The greater the loss, the deeper the cut
- Klaus Mikaelson🖤

     I laid on my bed surrounded by a mess I created. There were voices in my head, a lot of them.

Sexual assault

"Break every bone in my body".

Rape.

"Go to your room!"

Beaten to a pulp.

"Hopefully this one doesn't turn out like his father".

I sat up and hugged my knees, naked torso adorned with numerous droplets of sweat. Heatwave.
Summer wasn't my favorite season, that is why the air conditioning was the first thing I had fixed when I moved into the apartment.

I had it on full blast but it was no match for my racing mind and boiling blood.

"Travis, what happened?" Dad had asked but my lips stayed sealed. What my eyes had seen, my lips felt too heavy to speak.

This was your fault. I had thought but never said.

"I'm going out for some air". It was the night before the funeral.

"I don't think dad is coming".

"I'm always gon' be here for you".

"Papa is a lion".
What a joke.

      I got out of bed and pulled the blinds open, staring out at the beautiful landscape. The sun was rising, casting an orange glow on rusty rooftops and I watched, fighting off thoughts of my dad who went for a walk and never came back.

I was supposed to be at the garage in ten minutes but I didn't want to go, I didn't want to be associated with a man who killed my mother with his recklessness so I stood by my window and watched people begin to go about their day in scanty clothings and sunglasses.

     By the time I decided that he didn't get to affect my life because I was working for the money he paid me, I was over an hour late for work but got dressed anyway and headed out. The place was quiet and I understood why when I was told that Kazeem wasn't working our shift.

I was grateful for that, the boy got on my nerves much easier than I liked and I could use some quiet time while my hands got busy. I went halfway through my shift without feeling any better than when I walked in.

There weren't a lot of problems to fix and with nothing else to keep it occupied, my mind drifted to...
"Travis". Him.
It was alarming how only his voice could have me feeling cold inside.

"Boss". I turned to face Murphy who looked like he just received a spa treatment.
"You used to call me pops". He said with a nostalgic smile.
"That was before you walked out on us". He sighed.
"I... "

"I mean I get that Casville is thousands of miles away from home but you've had over a decade to trek your way back".
"I get that you are upset and... "
"You get nothing. Not even a bit". I watched his shoulders slack as he stuffed a hand in his pocket.

"You are not going to make this easy, are you?"
"Tough it out, pops. You taught me that".
He smiled.
"I can't believe you've been here for what? Three years and I didn't recognize you. What about your brother? You never talk about them, I'd have known".

"There is nothing to talk about". He held my eyes for a while and his smile gradually dropped.
"They didn't... "
I wanted to tell him that they did. That Greg and Chris got into gangs that landed them in jail, that Trevor had to grow up so fast for our sake, that I had heard his voice just once in the last ten years.

I wanted to tell him that Tyler died and I narrowly escaped jail too but he didn't deserve to know any of that. We went through all that because of him.
When he saw my blank stare, he sighed again.
"At least tell me about Pokello".

"She hates you". He chuckled.
"She really is her mother's daughter".
"Don't talk about mama". I felt my nails digging into my palms.
"Travis, I loved your mother".
"No, she loved you. It's what got her killed".

Suddenly, he didn't look as comfortable.
"I didn't plan for what happened".
"Yeah, that's why you ran when it did? We managed the funeral alright, if you even care".
He was back to sad smiling.

"You are so much like me, you know".
"I am nothing like you!" Something heavy dropped in the background but it didn't stop him. He was grinning menacingly now.
"You are here, you left them too. I don't see the difference".

"You left behind innocent kids. I watched them fester, there was nothing left when I packed up".
His stance faltered and I walked off before he could recover.

     It was noon, too early to be hitting the pub but that is what I did and clearly I wasn't the only one who didn't give a fuck about the time because there were enough people to make the place seem half filled. I found a table and ordered three beers that were quickly followed up by another three.

I could see the judging stares, a young man downing half a dozen of beer at midday, what an act of joblessness but I didn't care. Jake always insisted I had a drinking problem, he tried talking me into therapy once but that resulted in a smashed bottle and a scolding I didn't pay attention to.

I wondered what he'd do if he saw me now but there was no point in wondering when I could call him and that is what I did.
"Hello". Even though the device, his voice sent tremors down my spine.

"Say that again". My words sounded like a string of gibberish even to myself.
"What?"
"I like your voice a lot". Hiccup.
"You are drunk". He sighed.
"Now that you mentioned it, I think so too".

"Where are you?"
"The pub. Durh". He chuckled.
"Don't leave your seat okay? Please. I'm on my way".
"Why?"
"Because you are drunk and alone in public".

