It has been a couple of weeks since the preseason testing. Today is the day I have been waiting for. Even though I am in the slowest car on the grid I am happy. It is due to the fact that I am finally in an F1 car at an official race weekend. My positive thoughts are soon overtaken by my negative thoughts. I try my best to push them to the back of my mind but what if Dmitry paid for my seat without me knowing? Is this whole thing an attempt from Nikita to get me back? Well, I've got news for him. As Taylor Swift says, we are never ever getting back together. The thought of the lyric brings a smile to my face. Even though it is slight it is there. I am glad that I am in the hospitality area. It is an area where I can mostly keep to myself for some reason.

"Oh, I have a few things I want to reiterate with you and Nikita," Guenther pulls me out of my thoughts. I can see Nikita following behind him. The tension rises.

"Ok boss," I keep my response quick because we can leave sooner.

"First of all the two of you are teammates so the personal drama needs to stop. Second of all you only need to take it easy on the practice laps," Guenther finishes his small rant. The only way he would have known is if Nikita told him. I can feel my negative thoughts rip through. I try my best to keep calm but having him sitting near me is making me sick.

"Is that all?" I ask. Guenther nods. I use that as a cue to leave my prison. I find myself in the garage watching Morgan work. After five minutes of waiting, I am finally able to get my balaclava and helmet on. I am quick to get the balaclava on but I hesitate as I admire the pink love heart on the top of my helmet. I am glad that I decided to keep it as part of my helmet design.

"Are you sure everything is alright?" Morgan snaps me out of my thoughts for the second time.

"I'll be fine. I'm just thinking that the love heart on my helmet is a little cheesy," I voice my feelings. It may be cheesy but it's not how it looks but what it means that bothers me. The thing is I know it is stupid but it reminds me of everything that my family gave up to get me here. I am constantly reminded of the fact that I am one of a few non-paid drivers in the sport. Even then I am doubtful. I soon snap back to reality as I put my helmet on. I have a free practice session to survive. Morgan helps me into the car as she makes some last-minute adjustments.

"Radio check?" The voice of my engineer remarks via the radio.

"Loud and clear. What are the conditions like out on track?" I ask just in case there is anything I need to be worried about.

"Everything is clear. You should be able to get the most of the performance out of the car in the first few laps," He divulges his report. It is the kind of thing that I want to hear. I get to work on getting the car out of the pits. The thing is, even though Guenther told me not to push too hard I have decided that I am going to test the limits of the car while the track is clear. I get to work on making sure the car gets around safely. The thing is the car has already reached its limits. After what feels like an eternity in a car that is even worse than what Williams has, I am finally able to get back to the garage. I find it almost poetic that the worst F2 driver is now in the worst car. I quickly rescue myself from the car where I am greeted by Morgan.

"So how did it go?" Morgan asks.

"Well it went all right considering the car is the slowest on the grid," this is my attempt at optimism. It looks like it has worked even though deep down I know I am destined to remain in Haas unless a miracle happens. I mean I'm still in F1. It is the day after and it is the day I have been dreading for a while. My first qualifying round in an F1 car. Even though I am dreading the qualifying laps I am comfortable with pushing the car as hard as I can. I find myself in the awkward position of wanting to prove myself in an awkward car. It doesn't take long for me to get changed into my race suit. For whatever reason, I start humming Don't Stop Me Now by Queen as I head to the garage. Unfortunately, my humming doesn't last long as I am intercepted by Charles Leclerc of all people.

"Hey Charles, what can I do for you?" I timidly ask. At least it's not Lewis Hamilton standing next to me.

"I was wondering if I could give you some advice," Charles responds as he goes for a non-existent itch on the side of his neck. I know it is because he is embarrassed. I've noticed that it is a good way to tell that someone in the paddock is embarrassed.

"Of course but whether or not I accept it is another story," I responded. I guess advice from someone as talented as Charles must be good.

"Try to enjoy every lap in the car, even a rubbish car," Charles dispenses his advice. I am glad that someone is reminding me to enjoy myself. I return the advice with a smile. Mostly because of the fact that his advice reminded me of something my father used to say. He was the one that told me to always race with the intention to smile at the end. After parting ways with Charles I find myself at the garage. I feel a pang of guilt as I run my hand over the nose of the car. It is due to the fact that my dad can't watch my first race weekend as a driver. At least I have the heart on my helmet to remind me of the sacrifices that he made for me and my mum.

