If I die young, don't lay me to rest. Light me up in an open field so I can find a new path.
- Tyler Harden

       Tyler. That used to be the most yelled name in my house, even after my parents died, especially after that. While the rest of us were noticeably changed by what happened, Tyler seemed to not have been affected at all. He dropped out of school without a fuss, just like I and the rest of our brothers did.

Everything Trevor had us do, he'd do it with a smile. He joked about everything, even when we'd gather up all our change so we could buy something for Pokello to eat when she got back from school while we stayed hungry, he'd find a way to make it seem funny.

Tyler was hearty, never serious and when our grind paid off, he didn't spare any expense. He believed in living in the moment, to the fullest. He liked to tease the life out of me and most times he made it his mission to piss me off, calling me little cub and dousing my pancakes in honey but he was still always the first person I talked to about my problems, most of them.

He hardly had any solutions but he always reminded me to take a breather, nothing was worth that much headache. He was less like an older brother and more like a friend, the best one I ever had.

      Tyler loved meat. He said it was why he loved thick girls because real men eat meat, not bones. It had been his idea to get steak that afternoon, we were all lazily lounging at home so it was a welcomed idea.

He had thrown me my keys with a huge grin, whooping and calling it 'blood time' even though it was something we did regularly. Steak, beer and the company of family? It was always a bomb.

We were all pumped as we exited the gull after lunch, arguing good naturedly when I noticed him, white with a jacket too expensive for that side of town.

We stayed in the hood, hardly straying from there and while there was money in the street, most people liked to play it low so this white dude in his shiny leather jacket with his head down stuck out like a new toy in an abandoned basement.

I was going to point that out to my brothers but he pulled out a gun so fast and fired in our direction, twice.

   Everything happened slowly. Tyler's groan was deep as he fell backwards, almost missing Greg's arms that reached out to catch him. They crumbled to the ground as Chris pulled out his gun and started to run down the street. My brain finally caught up to speed and I ran behind him with a vengeance, overtaking him in seconds but the guy was gone and the streets were empty.

We ran back to the front of the gull where my brother was laid out.
"How is he doing?" Chris asked as he crouched beside Greg who was putting pressure on the wounds.

"Not good". Tyler laughed, coughing up blood.

"Shit. That was for you bro". Chris told his twin.

"For real?" Chris nodded and Tyler laughed again.

"Guess I'm a hero then". He coughed up more blood.

"Get the car!" Greg ordered and Chris ran to do so. I took his place beside our brother, taking his fisted hand in mine.

"Little cub".

"Stop talking!" I scolded but he only smiled.

"Get out of this town bro. It's gonna be so fucking boring without me to keep you on track". He groaned as he tried to laugh again and I could hear Chris pulling up.

"At least.. Steak was my... Last meal". I snorted as I squeezed his fist. It was rock hard now, he was in serious pain.

"Take care of Lil mama". His hand slipped out of mine as slowly as his eyelids closed, causing the tears behind them to slide down in the direction of his ear unto the cold ground that wasn't soaking up his blood, just letting it flow.

"No". Greg said as Chris threw the car door open.

"Get in!" He yelled.

"No. No, no, no".

"What?!"

"He's gone". I whispered. It was silent for a while.

"Fuck!" Chris slammed his fist against the honk before proceeding to bang his head against it repeatedly.

"Imma light him up". Greg got off the ground.
"I swear to God, ama bring hell down on that stink ads nigga".

"Let's take him home". My fingers were shaking as I gazed on the steel face of my beautiful brother.
"We need to take him home". I knew we needed to carry him into the car but I could hardly carry myself off the ground.

"Fuck!" Greg yelled before crouching across from me.
"Travis". He called but I just stared at our dead brother.
"Travis look at me". He grabbed the back of my neck and forced me to look at his face.

"I will find who did this, I promise kiddo, I will avenge our brother's blood". I just stared at him.

"Is he okay?" Chris asked from behind me and Greg shook his head.
"I think he's in shock or something".