"I just wanted to hear your voice".
"Well, now you can see my beautiful face as well".
"I like your face too". He laughed softly.
"That's nice to know. I'll see you soon".
"Wait". I said before he could end the call.

"Stay on the line".
"I have to drive". He reasoned and I sighed.
"That pink thing?"
"You only hate the car because you ain't the owner".
"Debatable".

"I'm gonna end the call now but I'll be with you in five minutes. Just close your eyes and think of my irresistible face".
The call went out and I shut my eyes just as he asked me to but his beautiful face wasn't what I saw.

"Do not touch a hair on my son's body".

"You are so much like me".

My eyes flew open as I felt a hand on my shoulder. Jake was looking down at me worriedly.
"How did you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Get here so soon. Are you the flash? I barely blinked".
He pried the bottle out of my hand.

"Because your eyes were closed but let's just say I'm a sexier version of flash". He took the seat across from me.
"So, what are you day drinking about? Problem at work?"
"That is one way to put it".

"Is he giving you trouble?"
"He is talking to me, that's enough trouble". I reached for the drink but Jake took it out of my reach and I didn't have the strength to fight over it.  He just sat there, watching me with intense greens.

"I hate him. I didn't know I hated him this much".
Even with everything twirling in my system, the hate was still paramount.
"He asked how they were fairing. I think he wanted to hear the sad tale of how he ruined us all and I didn't tell him anything but the anger I felt, I think I could have killed him".

"Travis".
"

He's here to destroy me, I'm losing control Jake".
"Then let me help you, call me before, not after".
"You can't save me from myself, from the voices, the memories".
"That isn't you. They are just memories, they are not who you are. You just have to let them go".

He was leaned on the table now, our hands mere centimeters apart and I wished he'd reach out and hold mine. Some part of me knew that was a selfish thought but didn't care, I needed his warmth but unlike in the past, I wasn't going to just take it.

"I saw everything".
"What?" Confusion was written all over his face.
"That night, I told you and everyone else that I had gone to my room and hid under the covers. I didn't. I watched from up the stairs".
"Travis". He finally engulfed my hand with his and I shivered.

"I didn't quite understand it then but I did eventually as time passed. They ripped her apart and I just watched... "
"Travis... "
"She didn't scream, she just took it, like a statue.  She died long before her spirit left her and I watched it happen".

His hold on me tightened but I needed to say it.
"He said he loved her, Jake. He didn't even bother to bury her battered body before taking off. Is that what love is?"
"No". He was quick to counter.
"Love is protecting those you care about even at your point of death, like your mom did".

"I'm not capable of that kind of love".
"You took on four guys because they called your sister a bitch". He reminded me with a smirk.
It had been stupid and I ended up with an ugly bruise for a week but I didn't regret it.

"That is just what family does".
"Family also abandons six underage kids to fend for themselves. Duty doesn't bind people Trav, love does".
"Is it also love? The reason you are here. Listening to a drunk man try to make sense of his broken pieces".

Jake's eyes were glistening as he smiled sadly at me.
"Even if I answer that, you won't remember it by tomorrow morning so let's just get you home".
He got out of his seat and hurled me out of mine but not before leaving some cash on the table for the drinks.

He wrapped his hand around my waist to support my movement, ignoring everything I said about being able to work on my own so I let him guide me to where the pink car was parked. He was going to open the passenger's door but I leaned against it, stopping him.

"What is it?" He questioned.
"I waited by my window everyday that summer, trying to convince myself that I was worth the dedication you put into driving down to my house everyday. You didn't do anything wrong Jake, you were perfect and I was messing your life up.

There were a lot of reasons to leave but knowing that it'd make your life easier, that was my consolation".
I saw the first tear fall and as I moved to wipe it away, he pushed me, hard.

"No, you don't get to do this to me. You don't get to toss me aside and just pick me up whenever you please. Three years, Travis! Three years of radio silence that drove me mad. You didn't even give us a fighting chance. I questioned everything, I doubted everything.

A simple text would have been nice but you couldn't even do that much for me and now you are here with all these emotions and mixed signals and the most damning part is that you won't even remember any of it.

I have memories too, memories of us that you don't share and I thought I'd moved past the part where it hurt but it still does, it hurts... "

His lips were salty from the tears but I didn't mind. They were familiar, more home than any building and when I felt his hands tugging on my shirt, pulling me closer, I realized how much I missed him, how much I missed home.

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Just when you think the most difficult part is over..
Tell me what you think guys.
See you soon❤