"The car is ready when you are," Morgan remarks as she joins me next to the car.

"Thank you, Morgan," I reply as I swiftly pull my balaclava and helmet over my head. It doesn't take me long to get to work on getting some good laps in. After Fifteen minutes of setting decent laps, I have decided to call it quits since I know I am going to get disqualified since I am not higher than P15.

"Jos you just missed out on Q2. You are in P16," my lead engineer confirms my feeling. Dam I was so close. Well If I keep trying I may master the car. I bring the car back to the garage. I am a little peeved at the fact that I could have made it higher than P16 but at least I am not dead last like my teammate. I am glad that I have bragging rights. The thought brings a smile to my face as I get ready for the post-qualifying interviews. It doesn't take me long to get to the media pen. I am shocked to find that I have been paired with Kimi Raikkonen. I mean it makes sense since he will be starting in P17.

"You don't have to be nervous Jos," Kimi gets to work on trying to calm me down.

"Sorry, Kimi but being new puts me at a disadvantage," I reply. I guess it is due to the fact that I am near a legend of the sport. It doesn't take long for us to be taken to our seats for the interview. After some quick prep, the interview gets underway.

"Jos how do you feel after making your qualifying debut?" Here come the questions. I give the question some thought because I know I need to be careful.

"I know it was good that I got the Haas off the back row but I have a lot of work to do before I make an impact," I responded. After what feels like an eternity the interview has come to an end. I jump out of my seat. I soon make it to the backstage area where Nikita and Nicholas Latifi are waiting. For some reason, I stare daggers at Nikita as I walk past. It is the day after and I am excited because it is finally the day of the race. Even though I am driving the worst car there is still a level of excitement. I'm not the only one that is feeling it. I find myself waiting in the hospitality area since I am almost ready. I get the feeling that I should ruin the mood now and talk to Nikita. The thing is I know that the hostilities should stay out of the paddock. Speaking of the devil he sits in the seat opposite me.

"What can I do for you Maz?" I ask. I am using his nickname to show that I am willing to talk as teammates, not EXs who hate each other. The thing is I will never forgive him for what he did.

"Look, we need to make sure our past doesn't affect the race," Nikita responds.

"Don't worry Maz. It won't unless you do something else stupid. Plus you are behind me anyway," I responded. I am trying my best to keep things civil but I am finding it hard. I am happy at the fact that I can use bragging rights to bring him down. I realise that I shouldn't be getting revenge since it won't help the situation but it somehow feels good. It doesn't take long for the pair of us to be summoned to the garage. I am quick to get my balaclava and helmet on while Morgan delivers her final report. I give a confirmation nod since my voice will be muffled by the helmet. After a tense formation lap, everyone has reached their respective spots. It's lights out and away we go. I can't help but think about one of the most famous lines in commentary as I launch the car. Due to an error made by Antonio Giovinazzi, I am able to take P15. I notice that my display is indicating a yellow flag in the first sector. That means a driver has missed a corner. My suspicion is soon confirmed.

"Just so you are aware, the yellow flag was triggered by Nikita. It's up to you to finish the race," My lead engineer fills me in. It is annoying but not surprising. After all, Nikita had some troubles in F2. My thoughts soon snap back to the present as I notice Nicholas has caught up to me. I quickly make a suitable defensive maneuver. The good thing is it seems to have worked. After an hour of racing, I am slowly starting to feel the exhaustion. I just need to hold on for thirty minutes. I soon encounter a massive problem. The car is hit by a sudden bout of understeer. I am lucky that the gap between Nicholas and I is big enough for me not to worry about losing my place. I am quick to adjust the settings.

"Sorry guys, that was my fault," I used the radio to apologise. I don't know why I am bothering since I didn't end up in the gravel.

"Don't worry. Keep your eyes forward," My lead engineer responds. At least the incident has given me a boost in adrenaline. Again I spot Nicholas in my mirror. I get to work on keeping him behind me. After a long thirty minutes, the race has come to an end. I soon made it back to the garage. I am glad that Morgan quickly helped me out of the car. The thing is I managed to keep the worst car out of the bottom two. That means Guenther will be happy and one of the drivers and it is me. Man, I am starting to wish that Nikita's stupidity can help keep my bragging rights. The thing is I can't speak ill against anyone even if that person is the most despised on the grid.