"did we light too many matches,

turn ourselves into these ashes,

did we throw it all away?"

***

I stare in bewilderment at my fingers entangled with Jungkook's, as though they aren't my own. The adrenaline rush from the car chase minutes ago has slowly washed away and apparently I've entered into a stuporous daze.

Sheepishly following Jungkook's slouching form that leads me through the dark and uneven footpath through the trees, I look around anxiously, scanning our surroundings for anything resembling a human form.

I still can't shake off the feeling of someone following us.

With my brain focused on searching for potential danger, my attention slowly shifts to Jungkook letting go of my hand to unlock the old and rusty lock of the cabin. The door opens slowly with an eery screech that makes the blood in my veins freeze.

"Welcome," Jungkook says dryly and turns the lights on. The scent of wood and dust in the air penetrates my nostrils as I hesitantly step inside.

The place looks like no one has been living in it for years. The walls have probably been painted white once upon a time, but now they're plastered with numerous dark stains. The air feels heavy and thick, almost like the house hasn't been ventilated in quite some time. All of the old-fashioned furniture's covered in a thick layer of dust that has perhaps been there for years.

"Hoseok's family owns it," Jungkook explains bitterly just as I'm about to ask him what this place is. "He offered it to me as a place to stay when I told him I was planning on... coming back."

He gulps loudly before pronouncing those last words, his voice disappearing towards the end of the sentence. He stumps along towards one of the wooden chairs in the middle of the room, plopping his body on it exhaustedly.

My eyes dart to him and his heaving chest. I can't help but notice his heavy breathing and the couple drops of sweat on his forehead.

"Jungkook, your wound." I rush toward him breathlessly, kneeling in front of his body so that I can take a better look at the skin under the bloody spot on his T-shirt.

"It's nothing." He mumbles and yanks his shoulder away from my hands, not even looking me in the eyes. I'm suddenly washed over by a thought that seems somehow familiar; once again, Jungkook's closing off to me while I'm trying to help him. A painful ache tugs at my heart.

"No. Let me take care of that." I reach my arm to touch him again very carefully like I'm trying to pet a scared puppy.

This time he doesn't move and slightly sucks on his teeth while I pull up his sleeve to uncover the injured area right below his right shoulder. It isn't too deep, like he said, the bullet barely touched his skin, but it seems to be enough to cause him pain.

"Is there an emergency kit somewhere in here?" I ask quietly and he points with his chin toward one of the kitchen cupboards above the sink.

I walk up to it silently, my trembling hands start fumbling with the numerous objects in the overfilled cupboard. "A-ha!", I mentally pat myself on the back for finding the emergency kit so quickly in the messy cupboard. Then I spin on my heel, my jaw dropping and my eyebrows flying sky high on my forehead.

Before me stands a bare-chested Jungkook, his fit and well-toned body making him look like he's just stepped out of a commercial for a fitness program. I can't help but trace every little detail of his body with my eyes, suddenly reminded of this same body on top of mine.

"Y/N, it's not like you haven't seen me naked before. Why the stupefied look?" Jungkook scoffs wryly.

His snickering remark snaps me out of it and I clear my throat nervously. Yes, I have seen him naked before. This is nothing new to me. I know every inch of his skin, every sensitive spot. I know his body by heart. Why am I reacting like an embarrassed maiden seeing a naked man for the first time then?

"I just thought it'd be easier for you to clean it up if I wasn't wearing a shirt." Jungkook shrugs his shoulders.

"Sit down." I rasp, putting the emergency kit I've been clutching onto on the dusty table and sitting on his right side.

"Do you want me to come closer?" He smirks, leaning his shoulder slightly toward me. "So that you can have a better look, of course."

"No need." I mutter, not moving my eyes from the gauze pads, searching from any type of antibiotic cream.  No way I'm falling for this.

No matter how cool Jungkook was trying to play it with his flirty remarks, I could see how exhausted he was. The skin on his face was paler than ever and the black bags under his eyes made him look worn-out and strained.

"So," I speak out, trying my keep my voice stable, "I guess your driving skills and experience in intense car chases are just among the things I didn't know about you."

Jungkook averts his gaze to meet mine, pushing his lips into a thin line.

"I've never wanted for you to be in this type of dangerous situation. I regret putting you through this."

"And yet, you made me come with you. You could have just left me at Hoseok's studio." I say, unwrapping a disinfectant pad. "Why didn't you?"

Jungkook sighs heavily and lowers his gaze, his damp black bangs falling over his big orbs.

"I have no idea. Okay, Y/N? It was a tough situation and I was going with my heart. And my instinct told me I shouldn't leave you there. It was an impulsive decision in the heat of the moment." He groans, his long fingers clenching around his knee while I place the pad on top of his wound.

I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat, preventing me from vocalizing my thoughts.

