Travis Harden has always been an enigma for me. When we first met, he was confident but amidst that was a cloud of doubt. He knew who he was, the flyest boy on earth with a knack for nature, who sees people and plays occasional basketball.

He really just wanted to have a good time and be happy but there was always this look he got at the height of his joy like he knew he didn't deserve it. Travis likes to blame himself for a lot of things, especially the ones he has no control over, like his sexuality and his mom's death or a car he can't fix.

"Are you just going to keep staring at the ceiling? It's Italian artistry. Meghan says there are hardly any signs that I have Italian ancestry".

"That's because your blonde ass is white as shit". I tell Zayn before really looking at the ceiling. It looks like the usual fancy ceiling to me but if Meghan Summers says it's some sort of Italian gem then so be it.

"Shit ain't white". I just roll my eyes as he takes a seat on the arm of his sofa where my head is leaned.

"You are still getting the silent treatment from Travis?"

"Nah". He sighs.

"Well, are you going to tell me what's going on?" His frustration will always be amusing, even when I don't have it in me to smile.

"He asked that Ingrid keep the baby".

"Ehm. That's good right? Isn't it?" He peers into my eyes and I swat him away but he still maintains his seat next to my face.

"Do you not want the baby?" I sigh and close my eyes, taking a break from the ceiling.

"I don't know". Zayn stays quiet as he has learnt to in the past years. "Is it even mine to want? Ingrid is the one who is going to have to carry it for months and deliver it. What if she doesn't want that? She ready said she wasn't ready".

"No one is ever ready to be a parent. You think you are, then you have one and you realize you don't know how to change a diaper. You don't even know how to hold him".

From this position, my view of his face is upside down but I can still see the fond smile.

"And Jake, all of these is about what you want".

"What if what I want isn't right for everyone?"

"Sometimes there is no right or wrong, there is just what you choose and its consequences".

"Did Lauren tell you that?" I tease and he scoffs.

"She's not that insightful". I cast him a look until he caves. "Fine. Meghan told me".

"Ah, that wise woman. What would have become of you if she didn't come into your life?"

"Probably heading some gang. Dead or in prison". I nod in affirmation because all those options are very likely but what I don't tell him is that I believe he'd have gotten his life together without Meghan. She just made it happen a lot faster.

"So. What are you going to do?" His voice is small and it makes me nervous because I still have no idea on how to fix things.

"I don't know. All of this just feels like a bad dream, I don't know how I got here. And Travis he_ he's different. Today he showed me this whole new side of vulnerability and I didn't know what to do or say".

"It's just insecurity". Zayn says with a calm that surprises me a bit and I sit upright so I am facing him. "It's what happens when someone cheats on you. You feel like you are not enough". He speaks with unexpected understanding because as far as I know, he has never been cheated on.

"But he is enough, he has always been".

"Then why'd you do it?" It doesn't sound like an accusation, it's not even malicious, just curious.

"It wasn't intentional. I already said I'm sorry and I really am".
He stays quiet for a while, watching me.

"An apology is not an explanation, Jake. It doesn't help him understand".

I do not have an explanation so how do I give what I don't have? How do I explain what I do not understand myself?
Zayn sigh as he falls into the sofa.

"You just need to talk about everything and I think I can help with that". My eyes snap to him.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I just have to get Meghan on board but that shouldn't be an issue".

"Why do you keep forgetting that she hates me? Now more than ever".

"She let you be our sons godfather. She doesn't hate you".

"Doesn't mean she likes me". He rolls his eyes.

"Do you want to sort things out with Travis or not?" I give him my best neutral face.

"Good, then let me work my magic. You, go work on your speech or something. You can be terrible with words".

I don't argue with him because he is right, I don't do well with words but the least I can do is ensure that everything I say is honest. Travis and I promised each other that and in order to give him that, in order to be able to tell him that he is enough, I have to make sure he sees that it's the truth, because he really is all I need.

********************

     Ingrid is already at the cafe when I get there. Through the window I can see her reading a hefty book, for someone who decided to skip college, she spends a lot of time with books. Her table is by the window but out of the way, not obvious but not that hidden you don't notice it, like her.

Ingrid is beautiful, the soft sort that doesn't need any enhancement, thanks to her part Asian genes. She doesn't try with makeup, even her fashion sense is laid-back with denims and pills and the occasional plaid shirts and cargo pants.  She has her silky black hair down today, instead of its usual tight pony.

She doesn't look up when I walk in until I am right in front of her. Her expression shifts from comfort to uncertainty in a few seconds, something I wasn't used to getting from her until we woke up naked in her bed.

"Hi". I greet.

"Hi. Please sit". I pull out the seat across from her and try to get comfortable even though I know it's impossible in this situation.

"I'm glad you called. I was going to call you soon".

"Ingrid I__"

"I'm not getting rid of the baby, Jake".
What feels like relief washes over me and I don't know why. Maybe I'd thought I would have to convince her to keep it even as I still am not sure I want to be a parent. I don't ask her if she is sure, she hates to be questioned on the major decisions she make concerning her life.

"Ingrid, you_"

"I am not doing it for you, Jake. I'm doing it for me". Her words are soft, like she can see how on edge I am.

"I thought you didn't want a baby".

"I didn't". She confirms. "Then Brett found out and he is starting to change. He talks more, smiles easy and the other day at the mall he kept admiring this cute baby boots".

This news makes me smile too, as long as I've know Ingrid, she's been worried about her brother.

"He hasn't said it yet but I can see that he is excited to be an uncle, like he finally has something to look forward to and there is no way I am taking that away from him. This baby could heal the only family I have left and Jake, nobody can love you the way your child would".

I don't know what to say to all that, my familial relationship did more hurting than healing, at least on my part.

"I'm really sorry Jake". She suddenly says and my eyes snap to her.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"For taking advantage of you that night. I got you drunk and used you to feel better. I'm really sorry I told your boyfriend, I just assumed he already knew and when it became obvious that he didn't, the damage had already been done. I didn't mean to put a strain on your relationship". Her brown eyes hold sincerity as I stare at them.

"If I remember correctly, we were both drunk and you didn't force me to do anything so please don't concern yourself with my relationship woes, that was my doing". This doesn't appear to ease her guilt and if I know her any, she's going to hold on to it for a while.

"Look Ingrid, I am very happy that this baby is able to bring light into your life, you know that is all I've always wanted for you but__ I can't be a part of it". Her eyes drop just a bit, it's easy to miss.

"Jake_"

"I am not running away from my responsibilities, I'd never do that to you. You can call me whenever you need anything and I promise to provide it but, I already made a commitment to someone else and I hurt him. I have to put Travis first, so I can't have this too, it'd be unfair to him".

She has a lot to say to me, I can see them twirling in her eyes but all she does is nod and tell me that she understands and that makes me feel worse. For some reason, I get blessed with the best people that I do not deserve.

"I hope you two sort everything out".

"I hope so too".

"Can I at least give my child your name? It's just, you've been so good to me since I got back, you've been there for me and even as I never planned it, I am glad that you'll be my child's father".

I don't want to cry in front of her, I don't even understand why the tears are threatening to fall. I am doing the right thing for all of us.

Father, I will be a father.

"It's your child, Ingrid. You can do whatever you want".

She nods sadly and I need to go so I rise, give her a kiss on the forehead and walk out of the shop.