visiting the toilet soon.

"Okay, I'm next. Travis, what was your most embarrassing moment?" Meghan sings and all eyes are on him as he hands me a glass of water. He smiles like he doesn't even have to think about it.

"So this was back at rehab yeah? I wasn't getting any action, some folks were, it was obvious but I was like tryna mind my business yunno? On this particular day, I was having a really hard time and_"

"Okay. This is where I leave the group chat". Pokello interrupt but he just gives her the bird.

"I snuck into one of the communal to relief myself and just at the peak, this girl burst into the stalls".

"Damn". Zayn laugh.

"I don't stop, I can't and she just stands there and watches the whole thing, then she says; you didn't even use lotion. Then she leaves".

"So she got a really good look". Newt says, ignoring his wife gags.

"Oh she did. Wouldn't stop making snide comments after that, it was like she was everywhere".

"You guys become friends?" Meghan ask, gently munching on the pie she managed to snag from Zayn.

"No, she was in for bipolar disorder or something, screamed the damn building down every other day, I couldn't deal with that".

He never told me this before, he doesn't talk about his time at rehab a lot and I get that it was a dark period for him and the fact that he can now just goes to show how much progress he has made.

"Okay, that was a good story. Who wants to ask next?" Meghan proceeds as I catch Travis's small smile and give him one in return.

"I have one for Zayn". Newt speaks up. "What is your favorite birthday memory?" Zayn smiles breezily.

"That one is easy. Last year, I woke up on the floor in Conan's room next to this fine lady. He had refused to go to bed the night before without having a Disney sing along. He was still in his corner, sprawled out like a spider, his mom was the exact way on the floor and that sight, it just made me full".

Even as he speaks, it's like he is in that room now with the woman he loves and their son. If there is ever a couple, a family that deserves forever, it has to be Meghan and Zayn.

"Sap". Meghan jabs at his side and he laughs before kissing her forehead and she wipes at it furiously, leaving the rest of us torn between laughing and cooing.

"Okay. I take junior Harden". Zayn grins. "Tell us about your first lip lock". Pokello visibly cringes.

"Lip lock is quite right. It was with Kevin". It's comedic how quickly Travis sits up at the name. "Calm your titties bro, we only kissed".

"Kello he is a creep, not to mention way older than you. When did this happen?"

"None of your business. Are you gonna let me speak or would you rather eat that shit for me?" The look in his eyes say he isn't done with this topic but he stays quiet for now.

"Back then he was fly and getting kissed by him was a huge flex except his eyes were open the whole time and I know this because he just captured my entire mouth with his, literally swallowed me up and just held it and I could only stay caged for so long so I took a peak to ascertain when it was gonna be over and__"

"Okay! I'll go next". I am surprised he took this long to stop it. Travis big brother complex has always been teetering on the overprotective line.

"Meghan. What is the biggest lie you have ever told?" She leans into Zayn and contemplate for a couple seconds.

"Told my coach she looks good with a fawhawk. She does not". We all laugh because that is known fact but the hairstyle has become the woman's trademark now, it's hard to imagine her without it. There are memes.

"She'd do better with a buzz cut to be honest".
We fall into another round of laughter, accompanied by several noises of agreement.

"I guess I get Newt then?" Everyone else has been asked. "So Newt, what is the most unusual place you've had sex in?" Pokello looks like she is going to make me pay for this, handsomely but the deed has been done.

"Ehm, parking garage". Meghan lets out a wolf whistle.

"Which?" I press on.

"Hospital's". He looks almost bashful now as he cuddles his wife.

"Fucking animals". Meg throws a pillow that hits him smack on the face. "Okay. Again!"

"I go first now". Newt says then proceeds to make Meghan read the last text she sent to Zayn which has lots to do with Cheetos and death threats .

Next, Newt tells us about how he accidentally spat in Pokello's milkshake on their first date, she drank it all. Pokello confesses to creeping on Beyonce online to draw strength, no criticism from me. Zayn gets us all soft by talking about how overwhelming it was the first time he'd had to watch Conan alone and he had no diaper experience, he had cried and that seemed to at least entertain his son.

When it's Pokello's turn, she cast sleepy eyes on her brother and asks; what is your biggest fear?

Travis has been radiant all evening and when he pointedly looks at every one of us, I see contentment sink in.

"Losing all of these. Losing all of you". His eyes hold mine with conviction and I barely hear the teasing in the background. His fear has been the story of my life for almost a month now and for the first time in weeks, I feel like I actually have another shot.

"You with me Jake?" Meghan's voice pull me back to the room.

"What?" I ask dumbly.

"I said, what is the most difficult decision you've had to make?" She says, surprisingly with no trace of annoyance at having to repeat herself.

In my life, there have been a lot of times when I've had to say no when everyone else was jumping right in. Focusing on my dream was a daily challenge, coming out was nerve-wracking and risky but in all that, I never felt pain compared to the one I felt walking out of that cafe days ago after saying no to my child, to an opportunity to experience the joy that pours out of my best friend when he talks about his son. I have never been the most honest person around but now, I do not think before I speak.

"Deciding to not be a part of my unborn child's life". It is clear, it is articulate and it puts everyone in a pause. I laugh at their reaction because it is unusual, the lot of them never fall completely silent past five seconds but no one has said a word yet.

"I'm going to step outside for a bit".

     Travis gives me enough time to get settled on a chair out back before he joins me, pulling one out for himself and placing it right next to me.

"You told me she was keeping the baby". He begins, gently.

"She is. Just not for me".

"Did she say that? That she doesn't want you to be a part of it?"

"No, quite the contrary". I almost sigh at the thought of my last interaction with Ingrid. "It was my decision".

"Why?"

"Because Travis we never talked about having a baby and I already hurt you enough, I can't go ahead and put that on you and I can't do it without you either".

"But you have me, Jake and I'd never make you choose between me and your child. I love you, all of you and that baby is a huge part of you".

"What about you?"

"It doesn't matter. I'll do it with you if you'll let me but you can't just sign off your child".

"I am not signing off my child. I already told Ingrid, she can contact me whenever she needs anything, I'm going to be there to support financially".

"Like a fucking charity?" His voice raises a bit but he turns so he is looking right at me. "Do you really not see it, Jake? You are proposing to be just like your mother, an emotionally detached parent".

I never thought about it like that and the realization brings with it a lot of shame. I can't believe I was willing to let my kid go through what I was put through, what I still struggle with.

"You want this baby, you've always wanted kids, I've seen it in the way you get when Zayn talks about Conan and the way you are around that kid. And despite what you might think babe, you are well equipped to be a father, a good one. You have the heart and compassion and so much love. Why would you want to deprive that child of all that?"

"What if he or she grows up to hate me? What if this whole situation isn't favorable for them?"

"You won't know if you don't try. All you have to do is be there, you and I should know that".

I look at his encouraging face and I can't help but wonder what I did to deserve someone like him.

______________________________
I feel weird not doing any author's note, is that discouraging?
But I honestly do not know what to say these days😩

Anyway, feedback pls
xx