"Was you walking out of my life also an impulsive decision?" I breathe out, staring at his halfway hidden face. He bites on his lower lip wordlessly and I feel my heart start to beating violently in my rib cage.

"No. No, it wasn't." He utters finally, raising his deep coffee brown orbs to meet my eyes. My heart drops. He looks so disheartened.

Without saying a thing, I put the lid of the emergency kit back on and stand up to return it back in the cupboard. When I spin on my heel to turn around, I see Jungkook's already put his shirt back on and is staring intensely at my form.

"The letter you left for me," I say, the tone of my voice close to a whisper. "Did you mean everything you said in it?"

Jungkook stands up quietly, but the next moment the fatigue washes over him and his body swings back to the chair, making him inhale sharply.

"Do we really have to talk about this now?" He flinches as though he's in pain, burying his face in his palms.

I lean my body on the kitchen counter behind me.

"Yes, we do." I utter, trying to sound firm and confident. "You can't run away now, Jungkook. You have to answer me. You owe me that much."

He simply stares at me, his expression unreadable.

"Y/N, I meant every word in that letter. It was the hardest thing I've had to do in my entire life." He says darkly. "But tell me, what's the point of discussing this now? Nothing's going to change. I leave again tomorrow."

An excruciating pain pierces through my chest.

"You can't do this to me. Not again!" I burst out, my voice shaking.

Jungkook abruptly pushes the kitchen table in front of him and its' edge slams against the wall, the loud sound making me wince.

"What do you want for me, Y/N? Don't you see the situation that I'm in? There are things in my life that are beyond my control, things that have damaged me and made me suffer. I don't want the same for you, don't you get it? Can't you put yourself in my shoes for once?" He yells out in exasperation, his chest rising and falling under his t-shirt.

I shake my head vigorously, trying to chase the tears away.

"Do you have any idea what you made me go through? What you're making me go through even now?" I clench my jaw. "Damn it, Jungkook, I genuinely thought you were dead. Or that something really horrible had happened to you."

"I know, Y/N, and I'm sorry. Believe me, I am. But one of us has to be the reasonable one here. You and me together... it's impossible. There are people in my life that made sure of that. There's nothing you and I can do about it. I tried to do end this as painless as possible for you, but you're not letting me do that. They... they ruined us." Jungkook's expression breaks into a devastated one.

The sound of my heart shattering in millions of tiny little particles echoes through my head.

"No." I utter, raising my shaky voice. "They didn't ruin us, Jungkook. We were already ruined in the first place. Because only one of us fought for what we had."

A lonely tear slowly makes its path down my cheek, leaving a damp trail along its way. Jungkook's mouth opens wide and he stares at me in silent shock, not able to say a word.

"You know what's the most frustrating?" I continue as his eyes stay pinned to my face. "That everything could be different, Jungkook. If only you had told me. If only you had shared with me all of your deepest fears, your darkest hardships. Whenever you were troubled and I asked you why, you closed off even more, building your defense walls even higher than before. Why didn't you confide in me?"

"Y/N..." He moans desperately, stretching out my name.

"All I ever did was assure you of how much you could count on me. How loyal I was to you, how I'd always be there for you. How loved you were. Was I not good enough for you to trust me?" My body shudders with all the tears I'm trying to keep inside.

"Y/N, stop."

"Why, Jungkook? Is this emotional vulnerability making you feel uncomfortable? How familiar." I scoff dryly. "What you revealed to me tonight was the closest to a heart-to-heart conversation we've ever had for two years. Don't you think you could have told me all that before you decidedto pack up your things and leave?"

"It was for your own safety." He growls, his white-knuckled fingers clenching on the edge of the table. "Why are you saying all of these things, making it sound as if I never loved you? I did all of this so that you could be safe. There are things outside of our relationship that-"

"Oh, stop saying that someone else is responsible for what is happening right now!" I cut him off abruptly. "You had to run, I get it. But I would have followed you anywhere, without a second thought. I would have gone with you to the end of the world, Jungkook. If only you had told me everything back then."

Jungkook's eyes round in bewilderment and he takes a step towards me slowly.

"You- You don't really mean that, do you?" He chokes on his words, frowning slightly his forehead in confusion.

"Is that so hard for you to believe? That my love for you would be so strong that I'd do anything for you?" I rasp. "You said I was your soulmate, remember? Soulmates never leave each other's sides. Seems like I was the only one that took this seriously. What an idiot I must have been."

My heart drops to my stomach as Jungkook keeps moving closer to me slowly.

"Y/N, your whole life is here! Your family, your friends." He groans softly. "I'd never ask of you to leave them behind, to make that kind of sacrifice for me. You have so much to look forward to-"

"Would you stop and realize that I can decide for myself?!" I exclaim, already on the verge of breaking down. "You had no right to make that decision for me, without telling me all the facts."

