I jerk up, open my eyes.

I'm tired.

Tired of scraping by every day. Tired of hiding in the back of this brothel. Tired of the other broken, crumbling buildings around me. Tired of the work I do.

I'm just tired...

No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to change things... It just feels like I'm moving in a carousel here. An endless circle; that's what this shithole of a city is...

... but I'm getting out tonight.

I glare out at the setting sun, wondering what possessed me to settle in this place. Even with my undershirt off, I'm pouring sweat like the Niagara Falls and I can feel it trickling down between my shoulder blades.

Sunday is always a blessing for me, a day off means no need go get dirty.

...

I stand there for a while longer, finally deciding that the sun's set enough for me to start getting ready. I move from the balcony to the hallway, then to my room. Moving around quietly, for some reason the idea of what I'm about to do makes me feel like I gotta keep it all secret.

Sure they can't just keep me here, but I know they don't want me to leave...

I put on my clothes, buttoning up a plain shirt and pulling my pants on. Then, I stand quietly next to the door, listening. It's mostly quiet, I can hear the girls laughing and talking a ways away, probably down in the empty bar.

Good.

Quietly, I make my way to the corner of my room, just behind the bed. Kneeling down, I work my finger between the floorboard, knowing exactly which one I want because I've memorized the pattern of the wood grain.

I pull it up while pulling a face at the squeaky, groaning noise it makes. A loud, shrieking sound from below makes me jump and freeze, listening. But I realize it's just one of the girls, laughing, probably drunk.

Holding my breath, I stick my free hand down through the small space I've made between the floorboard and feel around. I keep holding my breath until I feel the three, flat pieces of cold metal stacked on top of each other.

Using my fingers again, I pick them up, careful not to drop them because I've already done that and the sound they make would make everybody running.

Slowly, I lower the floorboard again, feeling a little less tensed up since I think they're drunk enough down there that they won't even remember I'm up here.

I kneel there on the floor, looking at the one, gold eagle and two double eagles resting on my palm pad.

It's odd thinking that these three coins represent everything that I've been working for for the past three and a half years.

The door slams open and I jump a foot in the air even though I'm on my knees.

"Fuck!" I manage to close my hand in time so the coins don't go rolling across the floor, clutching the coins to my chest as I freeze on the spot.

"Enough hiding away up here, come downstairs... what are you doing?"

I still haven't looked back, still holding both hands to my chest as I try to get my breathing under control.

"Uh... I'm praying."

I look back and see Lantana's  giving me a look like she didn't believe me at all.

"You pray?"

"Of course I pray."

"Well I mean the down-on-your-knee-and-clasp-your-hands-to-heaven kind of praying."

I sigh, trying to sound annoyed even though I'm just scared that she's gonna see what I'm doing. Then, I put one foot on the ground under me, and as I come up and turn to face the fox, I slide the coins as smooth as I can to my right pocket.

"You alright? You looked a little shaken up." Lanata frowns as I turn to face her.

Thank God, the girl somehow didn't notice, and I finally feel my heart start to calm down a little bit.

"Well, that's cuz you busted in here without even a knock!" I fold my arms, glaring.

"Sorry bout' that, just kind of forgot to. Me and the girls don't really do it." She offers a weak smile

I think the real main reason is that she's a bit canned from drinking down in the bar with the others.

"I'll remember next time. Anyway come on down, we're having such a good time!"

"Not tonight." I sigh and shake my head.

"Oh stop being so down all the time. Beside, we're... uh, talking about you-" Lanata sighs

"Why?" That perks my ears up.

"Well, you know, there's a weasel in town. He's from some place in Europe and apparently he's making an appointment here!" The fox bounces up and down excitedly, paws up to her muzzle.

"So what?"

"As I said, he's from Europe, and ... he made the appointment with you."

"How do you know that?" I bristle.

"Well, I didn't look at the list. I would never... but Gabriel did." The fox grins again

"You know how much trouble you could get into for that? You'd lose me my whole business if it got out that you guys are snoopin' on my clients" I push my hands to my face, sighing in frustration. Not that it matters anymore.

"Again, it wasn't me that did it, and it was a one-time thing to see who was getting the weasel. We didn't expect that to be you."

"Doesn't make it right."

"No it doesn't. Now come downstairs."

"No, I'm heading out for the night. This room's too stuffy. Think the evenin' air will do me some good." I sigh

Lanata gives me a look, one that I've seen more than I can count. "Fine, but you should try to show your face around more often; that's the first step to building your clientèle." She tells me this like I haven't heard it a thousand times before... but again, it doesn't really matter now.

"You know mine are different. They find me." I can tell i'm wearing the fox out, and in her buzzed state

"Well, I'm going back downstairs. You're always welcome to join us." She gives up on me quicker than usual. "Believe it or not, most of us like you."

"Yeah yeah..." As she's about to turn the corner, I suddenly remember how this might be the last time I ever see her. "And thanks!" I blurt it out awkwardly, not used to saying it.

Lanata isn't used to hearing it, based on how she leans back around the door frame, a confused look on her face. "Yeah, don't worry about it. You alright ?"

I curse myself for sounding so damn suspicious, but I keep a straight face, shrugging. "Like I said, it's stuffy in here, makes me feel like I'm goin' crazy... but thanks for makin' an effort."

"Sure. Stay safe on those streets."

"I will." Lanata disappears behind the door frame, and I realize that I'm sad to see her go. She's one of the few people I'm gonna miss here, aside from a few of my clients.

I shove the few bits of clothing and belongings I have into an old black backpack I found in the saloons a few months ago. Then I take a last look around my room, glad for once that I don't own much. It'll make what I'm about to do a hell of a lot easier.

With that, I carefully make my way down the stairs, listening to my chattering coworkers as I turn the corner and take the back exit through the empty kitchen.

It's that time of the night that the typical crowds of the day switch out for the typical crowds of the night. Men talk and shout in the little clustered groups in front of the saloons that don't bother with the Sunday Law.

I walk quickly through the streets, head down, hands in my pockets, the way I always walk.

Caught the glimpse of the streetwalkers standing in the alleys and doorways, waiting for any of the drunk men wandering the streets to notice them.

The lowest of the low, and even if I managed to find a spot in the most reputable brothel in this city...

I still feel like I'm one of them.