I wasn't surprised at how collected they were acting. Chris and Greg were both gangsters, this wasn't their first time seeing someone get shot and killed. Trevor made all of us pack guns for our safety and the twins had used theirs, more than once.

   Chris hoisted me up and turned me to face him. He sighed deeply and hugged me, he never did that before.
"I'm sorry". He said and I felt myself sag. "Sorry kid, I know you both was close". He pushed me to arms length.

"But you can't shutdown now, we've got to bring him home, then I'll find the ducked that took our brother away".
He let go of me as we heard the sirens approaching, someone had called the cops.

"Call Pokello, ask her to get home". I nodded as he went to help Greg get the body into the car.

I got my phone out to see a ton of texts from my sister. She already knew. I looked to the gull and saw people peering through the window. I called Pokello and she picked on the first ring.

"Tell me he is okay". She said and I had to hold back the tears because men don't cry, especially not on the streets.

"Just come home". I ended the call before she could say anything else.

   I felt empty throughout the ride home with Tyler's head on my lap that I didn't look at. Even when my brothers got him out and took him to the living room were Trevor was already waiting for us, I felt nothing.

I grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet and drank half its content at a go but the burn didn't register in my body. My mind had kept drifting to the night I sat crouched at the top of our stairs and watched my mother take her last breath.

Pokello rushed in a few minutes later with Meghan right behind her, I hadn't seen her since the day she broke things off with me. My sister wept, throwing curses and slapping the twins and we all just let her do it because there was nothing else we could do.

I kept drinking from the bottle until it was empty. I wanted to go and get another bottle but I didn't trust my legs to stay on the ground so I sat there and animatedly told everything to Meghan when she demanded to know what had happened.

All I could really think about was Tyler's laughter and the tears he shed as he died.
"I just got word from my source on the inside". Greg suddenly said and I forced myself to pay attention.

"Some rich kid, father is a doctor".
Anger. Hatred. Raw and burning. Another Harden lost to an entitled rich white man.

"Did you get a name?" I could perceive the alcohol in my own breath.

"Yeah. Zayn Rodriguez". Something in me snapped.
Pretty Zayn Rodriguez, poster boy for perfection. Jake's lifelong crush.

"He even had one of those jackets on today at the engagement". Pokello backed. They had been at Meghan's sister's engagement party prior to the shooting.

She went into an argument with Meghan who for some reason was pressed about the idea of Zayn being a murderer.

"Zayn is like a brother to me too". Meghan stated and that caused my jaw to tick because I knew nothing was going to stop me from putting a bullet in him.

"Oh please Meg. You don't fuck your brother". Pokello's statement put me in a pause. I couldn't believe she'd do that to me, with Zayn of all people.

"What?" I sized her up. "You slept with the guy that killed my brother?"
She stared up at me with stubborn eyes that just sped up the rage coursing through me.

"Zayn is not a killer".
She hadn't expected what came next, neither had I but even as I saw her cheeks redden from the impact of my hand, all I felt was unadulterated rage.

"Hit me all you want, I will still say it; Zayn is not a killer". She maintained.

"Neither am I but I'm gonna change that". I turned to Trevor who like the rest of us was cluelessly sat in our living room.
"What do you say we make the mo'fucker bleed?"

I had expected some form of approval but not in words, Trevor hadn't said a word since mother's funeral.

"Kill him". He mumbled but my shock like everything else was thrown to the back of my mind, overshadowed by rage.

     I didn't know where Zayn lived, my plan was to drive to his gang's hideout, everyone knew where it was. I could see Meghan tailing me and just when I was about to stop and ask her to take her ass home, she turned around and I followed her because I had a feeling she had spoken to her lover and was on her way to meet him.

Seeing her in his arms didn't hurt, not even the small sign of guilt in her defiant eyes moved me. What destroyed me was her crumbled body on the floor. I shot her.

The bullet had been for the one who killed my brother and she had readily taken it. I had shot a girl that gave me hope, a girl that meant so much to me.

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Five chapters to go.
See you on Thursday, amen.