Jungkook's face drops as another tear escapes my eye.

"Everything that I did, it was for your own good. I didn't mind being alone if that meant keeping you safe. You were my whole life, my everything. Now I have no one." He says quietly. By the confusion in his eyes, I gather that he's started to actually reflect on my words.

"But you could have had me. You had me..." A small whimper escapes my lips as I bury my face in my palms, muffling my quiet crying.

I inhale Jungkook's intoxicating scent as he silently comes closer, putting his strong palms on my weak heaving shoulders. He pulls me toward his muscular chest and I place my face against his shirt, forming a small damp spot on the black fabric.

"Don't cry. I hate to see you cry, baby." He sighs heavily, digging his hand in my messy hair, gently rubbing on my neck. "I'm sorry for everything. I should have never met you. Should have never fallen in love with you. Then you wouldn't have to suffer as you do now, and it's all because of me. Because I'm in your life. While trying to protect you from the monsters in my life, I became the real monster who hurt you."

I raise my head to face him and notice the tormented look he has. He takes my face in his palms, gently stroking my wet cheek with his thumb. His touch sends electrifying sensations through my skin and I shudder.

"My precious little girl." He says softly.

His thumb slowly travels from my cheek to my lower lip, where he rubs it lightly. My breath gets stuck in my throat as he glances at my mouth, licking his lower lip. The influence his presence has on my body is hypnotic, washing away every last drop of reason I have left in my brain.

"Don't-" Is everything I can say before Jungkook's lips collide with mine, disregarding my muffled words. He presses his hard hips into mine, trapping me between his strong body and the kitchen counter. His hands roam my trembling body, slithering under my shirt and gliding on my bare back.

Woah, woah, woah. Hold up. What is happening right now?

An alarming thought taking the form of a warning sign starts to flicker compulsively in the back of my mind.

"Wait." I pant, putting my palms on Jungkook's warm chest and pulling away from his embrace. He looks as lost and confused as me, his hands still resting on the sides of my thighs.

"What are you doing?" I ask, the tone of my voice low and raspy.

"Kissing you. Is that so bad?" Jungkook cocks an eyebrow and clenches his jaw. "By the looks of it, you were enjoying it as well."

I take a deep breath in, trying to clear my head. I can't think straight, not with Jungkook's breath brushing on my neck sending me in a complete daze.

Taehyung.

The name booms in my mind, as though someone's yelling it to an imaginary microphone. It snaps me back to reality.

"You can't do that." I utter in a hoarse voice, putting a couple of stray hair strands behind my ear.

Jungkook's face shifts into a blank mask, now offering me no affection. He steps away from me and the spot on my body where his hands rested suddenly feel cold.

"Something's wrong. You're behaving strangely." He states flatly, his eyes hardened.

"Because I'm pushing you away?" I inhale sharply and lean back on the counter, trying to steady my unstable form.

"No." He nibbles on his lower lip. "Because you've changed the way you kiss me."

A thick silence falls on the room as I feel my heart hammer all the way in my head. A gut-wrenching tension washes over me while Jungkook's eyes don't leave mine even for a second.

"Y/N, is there someone else?"

All the air leaves my lungs as his deep voice pierces through my ears, his question sending goosebumps down my spine.

I pin my gaze to the floor, folding my arms in front of my chest. I suddenly wish that the Earth could open and swallow me whole.

Jungkook grabs me by the wrist hastily, raising it in the air on the level of my face in an attempt to make me raise my gaze.

"Y/N, I asked you a simple question." He says through gritted teeth, clenching my tiny hand in his palm and I flinch from the light pain.

It's not a simple answer.

"Last time I checked, you're leaving tomorrow," I whisper faintly, choking on my words. "Why do you suddenly care?"

I stare daringly in Jungkook's eyes, his irises glistening with fire.

"I do care if it's my best friend."

***

author's note:

Okay. This is going to be a long one!

wow! Jungkook finally dropped the bomb. Sorry if I overdid it with the angst and the drama. I tried not to, but no matter how much I edited this chapter it always came out like this.

On another note:

WOOHOO, GUYS! 1K READS! Thank you soo much! I can't believe this. When I first started writing this story, I never thought it would reach a hundred reads. Thanks for every single read, vote and comment. Speaking of that, I'd like to dedicate this batch of three consequent chapters to the people who have helped this story get off the ground as an appreciation for their support.  Be sure to check out their stories as well, because they're AMAZING.

sarcastrophist

NovaineRose    

Sugar2Sunshine

Guys, talking to you and reading your stories have been the highlights of my days recently. All I have to say is simply thank you 💜💜💜

ALSO! Next chapter contains some mature content. If by any chance you're not comfortable with reading it, please skip it. Or read it at your own risk lol I'm not the boss of you

YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!